(no subject)
ever since her art opening i've been thinking about her in the last couple days. i must be getting lonely, because i've also been going through the mental Rolodex of past girlfriends and all those very close moments that could have taken yourself leaps and years away from which you are now, but sadly never even sparked into anything other than a lustful imagination. i've gone through the household list of things of why the relationship was doomed to try to put these recent thoughts of her to rest, but i think the loneliness is too heavy and it weights me down.
my self inflicted isolation is probably the hardest obstacle that i've faced in this long journey to become an artist. the discipline it takes to keep your self untangled in the hopes of putting more time into the studio...all the whilst you are always longing to be some where else, and when you are some where else you are reminding yourself about the work you should be doing. i've been trying to be much more than myself has been these last 3 years or so of my life. my week of trying to optimistic has been retarded by this burst of loneliness. i think i need to spend some time out of the house and find some cheap and superficial social engagement. it would be so much easier if i had a drinking buddy, but alas i have no friends to which i can call on within close distances as i have made choices not to have them. i'll most likely just sit in a barnes and noble pretending courtesy gestures is social enough to get me through this winter spell.
my self inflicted isolation is probably the hardest obstacle that i've faced in this long journey to become an artist. the discipline it takes to keep your self untangled in the hopes of putting more time into the studio...all the whilst you are always longing to be some where else, and when you are some where else you are reminding yourself about the work you should be doing. i've been trying to be much more than myself has been these last 3 years or so of my life. my week of trying to optimistic has been retarded by this burst of loneliness. i think i need to spend some time out of the house and find some cheap and superficial social engagement. it would be so much easier if i had a drinking buddy, but alas i have no friends to which i can call on within close distances as i have made choices not to have them. i'll most likely just sit in a barnes and noble pretending courtesy gestures is social enough to get me through this winter spell.