(no subject)
During the months of November to December (in Montreal), my roomate Hugo chatted with this one girl a lot, named Sarah. The chatting was always very flirtacious. I didn't know Sarah, but Hugo is that kind of guy: always flirts with a lot of girls, although he is not a man whore at all. Respects women and only dates them for a few weeks before he gets bored, but never in that assholish sort of way.
Anyways, in December, Sarah came back to Montreal for the holidays, and I met her. She was a very pretty girl, although I didn't think much else of it. She and Hugo dated a little bit, and, obviously, fucked a few times. But soon enough, she was leaving again for Paris, and they sort of left things there.
Nevertheless, I was happy to know someone when I got here. And we actually got along fairly well. She was one of those girls that gets attached very quickly, or at the very least, always needs to be in touch with you, which worked out great for me, since I knew no one.
After my first week here, she took me to an american restaurant so I could drink beer. One pitcher turned into three, and soon enough, we were drunk. And then, obviously, she started breathing hard in my ear, licking my ear lobe, and hardcore making out ensued. But, at one point, she exclaimed something like: 'Oh, but I still like him...', which reminded me that although Hugo had already forgotten about her, I was entering a very tricky area. She was confused, and although having a girlfriend would have been nice, I didn't know if I was interested in her, so we left it there and stayed friends.
As I got to know her a lot more, I realised that she was all about extremes. Either really turned on about something, or completely fucking disgusted by it. She was also fairly self-centered, unaware that other people were people too. She asked me a lot of questions about Hugo, and I soon realised that she thought, maybe, that they were going out.
During one particular conversation with her, I remember her asking me to promise to tell her if I knew that she should move on. The truth was, I knew she should already. So I asked her to clarify. She told me to tell her if he was going out with another girl, if he had fucked with another girl, if he had kissed another girl, or if he said anything bad about her. I told her I would accept to promise, if she answerred one question. I asked her: "Do you think that Hugo will not be involved in any way with any girls from January to July?". I was trying to show her how un-realistic and selfish her expectations were, and I explained that as I guy who doesn't get laid that often, I would be dispointed if I didn't hook up with anyone until then. In fact, I had already kissed and groped another girl during that time: her! Well, at that question, she went APESHIT.
Right after that, our relationship took another turn. She got a lot closer to me. She kept hinting that she wanted me, which was a little rediculous since she talked about Hugo a few days prior, but whatever. In one conversation about how I thought I would never find anyone, she clearly replied "well maybe you should look right in front of your face". One day, she asked some questions and made her interest obvious, and by the end of that conversation, we basically told each other we wanted to fuck our brains out.
I didn't really know what I wanted out of this. A girlfriend? A fuck friend? Simply a friend I could talk dirty to? When talking to my friend Steph, she made me realize that I am way too introverted. She told me: "Alex, you are pretty much the furthest thing from being an asshole. So do whatever the fuck you want, and she'll still not think you are an asshole". So I realised... well why not at least shoot for sex, and we'll see where it goes to after that. If it falls into a relationship, great, I'd love to have a girlfriend. Fuck friend? Well, I need a friend. So if I can fuck her too... that's like the best of both worlds!
The next three days were fucking dirty. You know phone sex? Well, it was like that, but with text messages. Talking about fucking each other, what we would do to the other, how much she wanted to ride me and have her inside me, how much I wanted to see her green eyes while sucking my cock... We both drove each other a little nuts I guess.
Then yesterday came. She came over. I made dinner. We watched TV. Like Flight Of The Conchords say... it was business time. The conditions were perfect. The people I lived with weren't at home. We were sitting nice and tidy, my hands getting closer and closer to her crotch, and when I kissed her... she just said "I can't do this".
It felt totally forced. All the dirty talk. It wasn't the same as actually doing it. Even I didn't really feel like having sex. Well I mean, I always do. But I didn't REALLY feel like it. After that awkward moment, I proposed to walk her home. She didn't talk at all on the walk home. So I just talked to myself, out loud, and made corny jokes. She'd smile. She just didn't say anything.
We talked a bit today. I told her I was happy yesterday hapenned. She was wondering why.
The real reason: I didn't know if I actually wanted her. I mean, she's one of my only friends here. She's decently hot. So getting regular sex would have been great. But I can't say I was into her relationship wise. I mean, I am totally anal as to the type of girl that is right for me, and I know she wasn't.
I told her I was happy because I didn't really know what I wanted from her, and last night made me know I wanted. She asked for more details. I told her that I didn't know if I wanted her as a girlfriend, as a fuck friend, as a friend, as a stranger in Paris... But that last night, I realised we were better off as friends, because as hot as the text messaging was, it just wasn't there last night.
