(no subject)
i keep feeling that i'm not working hard enough, which i think is due to never having anything done, but i have to keep reminding myself about my objectives. i am here to learn how to paint and not to make work. this new work schedule is very hard on me. i get to do study sketches when i work at the liquer store, which is sadly when i get the most work in. i don't have that luxury when i frame, but i get to let my mind wonder in both jobs. i have very little time to work on art and to get better...i just can't seem to get a working flow in this schedule. is it possible that i don't have time for making art work, or am i just being tired and lazy when i get home from work? i am probably not making the best of use on my day off. i work 6 days a week and it doesn't seem that i can keep a good hold on those bills and let alone start a savings. i try to keep myself hopeful by dreaming of a steady art career that can keep me financially stable; that can keep me in my own world on my own terms. i'm like an animal; i sleep, eat, and do what ever when i feel like it. i don't like living a schedule. they keep talking about hitting rock bottom. i don't know if i am going to hit that, or if the worst is yet to come. this time of my life would be much easier to cope w/ if i had some tangible accomplishments to reflect over. all i've been doing lately is mtn sketches, which in all fairness is getting better. i've copied a master's piece around 5 to 7 times as a kind of training wheel, and i feel that a natural flow is starting to take place. if i have learned anything from kungfu, i've learned that motor memory does work. i think i need to copy it at least 2 to 3 more times. i keep dreaming and waiting til that day i'll be ready to hit the art scene. i still feel optimistic; i just need to work harder...choose which days i can lose sleep. i need to set up clearer objectives and set out deadlines.