Those Who Wander
Your user name (will be deleted before posting): Thesiriusmoon
Team: Remus
Title: Those Who Wander
Rating: PG
Warnings: Implied canon character death. Language
Word Count: 2,991
Summary: He would go anywhere, do anything, and give up the world, if it meant getting him back.
Notes: I took Orpheus and Eurydice from a Greek legend. It’s a really beautiful one, so if you haven’t read it before I highly recommend it. I didn’t exactly base this story off of that one, but I did “borrow” a bit of it.
Thank you to everyone who kept me going while writing this, especially Myprettyart and Nathaniel_hp for the wonderful and speedy Beta! You guys rock!
This was my pinch hit for the Remus/Sirius games (go Team Sweatervest!) and was originally posted here
Those Who Wander
It was a long way down the twisted, winding staircase. The steps were slick, though with what Remus didn’t want to think. There was something on the walls too, something green and faintly luminescent. Some sort of moss? Bioluminescent moss, that should probably give him some clue about where he was, but it didn’t. It was just a staircase, a long, endless staircase. He didn’t remember getting to it, or how long he had been climbing down. He supposed he should, but as the thought entered his head it was snatched away again on an errant breeze.
It was dark, but that was probably just because there were no windows. The only light came from the walls and the small blue orb that danced tantalizingly just out of reach. It was bobbing near the outer wall now, just a few steps away, but Remus knew that the minute he got close enough to touch it would be gone. That was always what happened.
“You’re a persistent one.”
The voice again. It came once in a while, echoing through the space without ever seeming to come from anywhere. Or maybe it came from everywhere? Remus didn’t didn’t care. He liked the voice, the voice proved he wasn’t alone.
“You know, most of our supplicants have given up by now. But not you. You just keep on coming. Why is that?”
“I...” Remus struggled to form the words with his mouth. “I. Don’t, know.”
“Hmm.” The voice faded a little. It sounded like a woman, this time. A minute ago it had been a man.
“Do you remember why you’re here?”
Remus paused, considering the question. It was important, right?
“No.”
There was silence, and for a terrifying moment Remus thought the voice had left him.
“You will.” The soft, gentle voice of a child, and then it really was gone.
Remus kept walking, following the blue light, forever.
There was a stream up ahead, and Remus picked up speed. It had been a lifetime since he’d had a drink.
Wait, I thought, weren’t there... Stairs? Wasn’t I just on the stairs?
Remus dismissed the strange voice in his head and knelt down beside the water. He drank gratefully, the cool liquid soothing his parched throat.
“It’s good, isn’t it?”
Remus nodded. The blue light bobbed up and down, as if it wanted a drink as well. Remus held out his hands, water cupped between them, but the light floated away.
“It won’t drink any of that,” the voice said conversationally.
“Why not?” Remus asked, taking another drink. It tasted wonderful.
“It doesn’t like dreams.”
“Oh.” Remus sat back on his heels. “Is this a dream then?”
“Of sorts.”
“Oh.” He took another drink. “Is it my dream?”
The air seemed to laugh.
“No.”
“Oh.”
Remus stood and wiped his mouth on his sleeve before glancing around. There were nothing but trees, as far as the eye could see. They were old, older than any trees Remus had ever seen, and something deep inside of him wanted to shed all his clothing and go running wildly among them. He saw something out of the corner of his eye, something fast and black, but when he turned to look it was gone.
The blue light bobbed around his ears and Remus got the feeling it wanted to leave. He held out his hand and the light landed on his palm. It was soft, like rabbit fur, and gave off a pleasant warmth.
“Well, let’s get on, shall we?”
Remus began walking, not really caring where he was going. He knew the light would let him know if he wandered to far from the right path.
The right path to what?
Remus banished the thought as he would a pesky fly. He didn’t have time to listen to it, he was far too busy walking.
“Have you seen this?” Remus pointed to a large protrusion of rock that forced itself out of the desert like a crooked finger. “What’s that look like to you, eh? Eh?” He laughed, doubling over and holding his sides. He waited, expecting to hear the deep barking laugh of, of… But there was no one there. Of course, of course there was no one there. There never had been.
He straightened and continued to walk. The sun was setting and there was a faint blue glow on the horizon. Remus didn’t know what it was, but he felt compelled to follow it. It was beautiful, in an eerie sort of way, and Remus automatically glanced to the side to see if he thought so too. The desert was empty, stretching away for miles. Remus was alone. Had always been alone.
