[Fic] Tell Me I'm A Bad Man (Kick Me Like A Stray)
Title: Tell Me I'm A Bad Man [Kick Me Like A Stray]
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Kai/Tao
Length: 17k
Author's Note: This was meant to be a short drabble and it evolved. ;; Thank you loudestoflove for holding my hand while I whined through it all. ^_^
Summary: A lone wolf always on the run, Jongin is about to stop in his tracks - possibly for good.
It burns beneath his skin, searing and turning his veins to ash as it races ever closer to his heart. Sometimes Jongin imagines himself disappearing, puffing into the nothingness and finally finding peace. Instead, he's greeted with the light of a full moon and the agony of the change upon his body.
He twists and contorts, shoulder blades popping out of joint and he collapses to the ground in a heap, barely supporting his weight on his forearms. Painful claws pop through the ends of his fingers and his nails fall to the forest floor, mixing with the dirt and leaves. A ragged cry rips through his throat when the fangs come in, mouth elongating after his jaw snaps out. He laughs - distorted through the deconstruction of his windpipe and snout until it's merely a cackling howl that chases away all prey in the nearby radius.
There's barely a moment to remember that he actually likes this shirt before it's ripped apart, spine popping up with defined ridges that look on the verge of tearing through tan skin. Claws dig into the ground for support, bracing himself the best he can as the pain wracks through with every break and mend, every sick crack of bone and relocation of vital organs. This is the part that always takes the greatest toll, most werewolves passing out from the sheer relentless pain that fills every space, every atom until the transformation is complete.
But Jongin grasps onto his consciousness because he likes this the most. He lives for the pain, for the reminder that he's alive and that every living thing around him should be running. The gruff timbre of the wolf is raspy in his throat and it catches when he growls into the cold night air. His back legs tremble, fighting to find purchase in the dirt before he hauls himself up onto his paws.
Everything is heightened; senses keen and those of a pure predator. Jongin sits back on his haunches and howls. It echoes against trees and stone and filters into the darkness. He's pleased - oh so pleased. The ground is solid beneath him now and he pushes off, darting into the distance and far from the scene of the crime. It's time to hunt.
Morning afters are the worst. Jongin wakes half inside a hollow tree stump, blood coating most of his skin and the metallic taste thick on his tongue. He spits over the side and spies the remains of a deer carcass on the ground. The crows squawk indignantly at him before going back to their feast. An animal knows an animal and the scavengers know he's finished with his kill.
Jongin stands and immediately regrets the decision, half digested meat attempting to work its way up and his head pounding so hard he can't hear more than his own labored breathing. The first few steps are shaky and as soon as he has his balance, he searches the forest for signs of familiarity. A smirk finds its way onto his blood stained lips when he sees the large claw shaped gashes carved in most of the trees, marking his territory. He's filled with a sense of pride because even if he may be disposable as a human, he's the one with the power as a wolf.
An oddity out of their species, Jongin prefers running alone without the protection and comforts of a pack. His own had been wiped out by hunters and he ran. He ran so fast and he never stopped. Jongin may be relatively settled down in this new town, but he's still running. He'll never stop running.
His ears finally stop buzzing and Jongin hears the gentle sound of water in the distance and smiles. He knows where he is now and turns west toward the river that cuts through the thickest area of the trees. At the water's edge, he kneels and takes a look at his reflection. If there's one thing for sure, it's that he's a messy eater. There's blood everywhere and bits of unknown organs and bone tangled in the black strands of his slightly too long hair. He picks the largest pieces out and begins scooping water to wash away the remnants of his night. The water is cold and he shivers despite his unnaturally high core temperature.
Footsteps are loud behind him, branches snapping under strong feet and leaves rustling noisily. It's not a stealthy approach, but Jongin reasons Tao's never been one for a sneak attack. They're similar in that way - preferring to face an enemy head on for the thrill of a fight. Or maybe it's because there's more of a chance they'll lose. The adrenaline rush of being near death brings a high Jongin could float on forever.
"Out without your leash?" he asks before Tao is even at his side and he feels the heat beside him before he looks over at the equally naked intruder. The bright red of Tao's mohawk is vibrant in the subdued colors around them and it serves to draw attention to the proud figure glancing down at him. His hair is growing out, black enhancing the effect of red and Jongin really likes it.
"I see you've made a mess of yourself and whatever poor animal you gutted."
Jongin shrugs and begins washing off the blood on his arms, scratching nails through the caked on evidence. "Some of us don't bring forks when we hunt." Jongin stops and looks up at Tao again. "Oh I forgot. You've been neutered."
Tao growls and crouches down to get in Jongin's face, dark eyes flickering red for the briefest of moments. If Jongin had blinked he would have missed it completely. "I choose to be careful so I'm not hunted down like an animal," he grits through his pearly white teeth. "Unlike some who prefer to announce their presence by leaving a bloodbath behind."
"Afraid of a little danger, Zitao?" Jongin lets the other man's name drag off his tongue in a challenge and Tao's eyes narrow, nostrils flaring from the quickening of his breath. Jongin shifts on his feet, a simple move that brings their bodies closer. Muscles tense and the very idea of a fight - of pain - has him making the first move.
Jongin lunges and topples Tao half to the ground, limbs splashing in the water. He hears the breath whoosh from Tao's lungs, but that doesn't put the regrettably larger man out of the fight. Tao's fist is backed by profound strength and it sends shards of pain down the side of Jongin's face when it connects with his jaw. It knocks him on his ass and he licks the inside of his cheek, tasting his own blood this time. He grins, already bracing himself for Tao's weight as it comes crashing over him.
This is nothing new; the two of them coming to blows over the simplest of taunts. There's an underlying knowledge shared between them, one of how enjoyable the sharp sting of a well aimed punch is or how the blunt force of a knee to the stomach makes everything feel better. If Tao's precious pack leader knew what they were up to, he'd probably have Jongin chased out of town. As it stands, Joonmyun keeps attempting to adopt Jongin into the fold which is the last thing he desires.
What he wants is the thrill of life threading through sinew and muscle, throbbing and aching as Tao lands blow after blow on bruising skin that will be healed by dusk. That isn't to say Jongin's not fighting back, because he is. There's a thin rivulet of blood snaking down from the center of Tao's bottom lip and while he's glad to have paid him back for his cheek injury, he's also a little wary. Jongin's never wanted to lick Tao before - to drag his tongue over sweaty skin that probably still tastes of earth and grass and all the things that make the forest a wonderful place to be. He wants to lap at the blood and then take his busted lip between his own to kiss it better.
"What's wrong?" Tao asks, pulling away when he notices Jongin's not fighting back anymore. "Giving up so soon?"
Jongin shoves Tao back and grunts, relishing the flares of pain that travel through his limbs when he stretches and bends. "Go home," he snaps.
"You don't have to do this." Tao's voice is soft and soothing, but it raises the hairs on the back of Jongin's neck. "It doesn't have to be like this."
"Yes it does." He takes one final look at the man, his stomach lurching unpleasantly at the sight of sheen skin mottled with bruises and blood. "Go home." Jongin leaves Tao standing there as he travels the maze of trees back toward the direction of civilization.
Jongin works in a small record shop, old LPs and cassette tapes and memorabilia for people who never grew into the newer base-filled beats and fight the advancement of technology. He doesn't have any particular attachment to the place or the people, but he needs a job to pay his meager rent and this was the only place in town that had been hiring when he stumbled in almost a year ago. It's also how he met the local pack, the store being somewhat of a safe haven for those who simply don't fit into the white picket fence society.
Right now he's leaning over the counter, picking at faded stickers of bands long since broken up. Baekhyun's voice rings out from the other side of the small space, headphones that seem to swallow his small head over his ears as he sings far too loud for someone who claims to be self conscious about how he sounds.
There's a box of rubber bands under the counter - the thick, industrial kind - and Jongin pulls one out, aiming carefully. He has to make sure it whizzes through the tacky plastic strands of the beaded curtain separating Baekhyun from the rest of the shop. It's easy enough, steadying his arm and flicking. Baekhyun shrieks and the headphones clatter to the floor as he whips around to glare at Jongin while rubbing the target area of his back. That's gotta sting like a bitch. Jongin snickers and goes back to ruining his nails by scratching against wood.
The bell rings when the door opens and there's a half-hearted greeting that's ready to slip off the end of his tongue before he gazes over and sees the familiar form of Joonmyun and all pretense dies.
"Jongin," the small man greets and Jongin nods once in his direction out of mere politeness.
"If you're looking for new recruits, Baekhyun back there would probably look good in a collar." He doesn't need to glance up to know Joonmyun is scowling, hands in his pressed pants pockets as he sends out an air of authority. Too bad it doesn't work on wolves outside his own pack, but it's probably more instinctual than on purpose at this stage.
"It's nice to see you survived another full moon."
That's one thing Jongin can't stand about the strong leader. He's unshakeable. Jongin's tried again and again to snap that self control, goade Joonmyun into taking the first swing until they're both beaten and bloody and lying on the floor. The idea is enticing, but Joonmyun is too stern a man. Asshole. "Don't you mean: nice you didn't do something to bring a hunter to town?"
"That too, I suppose. I'd worry a lot less if you were one of us."
"You mean under your control."
"I mean under my guidance."
Jongin snorts and brushes the hair out of his face. "I do just fine on my own."
"For now."
"Now is all I need."
"You'll slip up one day and it's my pack that will pay." Joonmyun's voice may still be soft and encouraging, but the underlying threat sends a shiver down Jongin's spine. And he likes it. On more than one occasion Joonmyun's been given ample reason to kick Jongin out of his territory, yet he hasn't. Jongin thinks it's a weakness and he preys upon it.
"So push me out," Jongin says with a shrug. "It wouldn't be the first time." It's a low blow and he knows Joonmyun thinks himself better than most pack leaders simply because he doesn't use violence to keep his subordinates in check.
"I don't want to do that."
"Don't you know a lost cause when you see one?"
"No one is truly lost."
"This isn't a fairytale, Joonmyun," Jongin quips before sliding away from the register and toward the back room so he's left alone. "And I don't want a happy ending."
The aches and pains are gone, Jongin rolling his shoulders and then his head lazily as he strolls the aisles of the small grocery store. There’s a chain supermarket a few blocks further down, but Jongin finds this one much more appealing. Perhaps it’s the lack of people who eye him as if they know he’s hiding some dark secret. Or maybe it’s his imagination and instincts pooling together to keep him away from crowds as much as possible.
