Trial And Error 4/5

[thesockmonster]

Morning comes and the extent of the evening is laid bare for Baekhyun to see. Joonmyun wasn’t the only omega to succumb to his heat over the course of the night. Baekhyun finds himself rushing around to leave jugs of water and baskets of food at the entrance to the tents of those now trapped inside. Even the mated pairs need to be cared for because once an alpha has his hands on an omega in heat, he’s taken in completely and won’t stop until they’re both sated.

Most of the unmated alphas spend their time away from the omega tents, circling the camp to keep an eye out for anyone or anything drawn in by the potent scents now wafting through the air. It also keeps them occupied, their minds clear instead of focusing on all the vulnerable, fertile omegas left alone.

Chanyeol, however, tempts himself by sneaking through every so often to ask Baekhyun how Joonmyun is doing. Baekhyun doesn’t mean to get snappish because Chanyeol genuinely cares and it’s absolutely wonderful that he’s fretting over Joonmyun without giving Jongin a second thought. But Baekhyun’s already exhausted and it isn’t even time for lunch. He’s sweaty and itchy and his head is throbbing from the assault on his senses because mating season is beginning to takes its toll on him now that he’s closer to his first heat.

Baekhyun’s never felt so chaotic before. It wreaks havoc on his emotions and his instincts and with them both out of whack, he snarls at Chanyeol and shoves the alpha away from the omega tents. “I’ll tell you if Joonmyun needs anything,” he grunts.

Properly cowed, Chanyeol tucks his tail between his legs and leaves. Baekhyun is immediately sorry, but not enough to chase after the alpha. With an exasperated sigh, Baekhyun goes back to refilling the basket left outside Jongdae’s tent earlier in the day. Apparently Liyin had agreed to let him court her and to be there for her heat even if they aren’t mated yet. She’s going to make him work harder for that final step. Baekhyun approves.

All the wolves around his age that he’s grown up with are pairing off and Baekhyun will always be happy if the people he cares about the most are happy, but it still stings. At least he has Jongin and Yifan for company. The two of them help Baekhyun with the others, sometimes pulling Baekhyun away for fresh air because he’s been around the omega tents too long.

“Thanks,” he mumbles against Jongin’s neck. Jongin doesn’t reek of sugary sweetness and it helps to clear Baekhyun’s head.

“You’re going to run yourself ragged,” Jongin comments. His fingers are sliding softly through Baekhyun’s hair and it calms Baekhyun enough for his eyes to slip closed. He merely hums in response, content with Jongin petting him and his thoughts finally fizzling out. “Running from your problems isn’t going to solve them.”

Baekhyun pouts. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jongin snorts right in Baekhyun’s ear. “You forget that Yifan is close with Yixing and I’m close with Yifan.”

“About that!” Baekhyun exclaims, sitting up to narrow his eyes at Jongin. “How is it that Yifan was my friend first, but you’re the one with some weird claim on him.”

“Can I help it if my personality is sweeter?” Jongin teases, laughing when Baekhyun makes to tickle his sides. Jongin falls back into the grass and Baekhyun topples on top of him with an oomph, his face smushed to Jongin’s chest. The pair lay there in silence after Baekhyun’s wiggled around to get more comfortable.

It isn’t until minutes later, when Baekhyun is succumbing to the warmth of the sun on his back, when Jongin speaks again. “He makes me happy,” the omega whispers.

Baekhyun has to take a moment to register the words, turning his head to the side so he can be heard. “You need more people who make you happy,” Baekhyun replies, nudging his nose on Jongin’s chest affectionately.

“I meant . . . Yifan makes me happy in a mate way.”

Baekhyun certainly hadn’t seen that coming, although it makes sense considering Jongin’s demeanor and how difficult it is for him to trust someone. Yifan is a good man and Baekhyun knows he takes care of Jongin even when Jongin doesn’t need it. The two hover around each other enough that it’s a wonder that Baekhyun hadn’t figured it out on his own.

“What does Yifan think about this development?” Baekhyun inquires, fingertips drumming in the grass as he scoots up. When he peers at Jongin’s face, he sees the omega smiling broadly, his mind clearly somewhere else.

“He kissed me a few days ago.” Jongin lifts onto his elbows and Baekhyun slips down with a scowl. “I used to think there was something wrong with me.”

Baekhyun blinks, mouth opening but nothing coming out.

“When all the other omegas were starting to notice the alphas, I didn’t. I’ve never had the urge to submit or to be around an alpha. I’ve only ever wanted to be left alone. So I thought I might be broken. But Yifan -” The frown on Jongin’s face blossoms into another smile. “It feels right with him.”