There was something moving in the corner of his eye, something black, and he spun around quickly, hoping to catch it. It was gone, faded into the endless brown.
“Fuck!” Remus dropped to his knees and hung his head. He felt restless, edgy, like his skin was too tight for his bones. He gripped his hair in both hands and yanked, the pain grounding him somewhat. He growled wordlessly, deep in his throat, then choked on a sob.
“It’s alright.”
Remus looked up, but he was alone. Always alone.
“It’s hard for some people to transition. You’ll be fine, in a little while.”
“What’s happening to me?” Remus whispered.
“Nothing. You’ll see.”
Remus sniffed.
“Doesn’t feel like nothing.”
“That proves it then.”
Remus looked back up at the blue glow, but it was fading away. He leapt to his feet and began to run, sand pelting in his wake.
“Wait! Don’t leave me!” He dashed after it, but it kept getting fainter and fainter and Remus knew he would never make it in time. It was going to get away! “Come back!”
Remus was sitting on a sofa, a chesterfield, in an opulent living room. There was brandy in a decanter next to him and he poured himself a half glass. He swirled it around, sniffed it, then tossed it back. It burned his throat, but it felt good. He poured himself another and leant back, eyes traveling to the ceiling. There was a beautiful chandelier strung with gems filling the room with a soft blue light and he felt soothed.
He took another drink, savoring the oaky taste, before looking around the rest of the room. It seemed
like some sort of hunting lodge, with strange creatures mounted on the walls and posing realistically
on stands. But they were nothing Remus had ever seen before. Something that
might have been a moose’s head hung over the mantel piece, but it had three rows of sharp, jagged
teeth lining its mouth and the horns were curved like a goats. A bear stood menacing in a corner, but
instead of paws it had delicate human hands.
“They’re lovely, aren’t they?”
Remus nodded.
“Have you remembered yet?”
Remus opened his mouth to speak, but no words would come. He shook his head instead, eyes
wandering back to the blue glow of the chandelier.
“Have faith.”
In what, Remus wondered. He glanced around the room again, and there, in the corner, was something
he hadn’t seen before. He stood and walked slowly toward it, mesmerized. It was a dog, a large, black
dog. Something about it called to him. He knew this dog, somehow. It was posed as if it were about
to run away, legs stretched out and fur whipping back in a wind that wasn’t there. He reached out to
touch it, but stopped. There was something he was forgetting. Something so important…
The dog turned its head and looked right at him, and Remus could swear it was pleading with him. He
wished he could ask it what it wanted, but he didn’t have any words. He reached out again, this time
determined to stroke the soft fur…
“Now, now, none of that.”
The water swelled gently, lifting Remus on a wave and smoothly bringing him back down. He sat up,
but immediately began to sink, so he forced himself to lie back again.
“Where is it?”He tried to sound menacing, something that is hard to do when you’re floating on your
back in the middle of the ocean.
“Where is what? Do try to be more specific dear boy.”
Remus gritted his teeth.
“You know very well what. The dog. Where is the dog?”
“Ah, you’re beginning to remember. Good. Very good.”
“Fuck off and bring me back to the goddamned dog!”
Remus smacked his fist into the water.
“Temper, temper, young Lupin. All in good time.”
And then he was sinking, the water swirling all around him, sucking him down to the depths of an ocean that didn’t - couldn’t exist.
“Do you think we’re being too hard on him?”
“Nonsense. If anything we’re being much too soft. No one should even be able to make it this far.”
“True. He is a tenacious bugger, I’ll give him that.”
“We’ll have to think of something clever for this next one, we can’t let him get closer.”
“True. Leave it to me, I know what he wants.”
Remus slowly opened his eyes, unable to tell if the words were real or just a dream. He was lying on something soft and yielding, a bed?
“You’re awake.” Remus looked up and his heart caught in his throat. “How do you feel?”
Sirius looked young, so young. His face was unlined by years of pain, his hair sleek and black and shiny, his eyes warm, if a little worried. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, a smile crinkling the corners of his mouth.
“Sirius,” Remus croaked, reaching out almost blindly as tears gathered in his eyes and threatened to spill down his cheeks.
Sirius frowned and gathered Remus into his arms.
