But when I pick up I don't have much to say

[thestartling]

 I'm thinking now is the time to come back. This is stupid: I feel like I'm putting on a body suit of me. Like I've shrugged off the old skin and am stepping into a newer version. This is stupid: to feel like writing out these thoughts suddenly causes hope to transpire from the thin air and now oxygenize my body. This is stupid: to put words in my own mouth which cause me to shrink away, as if I really don't want to let myself transform into a person with confidence and enthusiasm.

"This is stupid": is me resisting.

I want to go back to being an open person.  But how does someone who's exhausted by forgiving get better at forgiveness?