the fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress
Characters: Anthy, Penny, Shinji
Content: After the fight with Kensei, Shinji makes his way back to the ship alone, to the infirmary where Anthy is
Setting: 4423 Infirmary
Time: During Long Night
Warnings: Mention of blood, angst
( until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest )
Content: After the fight with Kensei, Shinji makes his way back to the ship alone, to the infirmary where Anthy is
Setting: 4423 Infirmary
Time: During Long Night
Warnings: Mention of blood, angst
( until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest )
That’s what I do, but maybe I can’t...I can’t ever do that again. If I could fight him, would I even try? If he were holding still, could I stab him? She tried to imagine if it had been Shinji, how it would have felt to push a sword through while she held his body, but then her mind rejected that as more than she could handle.
Instead, she reflected on what actually had happened inside the room. I didn’t try that time, I just wanted to lie down and let it be over. I wanted to go to sleep while he was choking me, but now I can’t rest, I can’t rest, I can’t think about this anymore, I’m past madness...
It’s time to think about roses, she thought, and in her mind she made a picture of a white rose. It was in a black void, floating along, and a woman walked on one of the petals. The picture was still far away, not clear yet, but she tried to think about it, and focus on all the details. The texture of the petals. The faint brush strokes of color in the shadows.
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Extreme exhaustion was creeping up on Shinji the moment his foot touched the deck of the 4423. It felt surreal, somehow. As though he wasn't meant to come back, and now that he'd finally arrived, his head began to swim horribly. This felt like a dream. Some nightmare he couldn't shake himself from. But he knew it wasn't. Every little bit of this was real, and if he pinched himself, the only thing he'd feel was pain-- if that could even top the dull ache of his wrist. It hung loosely at his side, pressed against his hip so that any further movement wouldn't jostle it. He'd tried holding it on the way back, but found it hurt even more that way, having something restrain it like that.
The world was tilting as he made his way past the cabins, through the corridors and past his own room, which he didn't even look twice at. There was nothing there but bad memories. Only his failure remained inside, poisoning the walls and trailing after him as he attempted to concentrate on finding the infirmary. Surely there was someone there who could help. Anthy was probably there. Maybe. And if not, at least one of the doctors could offer him a bed to gladly take up and rest his heavy head on.
He suddenly gave in to a dizzy spell and lost balance, slamming up against the closest wall with only his shoulder to keep his head from knocking against wood. Where was he? And how did he look like, going down the hall this way with blood -- Kensei's and his -- smeared across his arms and hands? Fortunately Shinji had more important things to worry about than what people thought about him, and when he was nearly sure he'd reached the infirmary a few moments later, he pressed his hand to the doorframe and almost keeled over. Relief flooded over him, and he glanced up, hoping to see Penelo or Mamma--
And instead, he saw Anthy.
His heart skipped a beat.
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Then she saw him move slightly, and there was something so intensely familiar about it, the way his ribs moved, the shift of expression on his face that it suddenly hit home that it actually was him, he was home, and when she realized that she nearly threw up.
The adrenaline rush pushed her up and out of bed despite her dizziness, lurching for a moment as her feet didn’t seem to find the floor quite level and then rushing towards him with the blanket still clutched in her hands and dragging out behind her. She didn’t know why she had the blanket and when she reached him she dropped it, wanting to throw her arms around him but frightened of hurting him, there was so much blood.
She knew she was panicking but she couldn’t seem to calm down. Her hands felt light and distant as she trailed them over the long, blood soaked patches of sleeves. The cloth felt heavy with it, there was way too much. “Where are you bleeding?” she asked him urgently. She could feel wet tears running down her face but she barely noticed them. “Where are you hurt? PENNY!” When she called for the doctor she was surprised by the volume of her voice. It sounded so loud and frightened, not like her voice at all.
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"An--"
It was all Shinji could manage to bite out before he stumbled a step with lack of balance, not onto her, but in her direction. He hadn't even been sure he'd seen her at all with how blurry his vision had become, but now that she was so close and so real and okay, all his fears faded away with her touch. Her questions hadn't even processed yet. Everything else, however, hit him like a solid brick to the face.
He wanted to touch her, but couldn't. Not with the blood on one hand, and broken wrist. All he wanted to do was wrap her up in his arms, but the pain was so disorienting that all he could do was be near her. Feel her body heat and listen to her trembling voice and feel so fucking guilty that he couldn't wipe her tears away-- and even more guilty that he just wanted her to stop because he wasn't good at this, not at being comforting, especially not when his knees were going to give out any second. Not even being able to graze her skin left him feeling so empty, despite her being right in front of him. As though the only way he could completely be convinced that she was alright was to touch her, hold her close.
There were so many things he wanted to ask first. Some part of him was unjustly angry that she'd been the one to fuss over him, when he had choked her, and all he had to bring back was shattered bones and the evidence of a fight gone so wrong. A voice told him that he was the only obligated one to ask the questions. Because if he'd strangled her like that thing had intended to, if he'd killed her, what he came back with wouldn't have mattered.
Feeling weary, Shinji dipped his head, blond fanning into his pale face as he started to droop toward her shoulder.
"... doesn't matter. Kensei's..."
I stabbed Kensei and he's bleeding to death out in the middle of nowhere, but I came back to tell someone because I almost thought I killed two of the most important people to me, and that they need to go get him right now.