“Hey, what’s the matter? Are you still hurting? I can get some more of that potion Pomfrey gave us. How are your ribs?” He began to move away but Remus clung to him, unable to stop the sobs that tore from his throat.
“Remus? Shit, what’s wrong? Remus!”
“I’ve missed you so much,” Remus managed, voice cracking but understandable.
Sirius held him tighter and pressed a kiss into his hair.
“What are you talking about, you mad man? Merlin, this must have been a bad moon.”
Remus didn’t say anything, just held him. A dream, it had all been a dream. A vivid, horrible dream. But now he was awake, and he wouldn’t ever sleep again.
“Are you hungry?”
Remus suddenly realized that he was. He was starving! He nodded, but didn’t let go.
Sirius laughed.
“Come on then. Let’s feed you.”
He scooped Remus up in his arms and carried him out of their small bedroom and into the cozy living room that Remus barely remembered. Sirius deposited him on their sofa and then straightened up.
“Soup? We’ve got beef barley.”
Remus nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Sirius nodded and went to open one of their three small cupboards. He pulled out a can of soup and opened it with his wand before pouring it into two bowls and heating it.
“Here you go. Soup à la Padfoot.”
He settled the bowl on Remus’ lap and sat beside him, their knees touching companionably. They ate in silence for a while. The soup was warm and filling, Sirius looked like he hadn’t brushed his hair in days, and Remus didn’t think he’d been this happy in years.
“James said he was coming over later,” Sirius said absently. “He’s planning on proposing to Lily tonight and he wants us to talk him through his speech.”
Remus felt his throat close up again and he had to breathe deeply to keep from crying again. James, and Lily, and Sirius was right here…
“Done?”
Remus nodded, and Sirius took his bowl and headed for the sink. Remus could hear something barking outside but resolutely ignored it.
“Did Pete tell you about that bird he met last week?” Remus nodded. “Well, turns out she’s real! I met her last night when I took him home. She was there waiting for him, can you believe it? I still think
he must have cursed her…”
The barking was getting louder and now there was something blue glowing just out of his line of sight.
“Don’t look,” Remus hissed, screwing his eyes shut. If he couldn’t see it, it couldn’t hurt him…
“Moony? What are you doing?”
Remus didn’t look up.
“I can’t look.”
“Why not?”
There was something wrong with Sirius’ voice. It seemed like it was coming from everywhere and nowhere. Remus choked on a sob.
“Remus, what’s wrong? Please, love. Tell me.”
It was so close to Sirius’ voice, so close to everything he wanted. Just so close. But the dog was barking again, and something he knew, something he knew down to the core of his bones, began to take over.
“It’s not you.”
He opened his eyes and looked up at the almost perfect Sirius.
“What? Remus, you’re scaring me.”
“You’re not you,” Remus clarified, standing slowly and reaching out to gently touch Sirius’ face.
“Remus…”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I really wanted this to be true.” He leaned in and gently kissed Sirius’ almost perfect lips. “I’ll find you. I promise.”
And there was the blue light, flickering just outside the window. Remus moved toward it.
“Come back!”
Now the voice sounded a little like a woman. Or was it a child? Remus followed the light.
The wind nearly bowled him over, blowing wildly and sending flurries of dust dancing through the air. The mountain side was steep and Remus had to bend nearly double to keep the wind from blowing him away.
“It’s not going to work!” he screamed, fighting to take another step forward. “I know everything now! I don’t care what you do, or how long it takes me, I will get to him! Do you hear me?” He straightened and shouted right at the sky. “I will get to him!”
He was in an old log cabin, a museum, on a dock, beside a still pond, surrounded by howling wolves, holding a tiny child in a nursery, then nowhere. Like the world had stopped, coming to rest in a long, black stretch of nothing. At first Remus thought that he had his eyes closed, but no. Even the blue light was gone now. He was alone.
“You just don’t give up, do you?”
Remus shook his head.
“Very well. The law is clear. But are you sure this is what you want?” The almost perfect Sirius appeared next to him, happy and young and full of promise and love. “We could give you everything, Remus Lupin. A second chance to do everything right.”
Remus shook his head.
“Perhaps this then?”
The full moon appeared over head, shining bright and brilliant down on him. He flinched, expecting to change, but nothing happened. He stood whole and pure human. He took a step forward, staring up at a moon he hadn’t seen since he was five.