“There was never anything wrong with you,” Baekhyun quips, poking Jongin hard in his side. “You are just harder to please.”

Jongin rolls his eyes, falling back into the grass and bringing Baekhyun with him, arms wrapped around his waist. “No one is harder to please than you.”

Baekhyun huffs at the false accusation, but doesn’t counter. Sometimes it’s nice to let someone else think they’ve won.

The day Joonmyun steps outside the tent, his hair askew and his shirt on backwards, Baekhyun barrels him over. “You stink,” he supplies helpfully.

Joonmyun groans, lifeless beneath Baekhyun. “Then carry me to the river and wash me,” he responds.

Baekhyun makes a command decision and pins the flap of their tent open to air it out before plucking Joonmyun from the ground. “Come on, I’ll take care of you.”

The two of them are stumbling along, Baekhyun unable to hold up all of Joonmyun’s weight as Joonmyun attempts to keep himself up on unsteady legs, when another person darts out of the woods and nearly into them. Baekhyun is ready to bark at the man until he sees that it’s Yixing. The words wither in his throat and he croaks before curling closer to Joonmyun for all the pitiful protection that it provides.

It’s not the last time Baekhyun seems to run into Yixing. It happens more often than he’s prepared for and always leaves his self control teetering. How is he supposed to react when Yixing peers up at him, surprised, as water drips from the tips of his hair? How is Baekhyun supposed to keep a lid on his desires when he inhales the rich scent of Yixing and his fingers tingle, his chest growing tight and his body moving toward it until he remembers what he’s doing?

How is Baekhyun supposed to get over Yixing when he’s everywhere?

The full moon is the worst. Baekhyun races through the trees, his paws tracing over the same paths he’d run with Yixing and he’s heading right for where they usually spend their full moons together before he realizes what he’s doing. He stops short, whining and pawing at the dirt, crouching low to the ground because he doesn’t know what to do. He takes comfort when he backtracks, finally coming across a fresh trail and he catches up with Sehun who is busy loping around a more calm Luhan and Minseok.

Sehun takes to playing with Baekhyun, nipping at him and howling with his tail wagging enough for his entire backside to sway. It’s just the two of them bounding around for a while until Yifan and Jongin find them and join in. And as soon as Joonmyun joins the fray, Minseok and Luhan dart over to play as well. It’s been a long time since Baekhyun’s felt this peaceful and it’s because of his friends. Even the new additions have taken place in his heart.

It doesn’t quite stop the ache in his chest when he hears Yixing’s howl echo through the trees. Baekhyun pauses, tail tucked between his legs and he only snaps out of it when Luhan launches at him, knocking him over. It takes Baekhyun by surprise and by the time he realizes that Luhan did it to help distract him, it’s hours later.

Over the next few days, more omegas begin their heat and it leaves Baekhyun struggling to keep up while his own body fights against him. Every limb feels twisted tight, ready to snap and it has Jongin and Yifan constantly sending Baekhyun out of the camp to clear his head. He doesn’t have the heart to tell them that it doesn’t do much for him anymore. He’s teetering on the edge and the slightest gust could send him over.

“Take this to the alphas,” Yifan instructs as he works to hang several baskets on Baekhyun’s arms. “I don’t want anymore of them wandering in because they’re hungry,” he grunts. Yifan had hauled one alpha out by his ear earlier, uncaring that the alpha had been snarling and spitting at him. Yifan’s height had been an exceptional advantage and the alpha had apologized a hundred times over once his head cleared, but it’s best to avoid confrontation altogether.

Baekhyun makes his way through the tents, sighing because he knows what Yifan is doing. Baekhyun had started growling at a fly that had been insistently buzzing around his face and even after it was gone, the bad mood had become more permanent. He’s tired; he’s been up since morning to help gather and distribute food and water, helping clear out furs and act as an early warning system in case any alphas came barreling through without permission.

Outside the circle of tents, Baekhyun still doesn’t feel any better. The sun is just a bit too hot and the back of his shirt is soaked through with sweat. He would wipe the beads of it off his forehead, but his arms are full. It itches when it runs down, dripping off his jaw and Baekhyun heaves out another sigh.

The alphas are running the perimeter along the trees mostly, using the shade to keep hidden and cool. Baekhyun makes his way over to an empty spot, trundling along with his baskets. He sets them down gently, rubbing at the marks left on his arms with a scowl when an alpha approaches. Baekhyun reacts instantly, hopping back a step because the sudden invasion of Yixing’s scent burns his nose.

