Attempting to Move Forward [COMPLETE]
Characters: Lucas, Ness
Content: Gathering up his courage, Lucas finally goes to talk to Ness about Candy Mountain. Unfortunately, Ness is still upset with everything and keeps putting up a wall.
Setting: Ness' quarters on the Winding Way
Time: Amicus morning (before this big log)
Warnings: wangst. ;;;
Pacing back and forth was not a very good way to get things done. It was true that he told Rhyme he would talk to Ness, but that was easier said than done. Lucas wasn't a confrontational person; he would rather keep his complaints to himself and worry about them alone. But if he didn't say anything, then it was possible that he and Ness would never speak to each other again. And then Lucas would have come all the way here for nothing.
Ness had a moment of weakness. That happened to everyone, right? He wasn't a cold-blooded killer. In fact, his actions had surprised everyone on the ship, including the captain. So Lucas should hold a grudge against him. Even the way he was sulking in his room was something Lucas had done.
Sigh. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall in the narrow hallway. It was now or never. He had to put forth a little courage. And, hey, he had been surprising himself lately. After all, he sent Giselle flowers. Anonymously. But at least he'd done it! With that little bit of courage in his mind, Lucas stepped up and knocked on the door to Ness' room.
And then wished that he hadn't.
Amicus was supposed to be a happy time of year, but it was anything but for Ness. He was suspended from his job, bored, and alone. So what other way was there to improve your situation than moping about it in your room. Behind a locked door.
Or at least, that's what he had planned to do when he heard a knock. Sighing, he went up to it, but didn't open it.
"Who's there?"
Ah, no turning back now. Lucas leaned forward a little.
"Uh. It's Lucas. I just wanted to... you know... See how you were doing..."
Oh...it was Lucas. Ness didn't know how he felt about that. The two of them barely saw each other, much less have spoken since returning from Candy Mountain. It wasn't all that difficult to avoid Lucas; Ness suspected the other boy was avoiding him as well.
"Fine."
A one word answer that he knew Lucas wouldn't accept. He paused before continuing.
"What do you want?"
That didn't sound really friendly, and the door was still closed. Lucas huffed a bit, trying to keep his cool. But he was sure he wouldn't be able to talk to a door for very long.
"I just said why."
Lucas would have to talk to the door just a little bit more, because Ness was still not going to open it.
"And I gave you an answer," he growled.
What? WHAT? Lucas backed up a bit. Why was Ness getting angry at him? Don't be a jerk.
"You don't sound fine," he said, a bit more softly.
Of course he didn't sound fine, it was because he wasn't, and Ness was never good at lying or hiding what he was feeling. Well, he had one last shot at trying to get Lucas to go away.
"Don't you have someone to spend the holiday with?"
Oh. Holiday? Right. Lucas had almost forgotten that it was Amicus. Then again, he hadn't celebrated Amicus in two years. He didn't celebrate a lot of things anymore.
"No."
That was quite possibly the most feeble sounding "no" Ness had ever heard in his life. With a sigh, he finally unlocked the door and opened it.
"Tell me why you're really here," he said. "You didn't come all this way after not seeing me for such a long time just to find out how I'm doing."
Lucas was surprised when he heard the door unlocking. Suddenly, he and Ness were staring at each other, face to face. It had been a while.
"Why not?" he asked, looking a bit hurt. "You act like I have some ulterior motive."
"For all I know you do have one," Ness said, though there was no hostility in his voice. However, he did break eye contact and looked to the side. "Even if you're not going to see anyone, you've got better things to do than come see a suspended doctor who disappointed you."
Okay, well. That wasn't very fair. And Ness was too busy feeling sorry for himself to realize that what he said was hurtful. Or maybe he did realize it, but didn't care.
"Ness, you're not going to prove yourself by just sitting here," Lucas suggested. But he felt rather helpless. All that courage he'd tried to muster up was slowly seeping away.
No, it wasn't very fair of Ness, but he wasn't in the best state of mind to be realizing this. Normally, he was very mindful of what he said.