“You could have this here, Remus Lupin. You could both be whole.”
Remus steadied himself, then shook his head.
The voice sighed, a breath of wind across the emptiness.
“Very well. State your request.”
“I want Sirius Black.”
The darkness shifted and a low moan seemed to emanate from the very depths of the earth. A tall, thin figure shrouded in a black hood stumbled out of the nothing and stood mere inches away. Remus reached out, desperate to touch him.
“No. You must go now, Remus Lupin. Go straight, and do not look back.”
“Huh?” Remus longed to remove the hood, to look at his face and know for sure it was him, the real him, scars and all.
“I said, do not look back. Try to pay attention Lupin.” The voice faded away as if it had never been there.
Remus took one last look at the shrouded figure, then turned and began to walk. There were no elaborate worlds this time, no blue light to guide him or traps to snare him. There was only the blackness, the absence, and the silent footsteps he could only imagine were following behind. Everything in him screamed to look back, to make sure he was being followed, but the voice was right. He knew this story. Orpheus had looked back and lost Eurydice forever.
But forever might be how long he was going to have to be here. There was no light, no sound, no end. Maybe this was it, the last trick of a tricky race, to make them wander forever in the endless nothing. But then he felt it, a slightly breeze, caressing the side of his face.
“This is it,” he whispered. “Please, please be there.”
He took a deep breath and stepped forward. The darkness changed, becoming tattered black curtains, and then he was falling and someone was screaming his name and gathering him in their arms. And someone else was crying, sobbing really, and saying “Sirius” over and over again.
Remus opened his eyes.
Hermione was holding him tightly, but her eyes were locked on the two people crouched across from them. Harry, with a tall, gaunt figure wrapped in a black shroud. Harry was crying, and the figure was holding him tightly and whispering that everything would be alright, everything would be fine.
Remus stood slowly and walked over to them. He stopped just behind the figure and slowly, slowly, lowered the hood. Sirius looked up from Harrys shaking form and smiled at him.
“Wotcher Moony.”
Remus felt tears of his own sliding down his cheeks, but he didn’t think he’d cared less about anything in his life.
“Wotcher Sirius.”
Team: Remus
Title: Those Who Wander
Rating: PG
Warnings: Implied canon character death. Language
Word Count: 2,991
Summary: He would go anywhere, do anything, and give up the world, if it meant getting him back.
Notes: I took Orpheus and Eurydice from a Greek legend. It’s a really beautiful one, so if you haven’t read it before I highly recommend it. I didn’t exactly base this story off of that one, but I did “borrow” a bit of it.
Thank you to everyone who kept me going while writing this, especially Myprettyart and Nathaniel_hp for the wonderful and speedy Beta! You guys rock!
This was my pinch hit for the Remus/Sirius games (go Team Sweatervest!) and was originally posted here
Those Who Wander
It was a long way down the twisted, winding staircase. The steps were slick, though with what Remus didn’t want to think. There was something on the walls too, something green and faintly luminescent. Some sort of moss? Bioluminescent moss, that should probably give him some clue about where he was, but it didn’t. It was just a staircase, a long, endless staircase. He didn’t remember getting to it, or how long he had been climbing down. He supposed he should, but as the thought entered his head it was snatched away again on an errant breeze.
It was dark, but that was probably just because there were no windows. The only light came from the walls and the small blue orb that danced tantalizingly just out of reach. It was bobbing near the outer wall now, just a few steps away, but Remus knew that the minute he got close enough to touch it would be gone. That was always what happened.
“You’re a persistent one.”
The voice again. It came once in a while, echoing through the space without ever seeming to come from anywhere. Or maybe it came from everywhere? Remus didn’t didn’t care. He liked the voice, the voice proved he wasn’t alone.
“You know, most of our supplicants have given up by now. But not you. You just keep on coming. Why is that?”
“I...” Remus struggled to form the words with his mouth. “I. Don’t, know.”
“Hmm.” The voice faded a little. It sounded like a woman, this time. A minute ago it had been a man.
“Do you remember why you’re here?”
Remus paused, considering the question. It was important, right?
“No.”
There was silence, and for a terrifying moment Remus thought the voice had left him.
“You will.” The soft, gentle voice of a child, and then it really was gone.