“Sorry,” Yixing apologizes instantly. He looks as if Baekhyun had slapped him and politely takes another step away. Baekhyun immediately wants to reach out and soothe him, but only just refrains. It’s not as easy as it used to be. The little bit of resistance he’d built up against Yixing seems to have evaporated and every part of Baekhyun wants to jump into the alpha’s arms and stay there forever. His mind may have received the message that Yixing doesn’t want him loud and clear, but every other part of him hasn’t.

Baekhyun thinks he needs to sit down. The heat of the day must finally be getting to him. His vision swims for a moment and he reaches out, afraid he’s about to fall. His throat is parched and his head feels funny, like it’s weighed down with rocks and yet light enough to float away. Baekhyun breathes through his mouth, teetering dangerously, and he just knows he’s about to hit the ground. Yixing catches him before it happens and Baekhyun audibly groans at the ripple that runs through his body from the contact.

Yixing’s touch sets off a chain reaction that has Baekhyun gasping for air as a new spike of heat prickles along his sensitive skin. He’s hyper aware of Yixing, breathing in deep and relishing the heady, thick scent of alpha that takes him over. His fingers curl against bare skin, nails scraping on Yixing’s arms to keep him close. He knows Yixing is speaking to him, but he can’t hear anything save his own heart beating.

Baekhyun doesn’t realize what’s happening until he feels the heat drop into his stomach before slowly sinking lower. That last little thread of sanity still holding on for dear life calmly lets Baekhyun know he’s definitely, without a doubt, going into heat - just before it detaches and leaves him drowning in his instincts.

The first thing Baekhyun does is get a firmer hold on Yixing whose hands are now on Baekhyun’s waist, hoisting him off the ground. It’s like fire is licking over his skin and the only way to douse it is with Yixing. He just needs Yixing. Yixing will make it all better. He wiggles against his alpha, whimpering when he rubs just right. It gives him a rush and Baekhyun can’t stop, panting and biting softly at Yixing’s neck as they move.

“Come on, Baek,” Yixing croons and Baekhyun curls toward Yixing even as his alpha is laying him down.

The furs under him feel coarse and scratchy and Baekhyun tugs at Yixing’s arms because all he can think about is getting Yixing over him. He wants to wrap his legs around Yixing’s waist, show his alpha how willing and open he is for his knot. The pressure is beginning to edge on painful and he whines, calling out for Yixing to help.

Baekhyun’s wolf is clawing at him and Baekhyun shifts down on the furs. He can feel himself leaking and while it’s not the first time he’s gotten wet, he’s never been this wet before. His body is throbbing and he’s still painfully aware of the clothing keeping him covered.

“I’m so sorry,” Yixing whispers. His eyes are red and Baekhyun sits up to pull Yixing down, but the alpha is moving away. “No,” Yixing states. It’s a command that has Baekhyun shuddering, falling back without a choice.

His legs press firmly together, sliding uncomfortably as Baekhyun calls for Yixing. He’s close to panicking. Is Yixing leaving him? This urgent need to follow tries to fight against Yixing’s command, but Baekhyun is too weak. He claws at the furs, at his shirt and pants until they’re torn away and he lets out a frustrated scream when he realizes Yixing isn’t coming back.

Tears pool in the corners of Baekhyun’s eyes and when he blinks, they trail down his temples and into his hair. His body is twisting, trying to find relief from the heat that’s burning through him, but there’s nothing. He presses his palm between his legs, hoping to alleviate the pressure and the touch alone is enough to set him off.

Baekhyun’s body seizes and sticky white ropes shoot up his stomach to soak into the tattered remains of his shirt. He’s expecting some sort of relief, but there’s nothing. If anything, the craving to be filled strengthens and Baekhyun openly sobs. His hand travels down, hoping to alleviate the ache when he pushes two fingers inside himself. It steals his breath for a moment, his back bowing off the furs at the feel of something finally inside him even if it’s not enough.

His body is ready to be mounted and there’s no alpha to do it. Baekhyun tries not to think about Yixing when he curls his fingers, his other hand wrapping around his cock to tug. He briefly lets go to wipe his palm over the slick on his thighs to wet his grip, moaning loudly at the slide of his cock through his fingers now. Thoughts of how Yixing would be so hot over him, his hands rough as he pinned Baekhyun to the furs and used him until they were tied together taunt Baekhyun with every stroke over his cock, every thrust of his fingers as his legs fall open further.

