I know it's a long one, but it's worth it. :o)
I planned to be in bed by like 9:30 (which is now). I am THAT tired. Or I was. But I dozed in and out from 7:30 to 8:30. So it'll be another late night. This is worth it though, because what I have to say is worth losing a little sleep to share with you guys.
Yesterday: ...Was an exciting day. I don't remember what we did in school (couldn't have been that great then). However, after school I came straight home and, get this, SAT DOWN AND DID MY HOMEWORK. *freak out* right? It actually wasn't that bad. Maybe this is a small step toward the new, responsible, efficient-time-managing me! Let's hope it keeps up. When I did what I could, I got ready to leave for church and ate. Last night was my first night helping out with the deaf kids. It was sooooo exciting! I had a great time. Several of the kids in there were just hearing siblings, but there was Big Zach (a boy from the playgroup we used to go to with Russell) who has Down Syndrome and doesn't really speak well. Then there was a deaf boy, Timmy, and a little girl name Brianna with a Cochlear Implant who was just adorable. I think she and Ryan (the child of the parents starting up the Deaf ministry and the ones I interviewed last year) will be at the Deaf and Hard of Hearing EGGstravaganza the ASL club is going to at Colson Park next week. I'm excited.
After the deaf class I went to youth. I was only there for a little more than half an hour, but the worship was really good. I talked to Ken about the meetings I've been missing for the Belize trip (seeing that I didn't know about them) and got things squared away. I need help guys. During the trip, we will be giving clothes that we bring to the organization that we are working with in Belize. These clothes will be given to the less fortunate kids in the area. The group they are targeting are infants to older teens. If you or anyone in your family has any clothes that you can donate, PLEASE!! LET ME KNOW!! I would really appreciate anything you guys can do to help!! Thank you!
I left youth around 10 til 8 and headed to Baylife Church because I was going to check out 412. Honestly, I was a little let down. I expected more people and... I dunno. Somehow I expected something different. But, it didn't matter because of what God did for me there (I'll get to that), plus I really did enjoy myself. Freddy came, even though he'd been sick. He said he was fine. Justin and Tyska (who I haven't seen in AGES!!) were that. I saw Jess Imhof (ONE F!) who is down from SC, which was REALLY exciting. I met some cool people, and I got to see Yoon and Mark again. Now there are some really neat guys. They are a lot of fun and I'd like to be able to hang around them more. :o) I did have fun last night though. I really wanted to go to Applebee's with everyone. Yoon told me I need to hurry and grow up. So true! Well, maybe not grow up, but at least be done with school. ;-)
I went home to find that Russell was sick with the stomach virus, again. :-/ Poor kid. He looked so sad and pathetic. Then he was up sick again at 4:30 this morning, kept me up for about 30 or 45 minutes. I felt really bad for my bubba. He was a little better today, but he was definitely not himself. When he's sick he just kind of lies around. He was so sweet and talking his Russell talk to me while he was lying on the couch but he was pink because he had such a fever. I hope he gets better soon. I don't like it when he sicks. It's nice for it to be quiet, but it just makes me so upset to see him sick.
I was soooo tired today. School was okay, got Catch-22 to read today... I hope I like it this time around. When I tried to start it last time I loathed it. After school I went and got Allie's and Adrian's birthday gifts and went to AMC to apply. I got to see Freddy for a little while, which is always nice.
Came home, ate dinner, tried to read some of Catch-22, but, like I said, I was so tired I dozed for a little while. Now I'm sitting here, about to wrap up and do my second devotional of the day.
I've been struggling with God lately. Not willing to let Him have control again, not willing to trust, resisting His gentle pull. I've known I needed to get right, but I just haven't had the motivation to do anything. I don't really know what it was last night, but something pushed me over the edge and made me decide that this had gone on long enough, that I have too many important decisions to make that there was no possible way I could hold on to that thread by myself anymore. Maybe it was seeing some of the people worshiping at youth or at 412 last night, calling on God, genuinely worshiping Him. There was one person in particular at 412 that stands out in my mind. I'm not sure if they were struggling with God or if that's just how they worshiped. Either way, I could tell that they were really trying to hear what He had to say, that they were totally tuned into him. And that floored me. Maybe it was what Joe said about the "desecration of God's temples," referring to our bodies. The topic last night was sexual purity, but desecrating God's temple is in any way, whether it be sexually, physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually not treating it with the honor and reverence that God treats us and the way He wants us to treat ourselves. You always hear that your body is a temple of God and you should treat it so, and I've always known that, and sometimes it means more to me than at other times. But last night, hearing that, hearing him use those words, it all came back to me. It was something I'd been pushing out of my mind for a long time, and suddenly I felt this huge hole in my stomach and a little voice saying, "your temple has been desecrated". I realized just how hugely this pushing God away has affected my life.