No attachments.
There’s very little in his basket, a few cans of vegetables and a package of freshly cut steaks that already have him salivating. He’s wandering through the bakery aisle, inhaling the thick scents of breads and sweets while trying to decide if he wants cookies or cupcakes or both. A familiar voice breaks him out of his inner debate over frosting versus chocolate chips and he looks over to see Tao and Minseok together. Minseok is grinning and checking things off a list as he leans on the cart and Tao is eyeing the pastries greedily.
It’s not like he means to stare, but he can’t help raking his eyes over messy, unstyled hair and bowed lips that are pulled up in an almost permanent smile. Tao’s wearing a black top that pulls and molds against muscled arms and chest when he reaches down to pick up a box. He doesn’t mean to draw attention when he inhales sharply at the way Tao’s jeans hug his thighs, but then he’s caught.
Their eyes meet and Tao looks confused as Jongin holds his gaze. He doesn’t say anything or make a move and Tao looks torn over whether he should walk over or not. In the end, Jongin is the one who turns his back and leaves the aisle. His mind is whirring and his hands are jittering a little.
What makes a pack animal such as Tao seek someone outside the fold to fight? Surely there’s someone he trusts more than a strange wolf who merely shows up one full moon and tackles him to the ground. Even with the rocky start, Tao was always the one who sought Jongin out the morning after for a few good punches.
Tao told him once that Joonmyun keeps them locked up during full moons so they don’t accidentally get too careless and bring wolf hunters to town. Jongin had sneered at him in disgust and asked how he could handle not being able to run free as he pleased. “Don’t you want to live free?”
“Freedom is a matter of perspective,” Tao had said. “Yours and mine are clearly different.”
Yet here they are, a year later and still at it. Jongin thinks maybe he understands a little better than he had then, but Tao is still an element he can’t figure out, trading one part of himself for another; locking the wolf away and taking his anger out on Jongin. Tao does long to be as free as Jongin, but he won’t because of his fear. And Jongin is there to ease the storm of emotions that come after a night of being cooped up with nowhere to run.
It’s an acceptable trade off because Jongin is always up for a fight - to feel a rush of adrenaline with every blow. Only now there’s something else pulling underneath and he doesn’t know what it is. And it scares him.
It's dark when Jongin gets off work, the night being a preferable companion to most humans. He scoffs when Baekhyun nearly prances the opposite direction after they part ways at the front of the store. Jongin listens to the keys jangling in the other man's pocket until he's too far away to be heard before turning to walk the short distance to the single room he rents out. It's definitely not a home and the furniture doesn't even belong to him. It's a creaky old bed with a rusted metal frame and a mattress that sags more than Jongin would like, but it's a place to sleep. There's also a dresser missing most of the drawer knobs so he can't close them all the way because it's a bitch to get them back open. Usually his clothes end up on the floor or draped over the small lamp by the door anyway.
Tonight's laundry night and Jongin plucks the few outfits he owns off various surfaces and shoves them in a cloth bag to take downstairs. He's one t-shirt short and he remembers, with a groan, that he'd ripped it to shreds during the change because he'd been running late and had to hurry to get out of town. He'd forgotten to take it off in his haste and now he's down a good shirt. With a sigh, he heads out, taking two stairs at a time silently so he doesn't wake the couple who live below him. They're decent enough people, wanting a paltry amount for the room and not asking any questions.
There's a 24 hour laundromat across the street, neon sign flickering and fluorescent lighting dim enough to not give Jongin a terrible headache. The door pushed open with resistance, rusted hinges trying to lock up from old age. There's no one else around and it's just the way he likes it. After feeding the washing machine his quarters and pressing the start button for a small load, he takes a seat in one of the brightly colored orange chairs by the window. There's a small tv hanging from the ceiling, volume turned all the way down and Jongin merely glances up to see something that looks too close to a soap opera for him to bother.
He dozes off quickly despite the plastic of the chair digging into his shoulder blades and the faint buzzing of the lights overhead. The loud noise of the washing machine coming to the end of its cycle wakes him long enough to transfer the wet clothing into a nearby dryer, popping in the last of his quarters before turning it on. And then he hunches down in the chair again, arms crossed and head hanging down so he can catch a little more sleep. The days after a full moon are always spent catching up on the sleep he'd missed that night and Jongin yawns into his shirt as he drifts off.
Jongin rubs his palms against his eyes roughly in an attempt to wake up enough to stand without falling. He shuffles to the dryer and pulls his laundry from the machine and shoves it carelessly into the bag. In the end, no one is going to care if his shirts are wrinkled so he doesn't bother. With his bag zipped, he wanders out into the darkness, straining his head back to look at the moon. She's almost round enough to be considered full and the wolf prickles under his skin before draining away. It's tired too.
Bag tossed over his shoulder, Jongin takes two steps and is stopped by a solid wall of muscle. Tao's scent permeates through his sluggish brain and Jongin growls when he stumbles back. There's an interesting look on Tao's face and Jongin decidedly doesn't like it. So, naturally, he swings a fist. There's a satisfied wheeze that's forced out of the other man's mouth when the punch hits his abdomen and curves up toward his ribs. Jongin puts a little more strength behind him and shoves forward until he hears a satisfying crack before pulling away. Tao doubles over and groans, clutching his newly broken rib. "It's not polite to get in someone's way," Jongin chastises.
He deliberately walks around Tao's hunched form as he continues on his way, the aching of his knuckles pleasant as it throbs up through his hand. There are no sudden urges to help Tao, no desire to reach out and aid him, so Jongin considers himself back to normal. That morning was an accident, a one off where he'd perhaps gotten too caught up in the moment. Tao is nothing more than any other wolf with a taste for pain.
A shoulder digging into his spine isn't what Jongin is expecting and he's slammed into the brick wall hard enough for his head to glance off and send him reeling. He spins, trying to put up a defense with raised arms that only hinder Tao's next move instead of stop it. Knuckles stab into his sternum and Jongin grunts. Tao is smirking at him now, one eyebrow raised in a challenge. Jongin isn't about to back down and he uses their close proximity to slam his head forward, skull impacting with Tao's face. There's a soft cry of pain and Jongin laughs when he sees blood running from the other man's busted open lip and nose.
Tao's eyes narrow when he looks up and for a second, Jongin's breath hitches and his heart skips a beat or two. A flood of something unknown crawls through him and the smile on his face fades. He doesn't know how long he stands there just staring at Tao's dark eyes and bloody mouth and off kilter nose because Jongin had managed to break it. The man reaches up and cracks his nose back into place with a hiss of pain and Jongin uses the distraction to slip away.
Clutching the bag of laundry close, he runs across the street and up to his room, slamming the door hard enough to echo before he slides down. The steady floor is comforting and Jongin leans his head back in an effort to calm himself. What the hell was that?
Jongin doesn't dream - he remembers. Screams and pained cries and blood spattered walls greet him every time his eyes close and he's gotten so used to the chorus of pleas for mercy that it's easy to tune out. He's numb all over, years of conditioning until there's barely any humanity left in him. On the nights when he can't go back to sleep, mind too riled up from witnessing his mother's chest exploding before his child eyes, he slips into the darkness.
The pull of a full moon is irresistible to a werewolf and the change is mandatory. There is no control - only domination by a cruel mistress. But it's not the only way to let out the beast. Jongin wills his body to embrace the animal, eyes flaring red in the dark and speed inhuman as he sprints further into the woods. He's a blur against the night, going unseen and silent the faster he runs. Breath fills his lungs and pushes out in misty clouds that are the only clues left that he'd been there.
The lights of the town disappear and Jongin slows to a halt, sweat covering his skin and chest heaving to pull in enough air. He's miles from his crappy little room, from cement roads and brick buildings and the smell of humans and their need to cover their natural odors with fabricated scents that burn his nose. Maybe this is enough for right now, keeping his human form instead of turning because the silence of the night is calming. His eyes slip closed and he takes it all in as his heart beat fades to a normal tempo.
He's not alone.
"Out for a midnight stroll? Or is this another attempt to convince me to change my ways?" Jongin says, eyes fixating on Tao as he steps out from the shadows and into the light of the moon. The tall man is topless, low hanging pants barely held up by bony hips, covering all the parts Jongin's already seen yet it's still an enticing image. It's difficult to keep his composure when his heart wants to burst through his ribs and the crows eat away at the inside of his stomach. He remembers vividly each time he's yearned for something more than simple conversation and a fight and it makes him wary.
"Do I need a reason to be out?" Tao stops a few feet away and Jongin notices he has his piercings in again, littering the curve of his ears with the shiny glint of silver colored metal. He wants to touch them, pull the jewelry and see if it sends Tao to his knees.
A lick of his lips and Jongin turns away to resist reaching out. "I suppose not. Just wasn't expecting company."
"If you want me to leave -"
"NO." The word is out of his mouth before he realizes and it sends a spread of heat through his cheeks. Such an odd reaction. He sees Tao smirking in his periphery and Jongin frowns. It's as if the other man knows the punchline to the joke Jongin isn't aware he's made.
"You're . . . different." It's obvious Tao is choosing his words carefully and Jongin swallows hard before turning to meet his gaze head on.
"Oh?"
"You haven't punched me yet." Tao takes a step forward and Jongin doesn't know if he wants to move back or lunge forward, so he stays still and merely watches with anticipation. "And the way you look at me has changed."
"Has it?" Jongin croaks out, now more nervous than he's ever been. Even more than the time he'd stared down the twin barrels of a shotgun loaded with silver bullets and knew he was about to die in the most degrading way possible for a prideful young wolf. He doesn't move when Tao lifts a hand to trail fingers down the exposed skin of Jongin's upper arm. He watches and feels and an undisguisable shudder runs through his shoulder and down his spine. Those same fingers wrap around him firmly and pull until Jongin is chest to chest with Tao and tilting his head up enough to see into red tinted eyes.
"Yeah." The word is breathed out and Jongin barely catches it over the rushing of blood in his ears. This is new and the adrenaline running through his system is for a reason other than pain or fear. Tao swoops down and Jongin finds himself being kissed, the press of supple lips against his own. His mind flies to the morning when he'd wanted to do just this and had been too afraid to act on the urge. But now it's Tao initiating the contact and Jongin moans when he gets a taste of his open mouth.