Baekhyun is past caring who can hear him now, fully focused on bringing himself over the edge until it all stops. He just wants it to stop. Knowing that this is only the beginning only makes it worse. Baekhyun moves quicker, pushing pushing pushing until his thighs are trembling and his cock pulses in his hand, coming over his fist again.

It doesn’t help.

Baekhyun grits his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut tight, refusing to stop even when his wrists twinge with pain and a cramp shoots through his foot and up his calf. He plants his heels and rolls his hips up into his hand, easily thrusting three fingers in and out of himself at a hurried pace and when he comes for a third time, he calls out Yixing’s name.

Every climax he coaxes out of himself seems to leave Baekhyun worse than before and yet he can’t stop. He aches everywhere and he’s curled on his side, shuddering from the cool rush of air that rolls over his sweat slick skin. He groans when a firm hand pushes him onto his back. Baekhyun blinks Joonmyun’s face into view and he whines softly at his friend.

Joonmyun places a rag wetted with cool water on Baekhyun’s forehead, pushing down lightly. He’s careful as he lifts Baekhyun’s head to rest on his leg, speaking softly when he holds water to Baekhyun’s dried lips. “It will get better,” Joonmyun promises, thumb brushing around Baekhyun’s eyes to catch his tears. “This part is always the worst.”

Baekhyun can’t offer Joonmyun more than a whimper. He’s squirming already, resisting the urge to roll onto his stomach to present himself. He wants to demand that Joonmyun haul Yixing inside to take care of him and it hurts knowing he had an alpha in his grasp and couldn’t hold on to him.

Joonmyun sticks around a little while longer, telling Baekhyun he’ll be back later with food. It’s at this point that Baekhyun realizes that he’s in this for the long haul. He spares only a moment to wryly remember when he couldn’t wait to hit his maturity. Oh he’d been such a naive pup.

The hours bleed together, day into night and back into day and Baekhyun hardly notices. He doesn’t feel like he’s inside his own body, but floating over it, watching as he goes through the motions that finally begin to bring him a little relief. The absolute need that had clawed at his insides during the first day or two fades into something more bearable, less demanding and when Joonmyun - sometimes Jongin - comes to visit, Baekhyun can finally speak.

He’d been dangerously close to ripping his way out of his tent once, but Yifan and Jongin had caught him first, dragging him back and sitting with him until he calmed down. He apologizes for it, but it’s brushed aside. The only person Baekhyun refuses to apologize to is Yixing. No matter how much better he’s feeling, Baekhyun is still angry with the alpha. It could have been so simple. But instead he’s suffering through a heat that could have been over by now.

“Almost,” Joonmyun tells him, wiping the hair from Baekhyun’s forehead.

Baekhyun gulps down the water and sighs, letting his head fall back onto Joonmyun’s lap. Joonmyun’s been able to stay with him longer now that Baekhyun’s heat isn’t demanding his attention nonstop. He honestly doesn’t know how anyone could do this more than once. It’s maddening. He has a newfound respect for Joonmyun. He could have had Chanyeol and he’d decided not to.

He does appreciate Joonmyun being there for him though. And he thanks him every chance he gets because he knows he couldn't have been nice to anyone during the first few days.

Baekhyun finally crawls his way out of his tent, taking in the fresh air greedily, nearly five days after it started. His entire body is weak and he knows he reeks, but he's determined to claw his way to the river if he has to. Being able to wash the sweat and come off his skin is all Baekhyun wants and he'll do anything for it to happen.

His eyes squint in the sunlight, unused to the brightness and he peers around for someone to lean on. Yifan would be preferable because Baekhyun could probably get the large omega to just carry him the entire way, but he's nowhere to be seen. Baekhyun is on his hands and knees, slowly moving forward when he catches movement out of the corner of his eye.

When Baekhyun turns his head, he's met with the sight of Yixing staring at him, clearly spooked. Part of Baekhyun enjoys knowing that Yixing is near, but mostly he's angry. Baekhyun curls his lip, letting out a low growl and Yixing ducks back inside his own tent. Baekhyun feels mildly mollified.

"You should be a little nicer," Joonmyun chides, startling Baekhyun from where he's still crouched on the ground. Naked. But the breeze feels too nice to cover up when he's been burning up for days. "Yixing was frantic about knowing how you were doing."

"Was he close enough to hear me calling out his name?" Baekhyun snaps back, eyes narrowed.

Joonmyun sighs, leaning down to comb his fingers through the clumps in Baekhyun's hair. "Yes." Baekhyun blinks, surprised. "I don't know what's going on between you two, but Yixing nearly tore himself up not rushing in to answer your calls. And he never left the area."