In the groups we split into, we were talking (well, Robin, Joe's wife, was talking; not many of the girls spoke up) about sexual purity and things of the sort. There was a list of prayers dealing with forgiveness, purpose, cleansing and so on. One of them particularly hit me that said "help me to accept the fact that I have NOT OUT-SINNED YOUR ABILITY TO FORGIVE ME!" All of the things discussed deal with sexual immorality, but can be applied to the general misuse of our temples. And, while I have been dealing with issues concerning sexual immorality, I realized that it was deeper than that. That this has expanded to my general attitude, my laziness, some of the things I say, the fact that I have wasted a lot of time that could have been used getting to know my God and Savior, possibly missing a lot of opportunities to make my life easier as I go about my decision making, and probably missing out on being able to effectively help and council others. I've hurt my witness and my testimony, I've failed people close to me, I've failed myself and, most importantly, I've failed God. And, for a small while I felt ashamed and dirty and hurt and unworthy (and I still do), but God was telling me, "It's okay. I've finally gotten through to you now, and we can work with what we've got. This is going to be incredible, Danielle. I'm glad you're back." :D
What an awesome God He is to have a heart and arms and love wide enough to welcome a wretched sinner like me home. Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes and my heart and speaking to me. Help me not to give up, or get discouraged. This will be hard, I know, but I know I can do this through You. Constantly remind me of that, speak to me, make me trust You. You know I am having such a hard time with that, Lord, but I've taken Step 1. Continue to help me with each one that follows. Thank you for Your love and Your guidance. Amen.
Guys, first of all, please forgive me for my misconduct. I know a lot of you really don't know what I'm talking about. Some of it is personal, some of it is just everyday, wrong attitude/lifestyle "missteps". Please, hold me accountable, ask me questions, even if they are tough questions, make me be honest with you and with myself. I want to keep myself on this path, I want to be the woman of God I should be. Help me achieve that. I love you guys!!
Also, if you have any prayer requests, let me know. I'll try to post some about once a week, as well as an update when any are answered.
-Kim is going off the deep end again, and Sammy is really, really in a bad place. Please pray for them, pray that someone can find a door and bring them back to God.
-David (Kim's son, Sammy's brother) is leaving for Iraq tomorrow. I don't know when he'll be back, but please pray for his safety and well-being. He's got a wife and a baby at home (he's a few months old) and another baby on the way.
-The Belize trip is just a week from Saturday. Please keep that in mind.
-For Dan: he's been going through a tough time lately. Pray for peace for him.
-Victoria's grandmother is really sick and in the hospital.
-For me as I begin to make final decisions for college. Also, that God will provide financially for wherever He sees fit to send me.
Yesterday: ...Was an exciting day. I don't remember what we did in school (couldn't have been that great then). However, after school I came straight home and, get this, SAT DOWN AND DID MY HOMEWORK. *freak out* right? It actually wasn't that bad. Maybe this is a small step toward the new, responsible, efficient-time-managing me! Let's hope it keeps up. When I did what I could, I got ready to leave for church and ate. Last night was my first night helping out with the deaf kids. It was sooooo exciting! I had a great time. Several of the kids in there were just hearing siblings, but there was Big Zach (a boy from the playgroup we used to go to with Russell) who has Down Syndrome and doesn't really speak well. Then there was a deaf boy, Timmy, and a little girl name Brianna with a Cochlear Implant who was just adorable. I think she and Ryan (the child of the parents starting up the Deaf ministry and the ones I interviewed last year) will be at the Deaf and Hard of Hearing EGGstravaganza the ASL club is going to at Colson Park next week. I'm excited.
After the deaf class I went to youth. I was only there for a little more than half an hour, but the worship was really good. I talked to Ken about the meetings I've been missing for the Belize trip (seeing that I didn't know about them) and got things squared away. I need help guys. During the trip, we will be giving clothes that we bring to the organization that we are working with in Belize. These clothes will be given to the less fortunate kids in the area. The group they are targeting are infants to older teens. If you or anyone in your family has any clothes that you can donate, PLEASE!! LET ME KNOW!! I would really appreciate anything you guys can do to help!! Thank you!
I left youth around 10 til 8 and headed to Baylife Church because I was going to check out 412. Honestly, I was a little let down. I expected more people and... I dunno. Somehow I expected something different. But, it didn't matter because of what God did for me there (I'll get to that), plus I really did enjoy myself. Freddy came, even though he'd been sick. He said he was fine. Justin and Tyska (who I haven't seen in AGES!!) were that. I saw Jess Imhof (ONE F!) who is down from SC, which was REALLY exciting. I met some cool people, and I got to see Yoon and Mark again. Now there are some really neat guys. They are a lot of fun and I'd like to be able to hang around them more. :o) I did have fun last night though. I really wanted to go to Applebee's with everyone. Yoon told me I need to hurry and grow up. So true! Well, maybe not grow up, but at least be done with school. ;-)
I went home to find that Russell was sick with the stomach virus, again. :-/ Poor kid. He looked so sad and pathetic. Then he was up sick again at 4:30 this morning, kept me up for about 30 or 45 minutes. I felt really bad for my bubba. He was a little better today, but he was definitely not himself. When he's sick he just kind of lies around. He was so sweet and talking his Russell talk to me while he was lying on the couch but he was pink because he had such a fever. I hope he gets better soon. I don't like it when he sicks. It's nice for it to be quiet, but it just makes me so upset to see him sick.