The tenderness of the moment is the opposite of everything they are - of every encounter they've had since they met. Jongin balls his hands in Tao's hair and kisses him harder, relishing the grunt he hears when he sinks teeth into his freshly healed lip. It's not enough to draw blood, but he's certain Tao wouldn't fight him if he did. Tao responds in kind, sucking Jongin's tongue after dragging teeth over the sensitive muscle and the sheer amount of desire he feels leaves him reeling. It's starting to click together and Jongin finds the puzzle complete and staring him in the face.
Jongin cares for Tao.
The realization has him pushing the other man back forcefully enough to break all contact. Tao looks at him with wide eyes and Jongin shakes his head. "No." Tao is on him again, grabbing Jongin's arms so hard it hurts. The pain radiates from the punctures of nails digging into skin and Jongin hisses before his back collides against a tree. The bark scrapes through his shirt and he glares up at Tao with a snarl. "Let me go."
"Your stubborn streak won't ruin this," Tao snaps and Jongin's stunned into inaction. It presents the other man an opportunity to kiss him again and Jongin gives in if only because his body is reacting without checking with his brain first. Everything about Tao is so hot and he smells wild and it drives Jongin a little crazy. He wants, so he takes without remorse. Tao clings tighter and Jongin reaches up to pull his hair, disconnecting their mouths when his head is tipped back. He latches onto the column of Tao's neck with his lips and teeth and drags down, enticing moans out of the other man that only fuel his desire. Senses are heightened and muddled at once, all trained on Tao and nothing else because he's all that matters.
There's an inferno burning in his gut, pushing down until he's aching inside his jeans and groaning as Tao's hands travel under his shirt to brush against heated skin. Another kiss and Jongin swears Tao is trying to steal his breath, pluck his soul from his bones and keep it for himself. He only hopes the other man takes care of it because Jongin hasn't been.
Jongin may not have experience with anything regarding sex considering his complete disinterest in everyone he comes across, but he knows where this is leading when Tao drops to his knees and looks up at him in a way that makes his legs shake. His jeans are undone and the denim pools at his feet, but that's not what he's focused on. Tao has a hand around the base of his cock and Jongin's a little embarrassed at being fully hard, but the thought quickly passes when lips secure around the tip and suck.
Jongin lets out a choked moan and has to force himself to breathe, not expecting this much so fast. He slides down the tree a little, trying to dig his heels in loose dirt that only gives under his weight. A hand comes up, bracing against his side and his descent halts as Tao's fingers dig into his hip. The world keeps going, but it seems to still for Jongin as Tao slowly sinks his mouth the rest of the way down. He hazards a look at Tao and whines when he sees him staring up at him with hooded eyes and red staining his cheeks. The beast is there, flashing under it all and Jongin feels his own quickly surfacing. For once he wants to be greedy and not share so he forces it down, reigns in control just before Tao's teeth scrape lightly under his cock when he pulls back.
If he believed in any force other than the moon, he'd be praying, but as it stands, he's breathing Tao's name out with every beat of his heart. Jongin whines and scrapes nails over Tao's scalp, clutching at the strands of hair before they can slip through his fingers. He's afraid that if he lets go he'll float away and be unable to find him again. Emotions crash into him like old enemies and he doesn't embrace them, but swallows it down to deal with later because whatever this is, it's too much to wrap his head around.
So Jongin focuses on the drag of Tao's tongue over his skin and the pressure of his fingers still pumping around the base of his cock. A sweet pleasure invades his body and he relinquishes all self control, his wolf rumbling and clawing and demanding for more. His fangs elongate and Jongin nearly bites through the skin of his bottom lip when he comes, filling Tao's mouth until it's dribbling out the sides and down his chin. In a rush of strength and lust, he has Tao on his back atop the leaves and dirt as he laps at the mess before kissing him. Tao growls as Jongin slips a hand inside his pants and begins stroking his cock, not thinking clearly enough to actually move the fabric out of the way. It's heated and hurried and Jongin doesn't stop kissing Tao until the other man pulls away to howl into the night when he crashes into his own climax.
Jongin doesn't know what makes him do it, but he sinks his teeth into Tao's shoulder, the beast in him demanding to claim the other as his very own so no one else can touch him. The aching of his teeth force him to bite harder, to clamp fangs into muscle and hold fast, relishing the life pulsing beneath him. Tao's howl chokes off and Jongin finally releases his hold, shifting up enough to take in the mark deep in tan flesh and swallow down the blood pooled in his mouth. A rush of possessiveness overtakes him and he looks at Tao only to be met with a shocked expression. "You marked me."
The way Tao's breathless voice rings in his ears brings Jongin out of it and realization of what he's just done hits him in the gut like a wrecking ball. The horror of his act - of marking Tao - forces him onto his feet. He trips over his pants before pulling them up and quickly rebuttoning them whilst determinedly not looking at Tao who is still on the ground where he left him.
"Jongin."
His head snaps up and he stares at Tao who is now leaning up on his elbows so the moonlight catches off the wound on his shoulder like a trophy and Jongin's chest squeezes in panic. "I didn't mean to," he mumbles and then a little louder, "I didn't mean to."
Jongin's never been at odds with his wolf, but right now he's being ripped in two. The animal wants to climb back over Tao and finish what he started while the man fights to regain his senses because Jongin doesn't do emotional attachment. He's a singular unit who can pick up and leave at a moment's notice with no regret or looking behind.
And now he's marked Tao - bound their wolves together and the damage is irreparable.
Tao shifts into a crouch, prepared to pounce, but Jongin's ahead of the game. He pivots on the ball of his foot and takes off into the forest. What he needs is to be away in order to sort this mess out. There has to be something that can undo what he's done. The familiar howl from behind makes him want to turn around and go back, animalistic instinct itching under his skin to be released. It's tougher to suppress it than it ever has been before. It burns and chafes and the air he drags in through dry lips stings his throat.
Jongin runs until he reaches the end of the trees and he keeps going. Blurred lights and cars honking and high fences he jumps over with tensed calf muscles are replaced with an open night sky over a lonely field of grass when he finally falls to his knees. Fingers dig into the dirt as he shakes, attempting to pull himself together before he falls apart and loses the rest of himself. He knew he was always on the verge of just letting the wolf take control and never having to deal with being a human again, but not like this. This is never what he wanted.
Tao's face flickers behind his lids and a surge of sheer need has Jongin gnashing his teeth and clutching the damp fabric covering his chest because it hurts. It isn't as if he doesn't want Tao even as a human, but the consequences are more than he's prepared for. Will Tao be ejected from his pack because he's bound to a wolf outside the circle? Or will Jongin now be forced to join?
Will the hunters eventually come to take Tao from him in front of his eyes just as they did the rest of everyone he's ever cared for?
With a final shudder, Jongin succumbs to the chaos and passes out as another wolf howl rings out in the distance.
"You're burning up," Baekhyun says, a hand lingering on Jongin's forehead before he retracts it to replace fingers with a cool rag. And as indifferent as Jongin would like to be, he's grateful because it eases the heat and he blinks through the haze of watery eyes.
"I'm always warm," he reminds Baekhyun who only scoffs.
"Warmer than usual then. You've been sweating buckets and you never sweat."
Jongin shrugs and leans his head down on the front counter, making sure the rag is still affixed to him. He's been afflicted with something that can't be cured so easily and the fight to keep away is harder every minute. It's barely been three days since he marked Tao and his body is rejecting the distance between them. Bound wolves are meant to be together until death and at the rate his body is burning out, death may be sooner rather than later. He can only hope Tao is faring better, but the odds aren't in his favor.
And there's a part of him that mourns the fact that Tao hasn't sought him out either. Jongin doesn't go out in the middle of the night anymore, but Tao knows where he lives and where he works and the only places he goes. There's no sign of him and Jongin's stomach twists uncomfortably, lurching until he runs to the bathroom to heave into the toilet. There's nothing left to come up because he's been doing this all morning and each time he gets a reprimanding look from Baekhyun who pleads for him to go home. And each time he assures his co-worker that he's fine after rinsing out his mouth and pulling himself together again.
Another two full nights and Jongin tears at his shirt, ripping the soft fabric that feels as if it's scraping holes in his skin. It comes apart easily enough when his claws extend and then they scrape down the wooden door. Jongin runs out into the night as if the world itself is on his heels. It's almost a relief when he traces a familiar path through the trees, weaving and jumping over fallen branches and stumps along the way. Life is breathed somewhat back into his failing body, but it's not enough. The wolf doesn't even want to come out and Jongin eventually collapses to the ground.
Pulling himself to his feet proves to be impossible and Jongin falls to the forest floor to stare through the canopy of leaves at the waning moon. One hand reaches up, caressing the longest side of the curve. The moon has always been a thing of comfort to Jongin, his wolf eyes able to see the pock-marked surface clearly even at this distance. It's calming knowing that something so beautiful and powerful is just as flawed as the rest of them yet still in control. He thinks it might even be nice to lay here until it's over and hope that Tao survives. Jongin is convinced Tao wants nothing to do with him because it's the only reason he can come up with for why he hasn't come to beat down his door and convince Jongin to accept it.
If Tao were to confront him, Jongin knows he would give in.
Perhaps it's the wolf influence that guides his decisions, his human frailty easily overcome through its weakened state, but he doesn't care. A wolf is never supposed to be alone and maybe Jongin's been clinging to his freedom a little too long. It can't really be called freedom if he's always running away. And the idea of a family, of people who would take him in like one of their own sends a tremor of longing into his chest.
His eyes slip closed and Jongin dredges up memories of the past - of his mother's smile and his father's strong arms lifting him over his head before placing him on his shoulders. He was the happiest then before it was ripped from him by humans who knew nothing but fear and pain and death. Now it seems Jongin is just like them in that respect. The bandage he'd put in place because he couldn't handle the constant throbbing of his loss peels up and Jongin feels the tears running down the sides of his face and falling to the ground before he understands why he's crying.
A sudden flurry and Jongin can't breathe, a heavy weight on his chest and delicate fingers wrapped around his neck tight enough to cut off all air. He looks up into the red eyes of Luhan, silver hair catching in the moonlight. He's snarling, teeth threatening and his grip tightening. It's survival instincts that save Jongin, digging his heels into the ground to buck the smaller man off. Luhan lands on his hands and knees, growling as Jongin wheezes and flips over into a crouch so he's not taken off guard again. He eyes Luhan up and down, clothed but dirty which means he's been out a while.