Some of the fight drains from Baekhyun and he allows Joonmyun to hoist him off the ground. He wishes things with Yixing weren't so confusing. At least Joonmyun drops the subject, the two of them shuffling to the river in silence. It's a gorgeous day outside, although Baekhyun's judgement may be clouded since he's been stuck inside. But the sun filters through the tree tops and the breeze is light enough to cool him off without giving him a chill.

The gently flowing water from the river has warmed since the last time Baekhyun was in it and this time, he sinks down until only his head is sticking out. Joonmyun flicks water at Baekhyun who scrunches his face, ducking his head beneath once to avoid it as Joonmyun laughs at him.

It's refreshing to simply let himself go as Joonmyun takes to cleaning Baekhyun from head to toe just as Baekhyun had done for him. The two of them wile away the hours languishing in the water, letting the sun heat their skin until Baekhyun's cheeks are pink and his eyes feel heavy. The exhaustion from expending so much energy is catching up with him and he would crawl back to his tent except it reeks of come and sweat and the lingering scent of Baekhyun's heat.

That's not something a few hours of airing out will get rid of. Baekhyun finds himself sitting on the shore, legs still in the water as he stares at the sun sinking toward the tree line. A waterlogged Joonmyun had made his way back to camp to start cleaning out their tent a while ago, leaving Baekhyun to his thoughts.

What's going to happen to him now?

He should probably head back to camp to avoid getting caught alone in the dark. He didn't use to feel vulnerable, but now that he's reached full maturity, it's almost like he's exposed. Especially since he doesn't have anything on after being accustomed to wearing shirts and pants all the time. Still, the cool air does wonders for his mood and his heart isn't so heavy when he finally picks himself up from the grass.

Baekhyun thinks about shifting, but it requires too much energy, so he shuffles his way home slowly. It's been a long time since he's stopped to appreciate everything around him. The forest seems calmer today even if the sounds of life are all around him. With the sun tipping into the horizon, leaving streaks of purples and oranges across the sky, all manner of animals are either settling in for the night or waking up to begin their day.

Baekhyun is fortunate to be a part of this. He keeps his footsteps soft, practiced in slipping silently through the trees. His mind wanders to better times when he was younger, always prancing around as this small wolf, biting at his mother's ankles so she'd join him in darting into the woods. He'd learned his way around the lands surrounding the camp as an energetic pup who only found beauty in the world.

He wishes he could go back to that time.

Baekhyun's feet take him down familiar paths, mindlessly wandering further into the trees without a thought. It's only when he realizes where his subconscious is leading that he stops in his tracks, but it's too late.

Sitting in their little clearing, the fire doused now that the weather isn't cold, is Yixing. His head snaps up, his eyes wide as Baekhyun struggles to breathe. He hadn't meant to come here. Anywhere but here.

"Baekhyun," Yixing says. His voice is soft, caressing through Baekhyun as it rides on the wind and Baekhyun so very much hates and loves how it clings to him and makes him want more. There's a sadness in Yixing's eyes and Baekhyun worries his lip, struggling against wanting to run away and wanting to run forward to bury himself in Yixing's arms. "You look better."

And the good feelings are gone. Baekhyun's lip curls and a low growl rumbles through his chest. "No thanks to you," he snaps. Baekhyun really needs to teach his body not to react to Yixing's presence in a submissive way.

Yixing flinches, but doesn't back down. He stands tall, stepping toward Baekhyun who refuses to let it show much affected he is. He can only hope Yixing can't hear the rapid beating of his heart.

"Baekhyun," Yixing sighs fondly, head tilted. The last lingering rays of sunlight scatter over Yixing's face before dying and the two of them are left in the soothing shadow that follows. "If I'd taken you during your heat, you would have hated me."

Baekhyun snorts, crossing his arms. "You presume I don't already hate you."

"I know I've hurt you and it wasn't something I meant to do."

Baekhyun huffs. "You obviously didn't want me, but you led me on anyway. Did you not consider that it would hurt me? Why do you suddenly care now?"

"I've always cared," Yixing is quick to say, stepping even closer. "I handled it all wrong. I know that. It's just that I couldn't stay away from you."

"What's so wrong with me that you wanted to stay away?" Baekhyun demands, his foot tapping in the grass.

"I didn't have a choice," Yixing answers, his tone growing colder.

"There's always a choice," Baekhyun throws back, eyeing Yixing up and down with distaste.