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"Stay on your feet," she told him. "We’ll find Kensei." It wasn’t until after the words came out that she realized what he might mean, but she couldn’t process anything else at that time. Again she looked at him, and only then did she remember that she had magic. The revelation was briefly triumphant until she realized she was so shaken she had no idea whether or not she could use it. But she needed to do something and it didn’t matter if she wrecked the shirt so she grabbed a hold of the front and closed her eyes, willing it away with her all might. It was a barrier between her and taking care of him so it was with angry force that she banished it, not trying to move it anyplace, just making it gone.
When she opened her eyes again it was gone, and now she could see him better, no torso wound, some of that shirt blood hadn’t been his but his right bicep was the source of everything coating that arm and the wrist was definitely broken. She anxiously snatched the blanket back off the floor, both afraid for him and afraid he was going to fall on top of her and smash her in that split second. He looked ready to collapse any second, so she brought the blanket up to apply pressure over the wound, bending around and craning her neck to get a look at his back and only then wrapping her arm around him to pull him forward.
"Come onto the bed," she said.
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He honestly didn't know if he could. His legs were already difficult to move, and there was no source to reassure him his body just wouldn't suddenly give out, but at least Anthy was there, providing support in the event that he did fall. With his shirt gone -- how that'd even happened, he wasn't sure -- Shinji shivered, cold to begin with.
The movement was very jostling, and every step had something like a hammer slamming into his skull. Was this really happening? Being here at all was so surreal that he had a difficult time being able to tell whether he was hallucinating or not. All of the lights, the familiar tile, the beds, Anthy-- he'd barely been gone from the ship for hours, and now they felt foreign and strange after being out in the field.
Finally, the boy was able to muster up some strength to speak. "... wait a... just. Floor..." It wasn't much, and it might not have even made sense to her, but he was beyond exhausted that even the floor was a welcome alternative to standing or walking any further.
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She tried to keep the pressure on the wound the best she could, while moving around to get under his left arm and wrap her arm around him tightly for support. Without her heels on she felt small, the alignment of their bodies was different. His was thin so she might have a chance to at least make it to the bed.
"Lean on me," she said. "It’s just a few steps."
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Despite himself, Shinji had to laugh.
It was the sort of laugh a man gave when he was at his wit's end, and all that was left was cynicism in the void that hope left behind. It sounded weak. Breathless. And absolutely defeated, as hard as it was to admit. It's just a few steps. She made it sound so easy. And yet, it was enough to push him those few steps forward like she'd encouraged.
"Anthy..."
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"You made it this far."
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The mattress was only one or two steps away, but it felt like forty once they finally reached it. With a considerable amount of restraint, he tried not to throw himself onto the bed without care, because as tempting as that really, truly was, he was injured, and didn't want to risk making it worse.
Rather that letting the smaller girl do the work, Shinji propped a knee up onto the cot and sank his weight into it, willing to be placed in whatever position Anthy wanted. He felt significantly more faint upon reaching it, strangely enough, and he was grateful for the hold she had on him, or else he might've done an immediate faceplant into the sheets.
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Only once she had him on the bed did she allow herself to slide her hand out from underneath him to tangle in his hair while she kissed him fiercely on the forehead, pressing herself close to him to reassure herself that he was actually there. She tried to respect how injured his body was and remain careful with her contact.
She kept an ear open for one of the doctors, ready to move away when they came. The ordeal felt like it had taken forever, but in reality she knew it must have only been a minute or two. Penny had been there a moment ago, but now that she thought more clearly she remembered doctors were very busy on Long Night so maybe she had been called away and Mamma would pop out.
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Done with the latest round of typical Long Night injuries, Penelo returned to the infirmary to check on Anthy; she didn't expect to see her lying next to an obviously injured Shinji, however.
Calling for one of the cabin boys to get her mundane supplies, she hurried over to the bed. "What on Reial happened here?"
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The blond writhed slightly against the mattress as his wrist continued to throb, most of his arm already numb from the pain. He was honestly glad to see Penelo, though it was difficult to show it.
"Accident," he whispered, keeping the details vague in light of the events. Keeping it private was the only way to keep him and Kensei -- and Hiyori, for that matter -- safe.
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But he had called for Kensei on the journals. If he had attacked her, he must have known that he would attack Kensei as well. She had never seen Kensei use strong magic, but that night she had seen him disappear after Shinji in that same blink of the eye disappearance. And he had broken down the door. So it seemed there was a lot she didn't know about Kensei either, and she now wondered what he had been trying to tell her when he said Kensei's name. Was it that he had injured Kensei and he needed retrieval, or was it that she should avoid Kensei because he was like Shinji, and he too had gone out of control?
If the latter was a possibility, she should wait until Penny was out of earshot before asking.
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Even when exhausted, Shinji still managed to withhold his winces out of a purely stubborn habit. "Just... a lotta blood," he weakly reasoned, not explaining any further as he pressed his head back into the pillow. Blond fanned into his face, and after another restrained hiss, he turned his head to Anthy.
He would've said something, but the look in his eyes was all her could give in order to beckon her closer. Anything he wanted to tell her died on the tip of his tongue as he tried to make out her expression, and when it should've been something about Kensei, all he could think was, Man she looks so pretty right now in his delirium.
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