"Why couldn't you leave us alone?" Luhan hisses, shifting his body down a little, but enough for Jongin to notice. He's prepared for Luhan's pounce even if it knocks the breath out of him again when he lands on his back. Claws dig into his neck and he cries out before kneeing the smaller man in the stomach hard enough to roll him to the side. Jongin's in no shape for a fight and Luhan knows it. There's an almost satisfied smirk pulling up one side of the man's mouth as he appraises Jongin.
The fresh wound stings and blood runs down his chest because Luhan's claws went deep. Jongin clenches his teeth and picks himself up off the ground, hands balled into fists and eyes narrowed. It's no secret that Luhan's never wanted Jongin around, always whispering in Joonmyun's ear to sway him to the cause, but he never thought he'd go so far as to attack him. Then again, Luhan is small and Jongin is already weak. Jongin sneers and huffs out a laugh. "It's just like a coward to attack when the enemy is already half-dead."
Luhan comes at him again, teeth aimed for Jongin's jugular, but he sweeps to the side and they tumble to the ground together. The pain is delicious and this is something Jongin knows. Luhan grunts when he lands on his back with Jongin over him, a hand around his throat and the other scratching over the exposed skin of his abdomen. Luhan thrashes and Jongin pushes down with all the strength he has, which sadly isn't much because he's already shaking from the exertion.
He was prepared to die on his own, but he won't go down to some petty little wolfling with a grudge. Jongin growls and Luhan snaps at him, hands now clawing at Jongin's chest because it's the only skin he can reach. New wounds send adrenaline pumping through his system and Jongin uses it, taps into it and his wolf to secure claws in Luhan's neck.
"You really think you can best me?" he snarls, enjoying the way the other man's eyes grow wide and his mouth gapes and his body starts to lose its fight.
Arms that aren't Luhan's wrap around Jongin's waist and haul him up and he realizes too late that the rest of Joonmyun's pack is here. One good smell and he recognizes the one now hauling him away from Luhan is Kyungsoo. He's always had an iron grip and there really isn't a point in fighting it. Jongin doesn't stand a chance breaking away and he allows himself to go lax in Kyungsoo's hold.
Luhan spits on the ground and makes for Jongin again, barely being caught by the wrists, Jongdae on one side and Yixing on the other. "Let me go so I can rip his throat out," Luhan demands.
Jongin's eyes immediately find Joonmyun as he steps forward. "You might need a tighter leash for your little fuck toy," he says to the leader.
"I've allowed a lot from you," Joonmyun begins, a frown on his normally congenial face. "But this is too far."
Jongin's jaw drops a little in disbelief before he collects himself. "Your precious pup Luhan started this. Not me."
Joonmyun's eyes narrow. "Jongin." His voice is full of authority and even not being in the pack, he hears the command behind it.
"He may be wild, but Jongin's never denied starting a fight," Sehun pipes in and Minseok steps up beside him.
"That's true. If he picks a fight, he cops to it." Luhan snarls at Minseok, clearly feeling betrayed. "And Luhan's been talking about coming after Jongin since Tao came back marked."
Joonmyun's glare is now directed at the restrained wolf, Luhan dropping his head instead of meeting the gaze of his alpha. In three swift strides, Joonmyun is in front of Luhan and twisting his small fingers in silver hair. He jerks Luhan forward, tearing him from the grip Jongdae and Yixing have on him. Luhan whimpers as he's dragged away and the others look to Joonmyun for instruction, Kyungsoo's arms still tight around Jongin.
"Get him cleaned up," he finally orders, head nodding in Kyungsoo's direction.
Jongin's released as everyone slowly walks off with whispers filtering between them. He nearly falls, sucumbing to his wounds because the blood's not stopping. Normally he would have been healing by now, but in his weakened state, there's nothing there to stave off the bloody trails marking their way down from his neck and torso. Jongin tries to take a step forward anyway and nearly plummets. Kyungsoo holds him up with an iron grip around his waist and a tsking noise clucking off his tongue. It takes longer than he wants to admit for his legs to carry his weight and Jongin's grateful for Kyungsoo sticking by his side with measured baby steps.
"Lets get you to Tao," Kyungsoo says as he hefts more of Jongin's weight so he can lean over and walk easier.
At the mention of Tao, his legs threaten to give out again. "Why Tao?" he grumbles, pride still stuck in his throat. Although internally, everything is shouting in exaltation at the mere mention of his bonded wolf's name.
"I'm sure as hell not going to be licking your wounds," Kyungsoo comments, picking up the speed of their walking. "Besides, both of you are too fucking stubborn and you need a good kick in the ass." Jongin trips on a branch, nearly bringing them both down. "Ok, so maybe less ass kicking for you then."
Jongin growls a little, but it chokes into a muffled groan when one of the cuts on his chest pulls tight and he feels the skin ripping open a little more. The fresh stinging clears his head and he focuses more on the task than on how fast his heart is beating and how anxiously his stomach is twisting.
Tao.
The further they go, the harder it is for Jongin to breathe. His head is spinning and everything feels weighed down, like he's dragging bags of sand with every lift of his leg or swing of his arm. His vision swims and Kyungsoo has to take over, nearly carrying him off the ground now. Maybe if he dies on the way it won't be so bad. Tao will be free from the bond and he can find someone who's willing to accept it instead of a stubborn wolf with too much pride. A small jostle and Jongin feels another rip in his flesh, hissing through clenched teeth. No. He's very much alive still.
"I'm babysitting a toddler," Kyungsoo says under his breath a minute later. Jongin only leans on him more and Kyungsoo grunts under him. It's a very satisfying noise.
On the edge of the forest are small houses - more like cabins if he wants to get technical - evenly spaced out and each carefully crafted building is the home of one of Joonmyun's pack. Well, except for Joonmyun and Luhan because they live together. And Jongin thinks there may be a move in between Sehun and Kyungsoo soon because the latter reeks of the youngest wolf. If he were in better shape, he'd tease him.
But even Jongin knows not to bite the hand that feeds him. Or in this case, hauls his dead weight over nearly a mile of forest.
Jongin's nostrils are filled with Tao's scent and it calls to him, blood boiling and the wolf emerging because he needs to be closer. So much closer.
Kyungsoo stops in front of Tao's door and knocks. There's shuffling inside and the sound of glass breaking and Jongin's heart stops when the door swings open. He's met with a sweaty, dishevelled Tao who looks as if he hasn't slept in days. And if he's anything like Jongin, he hasn't.
"Play nice," Jongin hears Kyungsoo say before he's falling forward.
He thinks a very unmanly - and unwolfly - cry escapes him before he's caught in Tao's arms. Oh. It's almost like electricity, a surge flowing into him from everywhere his skin is touching Tao's. All he can do is groan when he's pulled inside, body not responding to his commands. He wants to clutch onto Tao and cling, wants to open his mouth and speak but his tongue is thick and heavy. Everything is spinning again, far worse than before and disorientation hits hard when he falls on a soft mattress. The only reason he knows it's Tao crawling over him is because of the red shock in his vision and he keeps his gaze focused on the hair, watching as the face beneath it shifts in and out of focus.
"What did you do this time?" Tao sighs and Jongin feels a laugh bubbling up.
"Nothing," he forces out, voice cracking and ending with a gasp because Tao is grazing fingers over the gash on the side of his neck. All his senses are enveloped in Tao, reveling in the sensation of being surrounded when the other man leans down and drags his tongue over the open wound. The sheer agony that slices through him has Jongin whimpering and balling his hands in the sheets for purchase. If he were a lesser wolf, he wouldn't even be conscious as the rough surface of Tao's tongue swipes around the edges where Luhan ripped apart his neck. Each lick sends a chaotic twist of pain and pleasure into an already hypersensitive body and Jongin drops his head to the side for more.
Tao is meticulous in his cleaning and Jongin's neck is left tingling in the wake. He can already feel the wounds closing up now that he and Tao are together. Pulses of strength are revitalizing him, steadily healing until the bleeding stops and his vision sharpens. Tao's face is the first thing he looks for, finding dark eyes looking down at him in such a way that sends him a little into the realm of madness. "Tao," he breathes, reaching up to brush the fallen hair out of his bonded wolf's face.
"Let me clean your chest and you can go."
Jongin's heart plods miserably beneath his ribs and he doesn't understand. Does Tao sincerely not want him? "I don't want to go," he whispers and Tao's tongue stops lapping at the blood on his chest.
"What?"
There's blood smeared across Tao's lips and his pupils are so wide Jongin thinks he can lose himself in the inky black, never wanting to return. He looks so absolutely wild and free and Jongin laments he'd ever run from him in the first place. "I'm sorry I did this to you," Jongin says quietly. "I ran because I was scared. I don't know what I'm doing; don't know what I'm feeling. But I want you. I want you so much." The wolf rears itself, setting his eyes aglow and heightening his senses more as he fights against taking the man over him. If Tao does not want this, he'll slink off into the night and let himself go. Death would surely be an adventure.
"You want me," Tao mumbles and he looks confused, lips parted and eyebrows furrowed.
Jongin reaches up and circles Tao's wrist with his fingers, holding on to him gently. "I need you."
In the moment, everything is crystal clear. A lonely, frightened wolf finally finding someone he wants to be tied to, bound with for life. Jongin doesn't know if he's shaking because he's terrified of how strongly he feels or because Tao's eyes are boring into him, staring through skin and bone and muscle to discover any traces of a lie. He's never felt so vulnerable and he wants to curl into himself if only for the minimal protection it may provide.
It starts nothing like their first kiss, all soft lips and experimental touches. This time, when their mouths meet, it's full of desperation and need and their inner wolves howling in pleasure. Tao's teeth bite at Jongin's lips, dig into the flesh before his tongue soothes the area and dips inside his mouth. Jongin may be regaining energy from being in Tao's presence, but he's still weak and he gets frustrated when he can't get a good enough grip on Tao's shoulder. It doesn't matter anyway because Tao is moving down, brushing lips against his jaw and neck and collar bones on his way to the injuries still spread across Jongin's chest. He licks with more confidence, tongue adding pressure and hands pinning Jongin's sides to the bed so he doesn't try to wriggle away. It's all so much at once and Jongin's mind is racing, his entire being humming with satisfaction at the treatment from his Tao.
His Tao.
Mate.
A possessive rumble in his chest has Tao growling and pushing down harder. Jongin gasps, fighting to stay in control because the last thing he needs is to lose more blood. Darkness threatens around the edge of his vision, coaxing Jongin to follow. He's so weak and drained and simply knowing Tao is here to take care of him lulls Jongin into a sense of security he hasn't felt since he was a small child. So he stops fighting and lets it drag him under. And the last thing he hears is Tao's breath in his ear and a whispered, "I'll take care of you".
part ii
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Kai/Tao
Length: 17k
Author's Note: This was meant to be a short drabble and it evolved. ;; Thank you loudestoflove for holding my hand while I whined through it all. ^_^
Summary: A lone wolf always on the run, Jongin is about to stop in his tracks - possibly for good.