Yixing sighs heavily, raking a hand through his hair uselessly. The strands just fall down into his eyes again. "I weighed my options and realized there wasn't a choice even if it looked like there was. There was only one way if I wanted to protect you."

"You did an amazing job of it," Baekhyun snarls. "How could pushing me away - resisting me - possibly protect me?"

"Because they want me to be the Alpha!" Yixing bellows, the lid on his anger bubbling over.

Baekhyun stumbles back from surprise, arms dropping to his sides. There are a thousand thoughts running rampant through his head and none of them are making this any easier to accept. If Yixing had been chosen as a potential Alpha for the pack, wouldn't they all have been informed? “I’d have known,” Baekhyun mumbles, shaking his head before he looks up at Yixing. “The pack would have been told. There would have been a Trial -”

“You are the Trial,” Yixing cuts in.

“What?” Baekhyun asks, head spinning.

“The first time we met,” Yixing begins, some of the tension bleeding from his shoulders, “I knew you were going to be mine - that you were made for me to protect. There was never any doubt. I was so sure of it that I did anything I could to come down and see you. I didn’t know of their intentions to make me Alpha until just before I came to live here.”

“I-I don’t understand,” Baekhyun murmurs, staring at Yixing. “If you were so sure, why didn’t you take me when I wanted you to?”

“My Trial,” Yixing explains. “To become the Alpha, I must resist the one thing that I want most.” Yixing’s eyes are burning now, and Baekhyun can’t breathe. “And you were the one thing I’ve always wanted most.”

Tears sting in Baekhyun’s eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“You weren’t allowed to know. If you knew, you might have stayed away and made it easy. They couldn’t have that.”

“So I was just a test?”

Yixing reaches for him, but Baekhyun draws in on himself. There’s a weight in his chest, keeping him from running, but every instinct in him is screaming to let out this rage that’s pouring into him. Has this been nothing more than some task for Yixing to pass? Did the Council even take into account that Baekhyun is a living, breathing being with emotions? He’s spent the last months conflicted over Yixing blowing hot and cold, constantly making him question himself and wonder if he was worth anything.

“Baekhyun, please,” Yixing pleads, but it’s no use.

Baekhyun spins on the ball of his foot and takes off in the direction of home. He’s so angry. The wolf in him is snarling, snapping, begging to be set loose so it can sink its teeth into the people responsible for toying with him. They'd used him as bait, dangling him in front of Yixing to see if he was worthy. None of them are worthy.

There are others out and about when he breaks through the tree line, but with Baekhyun's clearly agitated state, they all move out of his way without pause. He storms past the alpha tents and through where he lives with Joonmyun. He even goes around his mother's tent before he makes it to the center of the circle.

The council tent.

He knows they're all still in there because that's all they seem to do. These old wolves with their air of superiority just love to spend so much time separated from the pack they claim to protect. It makes Baekhyun sick.

He bursts inside, ignoring the protocols for entering. Before him are all five of them, including his mother who is the only one who Baekhyun knows actually cares. The other four, all older alphas, stand up, glaring at the intrusion.

As an omega, Baekhyun should be cowed, but his wolf just wants to be set loose on them and Baekhyun shakes it back, but only barely. "You alphas with your egos thought it was a good idea to play a game with my life?" he accuses with a snarl. Baekhyun can see the clarity dawning on their wrinkled faces and he sneers. "Did you think I would roll over and take it? I'm not some toy you can use as you please!"

"You will calm yourself," one of them barks, stepping forward.

"Who are you to play so callously with others?" Baekhyun demands, moving toward the alpha. He hates that he has to crane his neck to stare at him, but he refuses to back down.

"We are the ones who keep this pack together."

"And you've done a grand job of that," Baekhyun spits, glaring at the alpha with disdain. The authority is rolling off the alpha in waves and Baekhyun braves it without flinching.

"We've done what we must. You feel we're playing a game?"

"Wait-" Baekhyun's mother steps toward them, but the alpha raises his arm, ordering her to stay put.

"The Trial is never a game. You feel you've been wronged, but what about the pack? If we'd instated Yixing as Alpha and he wasn't strong enough to have endured, it would have been all of our lives on the line. And it wouldn't be a game. It would mean division and death. It may seem like you have been wronged, but I would wrong you again if it meant the safety and protection of the rest of this pack. Your feelings are not more important than the rest of us even if it may seem like it right now. You are still a pup in many ways. I think it's time you grew up."