Remus kept walking, following the blue light, forever.
There was a stream up ahead, and Remus picked up speed. It had been a lifetime since he’d had a drink.
Wait, I thought, weren’t there... Stairs? Wasn’t I just on the stairs?
Remus dismissed the strange voice in his head and knelt down beside the water. He drank gratefully, the cool liquid soothing his parched throat.
“It’s good, isn’t it?”
Remus nodded. The blue light bobbed up and down, as if it wanted a drink as well. Remus held out his hands, water cupped between them, but the light floated away.
“It won’t drink any of that,” the voice said conversationally.
“Why not?” Remus asked, taking another drink. It tasted wonderful.
“It doesn’t like dreams.”
“Oh.” Remus sat back on his heels. “Is this a dream then?”
“Of sorts.”
“Oh.” He took another drink. “Is it my dream?”
The air seemed to laugh.
“No.”
“Oh.”
Remus stood and wiped his mouth on his sleeve before glancing around. There were nothing but trees, as far as the eye could see. They were old, older than any trees Remus had ever seen, and something deep inside of him wanted to shed all his clothing and go running wildly among them. He saw something out of the corner of his eye, something fast and black, but when he turned to look it was gone.
The blue light bobbed around his ears and Remus got the feeling it wanted to leave. He held out his hand and the light landed on his palm. It was soft, like rabbit fur, and gave off a pleasant warmth.
“Well, let’s get on, shall we?”
Remus began walking, not really caring where he was going. He knew the light would let him know if he wandered to far from the right path.
The right path to what?
Remus banished the thought as he would a pesky fly. He didn’t have time to listen to it, he was far too busy walking.
“Have you seen this?” Remus pointed to a large protrusion of rock that forced itself out of the desert like a crooked finger. “What’s that look like to you, eh? Eh?” He laughed, doubling over and holding his sides. He waited, expecting to hear the deep barking laugh of, of… But there was no one there. Of course, of course there was no one there. There never had been.
He straightened and continued to walk. The sun was setting and there was a faint blue glow on the horizon. Remus didn’t know what it was, but he felt compelled to follow it. It was beautiful, in an eerie sort of way, and Remus automatically glanced to the side to see if he thought so too. The desert was empty, stretching away for miles. Remus was alone. Had always been alone.
There was something moving in the corner of his eye, something black, and he spun around quickly, hoping to catch it. It was gone, faded into the endless brown.
“Fuck!” Remus dropped to his knees and hung his head. He felt restless, edgy, like his skin was too tight for his bones. He gripped his hair in both hands and yanked, the pain grounding him somewhat. He growled wordlessly, deep in his throat, then choked on a sob.
“It’s alright.”
Remus looked up, but he was alone. Always alone.
“It’s hard for some people to transition. You’ll be fine, in a little while.”
“What’s happening to me?” Remus whispered.
“Nothing. You’ll see.”
Remus sniffed.
“Doesn’t feel like nothing.”
“That proves it then.”
Remus looked back up at the blue glow, but it was fading away. He leapt to his feet and began to run, sand pelting in his wake.
“Wait! Don’t leave me!” He dashed after it, but it kept getting fainter and fainter and Remus knew he would never make it in time. It was going to get away! “Come back!”
Remus was sitting on a sofa, a chesterfield, in an opulent living room. There was brandy in a decanter next to him and he poured himself a half glass. He swirled it around, sniffed it, then tossed it back. It burned his throat, but it felt good. He poured himself another and leant back, eyes traveling to the ceiling. There was a beautiful chandelier strung with gems filling the room with a soft blue light and he felt soothed.
He took another drink, savoring the oaky taste, before looking around the rest of the room. It seemed
like some sort of hunting lodge, with strange creatures mounted on the walls and posing realistically
on stands. But they were nothing Remus had ever seen before. Something that
might have been a moose’s head hung over the mantel piece, but it had three rows of sharp, jagged
teeth lining its mouth and the horns were curved like a goats. A bear stood menacing in a corner, but
instead of paws it had delicate human hands.
“They’re lovely, aren’t they?”
Remus nodded.
“Have you remembered yet?”
Remus opened his mouth to speak, but no words would come. He shook his head instead, eyes
wandering back to the blue glow of the chandelier.
“Have faith.”