It burns beneath his skin, searing and turning his veins to ash as it races ever closer to his heart. Sometimes Jongin imagines himself disappearing, puffing into the nothingness and finally finding peace. Instead, he's greeted with the light of a full moon and the agony of the change upon his body.
He twists and contorts, shoulder blades popping out of joint and he collapses to the ground in a heap, barely supporting his weight on his forearms. Painful claws pop through the ends of his fingers and his nails fall to the forest floor, mixing with the dirt and leaves. A ragged cry rips through his throat when the fangs come in, mouth elongating after his jaw snaps out. He laughs - distorted through the deconstruction of his windpipe and snout until it's merely a cackling howl that chases away all prey in the nearby radius.
There's barely a moment to remember that he actually likes this shirt before it's ripped apart, spine popping up with defined ridges that look on the verge of tearing through tan skin. Claws dig into the ground for support, bracing himself the best he can as the pain wracks through with every break and mend, every sick crack of bone and relocation of vital organs. This is the part that always takes the greatest toll, most werewolves passing out from the sheer relentless pain that fills every space, every atom until the transformation is complete.
But Jongin grasps onto his consciousness because he likes this the most. He lives for the pain, for the reminder that he's alive and that every living thing around him should be running. The gruff timbre of the wolf is raspy in his throat and it catches when he growls into the cold night air. His back legs tremble, fighting to find purchase in the dirt before he hauls himself up onto his paws.
Everything is heightened; senses keen and those of a pure predator. Jongin sits back on his haunches and howls. It echoes against trees and stone and filters into the darkness. He's pleased - oh so pleased. The ground is solid beneath him now and he pushes off, darting into the distance and far from the scene of the crime. It's time to hunt.
Morning afters are the worst. Jongin wakes half inside a hollow tree stump, blood coating most of his skin and the metallic taste thick on his tongue. He spits over the side and spies the remains of a deer carcass on the ground. The crows squawk indignantly at him before going back to their feast. An animal knows an animal and the scavengers know he's finished with his kill.
Jongin stands and immediately regrets the decision, half digested meat attempting to work its way up and his head pounding so hard he can't hear more than his own labored breathing. The first few steps are shaky and as soon as he has his balance, he searches the forest for signs of familiarity. A smirk finds its way onto his blood stained lips when he sees the large claw shaped gashes carved in most of the trees, marking his territory. He's filled with a sense of pride because even if he may be disposable as a human, he's the one with the power as a wolf.
An oddity out of their species, Jongin prefers running alone without the protection and comforts of a pack. His own had been wiped out by hunters and he ran. He ran so fast and he never stopped. Jongin may be relatively settled down in this new town, but he's still running. He'll never stop running.
His ears finally stop buzzing and Jongin hears the gentle sound of water in the distance and smiles. He knows where he is now and turns west toward the river that cuts through the thickest area of the trees. At the water's edge, he kneels and takes a look at his reflection. If there's one thing for sure, it's that he's a messy eater. There's blood everywhere and bits of unknown organs and bone tangled in the black strands of his slightly too long hair. He picks the largest pieces out and begins scooping water to wash away the remnants of his night. The water is cold and he shivers despite his unnaturally high core temperature.
Footsteps are loud behind him, branches snapping under strong feet and leaves rustling noisily. It's not a stealthy approach, but Jongin reasons Tao's never been one for a sneak attack. They're similar in that way - preferring to face an enemy head on for the thrill of a fight. Or maybe it's because there's more of a chance they'll lose. The adrenaline rush of being near death brings a high Jongin could float on forever.
"Out without your leash?" he asks before Tao is even at his side and he feels the heat beside him before he looks over at the equally naked intruder. The bright red of Tao's mohawk is vibrant in the subdued colors around them and it serves to draw attention to the proud figure glancing down at him. His hair is growing out, black enhancing the effect of red and Jongin really likes it.
"I see you've made a mess of yourself and whatever poor animal you gutted."
Jongin shrugs and begins washing off the blood on his arms, scratching nails through the caked on evidence. "Some of us don't bring forks when we hunt." Jongin stops and looks up at Tao again. "Oh I forgot. You've been neutered."
Tao growls and crouches down to get in Jongin's face, dark eyes flickering red for the briefest of moments. If Jongin had blinked he would have missed it completely. "I choose to be careful so I'm not hunted down like an animal," he grits through his pearly white teeth. "Unlike some who prefer to announce their presence by leaving a bloodbath behind."
"Afraid of a little danger, Zitao?" Jongin lets the other man's name drag off his tongue in a challenge and Tao's eyes narrow, nostrils flaring from the quickening of his breath. Jongin shifts on his feet, a simple move that brings their bodies closer. Muscles tense and the very idea of a fight - of pain - has him making the first move.
Jongin lunges and topples Tao half to the ground, limbs splashing in the water. He hears the breath whoosh from Tao's lungs, but that doesn't put the regrettably larger man out of the fight. Tao's fist is backed by profound strength and it sends shards of pain down the side of Jongin's face when it connects with his jaw. It knocks him on his ass and he licks the inside of his cheek, tasting his own blood this time. He grins, already bracing himself for Tao's weight as it comes crashing over him.
This is nothing new; the two of them coming to blows over the simplest of taunts. There's an underlying knowledge shared between them, one of how enjoyable the sharp sting of a well aimed punch is or how the blunt force of a knee to the stomach makes everything feel better. If Tao's precious pack leader knew what they were up to, he'd probably have Jongin chased out of town. As it stands, Joonmyun keeps attempting to adopt Jongin into the fold which is the last thing he desires.
What he wants is the thrill of life threading through sinew and muscle, throbbing and aching as Tao lands blow after blow on bruising skin that will be healed by dusk. That isn't to say Jongin's not fighting back, because he is. There's a thin rivulet of blood snaking down from the center of Tao's bottom lip and while he's glad to have paid him back for his cheek injury, he's also a little wary. Jongin's never wanted to lick Tao before - to drag his tongue over sweaty skin that probably still tastes of earth and grass and all the things that make the forest a wonderful place to be. He wants to lap at the blood and then take his busted lip between his own to kiss it better.
"What's wrong?" Tao asks, pulling away when he notices Jongin's not fighting back anymore. "Giving up so soon?"
Jongin shoves Tao back and grunts, relishing the flares of pain that travel through his limbs when he stretches and bends. "Go home," he snaps.
"You don't have to do this." Tao's voice is soft and soothing, but it raises the hairs on the back of Jongin's neck. "It doesn't have to be like this."
"Yes it does." He takes one final look at the man, his stomach lurching unpleasantly at the sight of sheen skin mottled with bruises and blood. "Go home." Jongin leaves Tao standing there as he travels the maze of trees back toward the direction of civilization.
Jongin works in a small record shop, old LPs and cassette tapes and memorabilia for people who never grew into the newer base-filled beats and fight the advancement of technology. He doesn't have any particular attachment to the place or the people, but he needs a job to pay his meager rent and this was the only place in town that had been hiring when he stumbled in almost a year ago. It's also how he met the local pack, the store being somewhat of a safe haven for those who simply don't fit into the white picket fence society.
Right now he's leaning over the counter, picking at faded stickers of bands long since broken up. Baekhyun's voice rings out from the other side of the small space, headphones that seem to swallow his small head over his ears as he sings far too loud for someone who claims to be self conscious about how he sounds.
There's a box of rubber bands under the counter - the thick, industrial kind - and Jongin pulls one out, aiming carefully. He has to make sure it whizzes through the tacky plastic strands of the beaded curtain separating Baekhyun from the rest of the shop. It's easy enough, steadying his arm and flicking. Baekhyun shrieks and the headphones clatter to the floor as he whips around to glare at Jongin while rubbing the target area of his back. That's gotta sting like a bitch. Jongin snickers and goes back to ruining his nails by scratching against wood.
The bell rings when the door opens and there's a half-hearted greeting that's ready to slip off the end of his tongue before he gazes over and sees the familiar form of Joonmyun and all pretense dies.
"Jongin," the small man greets and Jongin nods once in his direction out of mere politeness.
"If you're looking for new recruits, Baekhyun back there would probably look good in a collar." He doesn't need to glance up to know Joonmyun is scowling, hands in his pressed pants pockets as he sends out an air of authority. Too bad it doesn't work on wolves outside his own pack, but it's probably more instinctual than on purpose at this stage.
"It's nice to see you survived another full moon."
That's one thing Jongin can't stand about the strong leader. He's unshakeable. Jongin's tried again and again to snap that self control, goade Joonmyun into taking the first swing until they're both beaten and bloody and lying on the floor. The idea is enticing, but Joonmyun is too stern a man. Asshole. "Don't you mean: nice you didn't do something to bring a hunter to town?"
"That too, I suppose. I'd worry a lot less if you were one of us."
"You mean under your control."
"I mean under my guidance."
Jongin snorts and brushes the hair out of his face. "I do just fine on my own."
"For now."
"Now is all I need."
"You'll slip up one day and it's my pack that will pay." Joonmyun's voice may still be soft and encouraging, but the underlying threat sends a shiver down Jongin's spine. And he likes it. On more than one occasion Joonmyun's been given ample reason to kick Jongin out of his territory, yet he hasn't. Jongin thinks it's a weakness and he preys upon it.
"So push me out," Jongin says with a shrug. "It wouldn't be the first time." It's a low blow and he knows Joonmyun thinks himself better than most pack leaders simply because he doesn't use violence to keep his subordinates in check.
"I don't want to do that."
"Don't you know a lost cause when you see one?"
"No one is truly lost."
"This isn't a fairytale, Joonmyun," Jongin quips before sliding away from the register and toward the back room so he's left alone. "And I don't want a happy ending."
The aches and pains are gone, Jongin rolling his shoulders and then his head lazily as he strolls the aisles of the small grocery store. There’s a chain supermarket a few blocks further down, but Jongin finds this one much more appealing. Perhaps it’s the lack of people who eye him as if they know he’s hiding some dark secret. Or maybe it’s his imagination and instincts pooling together to keep him away from crowds as much as possible.
No attachments.