Baekhyun falters, tripping backwards until there's enough space between them to breathe. It stings, his harsh words, and yet the rational part of him knows they ring true. He swallows the thick taste in his mouth and lifts his head to look at his mother. "You knew," he croaks. It suddenly makes sense. She'd been slowly pulling away for a while and it only worsened when Yixing came to the pack to stay.

There's guilt there, plain on her face, that goes so much further than skin deep when she nods at him.

A pained noise skitters up Baekhyun's throat and he turns and runs from the tent just as quickly as he'd barged in. His head is too cluttered to think and his pride smarts. He means to head back into the trees to slink off and lick his wounds, but Joonmyun intercepts him. The first thing he does is throw a fur around Baekhyun's shoulders because he's been running around naked. The second thing he does is lead Baekhyun away from the prying eyes of anyone who may have overheard the shouting.

Baekhyun is shaking and there's something clogging his throat, his vision bleary through a sheen of tears. They spill down his cheeks when he blinks and Baekhyun chokes, pushing his face to Joonmyun's neck for comfort.

He feels all twisted up inside, warring with himself because he knows there's truth in the alpha's words, but it hurts. It hurts to know that he's been seen as so expendable and his selfishness wants to stay angry because it's unfair. But he's always adored his pack and has always wanted to do anything he could to keep it from falling apart and he'd done just that without even knowing.

Baekhyun just wishes it hadn't played out this way.

He's so tired and he allows Joonmyun to take him home. Their tent isn't so bad now and Baekhyun curls atop the cleaned furs with Joonmyun behind him. His presence is soothing and he doesn't ask even as Baekhyun sobs it all out. He's limp, drained, and still Baekhyun wants to scream and claw his way out to make it stop.

This isn't how his life was supposed to be. He was supposed to find an alpha, mate with him and raise a family while being surrounded by those he loves the most. Now his entire world is turned on its side and he doesn't know how to compensate. If he tilts too far to one side, everything will flip and he'll drown.

Baekhyun flounders in his emotions until he's dragged under into a fitful sleep. Joonmyun still doesn't let him go.

The morning brings little clarity. Baekhyun can't face anyone and he slips out early to hide himself in the little hole beneath the fallen tree. He knows he's being emotional and that eventually it will fade away and leave him ready to move forward. But he doesn't know how long that could take. Everything is raw, scraping too harsh against his emotions and he whimpers as he curls tighter in on himself.

It's difficult to admit that he needs to see Yixing. They need to talk about their relationship and see if there's anything worth salvaging. Baekhyun isn't so sure the alpha will even want him anymore after all that's happened, but he knows that he is most definitely still drawn to Yixing and probably always will be.

Yixing's words repeat in his head. I knew you were going to be mine - that you were made for me to protect.

It's almost enough to have Baekhyun go off in search of the alpha. Instead, he reminds himself of how he'd snapped at Yixing and how many times he'd run from the alpha or ignored him. Could Yixing still want him after that?

And does Baekhyun want to be with him?

It's not as simple as a yes or a no. Not when Yixing is going to be the Alpha. The responsibility of leading an entire pack isn't an easy one and Yixing will have his work cut out for him to bring this pack back to the way it should be. It would leave little time for a mate.

It also means that Yixing's life will be in danger at every moment. Baekhyun will never forget the way his mother suffered being alone when he was young. She'd been left by the Alpha, left by her mate to raise their son on her own. And no matter what Baekhyun did, it was never enough to erase that loneliness from her eyes.

Baekhyun's mother is a pillar of strength, but Baekhyun is not. He doesn't know if he could handle it if he were to lose Yixing after they were mated. He's never been strong, never had that will to persevere through the worst storms as she does. If he had to go through what his mother did, he wouldn't make it.

Baekhyun won't do it. He can't do it.

And that just makes everything hurt worse.

Baekhyun learns that Yixing only had to hold out through Baekhyun's first heat without giving in in order to become Alpha. Something about how strong Yixing must be in order to resist him makes Baekhyun proud even if it stings to know that Yixing is capable of resisting. It's a conundrum that makes his head hurt.

He's sitting in the back, hidden in the shadows with Joonmyun at his side because Baekhyun doesn't want to be seen. It's been days and yet the thought of facing anyone still has Baekhyun burrowing away to hide himself. It's not shame that spurs him, but something that goes deeper. He finds himself lacking and Yixing deserves more. Yixing needs more.

It's night and the bonfire is lit. The pack is gathered around, all of them watching as Yixing kneels before them. He's bare in front of everyone, his head bowed as the council stands behind him. Their words rings through the air, old writings that will bind Yixing as the Alpha of their pack.

