(no subject)
My answering machine service is forcing me to delete old message from wes, just as I have been forced to delete him as a potential boyfriend. We are to remain friends and friends only for the time being. The only recollection of an existing intimate relationship, was his voice in those mesages. Even my cell phone wont allow me to continue that memory.
Fortuantely, he has a heart, unlike so many men I've encountered. I would gladly take a friendship over a friends with benefits- esque title. Unfortuantely, my feelings for him are still strong, and now they will not be put to use at all. I must retire my desire for my musician wes, just as I must delete any nostalgia or memory of that time. Patience is annoying not a virtue, but I have to practice it. Our conversations are more than conversations, they are life lessons. Our chemistry is more than a connection, it is like wildfire tingling through my body when he speaks, sings, plays, teaches....it goes on. It is no normal relationship, and will not be a normal friendship, and he and I know that. This chemistry we share, will not fade, but grow stronger, and with that will come anticipation and passion, until we finally meet and we explode with emotion. Or at least, I hope. Hope is a beautiful thing, but not when it brings expectations. I can hope for a future beyond friendship with Wes, but I cannot expect it. At least I've found a beautiful and sincere person. I know that he will be present with me for a very long time. I needed to meet him this summer. Wes was an angel who brought me courage and joy, traits and feelings I almost forgot.
I know if I could just have that chance to be with him, intimately, I would know what love was....well at least it would be tangible. I know I've felt strongly about men before, but not like this. I've found something very special, and I must be delicate and patient and compassionate. I know that for him, I will, because for the first time in a long time, I have sincere emotions for a man.
So for now, we will talk, and laugh and learn, and for now, I'm all right with that.
Fortuantely, he has a heart, unlike so many men I've encountered. I would gladly take a friendship over a friends with benefits- esque title. Unfortuantely, my feelings for him are still strong, and now they will not be put to use at all. I must retire my desire for my musician wes, just as I must delete any nostalgia or memory of that time. Patience is annoying not a virtue, but I have to practice it. Our conversations are more than conversations, they are life lessons. Our chemistry is more than a connection, it is like wildfire tingling through my body when he speaks, sings, plays, teaches....it goes on. It is no normal relationship, and will not be a normal friendship, and he and I know that. This chemistry we share, will not fade, but grow stronger, and with that will come anticipation and passion, until we finally meet and we explode with emotion. Or at least, I hope. Hope is a beautiful thing, but not when it brings expectations. I can hope for a future beyond friendship with Wes, but I cannot expect it. At least I've found a beautiful and sincere person. I know that he will be present with me for a very long time. I needed to meet him this summer. Wes was an angel who brought me courage and joy, traits and feelings I almost forgot.
I know if I could just have that chance to be with him, intimately, I would know what love was....well at least it would be tangible. I know I've felt strongly about men before, but not like this. I've found something very special, and I must be delicate and patient and compassionate. I know that for him, I will, because for the first time in a long time, I have sincere emotions for a man.
So for now, we will talk, and laugh and learn, and for now, I'm all right with that.