(no subject)
i really shouldn't walk around campus when there are, say, PEOPLE out.
i've said it a billion times, but i'm exasperated enough to say it again. people here are RETARDED.
girls: yes, great idea! walk as SLOWLY AS POSSIBLE on your 4-inch heels to make sure that your trendy oversized sparkly belt doesn't fall off your hips! (oh my god, you're struggling with an eating disorder too? yeah, i totally sent out a prayer request about that and I can tell that God is, like helping me already!) Make sure to stop right in the middle of crowded areas like, oh, DOORWAYS to slowly turn and wave at every single person who knows you, because even though the less-trendy fat people (being fat's a sin) behind you are in a HURRY and are OBVIOUSLY REAR-ENDING YOU BECAUSE THEY NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE FUCKING DOOR, you want to make sure that none of your friends would EVER think you were ignoring him/her, because that would like just be so, like, MEAN! and while you're at it? go ahead and keep talking in that cute little voice, with your gay s sounds and the back of your tongue glued to the top of your mouth so you sound like a cute little kid! yeah, talk about how "God is really moving" in your life, and how you "felt led to buy this book about friendships but never read for pleasure so it will be fun to see what God has in store" for you, because obviously He wanted you to buy it. and make sure your voice continues to PIERCE THROUGH EVERY WALL IN THE BUILDING so we can all hear you because EVERYONE CARES. hey, isn't it AWESOME that we all, like, were led by God to like, go to this AWESOME school and meet AWESOME people who want to know every detail about, like, how AWESOME the Holy Spirit is and how it's like AWESOMELY moving in your AWESOME life?!?!
and guys: don't forget to saunter EVERYWHERE, letting all the cute little girls get a good look at your gorgeously tan surfer's body and your boyish tousled hair. but nevermind about being able to hold an intelligent conversation- as long as you hold the doors open for every weak, defenseless little future trophy wife, you'll be sure to get some by the end of the year. afterall, women are weak-willed, right? otherwise, wouldn't we let them lead in churches? oops! i forgot- the Bible specifically says that women can never be as good/strong/intelligent/competent as men, so of COURSE we'd never let a woman teach Bible study! But hey- as soon as you're done fighting the urge to ogle the perky cleavage bouncing all around you (which isn't there to lead you astray, of course, because women should RESPECT men's purity and not make ANYTHING difficult for them, but rather go out of their WAY to make sure their lives SUCK so you can remain holy), don't forget to give your buddies man-hugs, so you can prove that you have confidence in your heterosexuality, and will never become a disgusting hell-bound FAG. i mean, isn't that what homophobia is all about? obeying God?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i've said it a billion times, but i'm exasperated enough to say it again. people here are RETARDED.
girls: yes, great idea! walk as SLOWLY AS POSSIBLE on your 4-inch heels to make sure that your trendy oversized sparkly belt doesn't fall off your hips! (oh my god, you're struggling with an eating disorder too? yeah, i totally sent out a prayer request about that and I can tell that God is, like helping me already!) Make sure to stop right in the middle of crowded areas like, oh, DOORWAYS to slowly turn and wave at every single person who knows you, because even though the less-trendy fat people (being fat's a sin) behind you are in a HURRY and are OBVIOUSLY REAR-ENDING YOU BECAUSE THEY NEED TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE FUCKING DOOR, you want to make sure that none of your friends would EVER think you were ignoring him/her, because that would like just be so, like, MEAN! and while you're at it? go ahead and keep talking in that cute little voice, with your gay s sounds and the back of your tongue glued to the top of your mouth so you sound like a cute little kid! yeah, talk about how "God is really moving" in your life, and how you "felt led to buy this book about friendships but never read for pleasure so it will be fun to see what God has in store" for you, because obviously He wanted you to buy it. and make sure your voice continues to PIERCE THROUGH EVERY WALL IN THE BUILDING so we can all hear you because EVERYONE CARES. hey, isn't it AWESOME that we all, like, were led by God to like, go to this AWESOME school and meet AWESOME people who want to know every detail about, like, how AWESOME the Holy Spirit is and how it's like AWESOMELY moving in your AWESOME life?!?!
and guys: don't forget to saunter EVERYWHERE, letting all the cute little girls get a good look at your gorgeously tan surfer's body and your boyish tousled hair. but nevermind about being able to hold an intelligent conversation- as long as you hold the doors open for every weak, defenseless little future trophy wife, you'll be sure to get some by the end of the year. afterall, women are weak-willed, right? otherwise, wouldn't we let them lead in churches? oops! i forgot- the Bible specifically says that women can never be as good/strong/intelligent/competent as men, so of COURSE we'd never let a woman teach Bible study! But hey- as soon as you're done fighting the urge to ogle the perky cleavage bouncing all around you (which isn't there to lead you astray, of course, because women should RESPECT men's purity and not make ANYTHING difficult for them, but rather go out of their WAY to make sure their lives SUCK so you can remain holy), don't forget to give your buddies man-hugs, so you can prove that you have confidence in your heterosexuality, and will never become a disgusting hell-bound FAG. i mean, isn't that what homophobia is all about? obeying God?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!