There’s very little in his basket, a few cans of vegetables and a package of freshly cut steaks that already have him salivating. He’s wandering through the bakery aisle, inhaling the thick scents of breads and sweets while trying to decide if he wants cookies or cupcakes or both. A familiar voice breaks him out of his inner debate over frosting versus chocolate chips and he looks over to see Tao and Minseok together. Minseok is grinning and checking things off a list as he leans on the cart and Tao is eyeing the pastries greedily.
It’s not like he means to stare, but he can’t help raking his eyes over messy, unstyled hair and bowed lips that are pulled up in an almost permanent smile. Tao’s wearing a black top that pulls and molds against muscled arms and chest when he reaches down to pick up a box. He doesn’t mean to draw attention when he inhales sharply at the way Tao’s jeans hug his thighs, but then he’s caught.
Their eyes meet and Tao looks confused as Jongin holds his gaze. He doesn’t say anything or make a move and Tao looks torn over whether he should walk over or not. In the end, Jongin is the one who turns his back and leaves the aisle. His mind is whirring and his hands are jittering a little.
What makes a pack animal such as Tao seek someone outside the fold to fight? Surely there’s someone he trusts more than a strange wolf who merely shows up one full moon and tackles him to the ground. Even with the rocky start, Tao was always the one who sought Jongin out the morning after for a few good punches.
Tao told him once that Joonmyun keeps them locked up during full moons so they don’t accidentally get too careless and bring wolf hunters to town. Jongin had sneered at him in disgust and asked how he could handle not being able to run free as he pleased. “Don’t you want to live free?”
“Freedom is a matter of perspective,” Tao had said. “Yours and mine are clearly different.”
Yet here they are, a year later and still at it. Jongin thinks maybe he understands a little better than he had then, but Tao is still an element he can’t figure out, trading one part of himself for another; locking the wolf away and taking his anger out on Jongin. Tao does long to be as free as Jongin, but he won’t because of his fear. And Jongin is there to ease the storm of emotions that come after a night of being cooped up with nowhere to run.
It’s an acceptable trade off because Jongin is always up for a fight - to feel a rush of adrenaline with every blow. Only now there’s something else pulling underneath and he doesn’t know what it is. And it scares him.
It's dark when Jongin gets off work, the night being a preferable companion to most humans. He scoffs when Baekhyun nearly prances the opposite direction after they part ways at the front of the store. Jongin listens to the keys jangling in the other man's pocket until he's too far away to be heard before turning to walk the short distance to the single room he rents out. It's definitely not a home and the furniture doesn't even belong to him. It's a creaky old bed with a rusted metal frame and a mattress that sags more than Jongin would like, but it's a place to sleep. There's also a dresser missing most of the drawer knobs so he can't close them all the way because it's a bitch to get them back open. Usually his clothes end up on the floor or draped over the small lamp by the door anyway.
Tonight's laundry night and Jongin plucks the few outfits he owns off various surfaces and shoves them in a cloth bag to take downstairs. He's one t-shirt short and he remembers, with a groan, that he'd ripped it to shreds during the change because he'd been running late and had to hurry to get out of town. He'd forgotten to take it off in his haste and now he's down a good shirt. With a sigh, he heads out, taking two stairs at a time silently so he doesn't wake the couple who live below him. They're decent enough people, wanting a paltry amount for the room and not asking any questions.
There's a 24 hour laundromat across the street, neon sign flickering and fluorescent lighting dim enough to not give Jongin a terrible headache. The door pushed open with resistance, rusted hinges trying to lock up from old age. There's no one else around and it's just the way he likes it. After feeding the washing machine his quarters and pressing the start button for a small load, he takes a seat in one of the brightly colored orange chairs by the window. There's a small tv hanging from the ceiling, volume turned all the way down and Jongin merely glances up to see something that looks too close to a soap opera for him to bother.
He dozes off quickly despite the plastic of the chair digging into his shoulder blades and the faint buzzing of the lights overhead. The loud noise of the washing machine coming to the end of its cycle wakes him long enough to transfer the wet clothing into a nearby dryer, popping in the last of his quarters before turning it on. And then he hunches down in the chair again, arms crossed and head hanging down so he can catch a little more sleep. The days after a full moon are always spent catching up on the sleep he'd missed that night and Jongin yawns into his shirt as he drifts off.
Jongin rubs his palms against his eyes roughly in an attempt to wake up enough to stand without falling. He shuffles to the dryer and pulls his laundry from the machine and shoves it carelessly into the bag. In the end, no one is going to care if his shirts are wrinkled so he doesn't bother. With his bag zipped, he wanders out into the darkness, straining his head back to look at the moon. She's almost round enough to be considered full and the wolf prickles under his skin before draining away. It's tired too.
Bag tossed over his shoulder, Jongin takes two steps and is stopped by a solid wall of muscle. Tao's scent permeates through his sluggish brain and Jongin growls when he stumbles back. There's an interesting look on Tao's face and Jongin decidedly doesn't like it. So, naturally, he swings a fist. There's a satisfied wheeze that's forced out of the other man's mouth when the punch hits his abdomen and curves up toward his ribs. Jongin puts a little more strength behind him and shoves forward until he hears a satisfying crack before pulling away. Tao doubles over and groans, clutching his newly broken rib. "It's not polite to get in someone's way," Jongin chastises.
He deliberately walks around Tao's hunched form as he continues on his way, the aching of his knuckles pleasant as it throbs up through his hand. There are no sudden urges to help Tao, no desire to reach out and aid him, so Jongin considers himself back to normal. That morning was an accident, a one off where he'd perhaps gotten too caught up in the moment. Tao is nothing more than any other wolf with a taste for pain.
A shoulder digging into his spine isn't what Jongin is expecting and he's slammed into the brick wall hard enough for his head to glance off and send him reeling. He spins, trying to put up a defense with raised arms that only hinder Tao's next move instead of stop it. Knuckles stab into his sternum and Jongin grunts. Tao is smirking at him now, one eyebrow raised in a challenge. Jongin isn't about to back down and he uses their close proximity to slam his head forward, skull impacting with Tao's face. There's a soft cry of pain and Jongin laughs when he sees blood running from the other man's busted open lip and nose.
Tao's eyes narrow when he looks up and for a second, Jongin's breath hitches and his heart skips a beat or two. A flood of something unknown crawls through him and the smile on his face fades. He doesn't know how long he stands there just staring at Tao's dark eyes and bloody mouth and off kilter nose because Jongin had managed to break it. The man reaches up and cracks his nose back into place with a hiss of pain and Jongin uses the distraction to slip away.
Clutching the bag of laundry close, he runs across the street and up to his room, slamming the door hard enough to echo before he slides down. The steady floor is comforting and Jongin leans his head back in an effort to calm himself. What the hell was that?
Jongin doesn't dream - he remembers. Screams and pained cries and blood spattered walls greet him every time his eyes close and he's gotten so used to the chorus of pleas for mercy that it's easy to tune out. He's numb all over, years of conditioning until there's barely any humanity left in him. On the nights when he can't go back to sleep, mind too riled up from witnessing his mother's chest exploding before his child eyes, he slips into the darkness.
The pull of a full moon is irresistible to a werewolf and the change is mandatory. There is no control - only domination by a cruel mistress. But it's not the only way to let out the beast. Jongin wills his body to embrace the animal, eyes flaring red in the dark and speed inhuman as he sprints further into the woods. He's a blur against the night, going unseen and silent the faster he runs. Breath fills his lungs and pushes out in misty clouds that are the only clues left that he'd been there.
The lights of the town disappear and Jongin slows to a halt, sweat covering his skin and chest heaving to pull in enough air. He's miles from his crappy little room, from cement roads and brick buildings and the smell of humans and their need to cover their natural odors with fabricated scents that burn his nose. Maybe this is enough for right now, keeping his human form instead of turning because the silence of the night is calming. His eyes slip closed and he takes it all in as his heart beat fades to a normal tempo.
He's not alone.
"Out for a midnight stroll? Or is this another attempt to convince me to change my ways?" Jongin says, eyes fixating on Tao as he steps out from the shadows and into the light of the moon. The tall man is topless, low hanging pants barely held up by bony hips, covering all the parts Jongin's already seen yet it's still an enticing image. It's difficult to keep his composure when his heart wants to burst through his ribs and the crows eat away at the inside of his stomach. He remembers vividly each time he's yearned for something more than simple conversation and a fight and it makes him wary.
"Do I need a reason to be out?" Tao stops a few feet away and Jongin notices he has his piercings in again, littering the curve of his ears with the shiny glint of silver colored metal. He wants to touch them, pull the jewelry and see if it sends Tao to his knees.
A lick of his lips and Jongin turns away to resist reaching out. "I suppose not. Just wasn't expecting company."
"If you want me to leave -"
"NO." The word is out of his mouth before he realizes and it sends a spread of heat through his cheeks. Such an odd reaction. He sees Tao smirking in his periphery and Jongin frowns. It's as if the other man knows the punchline to the joke Jongin isn't aware he's made.
"You're . . . different." It's obvious Tao is choosing his words carefully and Jongin swallows hard before turning to meet his gaze head on.
"Oh?"
"You haven't punched me yet." Tao takes a step forward and Jongin doesn't know if he wants to move back or lunge forward, so he stays still and merely watches with anticipation. "And the way you look at me has changed."
"Has it?" Jongin croaks out, now more nervous than he's ever been. Even more than the time he'd stared down the twin barrels of a shotgun loaded with silver bullets and knew he was about to die in the most degrading way possible for a prideful young wolf. He doesn't move when Tao lifts a hand to trail fingers down the exposed skin of Jongin's upper arm. He watches and feels and an undisguisable shudder runs through his shoulder and down his spine. Those same fingers wrap around him firmly and pull until Jongin is chest to chest with Tao and tilting his head up enough to see into red tinted eyes.
"Yeah." The word is breathed out and Jongin barely catches it over the rushing of blood in his ears. This is new and the adrenaline running through his system is for a reason other than pain or fear. Tao swoops down and Jongin finds himself being kissed, the press of supple lips against his own. His mind flies to the morning when he'd wanted to do just this and had been too afraid to act on the urge. But now it's Tao initiating the contact and Jongin moans when he gets a taste of his open mouth.
The tenderness of the moment is the opposite of everything they are - of every encounter they've had since they met. Jongin balls his hands in Tao's hair and kisses him harder, relishing the grunt he hears when he sinks teeth into his freshly healed lip. It's not enough to draw blood, but he's certain Tao wouldn't fight him if he did. Tao responds in kind, sucking Jongin's tongue after dragging teeth over the sensitive muscle and the sheer amount of desire he feels leaves him reeling. It's starting to click together and Jongin finds the puzzle complete and staring him in the face.