Before it's finalized, the council addresses the pack, informing any of them that if they disapprove of their soon-to-be Alpha, that they are free to leave now without repercussion. No one moves, but Baekhyun twitches and Joonmyun pulls him closer to keep him from doing something stupid. It's as if Joonmyun knows exactly what flitted through Baekhyun's mind.

A wreath of vines is placed on Yixing's head and he stands as Alpha. The pack goes wild, screaming and cheering and dancing around the fire. There will be a feast after, and a celebration that will last throughout the night. Baekhyun doesn't plan on sticking around for it. Although he does encourage Joonmyun to accept Chanyeol's hand and partake.

Baekhyun watches for a while, his heart settled heavy in his chest as the pack finally gets what they've needed the most. It's a hollow victory for Baekhyun who feels as if he's sacrificed a part of himself that he'll never get back.

He doesn't know what to do with himself. Can he go back to his life and simply return to his usual routine as if nothing happened?

Baekhyun stares at the tips of the flames, watching as embers flit into the sky, burning bright orange before growing dark and floating away in the breeze. He tries not to think of the days ahead.

Baekhyun realizes he's not alone too late. Yixing appears before him, still wearing that crown, but at least he has pants on. There's a softness to his features and he doesn't say anything as he gently takes Baekhyun's hand, pressing a kiss to his palm. Baekhyun shudders, forcing out a deep breath as he tries not to let himself be so easily drawn in.

"I couldn't ask before," Yixing begins. The flames are reflected in Yixing's eyes and Baekhyun is entranced. "But I can now." Yixing moves closer, slotting his fingers with Baekhyun's and squeezing. "Baekhyun," he whispers reverently, "will you be mine?"

It would be easy to let the moment take him over. He could say yes and live in a delicate bubble of joy for as long as it took for something or someone to come along and burst it open. Then Baekhyun would be left stripped of everything without a way to recover.

Baekhyun carefully pulls his hand away. "I can't."

Yixing looks as if Baekhyun's just struck him. "Why?"

"My father was the Alpha and he was killed. I can't be the one left behind. I'm not strong enough. I want you, Yixing, but sharing you with the pack is something I can't do."

Yixing tilts his head, eyebrows furrowed. "You would only have me if I wasn't Alpha? You'd want me to choose between being with you and keeping the pack safe? That's not fair."

"I never said you had to choose. I'm the one choosing. I'm not strong enough. I can't be what you need."

"And what would you have me be for you to have me?"

“There’s an entire pack looking to you now. You’re responsible for them. It’s not as simple as what you should be just for me. The pack needs the leadership and strength an Alpha brings. The Alpha’s mate has to be just as strong. My mother had it in her, but I’m not my mother. I just want a mate who will be at my side, someone to be there for me and our children. I want to grow old and get wrinkles in places I didn't think I could get wrinkles and I want to laugh about them with my mate. My mate. Not the pack's Alpha. You're not asking me to just be your mate, you're asking me to be the Alpha's mate. Before, when it was you as my mate, then maybe I could, but I'm not strong enough to be the Alpha's mate with an entire pack looking to me."

Yixing takes a step back and Baekhyun hurts when he sees the look on Yixing's face. "I'm sorry that it can't be that way for you. My fate was sealed from the moment I called this pack mine. I was always going to be Alpha.”

“I didn’t know that! You knew and you’ve been preparing for it, but for me it’s different. Nothing has changed for you, but everything has for me. You’re strong enough to lead, but I’m not. And if something happens to you, it would be me they’d look to to hold everyone together, but who would hold me together?” There’s a knot in Baekhyun’s throat that he can’t swallow down and he knows his voice is shaking. He’s trying to hold it all in, keep up a strong front, but he’s slowly unravelling. “I’m not strong enough to do that. I haven’t had the time to prepare and I can’t.”

“I didn't know becoming Alpha was going to take you from me."

Baekhyun wills back the tears that are dancing in his vision, but he can't. Yixing sounds broken and Baekhyun feels broken.

"The pack is more important than the individual," Yixing says and it sounds more like he's telling it to himself, but his stare is oriented on Baekhyun.

"And I care for you even more because you will always do the right thing," Baekhyun admits. The tears are spilling down his cheeks now and he makes no move to brush them away.

"But it's not enough for us," Yixing states.

Baekhyun wants to tell Yixing that he's wrong. He wants to shout that Yixing is more than enough, but the words get lodged in his throat as Yixing walks away. It's Baekhyun who isn't enough and he hates himself for it.

PART FIVE