(no subject)
I'm more than 700 miles away from where I was born, on my own. I've been out here for a little over a month. I feel this energy that I haven't felt in a long, long time... everything is new, everything is exciting.
There are different kinds of birds here.
They actually have Autumn; it's fantastic.
When you ask someone how they're doing, they answer you and then ask back. I still haven't gotten used to that.
But the little details have very little to do with it. It could be the middle of a scorching summer with the same shitty birds* and standoffish people I'm used to. It's not that.
It's that energy. It's a sense of control and direction in my life that I've been lacking forever. The poise that I always thought I had as a child and always wanted as a teenager, it creeps up on me slowly. I understand myself, and I understand other people enough to know and accept that what I understand is always open to interpretation and alteration. That if I want to wait until each particular nuance of a situation can be picked apart and predicted with 100% certainty, I can; and I can die at the ripe old age of 100 or so, exclaiming: "I'll do it tomorrow!"
Not with a bang, but a whimper, and so on, and so on...
I used to wonder why I had to go through all the things I had been through... and now, I just hope that anyone who can handle it goes through them as well. It's good for you. You'll be glad you did when you're twenty-five.
There are different kinds of birds here.
They actually have Autumn; it's fantastic.
When you ask someone how they're doing, they answer you and then ask back. I still haven't gotten used to that.
But the little details have very little to do with it. It could be the middle of a scorching summer with the same shitty birds* and standoffish people I'm used to. It's not that.
It's that energy. It's a sense of control and direction in my life that I've been lacking forever. The poise that I always thought I had as a child and always wanted as a teenager, it creeps up on me slowly. I understand myself, and I understand other people enough to know and accept that what I understand is always open to interpretation and alteration. That if I want to wait until each particular nuance of a situation can be picked apart and predicted with 100% certainty, I can; and I can die at the ripe old age of 100 or so, exclaiming: "I'll do it tomorrow!"
Not with a bang, but a whimper, and so on, and so on...
I used to wonder why I had to go through all the things I had been through... and now, I just hope that anyone who can handle it goes through them as well. It's good for you. You'll be glad you did when you're twenty-five.