one door closes and another opens
well so lately things have been really up in ther air for me. things between josh and i are not as good as it used to be. i think its because we are comfortable with eachother now... but i know its more of me than it is him. im weird i dunno what i want. i really like him but at the same time i dont want to be in a relationship. i just got out of one and i feel like i cant give him what he wants or what he needs and i dont want to hurt him in the end. so i told him that im just not ready to be in a relationship and that i dont want him to think i dont have feelings for him because that obvious that i do hahaha. i hope well still be able to be friends because that would hurt me so bad to not have him in my life. hes an important part of who ive become. hes my support. i just dunno. i still havent been going to meetings and i feel like i really need to do that along with getting baptized. i think that is my next step in my faith. its really important to me. ive been working full time mon-fri so far in he past 3 days ive worked 20 hours haha. yeah and some reason im not even tired. i work at the childrens orchard and it feels great to help people. im working for my close friend alex (joshs best friend) his mom lisa and tomorrow the film crew of the real housewives of orange county are coming since she made the final cut to see how she is on film. not officailly on the show but close. they liked her because shes not the typical oc milf. she said that she wants to show that not every woman in oc is fake and worries about how their diamond looks or what dress shes wearing but that there are women that work their asses off and care more about how many people theyve helped in the day. and they liked that. so that should be cool. im working 9:30-7 and theyll be there at 2. oh and school is out! im thinking of taking some night classes and check out graphic design but its a freaking 5 hour class. bahhhh! slowly but surely i can feel my progress. that is all for now :]