Jongin cares for Tao.
The realization has him pushing the other man back forcefully enough to break all contact. Tao looks at him with wide eyes and Jongin shakes his head. "No." Tao is on him again, grabbing Jongin's arms so hard it hurts. The pain radiates from the punctures of nails digging into skin and Jongin hisses before his back collides against a tree. The bark scrapes through his shirt and he glares up at Tao with a snarl. "Let me go."
"Your stubborn streak won't ruin this," Tao snaps and Jongin's stunned into inaction. It presents the other man an opportunity to kiss him again and Jongin gives in if only because his body is reacting without checking with his brain first. Everything about Tao is so hot and he smells wild and it drives Jongin a little crazy. He wants, so he takes without remorse. Tao clings tighter and Jongin reaches up to pull his hair, disconnecting their mouths when his head is tipped back. He latches onto the column of Tao's neck with his lips and teeth and drags down, enticing moans out of the other man that only fuel his desire. Senses are heightened and muddled at once, all trained on Tao and nothing else because he's all that matters.
There's an inferno burning in his gut, pushing down until he's aching inside his jeans and groaning as Tao's hands travel under his shirt to brush against heated skin. Another kiss and Jongin swears Tao is trying to steal his breath, pluck his soul from his bones and keep it for himself. He only hopes the other man takes care of it because Jongin hasn't been.
Jongin may not have experience with anything regarding sex considering his complete disinterest in everyone he comes across, but he knows where this is leading when Tao drops to his knees and looks up at him in a way that makes his legs shake. His jeans are undone and the denim pools at his feet, but that's not what he's focused on. Tao has a hand around the base of his cock and Jongin's a little embarrassed at being fully hard, but the thought quickly passes when lips secure around the tip and suck.
Jongin lets out a choked moan and has to force himself to breathe, not expecting this much so fast. He slides down the tree a little, trying to dig his heels in loose dirt that only gives under his weight. A hand comes up, bracing against his side and his descent halts as Tao's fingers dig into his hip. The world keeps going, but it seems to still for Jongin as Tao slowly sinks his mouth the rest of the way down. He hazards a look at Tao and whines when he sees him staring up at him with hooded eyes and red staining his cheeks. The beast is there, flashing under it all and Jongin feels his own quickly surfacing. For once he wants to be greedy and not share so he forces it down, reigns in control just before Tao's teeth scrape lightly under his cock when he pulls back.
If he believed in any force other than the moon, he'd be praying, but as it stands, he's breathing Tao's name out with every beat of his heart. Jongin whines and scrapes nails over Tao's scalp, clutching at the strands of hair before they can slip through his fingers. He's afraid that if he lets go he'll float away and be unable to find him again. Emotions crash into him like old enemies and he doesn't embrace them, but swallows it down to deal with later because whatever this is, it's too much to wrap his head around.
So Jongin focuses on the drag of Tao's tongue over his skin and the pressure of his fingers still pumping around the base of his cock. A sweet pleasure invades his body and he relinquishes all self control, his wolf rumbling and clawing and demanding for more. His fangs elongate and Jongin nearly bites through the skin of his bottom lip when he comes, filling Tao's mouth until it's dribbling out the sides and down his chin. In a rush of strength and lust, he has Tao on his back atop the leaves and dirt as he laps at the mess before kissing him. Tao growls as Jongin slips a hand inside his pants and begins stroking his cock, not thinking clearly enough to actually move the fabric out of the way. It's heated and hurried and Jongin doesn't stop kissing Tao until the other man pulls away to howl into the night when he crashes into his own climax.
Jongin doesn't know what makes him do it, but he sinks his teeth into Tao's shoulder, the beast in him demanding to claim the other as his very own so no one else can touch him. The aching of his teeth force him to bite harder, to clamp fangs into muscle and hold fast, relishing the life pulsing beneath him. Tao's howl chokes off and Jongin finally releases his hold, shifting up enough to take in the mark deep in tan flesh and swallow down the blood pooled in his mouth. A rush of possessiveness overtakes him and he looks at Tao only to be met with a shocked expression. "You marked me."
The way Tao's breathless voice rings in his ears brings Jongin out of it and realization of what he's just done hits him in the gut like a wrecking ball. The horror of his act - of marking Tao - forces him onto his feet. He trips over his pants before pulling them up and quickly rebuttoning them whilst determinedly not looking at Tao who is still on the ground where he left him.
"Jongin."
His head snaps up and he stares at Tao who is now leaning up on his elbows so the moonlight catches off the wound on his shoulder like a trophy and Jongin's chest squeezes in panic. "I didn't mean to," he mumbles and then a little louder, "I didn't mean to."
Jongin's never been at odds with his wolf, but right now he's being ripped in two. The animal wants to climb back over Tao and finish what he started while the man fights to regain his senses because Jongin doesn't do emotional attachment. He's a singular unit who can pick up and leave at a moment's notice with no regret or looking behind.
And now he's marked Tao - bound their wolves together and the damage is irreparable.
Tao shifts into a crouch, prepared to pounce, but Jongin's ahead of the game. He pivots on the ball of his foot and takes off into the forest. What he needs is to be away in order to sort this mess out. There has to be something that can undo what he's done. The familiar howl from behind makes him want to turn around and go back, animalistic instinct itching under his skin to be released. It's tougher to suppress it than it ever has been before. It burns and chafes and the air he drags in through dry lips stings his throat.
Jongin runs until he reaches the end of the trees and he keeps going. Blurred lights and cars honking and high fences he jumps over with tensed calf muscles are replaced with an open night sky over a lonely field of grass when he finally falls to his knees. Fingers dig into the dirt as he shakes, attempting to pull himself together before he falls apart and loses the rest of himself. He knew he was always on the verge of just letting the wolf take control and never having to deal with being a human again, but not like this. This is never what he wanted.
Tao's face flickers behind his lids and a surge of sheer need has Jongin gnashing his teeth and clutching the damp fabric covering his chest because it hurts. It isn't as if he doesn't want Tao even as a human, but the consequences are more than he's prepared for. Will Tao be ejected from his pack because he's bound to a wolf outside the circle? Or will Jongin now be forced to join?
Will the hunters eventually come to take Tao from him in front of his eyes just as they did the rest of everyone he's ever cared for?
With a final shudder, Jongin succumbs to the chaos and passes out as another wolf howl rings out in the distance.
"You're burning up," Baekhyun says, a hand lingering on Jongin's forehead before he retracts it to replace fingers with a cool rag. And as indifferent as Jongin would like to be, he's grateful because it eases the heat and he blinks through the haze of watery eyes.
"I'm always warm," he reminds Baekhyun who only scoffs.
"Warmer than usual then. You've been sweating buckets and you never sweat."
Jongin shrugs and leans his head down on the front counter, making sure the rag is still affixed to him. He's been afflicted with something that can't be cured so easily and the fight to keep away is harder every minute. It's barely been three days since he marked Tao and his body is rejecting the distance between them. Bound wolves are meant to be together until death and at the rate his body is burning out, death may be sooner rather than later. He can only hope Tao is faring better, but the odds aren't in his favor.
And there's a part of him that mourns the fact that Tao hasn't sought him out either. Jongin doesn't go out in the middle of the night anymore, but Tao knows where he lives and where he works and the only places he goes. There's no sign of him and Jongin's stomach twists uncomfortably, lurching until he runs to the bathroom to heave into the toilet. There's nothing left to come up because he's been doing this all morning and each time he gets a reprimanding look from Baekhyun who pleads for him to go home. And each time he assures his co-worker that he's fine after rinsing out his mouth and pulling himself together again.
Another two full nights and Jongin tears at his shirt, ripping the soft fabric that feels as if it's scraping holes in his skin. It comes apart easily enough when his claws extend and then they scrape down the wooden door. Jongin runs out into the night as if the world itself is on his heels. It's almost a relief when he traces a familiar path through the trees, weaving and jumping over fallen branches and stumps along the way. Life is breathed somewhat back into his failing body, but it's not enough. The wolf doesn't even want to come out and Jongin eventually collapses to the ground.
Pulling himself to his feet proves to be impossible and Jongin falls to the forest floor to stare through the canopy of leaves at the waning moon. One hand reaches up, caressing the longest side of the curve. The moon has always been a thing of comfort to Jongin, his wolf eyes able to see the pock-marked surface clearly even at this distance. It's calming knowing that something so beautiful and powerful is just as flawed as the rest of them yet still in control. He thinks it might even be nice to lay here until it's over and hope that Tao survives. Jongin is convinced Tao wants nothing to do with him because it's the only reason he can come up with for why he hasn't come to beat down his door and convince Jongin to accept it.
If Tao were to confront him, Jongin knows he would give in.
Perhaps it's the wolf influence that guides his decisions, his human frailty easily overcome through its weakened state, but he doesn't care. A wolf is never supposed to be alone and maybe Jongin's been clinging to his freedom a little too long. It can't really be called freedom if he's always running away. And the idea of a family, of people who would take him in like one of their own sends a tremor of longing into his chest.
His eyes slip closed and Jongin dredges up memories of the past - of his mother's smile and his father's strong arms lifting him over his head before placing him on his shoulders. He was the happiest then before it was ripped from him by humans who knew nothing but fear and pain and death. Now it seems Jongin is just like them in that respect. The bandage he'd put in place because he couldn't handle the constant throbbing of his loss peels up and Jongin feels the tears running down the sides of his face and falling to the ground before he understands why he's crying.
A sudden flurry and Jongin can't breathe, a heavy weight on his chest and delicate fingers wrapped around his neck tight enough to cut off all air. He looks up into the red eyes of Luhan, silver hair catching in the moonlight. He's snarling, teeth threatening and his grip tightening. It's survival instincts that save Jongin, digging his heels into the ground to buck the smaller man off. Luhan lands on his hands and knees, growling as Jongin wheezes and flips over into a crouch so he's not taken off guard again. He eyes Luhan up and down, clothed but dirty which means he's been out a while.
"Why couldn't you leave us alone?" Luhan hisses, shifting his body down a little, but enough for Jongin to notice. He's prepared for Luhan's pounce even if it knocks the breath out of him again when he lands on his back. Claws dig into his neck and he cries out before kneeing the smaller man in the stomach hard enough to roll him to the side. Jongin's in no shape for a fight and Luhan knows it. There's an almost satisfied smirk pulling up one side of the man's mouth as he appraises Jongin.