"...I know that," he said. "But right now, all I'm allowed to do is talk to some of the doctors in the city, and I've already done that."
They were at a sort of standstill now. Perhaps Lucas had imagined all that strength that he saw in Ness. He was starting to get angry again.
"Okay, fine," he said, turning away. "Have a wonderful Amicus."
What? Lucas was just going to go through all that trouble to come here and knock on his door and just...leave? Like that?
He grabbed onto Lucas' shoulder.
"...I'd feel bad letting this conversation end like this," he said. "You want to come in and talk?"
How could Lucas talk when Ness was being defensive? He sighed quietly and stopped to look over his shoulder.
"Yeah. I do."
Ness didn't know what he was doing, inviting Lucas in. Maybe he felt guilty over what he did, or that he didn't want to let Lucas down. Still, he opened the door a little bit wider and stepped aside for Lucas to come in.
Meanwhile, his cat perked her ears and was immediately drawn to the strange new person, approaching Lucas and rubbing against his legs.
Lucas barely took two steps into the room before he was attacked! Ah, this... This cat. He immediately dropped to his knees, petting it, anger dissipating. Animals were his weakness.
"Hey!" He smiled at the cat and let her smell his hand.
Fobbie sniffed the hand and meowed. Yes, yes, this was a good one, and she immediately rubbed against Lucas' hand as well, purring. Once she was finished, she immediately attacked the nearest cat toy, batting it around with her paws.
"...she likes you," Ness said. Fobbie was always a good judge of character.
Most animals did. He stayed crouched on the ground to watch her, before turning and looking at Ness. Cats were excellent judges of character, usually.
"Yeah, she told me," he said, grinning slightly. The tension had passed. For now.
The tension might have disappeared, but it was now replaced with a big ball of awkward. Ness didn't know what to say to Lucas.
"Um...so what have you been doing?" he asked.
...god that was lame.
Was 'thinking about you' an okay thing to say? Lucas decided against it for now and stood up again.
"Eating ice cream and cake," he replied. "A lot of it."
Ness had to admit that he wasn't expecting an answer like that.
"How much is a lot?"
"Probably too much..." He sweatdropped. But Lucas couldn't refuse Giselle's cakes. She made so many. Just for him. He had the left-overs stashed away in a cooling device. He rubbed the back of his neck. "But, it's okay! I'm not feeling bad, or anything." Physically.
"Just because you don't feel bad, it doesn't mean that-" Ness stopped himself in mid sentence. "...sorry." It was hard not being able to work.
And he really didn't want to be thinking about cakes or candy.
Oh, right. That was why they were talking, right? Now that Lucas was inside, he needed to at least try to talk to Ness seriously. He really didn't want to not be friends with Ness. Them not speaking to each other only made him feel terrible.
"You miss it, huh?"
To say he "missed it" would be an understatement. He had been restless and more than unhappy ever since Ryuzaki suspended him. But one good thing had come out of this: now Ness knew this was what he really wanted out of life.
"Like you wouldn't believe," he sighed.
They were getting somewhere. Starting to, at least. Lucas nodded. "You should try to get your job back."
"I can't figure out how though," Ness said, shaking his head. "The captain hasn't told me what I need to do to convince him...maybe he's just too busy right now and just forgot about me."
Ness' self-esteem had been severely damaged over the past couple weeks. This frustration was not helping at all.
"I don't think it's that," replied Lucas. The captain was obviously trying to protect his crew by keeping Ness out of commission. "Maybe he wants a straight answer from you. You guys talked, right?"
"He said I was off until I understood that, as a doctor, I should never harm anyone," Ness answered, remembering what Ryuzaki had said to him. "But how do I prove that?"
Lucas shrugged. He had no idea. That was a difficult thing to prove. "..." It was a horrible to feel so helpless.
"It's okay," Ness said, knowing that Lucas was just as clueless as he was. "You don't have to help. I'll figure it out myself." It was something he should do by himself, to show that yes, he knew what it meant to be a doctor and he was ready to resume work.
