You know what? Fuck it.
I'm here because I can't put this on facebook because people actually check facebook, like my sister.
Fuck it.
Fuck Smith College and life and academics and I don't even know what else. I get it, I'm a failure. I've never done anything so seriously wrong before. I want to go out and kill someone or something or I don't even know, anything that's worse than academic probation so I don't feel like such a fucking failure. I want to lie down in the grass and not get up. I feel so fucking stupid. Why am I such a dumbass all of a sudden? I've never had trouble before with grades or understanding things my head is in a fucking fog and no matter what I do I can't wake up and god I want nothing more than to just wake up and be smart and witty and bright and happy and funny and excited about the future because I have no future. What the fuck am I doing with my life? Exactly nothing. I'm getting a degree to do what, go to med school? Fuck that, I can't get into med school now. I'm fucked. I'm totally fucked. I want to transfer somewhere but I love Smith so much it hurts it feels like I'm being stabbed in the gut by someone extremely sadistic who is twisting the blade and shoving it into my organs until they rupture and I give up and go to fucking Johnson because that's clearly where I belong, because I don't know why I'm kidding myself, I'm not a Smithie. I'm not pretty enough and smart enough and outgoing enough and motivated enough and I don't even know what I want with my life. All I want is to fall in love and get married and be taken care of and not have to worry about a college education or politics or any of that shit or money and I don't know I don't know i don't know i don't know i don't knowidon't knwonofewknlgfl fuck
Fuck it.
Fuck Smith College and life and academics and I don't even know what else. I get it, I'm a failure. I've never done anything so seriously wrong before. I want to go out and kill someone or something or I don't even know, anything that's worse than academic probation so I don't feel like such a fucking failure. I want to lie down in the grass and not get up. I feel so fucking stupid. Why am I such a dumbass all of a sudden? I've never had trouble before with grades or understanding things my head is in a fucking fog and no matter what I do I can't wake up and god I want nothing more than to just wake up and be smart and witty and bright and happy and funny and excited about the future because I have no future. What the fuck am I doing with my life? Exactly nothing. I'm getting a degree to do what, go to med school? Fuck that, I can't get into med school now. I'm fucked. I'm totally fucked. I want to transfer somewhere but I love Smith so much it hurts it feels like I'm being stabbed in the gut by someone extremely sadistic who is twisting the blade and shoving it into my organs until they rupture and I give up and go to fucking Johnson because that's clearly where I belong, because I don't know why I'm kidding myself, I'm not a Smithie. I'm not pretty enough and smart enough and outgoing enough and motivated enough and I don't even know what I want with my life. All I want is to fall in love and get married and be taken care of and not have to worry about a college education or politics or any of that shit or money and I don't know I don't know i don't know i don't know i don't knowidon't knwonofewknlgfl fuck