In what, Remus wondered. He glanced around the room again, and there, in the corner, was something
he hadn’t seen before. He stood and walked slowly toward it, mesmerized. It was a dog, a large, black
dog. Something about it called to him. He knew this dog, somehow. It was posed as if it were about
to run away, legs stretched out and fur whipping back in a wind that wasn’t there. He reached out to
touch it, but stopped. There was something he was forgetting. Something so important…
The dog turned its head and looked right at him, and Remus could swear it was pleading with him. He
wished he could ask it what it wanted, but he didn’t have any words. He reached out again, this time
determined to stroke the soft fur…
“Now, now, none of that.”
The water swelled gently, lifting Remus on a wave and smoothly bringing him back down. He sat up,
but immediately began to sink, so he forced himself to lie back again.
“Where is it?”He tried to sound menacing, something that is hard to do when you’re floating on your
back in the middle of the ocean.
“Where is what? Do try to be more specific dear boy.”
Remus gritted his teeth.
“You know very well what. The dog. Where is the dog?”
“Ah, you’re beginning to remember. Good. Very good.”
“Fuck off and bring me back to the goddamned dog!”
Remus smacked his fist into the water.
“Temper, temper, young Lupin. All in good time.”
And then he was sinking, the water swirling all around him, sucking him down to the depths of an ocean that didn’t - couldn’t exist.
“Do you think we’re being too hard on him?”
“Nonsense. If anything we’re being much too soft. No one should even be able to make it this far.”
“True. He is a tenacious bugger, I’ll give him that.”
“We’ll have to think of something clever for this next one, we can’t let him get closer.”
“True. Leave it to me, I know what he wants.”
Remus slowly opened his eyes, unable to tell if the words were real or just a dream. He was lying on something soft and yielding, a bed?
“You’re awake.” Remus looked up and his heart caught in his throat. “How do you feel?”
Sirius looked young, so young. His face was unlined by years of pain, his hair sleek and black and shiny, his eyes warm, if a little worried. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, a smile crinkling the corners of his mouth.
“Sirius,” Remus croaked, reaching out almost blindly as tears gathered in his eyes and threatened to spill down his cheeks.
Sirius frowned and gathered Remus into his arms.
“Hey, what’s the matter? Are you still hurting? I can get some more of that potion Pomfrey gave us. How are your ribs?” He began to move away but Remus clung to him, unable to stop the sobs that tore from his throat.
“Remus? Shit, what’s wrong? Remus!”
“I’ve missed you so much,” Remus managed, voice cracking but understandable.
Sirius held him tighter and pressed a kiss into his hair.
“What are you talking about, you mad man? Merlin, this must have been a bad moon.”
Remus didn’t say anything, just held him. A dream, it had all been a dream. A vivid, horrible dream. But now he was awake, and he wouldn’t ever sleep again.
“Are you hungry?”
Remus suddenly realized that he was. He was starving! He nodded, but didn’t let go.
Sirius laughed.
“Come on then. Let’s feed you.”
He scooped Remus up in his arms and carried him out of their small bedroom and into the cozy living room that Remus barely remembered. Sirius deposited him on their sofa and then straightened up.
“Soup? We’ve got beef barley.”
Remus nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Sirius nodded and went to open one of their three small cupboards. He pulled out a can of soup and opened it with his wand before pouring it into two bowls and heating it.
“Here you go. Soup à la Padfoot.”
He settled the bowl on Remus’ lap and sat beside him, their knees touching companionably. They ate in silence for a while. The soup was warm and filling, Sirius looked like he hadn’t brushed his hair in days, and Remus didn’t think he’d been this happy in years.
“James said he was coming over later,” Sirius said absently. “He’s planning on proposing to Lily tonight and he wants us to talk him through his speech.”
Remus felt his throat close up again and he had to breathe deeply to keep from crying again. James, and Lily, and Sirius was right here…
“Done?”
Remus nodded, and Sirius took his bowl and headed for the sink. Remus could hear something barking outside but resolutely ignored it.
“Did Pete tell you about that bird he met last week?” Remus nodded. “Well, turns out she’s real! I met her last night when I took him home. She was there waiting for him, can you believe it? I still think
he must have cursed her…”
The barking was getting louder and now there was something blue glowing just out of his line of sight.
“Don’t look,” Remus hissed, screwing his eyes shut. If he couldn’t see it, it couldn’t hurt him…
“Moony? What are you doing?”
Remus didn’t look up.
“I can’t look.”
“Why not?”
There was something wrong with Sirius’ voice. It seemed like it was coming from everywhere and nowhere. Remus choked on a sob.
“Remus, what’s wrong? Please, love. Tell me.”
It was so close to Sirius’ voice, so close to everything he wanted. Just so close. But the dog was barking again, and something he knew, something he knew down to the core of his bones, began to take over.
“It’s not you.”
He opened his eyes and looked up at the almost perfect Sirius.
“What? Remus, you’re scaring me.”
“You’re not you,” Remus clarified, standing slowly and reaching out to gently touch Sirius’ face.
“Remus…”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I really wanted this to be true.” He leaned in and gently kissed Sirius’ almost perfect lips. “I’ll find you. I promise.”
And there was the blue light, flickering just outside the window. Remus moved toward it.
“Come back!”
Now the voice sounded a little like a woman. Or was it a child? Remus followed the light.
The wind nearly bowled him over, blowing wildly and sending flurries of dust dancing through the air. The mountain side was steep and Remus had to bend nearly double to keep the wind from blowing him away.
“It’s not going to work!” he screamed, fighting to take another step forward. “I know everything now! I don’t care what you do, or how long it takes me, I will get to him! Do you hear me?” He straightened and shouted right at the sky. “I will get to him!”
He was in an old log cabin, a museum, on a dock, beside a still pond, surrounded by howling wolves, holding a tiny child in a nursery, then nowhere. Like the world had stopped, coming to rest in a long, black stretch of nothing. At first Remus thought that he had his eyes closed, but no. Even the blue light was gone now. He was alone.
“You just don’t give up, do you?”
Remus shook his head.
“Very well. The law is clear. But are you sure this is what you want?” The almost perfect Sirius appeared next to him, happy and young and full of promise and love. “We could give you everything, Remus Lupin. A second chance to do everything right.”
Remus shook his head.
“Perhaps this then?”
The full moon appeared over head, shining bright and brilliant down on him. He flinched, expecting to change, but nothing happened. He stood whole and pure human. He took a step forward, staring up at a moon he hadn’t seen since he was five.
“You could have this here, Remus Lupin. You could both be whole.”
Remus steadied himself, then shook his head.
The voice sighed, a breath of wind across the emptiness.
“Very well. State your request.”
“I want Sirius Black.”
The darkness shifted and a low moan seemed to emanate from the very depths of the earth. A tall, thin figure shrouded in a black hood stumbled out of the nothing and stood mere inches away. Remus reached out, desperate to touch him.
“No. You must go now, Remus Lupin. Go straight, and do not look back.”
“Huh?” Remus longed to remove the hood, to look at his face and know for sure it was him, the real him, scars and all.
“I said, do not look back. Try to pay attention Lupin.” The voice faded away as if it had never been there.
Remus took one last look at the shrouded figure, then turned and began to walk. There were no elaborate worlds this time, no blue light to guide him or traps to snare him. There was only the blackness, the absence, and the silent footsteps he could only imagine were following behind. Everything in him screamed to look back, to make sure he was being followed, but the voice was right. He knew this story. Orpheus had looked back and lost Eurydice forever.
But forever might be how long he was going to have to be here. There was no light, no sound, no end. Maybe this was it, the last trick of a tricky race, to make them wander forever in the endless nothing. But then he felt it, a slightly breeze, caressing the side of his face.
“This is it,” he whispered. “Please, please be there.”
He took a deep breath and stepped forward. The darkness changed, becoming tattered black curtains, and then he was falling and someone was screaming his name and gathering him in their arms. And someone else was crying, sobbing really, and saying “Sirius” over and over again.
Remus opened his eyes.
Hermione was holding him tightly, but her eyes were locked on the two people crouched across from them. Harry, with a tall, gaunt figure wrapped in a black shroud. Harry was crying, and the figure was holding him tightly and whispering that everything would be alright, everything would be fine.
Remus stood slowly and walked over to them. He stopped just behind the figure and slowly, slowly, lowered the hood. Sirius looked up from Harrys shaking form and smiled at him.
“Wotcher Moony.”
Remus felt tears of his own sliding down his cheeks, but he didn’t think he’d cared less about anything in his life.
“Wotcher Sirius.”