(no subject)
She gave birth to a ten pound gorrilla. Since it ripped the surface of her vagina, she decided that it would be better if she had a penis. So, she went to her local porn shop and bought a 7 inch prostetic penis. Now her only conflict was finding jeans that would fit such a large member. She went to the Gap, Express, and Old Navy, but she had no idea what her size was in men's numbers. Because she still looked like a woman, the sales assosciates kept directing her to the womens section. She tried to explain that giving birth to a gorrilla ripped her vagina therefore forcing her to become a man, so she needed men's pants. The sales assosciates at this point fully understood, and led her on to the men's section. They were used to all sorts of women coming in with stories of how birth to animate and inanimate objects made them a man. And so, finally, she found a pair of m2 pants from Express that fit rather nicely, she bought a few polos to match, because there was a deal buy two get one free, and also opened an Express card, for men. The sales assosciate did inform her that she had 24 hours to use the discount, and if she suddenly changed her mind, as women so often do, she could totally go to the women's store, and buy some women's jeans, or maybe even a new skirt. Well, she knew that converting back to a woman would have been a waste of a 30 dollar transition into a man, and that certainly wasn't worth it. ANd so, she went off to the grocery store to buy baby keko the gorrilla some bananas. When she arrived at home, the apartment was a mess. When she went to slash keko with her new whip that she got for free at the porn store with the purchase of a prostetic, the gorrilla jumped out of the window and died. This was extremely upsetting. This gorrilla which ripped her vagina forcing her to become a man, buy a prostetic penis, new jeans, and bananas....was dead....no more....non existent making the days events wasteful.
I still hope for a relationship with Wes. I care for him so much that I get hurt everytime he neglects to call me, visit me, or even think of me. Secretly, I am thinking of him. I tell him that I am upset, he asks if it's because I want to be intimate, I tell him no. It doesnt feel like a lie when I tell him this, but afterwards, when he aburptly says goodnight, I feel awful. My heart moves out of place and all the happiness that accumulated from our 2 hours conversation is lost....and so my chest because a vat of emptiness that i try to fill up with alchohol or ice cream, or my neighbor, and all these things keep sliding out, or the pieces don't fit. But when I hear my phone ring, and it says his name, it immediately fills, and when we speak it grows fuller, andn when he makes me laugh it bursts and immediately fills up again. This goes on and on, until that aburpt goodbye. It is cyclical. And so, I miss him. I desire him. I know he doesn't feel the same way which is the worst part of it. All this time I've been fooling myself. I've pretended that I don't care, that a friendship will be enough. This isn't true. It will never be enough. SO what do I do? Do I call him next time and tell him I still have feelings? Do I tell him this just isn't going to work? Or do I keep lying. I don't want to be one of those girls. I don't want to put pressure on him. But most of all, I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to hear the reality. I don't want to hear the actual words. Laura I donnt feel the same.......Laura, there's some one else.............Laura, this isn't going to work..........Laura, youre the other girl.....I'm too busy.......You know why it wont work....and on and on. Why did I have to meet him? Why do I have to know that there is some body like him who exists? Why can't I ever have him? Why can't I hold him, and know that he is mine. Why can't I feel what love feels like? Why does it always have to be takenn away from me? Have I done something wrong? I just want to know what it feels like to have some one actually want me.....to have some one be in love with ME. I'm sick of always being available. Hey wes, I'm right here if you ever want to be with me or love me. I want them to take me already. I need some one to hold my hand and not let go the next morning or after were done making out. I need some one to be there for me. I'm so alone and no body wants to help ME. It's awful. All these men, and wes, none of them want me. They all have other loves...music....other women......
It's cruel. It makes me so sad. I cry just thinking about the situation. To be in love and not have is reciprocated. TO know true love exists and not to have someone feel it in return.
Why do I have to know what love feels like?
Now with every kiss
and embrace
I'll be waiting to match it to his.
If it doesn't compare
You're gone.
Youre in my dreams
and I'm not in yours
will it every become my reality
it isnt even your fantasy
im lying to myself
why wont it go away?
I cannt shake it off
it wont be replaced
ill be waiting for you
forever
im enslaved
in a jail
that you dont know exists
im a liar
im a fraud
im bound to suffer
and you'll keep on
ill loose you one day
and always remember
what true love is for me:
unbalanced, one sided, empty, sorrowful...
I still hope for a relationship with Wes. I care for him so much that I get hurt everytime he neglects to call me, visit me, or even think of me. Secretly, I am thinking of him. I tell him that I am upset, he asks if it's because I want to be intimate, I tell him no. It doesnt feel like a lie when I tell him this, but afterwards, when he aburptly says goodnight, I feel awful. My heart moves out of place and all the happiness that accumulated from our 2 hours conversation is lost....and so my chest because a vat of emptiness that i try to fill up with alchohol or ice cream, or my neighbor, and all these things keep sliding out, or the pieces don't fit. But when I hear my phone ring, and it says his name, it immediately fills, and when we speak it grows fuller, andn when he makes me laugh it bursts and immediately fills up again. This goes on and on, until that aburpt goodbye. It is cyclical. And so, I miss him. I desire him. I know he doesn't feel the same way which is the worst part of it. All this time I've been fooling myself. I've pretended that I don't care, that a friendship will be enough. This isn't true. It will never be enough. SO what do I do? Do I call him next time and tell him I still have feelings? Do I tell him this just isn't going to work? Or do I keep lying. I don't want to be one of those girls. I don't want to put pressure on him. But most of all, I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to hear the reality. I don't want to hear the actual words. Laura I donnt feel the same.......Laura, there's some one else.............Laura, this isn't going to work..........Laura, youre the other girl.....I'm too busy.......You know why it wont work....and on and on. Why did I have to meet him? Why do I have to know that there is some body like him who exists? Why can't I ever have him? Why can't I hold him, and know that he is mine. Why can't I feel what love feels like? Why does it always have to be takenn away from me? Have I done something wrong? I just want to know what it feels like to have some one actually want me.....to have some one be in love with ME. I'm sick of always being available. Hey wes, I'm right here if you ever want to be with me or love me. I want them to take me already. I need some one to hold my hand and not let go the next morning or after were done making out. I need some one to be there for me. I'm so alone and no body wants to help ME. It's awful. All these men, and wes, none of them want me. They all have other loves...music....other women......
It's cruel. It makes me so sad. I cry just thinking about the situation. To be in love and not have is reciprocated. TO know true love exists and not to have someone feel it in return.
Why do I have to know what love feels like?
Now with every kiss
and embrace
I'll be waiting to match it to his.
If it doesn't compare
You're gone.
Youre in my dreams
and I'm not in yours
will it every become my reality
it isnt even your fantasy
im lying to myself
why wont it go away?
I cannt shake it off
it wont be replaced
ill be waiting for you
forever
im enslaved
in a jail
that you dont know exists
im a liar
im a fraud
im bound to suffer
and you'll keep on
ill loose you one day
and always remember
what true love is for me:
unbalanced, one sided, empty, sorrowful...