Well, he didn't have to put it like that. Lucas dropped his shoulders, looking positively dejected. "Yeah," he said. "I hope you find an answer."
"Thanks, Lucas," Ness said, too lost in his own thoughts to notice Lucas' dejection. "For coming here, I mean."
Hm? Ness was actually thanking him? Thanking him for failing? Lucas was silent for a moment, just looking at the other boy. Even though he'd come here, had anything really been solved? Even if Ness seemed a little more determined about things, would he still stay hidden in his room? Lucas didn't want things to be awkward between them. Not talking to Ness had made him miserable.
"You know. About Candy Mountain..." That was good, Lucas. Just keep going. He lowered his gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry."
Candy Mountain. Ness twitched slightly when Lucas brought that up. Was that what Lucas had really come for? Thinking about Candy Mountain was painful, let alone talking about it. Candy Mountain was really the huge catalyst in this entire thing, the slap in the face he needed to realize that he was going on some kind of downward spiral with no end in sight.
"...just forget about it," Ness muttered just loud enough for Lucas to hear. "It's all right."
"Forget about it?" Lucas exclaimed, looking back up again. No way! That was the whole reason he was here. He was partially to blame for tattling on Ness. But the fact that Ness, himself, didn't even want to acknowledge what happened made things a lot worse. "You can't just forget about something like that." You'd never move on that way, right?
"No, I can't," Ness agreed. He was trying to give Lucas a free pass for the guilt, why wouldn't the idiot take it!? "Stop worrying about it."
Lucas took a step back. He'd pushed too hard, hadn't he? "Sorry," he muttered, eyes wavering slightly. "I'm just gonna go..." There wasn't anything more he could do. Maybe they weren't meant to be friends at all.
Ness knew he said something wrong, but he couldn't quite figure out what, and even if he did fix it, they'd just repeat this process over and over again: he'd say something, hurt Lucas' feelings, and then they were right back to where they were now.
He didn't say anything and instead just went right back to his bed, climbing into it and staring straight at the wall.
Content: Gathering up his courage, Lucas finally goes to talk to Ness about Candy Mountain. Unfortunately, Ness is still upset with everything and keeps putting up a wall.
Setting: Ness' quarters on the Winding Way
Time: Amicus morning (before this big log)
Warnings: wangst. ;;;
Pacing back and forth was not a very good way to get things done. It was true that he told Rhyme he would talk to Ness, but that was easier said than done. Lucas wasn't a confrontational person; he would rather keep his complaints to himself and worry about them alone. But if he didn't say anything, then it was possible that he and Ness would never speak to each other again. And then Lucas would have come all the way here for nothing.
Ness had a moment of weakness. That happened to everyone, right? He wasn't a cold-blooded killer. In fact, his actions had surprised everyone on the ship, including the captain. So Lucas should hold a grudge against him. Even the way he was sulking in his room was something Lucas had done.
Sigh. He closed his eyes and leaned against the wall in the narrow hallway. It was now or never. He had to put forth a little courage. And, hey, he had been surprising himself lately. After all, he sent Giselle flowers. Anonymously. But at least he'd done it! With that little bit of courage in his mind, Lucas stepped up and knocked on the door to Ness' room.
And then wished that he hadn't.
Amicus was supposed to be a happy time of year, but it was anything but for Ness. He was suspended from his job, bored, and alone. So what other way was there to improve your situation than moping about it in your room. Behind a locked door.
Or at least, that's what he had planned to do when he heard a knock. Sighing, he went up to it, but didn't open it.
"Who's there?"
Ah, no turning back now. Lucas leaned forward a little.
"Uh. It's Lucas. I just wanted to... you know... See how you were doing..."
Oh...it was Lucas. Ness didn't know how he felt about that. The two of them barely saw each other, much less have spoken since returning from Candy Mountain. It wasn't all that difficult to avoid Lucas; Ness suspected the other boy was avoiding him as well.
"Fine."
A one word answer that he knew Lucas wouldn't accept. He paused before continuing.
