This week on 'As the Space World Turns'

[doeswhathemust]

Characters: Claire Bennet, Draco Malfoy
Location: The Sith Academy
Planet: Korriban
When: During the monster attack
What: Fighting a few gentlemen
Rating: PG for FIGHTING and then DRAMA

Comments

[regeneracy]

[Is he crying? He doesn't get to cry here, he's the one that did this to her. She shakes her head in response to his finally speaking. Even if she had wanted to stop, she wouldn't be able to control it right now.]

I can't. [This is admitted in a whisper, and she reaches up to wipe at her tears. But she thinks better of it, and instead reaches over to wipe at some of his. His crying unnerves her, he's supposed to be stronger than her. But if he's not going to talk, oh she has more than plenty to say to him.]

Isn't it a good thing that I can use my emotions like this? Isn't it what Sith like to be able to do? [She's crying stronger now as her voice raises, and the lack of control she has shows as the ground at their feet begins to shake. The more emotion she feels and feeds into, the less control over it she has. She realizes that her body is trembling, with no relation to the fact they're standing on unstable ground.]

I told you that I loved you. You told me that you could...that you might love me. And then you had me see you being killed. You saw how depressed I was, you knew what I was going through!! And you just stood by and watched.

[Now the shaking has gone up from the floor to the walls, and with a loud crack, it begins to shatter and debris falls to the floor. That's enough to get through to her and she shakes out of it, and turns to stare at what she's done.]

Do you want to know what the sad part about all of this is? Just like every time with my family back home, I could forgive you for leaving me, just so you'll stay with me a little longer and I don't have to be alone. I still love you, even after you showed you didn't care anything about me, and even after you killed Hatter. I've been the only person on your side, even after I realized you must hate me so much to fake your own death to run away and come here.

You'd rather kill people than be with me, and give us both a chance to be happy. And I'd rather push all the other people who care about me and want to help me away because I'd rather feel betrayed and hurt by you than feel nothing at all.

[She's done with her emotional tirade now, and feels drained now that she's had the chance to let it all out. She drops down to her knees, and realizes she's downright sobbing now. Instead of looking up at him, she turns her head and tries to force herself to stop crying.]

[doeswhathemust]

[Draco doesn't flinch away when she reaches to touch him. He can't. He's skilled at hiding his own pain, boxing it up so that he never has to deal with it. He has no idea how to handle these open and raw emotions other than to stand and cry and regret everything.

When did she learn to do this? When did she learn to use the Force? Draco has so many questions, and he can't think of any of any of them with her pain coursing through him. It's a wonder he manages to keep standing with the way the room is shaking.

She stops, the rush of emotion from her ends and then he's left feeling drained and empty of everything except self-hatred. He escapes to a wall and, leaning against it, drops to the floor.] I didn't mean- I never- [He has to stop for a second as wipes his face.]

I didn't want to hurt you. [He just didn't want to give up the things he wanted more.]

[regeneracy]

[It takes her a bit, but she finally manages to stop sobbing. She's still crying silently, tears streaking down her face, but at least she's not shaking and sobbing anymore. After what feels like an eternity she finally looks over at him and breaks the silence.]

Yeah, well you did a pretty crappy job at making sure you didn't hurt me.

[She wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand, a childish gesture that makes her look and feel younger than she really is.]

We're only supposed to be kids, aren't we? I know I'll never be normal but -

[A pause.]

Now that I found you, what are you going to do?

[doeswhathemust]

[He draws his knees up against his chest and drops his head onto his arms. The realisation is dawning on him that he's a selfish coward, and he's been one all his life, and everything he's ever done has been to get what he wants, regardless of anyone else. If he could still feel anything, it would be like a kick in the gut.

But right now there's nothing left in him that can feel, so he just aknowledges the fact and moves on. Selfish, arrogant, childish coward. That's him.

He laughs; a dry humourless sound when she accuses him of being a child. He hasn't been a child for a long time.]

I don't know what I'm going to do.

[He lifts his head and looks over at her] You're not the only person who knows I'm alive, are you?

[regeneracy]

[Of course he doesn't know what he's going to do. He never really does. She wants to sneer at him, but doesn't have the energy left to do it, so she just fiddles with some of the wall debris she made land on the floor, and tosses it in his direction so it will land at his feet.]

I'm not. Alice and Lily both told me that they thought you were the one that killed Hatter. Dean and Catty are pretty sure you're alive, and Anakin probably figures you are too. It's not exactly a secret with people I know, I was pretty much the last one to catch onto the fact you abandoned me - which, by the way is the one thing I hate most other than lies.

[She sighs, and rests her chin on her knees. What are they supposed to do now? She's found him, he's resigned to being a selfish coward, and she's not hating him as much as she thought she would.]

We can't just sit here like this all day, you know. There's more of those things out there, they'll eventually find us.

[She bites at the inside of her cheek.]

If you don't know what you're going to do, can you at least tell me what you want to do? Right now, in this moment, without having to think about it.

[doeswhathemust]

[He jumps, startled by the rock landing at his feet.

... Of course everyone would know. All his work was for nothing. All of this stupid hiding, and killing Hatter and everything has been for nothing, because they know he's alive and he still hasn't found a way home.]

I want to go home. [He doesn't even have to think about it. Home to where and when things made sense, and his greatest problem was figuring out how to cheat on his Transfiguration test. He screws his eyes closed and presses his palms against them for a moment (because now he knows that she wants him to stick around and he just wants to run away to where it's safe).