And she hasn't replied to me since. Is she pissed? I don't know. Probably. I don't really care. But I just sent her one last text message:
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!!
Anyways, in December, Sarah came back to Montreal for the holidays, and I met her. She was a very pretty girl, although I didn't think much else of it. She and Hugo dated a little bit, and, obviously, fucked a few times. But soon enough, she was leaving again for Paris, and they sort of left things there.
Nevertheless, I was happy to know someone when I got here. And we actually got along fairly well. She was one of those girls that gets attached very quickly, or at the very least, always needs to be in touch with you, which worked out great for me, since I knew no one.
After my first week here, she took me to an american restaurant so I could drink beer. One pitcher turned into three, and soon enough, we were drunk. And then, obviously, she started breathing hard in my ear, licking my ear lobe, and hardcore making out ensued. But, at one point, she exclaimed something like: 'Oh, but I still like him...', which reminded me that although Hugo had already forgotten about her, I was entering a very tricky area. She was confused, and although having a girlfriend would have been nice, I didn't know if I was interested in her, so we left it there and stayed friends.
As I got to know her a lot more, I realised that she was all about extremes. Either really turned on about something, or completely fucking disgusted by it. She was also fairly self-centered, unaware that other people were people too. She asked me a lot of questions about Hugo, and I soon realised that she thought, maybe, that they were going out.
During one particular conversation with her, I remember her asking me to promise to tell her if I knew that she should move on. The truth was, I knew she should already. So I asked her to clarify. She told me to tell her if he was going out with another girl, if he had fucked with another girl, if he had kissed another girl, or if he said anything bad about her. I told her I would accept to promise, if she answerred one question. I asked her: "Do you think that Hugo will not be involved in any way with any girls from January to July?". I was trying to show her how un-realistic and selfish her expectations were, and I explained that as I guy who doesn't get laid that often, I would be dispointed if I didn't hook up with anyone until then. In fact, I had already kissed and groped another girl during that time: her! Well, at that question, she went APESHIT.
Right after that, our relationship took another turn. She got a lot closer to me. She kept hinting that she wanted me, which was a little rediculous since she talked about Hugo a few days prior, but whatever. In one conversation about how I thought I would never find anyone, she clearly replied "well maybe you should look right in front of your face". One day, she asked some questions and made her interest obvious, and by the end of that conversation, we basically told each other we wanted to fuck our brains out.
I didn't really know what I wanted out of this. A girlfriend? A fuck friend? Simply a friend I could talk dirty to? When talking to my friend Steph, she made me realize that I am way too introverted. She told me: "Alex, you are pretty much the furthest thing from being an asshole. So do whatever the fuck you want, and she'll still not think you are an asshole". So I realised... well why not at least shoot for sex, and we'll see where it goes to after that. If it falls into a relationship, great, I'd love to have a girlfriend. Fuck friend? Well, I need a friend. So if I can fuck her too... that's like the best of both worlds!
The next three days were fucking dirty. You know phone sex? Well, it was like that, but with text messages. Talking about fucking each other, what we would do to the other, how much she wanted to ride me and have her inside me, how much I wanted to see her green eyes while sucking my cock... We both drove each other a little nuts I guess.
Then yesterday came. She came over. I made dinner. We watched TV. Like Flight Of The Conchords say... it was business time. The conditions were perfect. The people I lived with weren't at home. We were sitting nice and tidy, my hands getting closer and closer to her crotch, and when I kissed her... she just said "I can't do this".
It felt totally forced. All the dirty talk. It wasn't the same as actually doing it. Even I didn't really feel like having sex. Well I mean, I always do. But I didn't REALLY feel like it. After that awkward moment, I proposed to walk her home. She didn't talk at all on the walk home. So I just talked to myself, out loud, and made corny jokes. She'd smile. She just didn't say anything.
We talked a bit today. I told her I was happy yesterday hapenned. She was wondering why.
The real reason: I didn't know if I actually wanted her. I mean, she's one of my only friends here. She's decently hot. So getting regular sex would have been great. But I can't say I was into her relationship wise. I mean, I am totally anal as to the type of girl that is right for me, and I know she wasn't.
I told her I was happy because I didn't really know what I wanted from her, and last night made me know I wanted. She asked for more details. I told her that I didn't know if I wanted her as a girlfriend, as a fuck friend, as a friend, as a stranger in Paris... But that last night, I realised we were better off as friends, because as hot as the text messaging was, it just wasn't there last night.
And she hasn't replied to me since. Is she pissed? I don't know. Probably. I don't really care. But I just sent her one last text message:
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!!