The fresh wound stings and blood runs down his chest because Luhan's claws went deep. Jongin clenches his teeth and picks himself up off the ground, hands balled into fists and eyes narrowed. It's no secret that Luhan's never wanted Jongin around, always whispering in Joonmyun's ear to sway him to the cause, but he never thought he'd go so far as to attack him. Then again, Luhan is small and Jongin is already weak. Jongin sneers and huffs out a laugh. "It's just like a coward to attack when the enemy is already half-dead."
Luhan comes at him again, teeth aimed for Jongin's jugular, but he sweeps to the side and they tumble to the ground together. The pain is delicious and this is something Jongin knows. Luhan grunts when he lands on his back with Jongin over him, a hand around his throat and the other scratching over the exposed skin of his abdomen. Luhan thrashes and Jongin pushes down with all the strength he has, which sadly isn't much because he's already shaking from the exertion.
He was prepared to die on his own, but he won't go down to some petty little wolfling with a grudge. Jongin growls and Luhan snaps at him, hands now clawing at Jongin's chest because it's the only skin he can reach. New wounds send adrenaline pumping through his system and Jongin uses it, taps into it and his wolf to secure claws in Luhan's neck.
"You really think you can best me?" he snarls, enjoying the way the other man's eyes grow wide and his mouth gapes and his body starts to lose its fight.
Arms that aren't Luhan's wrap around Jongin's waist and haul him up and he realizes too late that the rest of Joonmyun's pack is here. One good smell and he recognizes the one now hauling him away from Luhan is Kyungsoo. He's always had an iron grip and there really isn't a point in fighting it. Jongin doesn't stand a chance breaking away and he allows himself to go lax in Kyungsoo's hold.
Luhan spits on the ground and makes for Jongin again, barely being caught by the wrists, Jongdae on one side and Yixing on the other. "Let me go so I can rip his throat out," Luhan demands.
Jongin's eyes immediately find Joonmyun as he steps forward. "You might need a tighter leash for your little fuck toy," he says to the leader.
"I've allowed a lot from you," Joonmyun begins, a frown on his normally congenial face. "But this is too far."
Jongin's jaw drops a little in disbelief before he collects himself. "Your precious pup Luhan started this. Not me."
Joonmyun's eyes narrow. "Jongin." His voice is full of authority and even not being in the pack, he hears the command behind it.
"He may be wild, but Jongin's never denied starting a fight," Sehun pipes in and Minseok steps up beside him.
"That's true. If he picks a fight, he cops to it." Luhan snarls at Minseok, clearly feeling betrayed. "And Luhan's been talking about coming after Jongin since Tao came back marked."
Joonmyun's glare is now directed at the restrained wolf, Luhan dropping his head instead of meeting the gaze of his alpha. In three swift strides, Joonmyun is in front of Luhan and twisting his small fingers in silver hair. He jerks Luhan forward, tearing him from the grip Jongdae and Yixing have on him. Luhan whimpers as he's dragged away and the others look to Joonmyun for instruction, Kyungsoo's arms still tight around Jongin.
"Get him cleaned up," he finally orders, head nodding in Kyungsoo's direction.
Jongin's released as everyone slowly walks off with whispers filtering between them. He nearly falls, sucumbing to his wounds because the blood's not stopping. Normally he would have been healing by now, but in his weakened state, there's nothing there to stave off the bloody trails marking their way down from his neck and torso. Jongin tries to take a step forward anyway and nearly plummets. Kyungsoo holds him up with an iron grip around his waist and a tsking noise clucking off his tongue. It takes longer than he wants to admit for his legs to carry his weight and Jongin's grateful for Kyungsoo sticking by his side with measured baby steps.
"Lets get you to Tao," Kyungsoo says as he hefts more of Jongin's weight so he can lean over and walk easier.
At the mention of Tao, his legs threaten to give out again. "Why Tao?" he grumbles, pride still stuck in his throat. Although internally, everything is shouting in exaltation at the mere mention of his bonded wolf's name.
"I'm sure as hell not going to be licking your wounds," Kyungsoo comments, picking up the speed of their walking. "Besides, both of you are too fucking stubborn and you need a good kick in the ass." Jongin trips on a branch, nearly bringing them both down. "Ok, so maybe less ass kicking for you then."
Jongin growls a little, but it chokes into a muffled groan when one of the cuts on his chest pulls tight and he feels the skin ripping open a little more. The fresh stinging clears his head and he focuses more on the task than on how fast his heart is beating and how anxiously his stomach is twisting.
Tao.
The further they go, the harder it is for Jongin to breathe. His head is spinning and everything feels weighed down, like he's dragging bags of sand with every lift of his leg or swing of his arm. His vision swims and Kyungsoo has to take over, nearly carrying him off the ground now. Maybe if he dies on the way it won't be so bad. Tao will be free from the bond and he can find someone who's willing to accept it instead of a stubborn wolf with too much pride. A small jostle and Jongin feels another rip in his flesh, hissing through clenched teeth. No. He's very much alive still.
"I'm babysitting a toddler," Kyungsoo says under his breath a minute later. Jongin only leans on him more and Kyungsoo grunts under him. It's a very satisfying noise.
On the edge of the forest are small houses - more like cabins if he wants to get technical - evenly spaced out and each carefully crafted building is the home of one of Joonmyun's pack. Well, except for Joonmyun and Luhan because they live together. And Jongin thinks there may be a move in between Sehun and Kyungsoo soon because the latter reeks of the youngest wolf. If he were in better shape, he'd tease him.
But even Jongin knows not to bite the hand that feeds him. Or in this case, hauls his dead weight over nearly a mile of forest.
Jongin's nostrils are filled with Tao's scent and it calls to him, blood boiling and the wolf emerging because he needs to be closer. So much closer.
Kyungsoo stops in front of Tao's door and knocks. There's shuffling inside and the sound of glass breaking and Jongin's heart stops when the door swings open. He's met with a sweaty, dishevelled Tao who looks as if he hasn't slept in days. And if he's anything like Jongin, he hasn't.
"Play nice," Jongin hears Kyungsoo say before he's falling forward.
He thinks a very unmanly - and unwolfly - cry escapes him before he's caught in Tao's arms. Oh. It's almost like electricity, a surge flowing into him from everywhere his skin is touching Tao's. All he can do is groan when he's pulled inside, body not responding to his commands. He wants to clutch onto Tao and cling, wants to open his mouth and speak but his tongue is thick and heavy. Everything is spinning again, far worse than before and disorientation hits hard when he falls on a soft mattress. The only reason he knows it's Tao crawling over him is because of the red shock in his vision and he keeps his gaze focused on the hair, watching as the face beneath it shifts in and out of focus.
"What did you do this time?" Tao sighs and Jongin feels a laugh bubbling up.
"Nothing," he forces out, voice cracking and ending with a gasp because Tao is grazing fingers over the gash on the side of his neck. All his senses are enveloped in Tao, reveling in the sensation of being surrounded when the other man leans down and drags his tongue over the open wound. The sheer agony that slices through him has Jongin whimpering and balling his hands in the sheets for purchase. If he were a lesser wolf, he wouldn't even be conscious as the rough surface of Tao's tongue swipes around the edges where Luhan ripped apart his neck. Each lick sends a chaotic twist of pain and pleasure into an already hypersensitive body and Jongin drops his head to the side for more.
Tao is meticulous in his cleaning and Jongin's neck is left tingling in the wake. He can already feel the wounds closing up now that he and Tao are together. Pulses of strength are revitalizing him, steadily healing until the bleeding stops and his vision sharpens. Tao's face is the first thing he looks for, finding dark eyes looking down at him in such a way that sends him a little into the realm of madness. "Tao," he breathes, reaching up to brush the fallen hair out of his bonded wolf's face.
"Let me clean your chest and you can go."
Jongin's heart plods miserably beneath his ribs and he doesn't understand. Does Tao sincerely not want him? "I don't want to go," he whispers and Tao's tongue stops lapping at the blood on his chest.
"What?"
There's blood smeared across Tao's lips and his pupils are so wide Jongin thinks he can lose himself in the inky black, never wanting to return. He looks so absolutely wild and free and Jongin laments he'd ever run from him in the first place. "I'm sorry I did this to you," Jongin says quietly. "I ran because I was scared. I don't know what I'm doing; don't know what I'm feeling. But I want you. I want you so much." The wolf rears itself, setting his eyes aglow and heightening his senses more as he fights against taking the man over him. If Tao does not want this, he'll slink off into the night and let himself go. Death would surely be an adventure.
"You want me," Tao mumbles and he looks confused, lips parted and eyebrows furrowed.
Jongin reaches up and circles Tao's wrist with his fingers, holding on to him gently. "I need you."
In the moment, everything is crystal clear. A lonely, frightened wolf finally finding someone he wants to be tied to, bound with for life. Jongin doesn't know if he's shaking because he's terrified of how strongly he feels or because Tao's eyes are boring into him, staring through skin and bone and muscle to discover any traces of a lie. He's never felt so vulnerable and he wants to curl into himself if only for the minimal protection it may provide.
It starts nothing like their first kiss, all soft lips and experimental touches. This time, when their mouths meet, it's full of desperation and need and their inner wolves howling in pleasure. Tao's teeth bite at Jongin's lips, dig into the flesh before his tongue soothes the area and dips inside his mouth. Jongin may be regaining energy from being in Tao's presence, but he's still weak and he gets frustrated when he can't get a good enough grip on Tao's shoulder. It doesn't matter anyway because Tao is moving down, brushing lips against his jaw and neck and collar bones on his way to the injuries still spread across Jongin's chest. He licks with more confidence, tongue adding pressure and hands pinning Jongin's sides to the bed so he doesn't try to wriggle away. It's all so much at once and Jongin's mind is racing, his entire being humming with satisfaction at the treatment from his Tao.
His Tao.
Mate.
A possessive rumble in his chest has Tao growling and pushing down harder. Jongin gasps, fighting to stay in control because the last thing he needs is to lose more blood. Darkness threatens around the edge of his vision, coaxing Jongin to follow. He's so weak and drained and simply knowing Tao is here to take care of him lulls Jongin into a sense of security he hasn't felt since he was a small child. So he stops fighting and lets it drag him under. And the last thing he hears is Tao's breath in his ear and a whispered, "I'll take care of you".
part ii