"What do you want?"
That didn't sound really friendly, and the door was still closed. Lucas huffed a bit, trying to keep his cool. But he was sure he wouldn't be able to talk to a door for very long.
"I just said why."
Lucas would have to talk to the door just a little bit more, because Ness was still not going to open it.
"And I gave you an answer," he growled.
What? WHAT? Lucas backed up a bit. Why was Ness getting angry at him? Don't be a jerk.
"You don't sound fine," he said, a bit more softly.
Of course he didn't sound fine, it was because he wasn't, and Ness was never good at lying or hiding what he was feeling. Well, he had one last shot at trying to get Lucas to go away.
"Don't you have someone to spend the holiday with?"
Oh. Holiday? Right. Lucas had almost forgotten that it was Amicus. Then again, he hadn't celebrated Amicus in two years. He didn't celebrate a lot of things anymore.
"No."
That was quite possibly the most feeble sounding "no" Ness had ever heard in his life. With a sigh, he finally unlocked the door and opened it.
"Tell me why you're really here," he said. "You didn't come all this way after not seeing me for such a long time just to find out how I'm doing."
Lucas was surprised when he heard the door unlocking. Suddenly, he and Ness were staring at each other, face to face. It had been a while.
"Why not?" he asked, looking a bit hurt. "You act like I have some ulterior motive."
"For all I know you do have one," Ness said, though there was no hostility in his voice. However, he did break eye contact and looked to the side. "Even if you're not going to see anyone, you've got better things to do than come see a suspended doctor who disappointed you."
Okay, well. That wasn't very fair. And Ness was too busy feeling sorry for himself to realize that what he said was hurtful. Or maybe he did realize it, but didn't care.
"Ness, you're not going to prove yourself by just sitting here," Lucas suggested. But he felt rather helpless. All that courage he'd tried to muster up was slowly seeping away.
No, it wasn't very fair of Ness, but he wasn't in the best state of mind to be realizing this. Normally, he was very mindful of what he said.
"...I know that," he said. "But right now, all I'm allowed to do is talk to some of the doctors in the city, and I've already done that."
They were at a sort of standstill now. Perhaps Lucas had imagined all that strength that he saw in Ness. He was starting to get angry again.
"Okay, fine," he said, turning away. "Have a wonderful Amicus."
What? Lucas was just going to go through all that trouble to come here and knock on his door and just...leave? Like that?
He grabbed onto Lucas' shoulder.
"...I'd feel bad letting this conversation end like this," he said. "You want to come in and talk?"
How could Lucas talk when Ness was being defensive? He sighed quietly and stopped to look over his shoulder.
"Yeah. I do."
Ness didn't know what he was doing, inviting Lucas in. Maybe he felt guilty over what he did, or that he didn't want to let Lucas down. Still, he opened the door a little bit wider and stepped aside for Lucas to come in.
Meanwhile, his cat perked her ears and was immediately drawn to the strange new person, approaching Lucas and rubbing against his legs.
Lucas barely took two steps into the room before he was attacked! Ah, this... This cat. He immediately dropped to his knees, petting it, anger dissipating. Animals were his weakness.
"Hey!" He smiled at the cat and let her smell his hand.
Fobbie sniffed the hand and meowed. Yes, yes, this was a good one, and she immediately rubbed against Lucas' hand as well, purring. Once she was finished, she immediately attacked the nearest cat toy, batting it around with her paws.
"...she likes you," Ness said. Fobbie was always a good judge of character.
Most animals did. He stayed crouched on the ground to watch her, before turning and looking at Ness. Cats were excellent judges of character, usually.
"Yeah, she told me," he said, grinning slightly. The tension had passed. For now.
The tension might have disappeared, but it was now replaced with a big ball of awkward. Ness didn't know what to say to Lucas.
"Um...so what have you been doing?" he asked.
...god that was lame.
Was 'thinking about you' an okay thing to say? Lucas decided against it for now and stood up again.
"Eating ice cream and cake," he replied. "A lot of it."