Since he's nothing but a little whining coward, it makes sense to continue to run away and deal only with the things he wants to deal with right now.] I know somewhere we can wait while Master Resmi takes care of any other of those creatures around. Then you have to get off this bloody planet before she finds you here.

[regeneracy]

We're not getting home anytime soon, it's pretty much time to accept that.

[So he wants her to go, he wants to run again. She looks over at him, helpless in the fact she cares for someone who thinks so little of her. It's with great resignation that she picks herself up to stand and walks over to offer him her only hand so he can get up as well.]

What if I said I wasn't leaving without you? I'm just as selfish as you are, Draco Malfoy. I just hide it better than you do.

[doeswhathemust]

[There's no point answering that. He knows he's not getting home, but she asked and, well. It's the truth.

He looks at her hand for a moment before taking it. He stands, using the wall to steady himself before looking down at her, a frown evident on his face. He's felt her pain, but he still can't understand her. At all.]

If you stay here they will find you.

[regeneracy]

What are they going to do to me if they find me? [This is more of a question asking what he's going to let them do if they find her. She dusts her hands off on the side of her pants.]

Do you even care if they do something to me?

[She knows he does, and can tell that he would, but she wants to hear him say it. She feels he owes her that much, and she's so desperate to hear that he cares after everything she's been through for him that she's willing to cling hold of whatever she can get, just as long as she can feel that he accepts her and wants her for a few more minutes. Then maybe she can go back to being angry and making things shake. ]

[doeswhathemust]

[He thinks of the cages they put prisoners in for the apprentices to practice on. He thinks of how pleased the Masters might be to find someone who'll just heal any injuries she recieves.

He swallows, trying to think of how he can convince her to leave without bringing it up. Her question stops him.

Suddenly he's angry. Angry that none of this has worked. Angry that she's accusing him not not caring about the only bloody thing he's found to care about, and angry at himself for having hurt her so badly.]

Do I- Why do you think I left you? I didn't- you weren't supposed to fall apart! You weren't supposed to get hurt! [He wants to walk away, but he's stuck between her and the wall. A rock and a hard place.]

You were supposed to stay on Coruscant and forget about me and not get hurt anymore! Hell, Claire. I can't- [look after you. ]

[regeneracy]

[She feeds off his anger and it just spawns more of her own, and soon she's shaking in rage once again. He's always making excuses, always running. Always telling himself he can't do things that he can, and convincing himself to do things that he shouldn't. He's stupid, and she hates that about him, because she knows he can be smart.]

What do you think is going to happen to someone when they tell you that they love you, and you tell them that you think you could love them? What did you think was going to happen when I saw you die the same night that happened?

[She's screaming now, her hand balled up into a fist.]

I think you left because you were scared of what was happening between us, and you thought it would be easier to be here, and to be this kind of person. I'm going to live forever, Draco. I don't just let myself forget about people I care about, no matter how much they deserve it.

[She's all worked up once again and can feel herself losing control, and has to take in a deep breath so she doesn't make things start to shake once again. She's also still crying, which just makes this all the more worse, and her eyes lock on his. She wants to beg him to just forget being this person, but she can't find the words. Instead, she just looks at him like a kicked puppy, pleading silently with him to make a smart choice.]

[doeswhathemust]

What do you think the Sith do to people like you? Every time I look at you I see the muggles they made me torture in my own house and I don't want that to be you. [He's shouting back at her, over her, not even listening anymore because he knows she's right. He is afraid.]

I wasn't supposed to die! I wasn't supposed to care about you! You weren't supposed to pick me.

[He stops. Telling himself that it wasn't supposed to be like this isn't going to change anything, least of all this ridiculous, stubborn, irritating girl before him.] What do you want from me?

[regeneracy]

[What does she want from him?

She doesn't know. She would have liked for this not to have happened at all. but since she can't mess with time, that's not really an option. She rolls her eyes at her own irritation with this situation,and fiddles with the lightsaber on her belt.]

I want you to stop lying to yourself. I know you, Draco. I know you can't be the killer that they want you to be here. I know that even if you killed Hatter, it has to be eating at you.

[She forces a smile through her tears, and chokes out a laugh that she wishes she could feel.]

After everything? I just want you to finally be happy. You're more caught up in self-loathing than I am, which is a pretty big accomplishment.

[doeswhathemust]

[He's still angry. Now that the emotion's started it's hard to make it stop. Especially hearing again what everyone's been telling him all along.

But she's trying so hard, despite making a mess of everything by showing up here (except he's the one who made the mess, isn't he?). He looks down and nods, just once. No more arguing. What's done is done, and he's going to. Well. Do something.]

Somebody will have heard us. We should go.

[regeneracy]

[She isn't sure if she sees acceptance in his eyes or if he's just appeasing her, and that bothers her. Not that she isn't sure, but that she has to be unsure of everything he tells her now.

She nods at what he has to say, knowing he's right, and reaches out for his hand at first. But she pauses and her hand just hovers there above his, and she nods for him to lead the way.]

I still trust you.

[She figures that since he's trying to keep her from being caught and tortured, and has saved her life repeatedly, there has to be some kind of trust in his keeping her alive, at least.]

[doeswhathemust]

[He takes her hand silently, not because he doesn't trust himself to speak, but because she's thrown him once again. She shouldn't be able to do this him after all this time.

He's about to leave when he remembers his mask on the floor. The mask has been a symbol to him of his new life with the Sith and he feels so exposed without it. He reaches for it with his free hand, about to bring it to him when he stops suddenly, looking at Claire. Looking for approval.]

There's no point pretending now, is there?