(no subject)
Wow, it's been a while. I don't know if anyone even follows this journal anymore.
Just in case anyone from high school or college still uses livejournal, here's an update on my life.
I think I last posted a real update when I was married and living in New York City("Center of the Universe... Times are shitty, but I'm pretty sure they can't get worse"). Well, now I'm divorced and living just outside of Nashville in Franklin, Tennessee.
Between then and now I spent a year in Korea where I met some pretty amazing people... My gal pals Priscilla and Leanne made the year amazing. We traveled all over the country and met all sorts of interesting people. Pris and I did a temple stay on the side of a mountain during which I had the flu. The entire trip was kind of miserable for me, but at the same time still really beautiful. We were the "Sex and the City Girls", and always went out together on Friday and Saturday nights... usually until 4 or 5am. We also frequented Coffee Besco on Sundays to recover from the weekend and share notes about our relationships/adventures. It was so nice to have best friends again.
During my time over there, John and I separated. I think we were both just saner and happier apart than together. I've since discovered that I seem to have no ability to handle pressure or stress. I think there was too much pressure on me to be happy and to make him happy. I couldn't handle it, so I broke down. Once that was lifted, I could function in basic ways again. i also, technically cheated, but it had been 8 months and the day after when I was going to tell him he suggested separating before I could even break the news. We hadn't even talked online for a month, and I think we had both sensed it was over. I'm not excusing my actions, just trying to explain them. Throughout the whole marriage we seemed locked into bad patterns. There was a high level of co-dependency and neither of us had friends that we interacted regularly outside of each other. It became a very unhealthy relationship.
After the separation I went through a period where I saw horrible rebound guys just because I was so lonely/horny. Looking back, I seem to have dated every type of loser possible. The worst was Curtis, a soldier who was drunk 24/7. I really don't know what I was thinking. I finally ditched him after I introduced him to Leanne, who convinced me what a cad he was(he confirmed it by trying to skip out on his bar tab at our favorite little hangout in LaFesta). I had quite a few one night stands, most of whom I knew very little about.
I came back to the States in July 2009. I spent about 5 months on my grandparents couch in middle of no where Texas. I had considered hanging around and trying to get my teacher's license, but they wouldn't even be hiring full time teachers until the summer, and I couldn't stand being dependent on my struggling family for that long. I also got tired of the general doom and gloom of my family. It was not an environment I could thrive in.
I reconnected with a guy I used to know(Jay), and I moved to Nashville. It turned out that he was a huge liar, abusive, and the biggest loser of them all.
Anyhow, I've been trying to make ends meet here since then. A month before I finally got up the nerve to dump him, I met Brian who has really been amazing. He's my best friend now and so much more. We support each other and get along really well. We enjoy the same kinds of tv and movies... We've started working out together(we're both pretty out of shape) and we're joining a bowling league. We live together (though I still have a place of my own technically until my lease is up) and are moving to a condo on the other side of Franklin next month. It's huge and we will have lots of space for an office and a gameroom and extra bedroom. It's a weird relationship and I'm not sure if it will ever go to any of the traditional places. But I think for right now we are helping each other be happy, and I think that's enough for me. The level of honesty is really refreshing.
I'm still looking for a full time job. I've been scraping rent together doing odd jobs and writing gigs and whatnot. I had two interviews last week. One went okay and one was horrible. I really don't know what I will do if I can't find a job soon! I don't like mooching off Brian, and I need something to do so I don't go insane from inactivity.
Just in case anyone from high school or college still uses livejournal, here's an update on my life.
I think I last posted a real update when I was married and living in New York City("Center of the Universe... Times are shitty, but I'm pretty sure they can't get worse"). Well, now I'm divorced and living just outside of Nashville in Franklin, Tennessee.
Between then and now I spent a year in Korea where I met some pretty amazing people... My gal pals Priscilla and Leanne made the year amazing. We traveled all over the country and met all sorts of interesting people. Pris and I did a temple stay on the side of a mountain during which I had the flu. The entire trip was kind of miserable for me, but at the same time still really beautiful. We were the "Sex and the City Girls", and always went out together on Friday and Saturday nights... usually until 4 or 5am. We also frequented Coffee Besco on Sundays to recover from the weekend and share notes about our relationships/adventures. It was so nice to have best friends again.
During my time over there, John and I separated. I think we were both just saner and happier apart than together. I've since discovered that I seem to have no ability to handle pressure or stress. I think there was too much pressure on me to be happy and to make him happy. I couldn't handle it, so I broke down. Once that was lifted, I could function in basic ways again. i also, technically cheated, but it had been 8 months and the day after when I was going to tell him he suggested separating before I could even break the news. We hadn't even talked online for a month, and I think we had both sensed it was over. I'm not excusing my actions, just trying to explain them. Throughout the whole marriage we seemed locked into bad patterns. There was a high level of co-dependency and neither of us had friends that we interacted regularly outside of each other. It became a very unhealthy relationship.
After the separation I went through a period where I saw horrible rebound guys just because I was so lonely/horny. Looking back, I seem to have dated every type of loser possible. The worst was Curtis, a soldier who was drunk 24/7. I really don't know what I was thinking. I finally ditched him after I introduced him to Leanne, who convinced me what a cad he was(he confirmed it by trying to skip out on his bar tab at our favorite little hangout in LaFesta). I had quite a few one night stands, most of whom I knew very little about.
I came back to the States in July 2009. I spent about 5 months on my grandparents couch in middle of no where Texas. I had considered hanging around and trying to get my teacher's license, but they wouldn't even be hiring full time teachers until the summer, and I couldn't stand being dependent on my struggling family for that long. I also got tired of the general doom and gloom of my family. It was not an environment I could thrive in.
I reconnected with a guy I used to know(Jay), and I moved to Nashville. It turned out that he was a huge liar, abusive, and the biggest loser of them all.
Anyhow, I've been trying to make ends meet here since then. A month before I finally got up the nerve to dump him, I met Brian who has really been amazing. He's my best friend now and so much more. We support each other and get along really well. We enjoy the same kinds of tv and movies... We've started working out together(we're both pretty out of shape) and we're joining a bowling league. We live together (though I still have a place of my own technically until my lease is up) and are moving to a condo on the other side of Franklin next month. It's huge and we will have lots of space for an office and a gameroom and extra bedroom. It's a weird relationship and I'm not sure if it will ever go to any of the traditional places. But I think for right now we are helping each other be happy, and I think that's enough for me. The level of honesty is really refreshing.
I'm still looking for a full time job. I've been scraping rent together doing odd jobs and writing gigs and whatnot. I had two interviews last week. One went okay and one was horrible. I really don't know what I will do if I can't find a job soon! I don't like mooching off Brian, and I need something to do so I don't go insane from inactivity.