Ness had to admit that he wasn't expecting an answer like that.
"How much is a lot?"
"Probably too much..." He sweatdropped. But Lucas couldn't refuse Giselle's cakes. She made so many. Just for him. He had the left-overs stashed away in a cooling device. He rubbed the back of his neck. "But, it's okay! I'm not feeling bad, or anything." Physically.
"Just because you don't feel bad, it doesn't mean that-" Ness stopped himself in mid sentence. "...sorry." It was hard not being able to work.
And he really didn't want to be thinking about cakes or candy.
Oh, right. That was why they were talking, right? Now that Lucas was inside, he needed to at least try to talk to Ness seriously. He really didn't want to not be friends with Ness. Them not speaking to each other only made him feel terrible.
"You miss it, huh?"
To say he "missed it" would be an understatement. He had been restless and more than unhappy ever since Ryuzaki suspended him. But one good thing had come out of this: now Ness knew this was what he really wanted out of life.
"Like you wouldn't believe," he sighed.
They were getting somewhere. Starting to, at least. Lucas nodded. "You should try to get your job back."
"I can't figure out how though," Ness said, shaking his head. "The captain hasn't told me what I need to do to convince him...maybe he's just too busy right now and just forgot about me."
Ness' self-esteem had been severely damaged over the past couple weeks. This frustration was not helping at all.
"I don't think it's that," replied Lucas. The captain was obviously trying to protect his crew by keeping Ness out of commission. "Maybe he wants a straight answer from you. You guys talked, right?"
"He said I was off until I understood that, as a doctor, I should never harm anyone," Ness answered, remembering what Ryuzaki had said to him. "But how do I prove that?"
Lucas shrugged. He had no idea. That was a difficult thing to prove. "..." It was a horrible to feel so helpless.
"It's okay," Ness said, knowing that Lucas was just as clueless as he was. "You don't have to help. I'll figure it out myself." It was something he should do by himself, to show that yes, he knew what it meant to be a doctor and he was ready to resume work.
Well, he didn't have to put it like that. Lucas dropped his shoulders, looking positively dejected. "Yeah," he said. "I hope you find an answer."
"Thanks, Lucas," Ness said, too lost in his own thoughts to notice Lucas' dejection. "For coming here, I mean."
Hm? Ness was actually thanking him? Thanking him for failing? Lucas was silent for a moment, just looking at the other boy. Even though he'd come here, had anything really been solved? Even if Ness seemed a little more determined about things, would he still stay hidden in his room? Lucas didn't want things to be awkward between them. Not talking to Ness had made him miserable.
"You know. About Candy Mountain..." That was good, Lucas. Just keep going. He lowered his gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry."
Candy Mountain. Ness twitched slightly when Lucas brought that up. Was that what Lucas had really come for? Thinking about Candy Mountain was painful, let alone talking about it. Candy Mountain was really the huge catalyst in this entire thing, the slap in the face he needed to realize that he was going on some kind of downward spiral with no end in sight.
"...just forget about it," Ness muttered just loud enough for Lucas to hear. "It's all right."
"Forget about it?" Lucas exclaimed, looking back up again. No way! That was the whole reason he was here. He was partially to blame for tattling on Ness. But the fact that Ness, himself, didn't even want to acknowledge what happened made things a lot worse. "You can't just forget about something like that." You'd never move on that way, right?
"No, I can't," Ness agreed. He was trying to give Lucas a free pass for the guilt, why wouldn't the idiot take it!? "Stop worrying about it."
Lucas took a step back. He'd pushed too hard, hadn't he? "Sorry," he muttered, eyes wavering slightly. "I'm just gonna go..." There wasn't anything more he could do. Maybe they weren't meant to be friends at all.
Ness knew he said something wrong, but he couldn't quite figure out what, and even if he did fix it, they'd just repeat this process over and over again: he'd say something, hurt Lucas' feelings, and then they were right back to where they were now.
He didn't say anything and instead just went right back to his bed, climbing into it and staring straight at the wall.