I was soooo tired today. School was okay, got Catch-22 to read today... I hope I like it this time around. When I tried to start it last time I loathed it. After school I went and got Allie's and Adrian's birthday gifts and went to AMC to apply. I got to see Freddy for a little while, which is always nice.
Came home, ate dinner, tried to read some of Catch-22, but, like I said, I was so tired I dozed for a little while. Now I'm sitting here, about to wrap up and do my second devotional of the day.
I've been struggling with God lately. Not willing to let Him have control again, not willing to trust, resisting His gentle pull. I've known I needed to get right, but I just haven't had the motivation to do anything. I don't really know what it was last night, but something pushed me over the edge and made me decide that this had gone on long enough, that I have too many important decisions to make that there was no possible way I could hold on to that thread by myself anymore. Maybe it was seeing some of the people worshiping at youth or at 412 last night, calling on God, genuinely worshiping Him. There was one person in particular at 412 that stands out in my mind. I'm not sure if they were struggling with God or if that's just how they worshiped. Either way, I could tell that they were really trying to hear what He had to say, that they were totally tuned into him. And that floored me. Maybe it was what Joe said about the "desecration of God's temples," referring to our bodies. The topic last night was sexual purity, but desecrating God's temple is in any way, whether it be sexually, physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually not treating it with the honor and reverence that God treats us and the way He wants us to treat ourselves. You always hear that your body is a temple of God and you should treat it so, and I've always known that, and sometimes it means more to me than at other times. But last night, hearing that, hearing him use those words, it all came back to me. It was something I'd been pushing out of my mind for a long time, and suddenly I felt this huge hole in my stomach and a little voice saying, "your temple has been desecrated". I realized just how hugely this pushing God away has affected my life.
In the groups we split into, we were talking (well, Robin, Joe's wife, was talking; not many of the girls spoke up) about sexual purity and things of the sort. There was a list of prayers dealing with forgiveness, purpose, cleansing and so on. One of them particularly hit me that said "help me to accept the fact that I have NOT OUT-SINNED YOUR ABILITY TO FORGIVE ME!" All of the things discussed deal with sexual immorality, but can be applied to the general misuse of our temples. And, while I have been dealing with issues concerning sexual immorality, I realized that it was deeper than that. That this has expanded to my general attitude, my laziness, some of the things I say, the fact that I have wasted a lot of time that could have been used getting to know my God and Savior, possibly missing a lot of opportunities to make my life easier as I go about my decision making, and probably missing out on being able to effectively help and council others. I've hurt my witness and my testimony, I've failed people close to me, I've failed myself and, most importantly, I've failed God. And, for a small while I felt ashamed and dirty and hurt and unworthy (and I still do), but God was telling me, "It's okay. I've finally gotten through to you now, and we can work with what we've got. This is going to be incredible, Danielle. I'm glad you're back." :D
What an awesome God He is to have a heart and arms and love wide enough to welcome a wretched sinner like me home. Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes and my heart and speaking to me. Help me not to give up, or get discouraged. This will be hard, I know, but I know I can do this through You. Constantly remind me of that, speak to me, make me trust You. You know I am having such a hard time with that, Lord, but I've taken Step 1. Continue to help me with each one that follows. Thank you for Your love and Your guidance. Amen.
Guys, first of all, please forgive me for my misconduct. I know a lot of you really don't know what I'm talking about. Some of it is personal, some of it is just everyday, wrong attitude/lifestyle "missteps". Please, hold me accountable, ask me questions, even if they are tough questions, make me be honest with you and with myself. I want to keep myself on this path, I want to be the woman of God I should be. Help me achieve that. I love you guys!!
Also, if you have any prayer requests, let me know. I'll try to post some about once a week, as well as an update when any are answered.
-Kim is going off the deep end again, and Sammy is really, really in a bad place. Please pray for them, pray that someone can find a door and bring them back to God.
-David (Kim's son, Sammy's brother) is leaving for Iraq tomorrow. I don't know when he'll be back, but please pray for his safety and well-being. He's got a wife and a baby at home (he's a few months old) and another baby on the way.
-The Belize trip is just a week from Saturday. Please keep that in mind.
-For Dan: he's been going through a tough time lately. Pray for peace for him.
-Victoria's grandmother is really sick and in the hospital.
-For me as I begin to make final decisions for college. Also, that God will provide financially for wherever He sees fit to send me.