(no subject)
I felt really alone today, which was strange becuase it was my first day back at the Clifton park Toys R Us and I was surrouned by the people I've missed so much.
The past couple of days have been hard for some reason. I had a really strange axiety attack last night for no reason ..it just sortof started to happen when I layed down to go to sleep. My chest has hurt off and on for about 2 weeks due to stress, but it started to bother me a lot as soon as I went to bed. My allergies have been bothering me so I guess I started getting frusrated with that in my head and it made breathing in general more difficult. I started to feel sick and I had to take long, deep breaths to keep from actually getting sick. I got up without saying anything (I was at morgan's btw) and went to the bathroom and kinda sat on the bathroom floor for a minute until it played itself out and I could breathe again. As soon as i felt better I went back to bed (although it took me a long time to actually fall asleep because I was shaking). I don't ever remember shaking that bad. I've had the whole thing happen to me before but it's usually brought on by something specific. This just happened.
Liz Y. came over last night too, which was awosme. Unfortunately she couldn't spent the night but we had fun making fun of Empire records anyway lol. I had never seen the end of it before (and the only reason I saw the beginning of it was becuase of Liz L.)
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning and I'll be going back on medication. But, thankfully, his time it will only be for the anxiety - not depression. I've been driving myself (and I'm sure other people) nuts lately.
I check my class and work schedal at least two or three times a day to make sure nothing is conflicting.
I time my day perfectly and second guess my own time management skills several times a day.
I repeat things to myself (in my head of course). Times/ Dates/ Names ...
I've started smoking (not a lot, mind you, but enough).
My driving is horrible ..I cut people off, run red lights and stop signs and completely zone out.
I avoid the phone becuse it means I have to have a conversation I haven't previously prepared mself for.
I get sudden urges to drive off into the adirondacks an dissapear for a week or more.
I repeat conversation topics throughout the day to the same people, becuase no matter how hard I try not to, I have to talk about whats in my head.
I think about the same things every day no matter how much I've internaly analysed and exhausted the topic.
Hypothetical situations pop out of nowhere.
I eat far more than I would normally allow myself to, and then make up or it with extra excersise ...and for those of you who don't know I already walk and excersize all the time.
I'm overly sensitive about absolutely everything. I deny it and then cry.
We'll see how tomorrow goes.
The past couple of days have been hard for some reason. I had a really strange axiety attack last night for no reason ..it just sortof started to happen when I layed down to go to sleep. My chest has hurt off and on for about 2 weeks due to stress, but it started to bother me a lot as soon as I went to bed. My allergies have been bothering me so I guess I started getting frusrated with that in my head and it made breathing in general more difficult. I started to feel sick and I had to take long, deep breaths to keep from actually getting sick. I got up without saying anything (I was at morgan's btw) and went to the bathroom and kinda sat on the bathroom floor for a minute until it played itself out and I could breathe again. As soon as i felt better I went back to bed (although it took me a long time to actually fall asleep because I was shaking). I don't ever remember shaking that bad. I've had the whole thing happen to me before but it's usually brought on by something specific. This just happened.
Liz Y. came over last night too, which was awosme. Unfortunately she couldn't spent the night but we had fun making fun of Empire records anyway lol. I had never seen the end of it before (and the only reason I saw the beginning of it was becuase of Liz L.)
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning and I'll be going back on medication. But, thankfully, his time it will only be for the anxiety - not depression. I've been driving myself (and I'm sure other people) nuts lately.
I check my class and work schedal at least two or three times a day to make sure nothing is conflicting.
I time my day perfectly and second guess my own time management skills several times a day.
I repeat things to myself (in my head of course). Times/ Dates/ Names ...
I've started smoking (not a lot, mind you, but enough).
My driving is horrible ..I cut people off, run red lights and stop signs and completely zone out.
I avoid the phone becuse it means I have to have a conversation I haven't previously prepared mself for.
I get sudden urges to drive off into the adirondacks an dissapear for a week or more.
I repeat conversation topics throughout the day to the same people, becuase no matter how hard I try not to, I have to talk about whats in my head.
I think about the same things every day no matter how much I've internaly analysed and exhausted the topic.
Hypothetical situations pop out of nowhere.
I eat far more than I would normally allow myself to, and then make up or it with extra excersise ...and for those of you who don't know I already walk and excersize all the time.
I'm overly sensitive about absolutely everything. I deny it and then cry.
We'll see how tomorrow goes.