(no subject)
Good grief, I'm not very good at updating, am I?
After the got-my-hopes-up-for-my-clearance disappointment, I wallowed in anguish (okay, slightly exaggerating there) and then set my mind to doing other stuff. When my mind is busy, I don't freak out or have anxiety attacks. So I've been making a boatload of digital scrapbooking kits as freebies on my blog, which will all go up in the next few days. I've got a creative streak.
I'm also almost done with the new chapter 3 of Air into Gold, and I'm working on some tiny pixel dolls of Alainna and the harem :)
We learned more about the reason behind Dad's death. We already knew it was because he went into shock, but Dr. Franko told us that Dad had peptic ulcer disease that was so advanced, his stomach and duodenum looked like Swiss cheese. His stomach was pretty much destroyed, and Franko said there was really nothing that could be done about it and it would have killed him anyway.
I remember a couple days before he died, when he was reduced to this crying, high-pitched-voiced, moaning mass of agony. His mental state had rapidly deteriorated after a good while of perfect coherency. It was his stomach, and I can't begin to imagine how excruciatingly painful that had to be... just try to imagine numerous holes all over your stomach lining and duodenum from ulcers that had eaten through. I mean, when I had gastritis, that was painful enough to have me doubled over in pain, crying when I usually have a decent pain threshold.
What I still don't understand is when Dr. Lee did the second endoscopy the day before Dad died and said there were NO holes or damage whatsoever in the duodenum. "That's not where the bleeding's coming from, we don't know where it's originating." Then that night, a different gastroentrinologist came in and did a third endoscopy on Dad and immediately found the most severe bleeder... IN THE DUODENUM. But by the time he clamped it and stopped the blood, the damage had been done, and Dad died about three hours later.
I try not to remember those horrific last days. My mind's been trying to block them out ever since they happened.
He survived what many people don't survive. He survived multiple times when everyone said he wouldn't. And after all that, peptic ulcer disease killed him.
Life is so ironic. :/
Moving away from that now... it's too painful.
Jonno convinced me to send a friend request to Jessie on Facebook. We haven't talked in... geeze, five or six years now, and I was a tad nervous when I added her because I wasn't sure what she would think. But she added me back pretty quickly and said hi on my wall. It feels SO surreal to hear from her again, and a flood of many memories return to me. She wanted me out of Virginia altogether, she tried so hard to haul my butt up out of my comfort zone and get me into the real world, even though she was over three thousand miles away. My personality developed and began to shine with her. Even after we went our separate ways for the last time, I always continued to wonder how she was and what she was doing. Now I see her doing so much with her life, and it makes me happy to know that. We're both women now, not teenagers, and I think we can maybe build a friendship again. Sure, it's not going to be the sissa relationship we once had, but I'll take anything =)
I forgot what else I was going to write. Time to go scrap more before I head to bed. Checking the post office tomorrow afternoon, keep sending good vibes/thoughts/prayers! I promise I'll do better at commenting in your journals. I read them consistently, but I don't comment like I should. D:
After the got-my-hopes-up-for-my-clearance disappointment, I wallowed in anguish (okay, slightly exaggerating there) and then set my mind to doing other stuff. When my mind is busy, I don't freak out or have anxiety attacks. So I've been making a boatload of digital scrapbooking kits as freebies on my blog, which will all go up in the next few days. I've got a creative streak.
I'm also almost done with the new chapter 3 of Air into Gold, and I'm working on some tiny pixel dolls of Alainna and the harem :)
We learned more about the reason behind Dad's death. We already knew it was because he went into shock, but Dr. Franko told us that Dad had peptic ulcer disease that was so advanced, his stomach and duodenum looked like Swiss cheese. His stomach was pretty much destroyed, and Franko said there was really nothing that could be done about it and it would have killed him anyway.
I remember a couple days before he died, when he was reduced to this crying, high-pitched-voiced, moaning mass of agony. His mental state had rapidly deteriorated after a good while of perfect coherency. It was his stomach, and I can't begin to imagine how excruciatingly painful that had to be... just try to imagine numerous holes all over your stomach lining and duodenum from ulcers that had eaten through. I mean, when I had gastritis, that was painful enough to have me doubled over in pain, crying when I usually have a decent pain threshold.
What I still don't understand is when Dr. Lee did the second endoscopy the day before Dad died and said there were NO holes or damage whatsoever in the duodenum. "That's not where the bleeding's coming from, we don't know where it's originating." Then that night, a different gastroentrinologist came in and did a third endoscopy on Dad and immediately found the most severe bleeder... IN THE DUODENUM. But by the time he clamped it and stopped the blood, the damage had been done, and Dad died about three hours later.
I try not to remember those horrific last days. My mind's been trying to block them out ever since they happened.
He survived what many people don't survive. He survived multiple times when everyone said he wouldn't. And after all that, peptic ulcer disease killed him.
Life is so ironic. :/
Moving away from that now... it's too painful.
Jonno convinced me to send a friend request to Jessie on Facebook. We haven't talked in... geeze, five or six years now, and I was a tad nervous when I added her because I wasn't sure what she would think. But she added me back pretty quickly and said hi on my wall. It feels SO surreal to hear from her again, and a flood of many memories return to me. She wanted me out of Virginia altogether, she tried so hard to haul my butt up out of my comfort zone and get me into the real world, even though she was over three thousand miles away. My personality developed and began to shine with her. Even after we went our separate ways for the last time, I always continued to wonder how she was and what she was doing. Now I see her doing so much with her life, and it makes me happy to know that. We're both women now, not teenagers, and I think we can maybe build a friendship again. Sure, it's not going to be the sissa relationship we once had, but I'll take anything =)
I forgot what else I was going to write. Time to go scrap more before I head to bed. Checking the post office tomorrow afternoon, keep sending good vibes/thoughts/prayers! I promise I'll do better at commenting in your journals. I read them consistently, but I don't comment like I should. D: