i'm a hermit (duh) and adoption ... stuff
In news that is entirely not new and probably doesn't even merit the name "news" at this point, I'm still being a hermit. I have no words. I don't know why, I just don't. As this has been ongoing for a year or so, I don't know when to expect it to end. I've considered trying to make myself sit down and do a post a day sort of thing, even if it'
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The adoption process has changed from the time my friend put her baby up for adoption 30 years ago. A part of me likes the idea of an open adoption and part of me says it has the potential for distaster. On that I'm no help at all.
As for potty training and teenagers, you'll be fine. Children are amazingly resiliant and you have to work pretty dang hard to screw them up. It sounds like you have a supportive family and they will be a wonderful resource for you when you have questions. There is something that happens when you're around a baby that endears you to them. This is nature's way of making sure we don't kill them. You will succumb to her charms in a big way, and that bonding will help guide you to knowing what is best for her.
And for the record, there is no such thing as potty training. They'll do it when they're ready. Don't let other Moms, especially Moms of another generation, bully you into rushing the process. I waited until my daughter was 3, showed her the potty, explained what to do, and she had it in three days. This was way better than a year and a half of poopy pants and accidents in inconvenient places. Just slap a diaper on the kid and get on with your life. Early toilet training does far more psychological harm in the long run.
You'll be fine.
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open adoptions these days come in varying degrees of openness. one of my cousins was adopted in a completely closed adoption, the other in a completely open adoption. the hardest part was when the cousin in the open adoption couldn't get in touch with his birth parents for a while, he felt really rejected. it turned out they were having a terribly rocky patch in their relationship and they eventually split up. his birthmom didn't want him to see that, or to have to explain it, so she just faded away for a while. still, it hurt him a lot.
one thing i love a lot about this agency is that they mediate the open adoptions right up until the children are 18. they let the birthmoms set (to a degree) how open the adoption will be and then they facilitate it and play referee, if needed. sometimes "open" just means that you know each other's first names and have met once. sometimes it means sending photos and a letter a couple times a year or sending videos. sometimes it involves supervised visits at the agency's office. sometimes it involves full disclosure and a relationship that you have to manage. but the agency guides the birthmoms on that and ensures that the level of openness is one that everybody involved is responsible enough to handle. and if it's not working, they mediate re-tooling it into something everyone can handle.
that was one of my chief concerns with an open adoption... managing that relationship with the birthparents. i'm glad i'll have someone looking out for me in that way.
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