☈ strike #15 (action / video)
[ For Lightning, because of the circumstances at the end of the last time she'd been drafted, this is actually the first time since her arrival she's ever had to go and try to readjust back to 'normal' life so suddenly- to go from experiencing days of battle and worry, thinking critically, ready to kill or order to kill at a moment's notice... to
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[ Frustrated tone aside, she isn't objecting to his opinion - blaming herself for something another person did, in a case where both of them had been taking on so many responsibilities otherwise, doesn't make sense no matter how it's spun.
But.
Very, very slowly, she slides off the back of the couch, lowering herself to the actual seat with oddly stiff movements. Her agitation might as well be visibly hanging in the air around her, as she leans heavily against the arm rest. ]
I can tell myself that all I want, that I shouldn't feel guilty. I can act like everything's okay, but I'm still--
[ ... Oh, so actually this might be even more complicated, and to boot... it's in a way that she still can't just bring herself to blurt out. Instead, gritting her teeth and eyes down, she lifts a hand and puts it over her heart, fingers over the location of her hidden Brand.
She's already a person susceptible to this sort of thing, but by now it's practically a given that her regret is being amplified even several months later by the circumstances around her death.
And to know that her rationality is potentially compromised, and yet being unable to convince herself around it? That's a hard blow for someone who values her willpower. ]
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I know. I felt that way too. This time, and... back then.
[When she'd died, when he'd been here and helpless. He couldn't have done a damn thing to save her, much as he'd wanted to. And now it's happened again.
Surely Aerith must have felt the same when Light had been taken from them, however briefly. There's nothing wrong with letting it hurt, however... it's just tricky, plain and simple.]
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She glances over to stare at Zack, and her stomach does what feels an awful lot like a slow flip in the place below her ribs. It's not really as pronounced as it could have been though, especially given the position. Her head's in an unusual place, for once not bothering to double-guess motives.
A long moment later, her gaze drops, and she lowers her hand to push his down and away..... but then slowly turns it over, so that hers lays on top of his in the space between them. Troubled, yes; clingy, no. Buuuuut.
... It's okay if it stays like that for a minute more, right? ]
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Sometimes it's just good to indulge in some supportive company, and she needs to know that.]
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If nothing else, it gives her space to think, mulling over the facts and his words without feeling quite as weighted down by all the other crap in her head. Without the things that block out the less horrifying memories--
You can't shoulder everything you know. You really should lighten up sometimes...
For a moment she looks surprised, but then shakes her head, banishing the bittersweet feeling and sepia-toned echo of her sister's concerned words with a sigh. Now isn't the time to pile how badly she misses her on top of everything else too... after yet another beat or two of silence, finally, she looks up. ]
... Thanks, Zack.
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No... not just for this. For... staying around, no matter what.
[ Her expression kind of wavers. Hopefully that makes sense to him, because while she could list all of the things she means, it'd probably... take quite a while. Still being there after all the craziness, doing more than just feeling sorry for her during her battle with turning Cie'th, not getting all weird after that particular experiment in February... all of that, that kind of thing, is incredibly important to someone like her. ]
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Well... the feeling's mutual, you know. You guys are here for me just like I am for you. It's what being a family is all about, right?
[He can't imagine being alone all the time- like the draft, with the three of them all gone, and him stuck here with the dogs. It had been so lonely he'd talked to animals more in those few days than he'd done in his entire life. And the flowers, and the furniture, and anything else that even vaguely resembled a face. (Complimenting the exterior of the house was when he knew he was going a bit nuts.) Having people around was just such a natural desire for him. Being alone... it's too much like the labs. He can't handle it.]
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[ Said with a kind of dry, sad humor, but she does smile just barely at that. She's already considered it a lot- maybe it's a bit more common here in Luceti, where "real" families are constantly torn apart and people have to make do, but most back on Cocoon... they would have found it hard to comprehend the sort of family they're talking about now- the sort that springs up out of hardship and the bonds made there, unrelated to but as strong or stronger than genetic ties...
Which is kind of sad, really. It's nice to know there's people who don't resent having to drag you home and take care of you when you... happen to be something like involuntarily dead-drunk or covered in battle wounds. ]
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[And he got a smile out of her! He'll take even a little one over her quiet brooding. More than that, he's glad that she can appreciate his sincerity, even if it sometimes seems a little silly. Because he does mean it- he considers them to be a family for him, now. And he hasn't had a family for around ten years, so that's kind of saying something.]
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Hmph. [ She tilts her head back slightly. ] I don't think any of us are 'normal,' that's for sure.
[ And then there's the pause, that odd awkwardness seemingly at odds with her general demeanor. Her faint smile fades as she looks down, her brows coming together in a bit of bothered thoughtfulness. Baaaack to the original but unspoken topic-- ]
... Pretty sure I've managed to steal a lot more lives than hearts, Zack...
[ Yep. Just. Throwing that out there. A sergeant-turned-l'Cie with a personality like hers? That's hardly your 'usual' girl... although on the other hand, Zack's been living in the same house as her for months now, and had to have known all that even before they moved in, so. She'll get over herself soon, honest. ]
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[He chuckles faintly, leaning back to cross his arms behind his head. So serious, Light. Though that is part of the appeal- since getting her to smile is like an added challenge and reward for each conversation. It made talking to Sephiroth fascinating every single time (well okay except for that last one) and it's the same in this case. Besides the physical attraction, anyway. That's new.]
You know, Aerith was my first girlfriend ever. I'm not exactly full of experience here, either.
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'Experience.'
[ Oh wait, she sounds fairly dismissive about that, though. Mostly because... since when has lack of experience ever stood in the way of her managing to do anything (regardless of tiny little snags like maddeningly impossibility)? She looks up at the ceiling, then at him. ]
... I'm surprised.
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[In other words? Inexperience doesn't bother him. It's all about honesty and emotion- just roll with it, whatever happens.]
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Like falling through a roof. [ The roof of a girl who just happened to be open to the flirtations of the guy who dropped in so uninvited. 'Dumb luck' indeed. ] ...Maybe it depends on who's judging, too.
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