adoption update
hey, gang...
so for those of you who've been following the lesbian babymaking adventure, you know that the babymaking process has been outsourced. we are now lesbian babyshopping. err... adopting. i'm not allowed to say we're buying a baby, because we're not - technically, but it feels like we are. anyway, that said, i'm planning to re-open my posts on the topic because we're out of the business of possibly-squicky medical information and nothing is left but angsty waiting and squeeing with glee at the end. i'll put all the adoption stuff under a cut, so you can jump in and read if you wish, or ignore if you wish.
the latest news is that we went in and had an interview with that agency i was getting the "scratch-n-dent sale" feeling from, and there is a perfectly rational explanation for it. they're a non-profit, member of the united way, AND they provide nearly-free prenatal care to pretty much anyone who wants it. some of those people choose to make adoption plans, but they have a strict non-coercive policy (which i like), and that means that only a few of the people they serve every year make adoption plans. their chief source of income is from adoptions and then from charitable donations, so... they feel squeezed. probably all the time, really. it explains the mixed messages, too. "WE NEED FAMILIES!" mixed in with "You must agree to one of the following [defects] in a child." Personally, some of the things they consider defects i do not consider to be so, but i think they were trying to save themselves the effort of matching up prospective adopters and having them balk because the babies aren't all caucasian with drug-free, smoke-free birthmothers who took folic acid for a year before conceiving and exercised daily during their pregnancy while listening to classical music. on the one hand, they're trying to be firm about setting people's expectations, on the other, they're trying to bring in badly needed funds.
all that said, they have a slightly lower price and a significantly shorter wait than any of the other agencies that deal with queers, so we chose them. because the agency is staffed and run by social workers, they have mandatory trainings for all their adoption programs. :) trainings designed to raise your sensitivity, teach you supportive language and terminology, and educate you about your options, rights and responsibilities. i was expecting it to be drier than hamburgers made of skinny cows, but i was pleasantly surprised. there were a number of perspectives raised that i had never considered and the presenter made it a discussion more than a data-dump. he did a great job including everyone and making everyone think. also, he was funny.
so we're filling out our applications now, and you would scarce believe the volumes of information required about us, our parents, our siblings, our extended families, our jobs, our finances, our sex lives, etc. it's offensive to me that i'm required to go through all these hoops and yet people can just get drunk, hook up in a bar, and get to the same end i'm getting to. i don't mind doing all this, but i think everybody ought to be required. in thesilia-topia, everyone's reproductive cells would be frozen at birth and could only be activated after completing this sort of training and interview process. of course, the drug lobby would rabidly oppose it, unless the only way you could KEEP your reproductive cells active was to take a daily hormone pill. like birth control, in reverse. of course, that would make adoption even more difficult and expensive because it would all but eliminate unplanned pregnancy, so i'd be shooting myself in the foot. but then, if it were thesilia-topia, i'd have genetic medicine worked out already and i wouldn't need the option of adopting. so there. i painted myself into a corner and magicked myself out. i love it!
the homestudy process should take about a month. it includes our fat packet of social, familial, medical, and financial information, interviews with each of us separately and together, visits to our home, medical checkups, and reference checks. i'm going to be out of town for work the next two weeks, so i hope that doesn't delay the process.
and then we go "on the list" and wait for our lives and a birthmother's desires to line up. and for her to pick us. rose is in charge of making our "pick me!" book and i'm in charge of writing the letter. anyone got suggestions?
so for those of you who've been following the lesbian babymaking adventure, you know that the babymaking process has been outsourced. we are now lesbian babyshopping. err... adopting. i'm not allowed to say we're buying a baby, because we're not - technically, but it feels like we are. anyway, that said, i'm planning to re-open my posts on the topic because we're out of the business of possibly-squicky medical information and nothing is left but angsty waiting and squeeing with glee at the end. i'll put all the adoption stuff under a cut, so you can jump in and read if you wish, or ignore if you wish.
the latest news is that we went in and had an interview with that agency i was getting the "scratch-n-dent sale" feeling from, and there is a perfectly rational explanation for it. they're a non-profit, member of the united way, AND they provide nearly-free prenatal care to pretty much anyone who wants it. some of those people choose to make adoption plans, but they have a strict non-coercive policy (which i like), and that means that only a few of the people they serve every year make adoption plans. their chief source of income is from adoptions and then from charitable donations, so... they feel squeezed. probably all the time, really. it explains the mixed messages, too. "WE NEED FAMILIES!" mixed in with "You must agree to one of the following [defects] in a child." Personally, some of the things they consider defects i do not consider to be so, but i think they were trying to save themselves the effort of matching up prospective adopters and having them balk because the babies aren't all caucasian with drug-free, smoke-free birthmothers who took folic acid for a year before conceiving and exercised daily during their pregnancy while listening to classical music. on the one hand, they're trying to be firm about setting people's expectations, on the other, they're trying to bring in badly needed funds.
all that said, they have a slightly lower price and a significantly shorter wait than any of the other agencies that deal with queers, so we chose them. because the agency is staffed and run by social workers, they have mandatory trainings for all their adoption programs. :) trainings designed to raise your sensitivity, teach you supportive language and terminology, and educate you about your options, rights and responsibilities. i was expecting it to be drier than hamburgers made of skinny cows, but i was pleasantly surprised. there were a number of perspectives raised that i had never considered and the presenter made it a discussion more than a data-dump. he did a great job including everyone and making everyone think. also, he was funny.
so we're filling out our applications now, and you would scarce believe the volumes of information required about us, our parents, our siblings, our extended families, our jobs, our finances, our sex lives, etc. it's offensive to me that i'm required to go through all these hoops and yet people can just get drunk, hook up in a bar, and get to the same end i'm getting to. i don't mind doing all this, but i think everybody ought to be required. in thesilia-topia, everyone's reproductive cells would be frozen at birth and could only be activated after completing this sort of training and interview process. of course, the drug lobby would rabidly oppose it, unless the only way you could KEEP your reproductive cells active was to take a daily hormone pill. like birth control, in reverse. of course, that would make adoption even more difficult and expensive because it would all but eliminate unplanned pregnancy, so i'd be shooting myself in the foot. but then, if it were thesilia-topia, i'd have genetic medicine worked out already and i wouldn't need the option of adopting. so there. i painted myself into a corner and magicked myself out. i love it!
the homestudy process should take about a month. it includes our fat packet of social, familial, medical, and financial information, interviews with each of us separately and together, visits to our home, medical checkups, and reference checks. i'm going to be out of town for work the next two weeks, so i hope that doesn't delay the process.
and then we go "on the list" and wait for our lives and a birthmother's desires to line up. and for her to pick us. rose is in charge of making our "pick me!" book and i'm in charge of writing the letter. anyone got suggestions?