(no subject)
Title: Spring
Word Count: 1,425
Summary: Sirius has a problem, and the sunshine just isn't helping
Disclaimer: Oh I wish I wish they were mine!
Spring
Sirius loved Hogwarts in the spring. The entire castle just seemed to come to life and brim over with glorious green. Once empty grounds started teeming with wildlife. Birds began singing at the most inappropriate moments (like once during Professor McGonagall’s class. They had gotten so loud she had been forced to use a silencing charm. And then she had the audacity to put him and James in detention! Like it was their fault that the birds had been magnified to ten times their normal volume!) Even the ghosts seemed more alive in the spring, as if they could actually feel the warming weather and the changes that it brought.
But the thing that Sirius liked best about spring was the way Remus seemed to come to life. As the weather got warmer he could be found at any time of day lying out by the lake with all his limbs stretched out, like he was trying to soak up every single ray of the sun. He could lie there for hours, barely moving, and when Peter had once asked him what he was doing he had replied “just being.” Only Moony could say something like that and not sound like a total nonce.
It was a lazy Sunday afternoon in April when IT happened. Remus was, as usual, sprawled out on the grass with his eyes closed, a look of sheer bliss on his face. He seemed so utterly content and all the harsh lines of pain and fear that he carried around with him just melted away in the sunshine. As Sirius watched him he wished that he could put that look on Moonys face. That it was his warmth that made him so happy… And as that thought crossed his mind Sirius Black knew that he was well and truly sunk. Because you just didn’t have thoughts like that about your mates, your MALE mates. Remus sighed in contentment, his throat stretched to the light. Sirius fled.
He didn’t know where he was going, he didn’t hear James and Peter yelling after him, didn’t see Remus sit up and stare at his back like it contained all the secrets in the world. All he knew was that he had to get away before he did something stupid and ruined everything. He finally stopped when he reached the astronomy tower and slumped to the ground.
He knew what the problem was, of course he did. And if was being honest with himself it didn’t come as that much of a shock. It had been slowly sneaking up on him for years now. But despite that Sirius simply didn’t know what to do. For the first time in his life he knew exactly what he wanted and couldn’t go get it.
Think you idiot! There has to be some way to fix this!
But all he could think of was just pretending nothing had changed. To simply ignore the problem till either it went away or he forgot about it. It was a bad solution, but it was better than nothing. And when he finally made his way toward the Great Hall for dinner he had decided that it was the only way. After all, how hard could it be?
Sirius knew he was in trouble when he couldn’t stop watching Remus eat. It was as if every movement made by his slender hands held some kind of hypnotic power over him…
“Padfoot!”
Sirius jumped and turned to look at James, who was glaring at him.
“What?”
“Didn’t you hear me? I called you six times!”
Sirius smiled sheepishly
“Sorry mate. Wasn’t paying attention.”
“Obviously.” James rolled his eyes. “I was just saying, about the prank next week.”
“What about it?”
“Merlin Padfoot! Haven’t you listened to a word Moony’s said?”
“Uhh…”
In truth Sirius hadn’t even noticed Remus had been talking. He had been so fixated on his wrists…
“Well, the way you were staring at him I would have thought you’d have it memorized.”
“I wasn’t staring!” Sirius sat up straight, trying to sound honest.
“You were a little…” Peter looked up at him apologetically.
And the fact that even PETER had noticed clinched it. This simply wasn’t going to work. He only way Sirius could get away with this was if he avoided Remus all-together. He didn’t hear what James was saying as he hurriedly got up from the table and flew to the dormitory.
***
Avoiding Remus was proving much harder than Sirius had thought. For one thing, they shared a room. For another, they took all the same classes. Sirius began leaving the common room as soon as Remus arrived, and drawing his curtains whenever he came up to bed. He started sitting next to Amelia Abbot in classes, and between Peter and James in the great hall.
The others noticed, how could they not? But every time it seemed like James was going to snap at him Remus would make some sort of gesture and he would clam up and scowl. Remus, for his part, seemed to be going out of his was to make Sirius’ job easier. He spent even more time than usual at the library, and when he did go out to the grounds he went alone, allowing the other marauders free run of the castle. Sirius felt a little guilty, but it was the only thing he could think of to do! And it was only for a few more weeks, then they’d be graduated and Sirius would never have to listen to Remus sleep again… That thought made him so unhappy he had to spend two hours on the quidditch pitch hitting bludgers before he could face anyone.
He managed to keep it up for two weeks before he snapped. He was coming back from practice when he saw Remus sitting under his tree. He wasn’t all spread out, instead he was sitting with his arms wrapped around his legs looking small and alone. And Sirius just couldn’t do it anymore. None of this was Remus’ fault, and he didn’t deserve to have his last few weeks of school ruined because Sirius was being a prat! It had to end. Sirius would just have to deal with these feelings.
That night he asked Remus for a game of chess. Remus looked so grateful that Sirius wanted to kick himself. James immediately started beaming and shouted “About time!” Peter seemed desperately relieved. He had been so wrapped up in himself that he hadn’t even noticed how his snit was affecting the others…
Sirius was usually the better player, but today Remus checkmated him in only five moves. Sirius had been floored. But when he reached out knock his king over his hand brushed Remus’ and, to Sirius’ surprise, Remus turned bright red. And that was when Sirius decided on The Plan. It wasn’t a very good one, but none of his plans lately had been any good, and this one at least had the potential for a happy ending…
A checkmate doesn’t end this game Moony, it just begins the next one…
Sirius decided to put his plan into action the next day, before he lost his nerve. It was pretty straight forward as far as plans went, and he was desperate. He waited till he saw Remus heading for the grounds, excused himself from James and Peter, and followed him. Remus was about to sit down when Sirius pinned him up against the tree and kissed him.
It was an awkward, hard, terrified kiss, and when Sirius pulled away he couldn’t stand to look at Remus’ face. Instead he stared at the ground, pretending he found the caterpillars fascinating.
“Well…” Remus’ voice was breathless and… satisfied? “That took you long enough.”
Sirius’ head snapped up so fast he thought he might have whiplash.
“What?”
Remus smiled at him, a slow devilish smile that made Sirius’ heart stop.
“Well” Remus said. “I’ve been waiting for you to get your nerve up for weeks.”
Sirius couldn’t move, couldn’t think.
“Uh, I, you, what?”
But Remus was laughing and then Remus was KISSING HIM and this time it wasn’t awkward but wonderful and warm and tingly. Remus tasted of spring. And when they broke apart Remus had that LOOK on his face. That bloody look that had started all of this in the first place. Only this time HE had put it there…
“I should have done this years ago.” Sirius whispered.
“Yes. You should have.” Remus replied. And kissed him again.