ramblings of a broken and upset heart.
pathetic isn't it?
She used the saying *i wanted to put on the pair of rose colored glasses, except this time i thought someone would have helped me*
she said that to her "friend" from Washington.
ironic that she would use that saying, "rose colored glasses". ironic because that's what i wanted to do. I want to tell myself that life is truly wonderful, full of so many things, full of illusions, a chance to find love.
it turns out, she likes, er...should i say, has always liked this "friend". So i ask myself, what was I then? Just a passtime? someone she used to try to block this person out of her mind?
I'm not upset. As i told her, "i love, loved you to the point in which i would support any decision you made, even if it hurt me the most, because isn't that what love is? Unconditional love?" she cried. It sounds heartless to say that her tears don't move me anymore, her sadness doesn't sway my thoughts, her trembling voice doesn't touch my heart. I loved her. I don't want to end up hating her. I care about her too much to do that. And after all, didn't i promise to be there for her, where my words not "i'll stick with you to the end, through thick and thin, through relationship and friendship. I care about you too much to let you walk out of my life." words i don't regret although i should.
why? why did she try to pin the reasons why she and i didn't work out on me? why did she tell me, nay, snap at me saying that "you never listened! you never saw what you did when you hurt me" when she told me that i had the most confused look on my face, why you ask? because i did the opposite, i never did anything to hurt her, and i was the ear she never had to listen to her. I guess it's her way of handling things that hurts me the most. I gave her heart and soul, gave her everything, emotionally, physically, all for what? a joyride? I don't know. Maybe it's just my hurt side, the side that chokes up thinking about why, because why my friends, is much more painful than anything.
I told her *you can't keep on doing this! you can't go on giving people false hopes and illusions only to break them down. As i fell in love with you, what's to stop another from doing the same??? It's not fair. It's just not fair. You either tell this guy how you feel or you shut up and forget about him and move on with your life." she started to cry again and she says "but i don't want to screw my friendship with him" and i said "but you were willing to screw up my thoughts? My hopes?" she apologized but that apology was so empty it had no value with me.
I guess i'm more angry with myself than anyone. I mean it's my fault after all isnt it? Didn't i promise myself that i would never give my heart and soul again as i had done before, to not trust anyone as i had done before? yet i did. I dove headfirst into something i thought was love, not thought, knew, felt. It felt good, it fell amazing, to feel like someone actually cares, to feel like someone actually needs you as much as you need them. She should so win an academy award for best actress.
She used the saying *i wanted to put on the pair of rose colored glasses, except this time i thought someone would have helped me*
she said that to her "friend" from Washington.
ironic that she would use that saying, "rose colored glasses". ironic because that's what i wanted to do. I want to tell myself that life is truly wonderful, full of so many things, full of illusions, a chance to find love.
it turns out, she likes, er...should i say, has always liked this "friend". So i ask myself, what was I then? Just a passtime? someone she used to try to block this person out of her mind?
I'm not upset. As i told her, "i love, loved you to the point in which i would support any decision you made, even if it hurt me the most, because isn't that what love is? Unconditional love?" she cried. It sounds heartless to say that her tears don't move me anymore, her sadness doesn't sway my thoughts, her trembling voice doesn't touch my heart. I loved her. I don't want to end up hating her. I care about her too much to do that. And after all, didn't i promise to be there for her, where my words not "i'll stick with you to the end, through thick and thin, through relationship and friendship. I care about you too much to let you walk out of my life." words i don't regret although i should.
why? why did she try to pin the reasons why she and i didn't work out on me? why did she tell me, nay, snap at me saying that "you never listened! you never saw what you did when you hurt me" when she told me that i had the most confused look on my face, why you ask? because i did the opposite, i never did anything to hurt her, and i was the ear she never had to listen to her. I guess it's her way of handling things that hurts me the most. I gave her heart and soul, gave her everything, emotionally, physically, all for what? a joyride? I don't know. Maybe it's just my hurt side, the side that chokes up thinking about why, because why my friends, is much more painful than anything.
I told her *you can't keep on doing this! you can't go on giving people false hopes and illusions only to break them down. As i fell in love with you, what's to stop another from doing the same??? It's not fair. It's just not fair. You either tell this guy how you feel or you shut up and forget about him and move on with your life." she started to cry again and she says "but i don't want to screw my friendship with him" and i said "but you were willing to screw up my thoughts? My hopes?" she apologized but that apology was so empty it had no value with me.
I guess i'm more angry with myself than anyone. I mean it's my fault after all isnt it? Didn't i promise myself that i would never give my heart and soul again as i had done before, to not trust anyone as i had done before? yet i did. I dove headfirst into something i thought was love, not thought, knew, felt. It felt good, it fell amazing, to feel like someone actually cares, to feel like someone actually needs you as much as you need them. She should so win an academy award for best actress.