(no subject)
Its been a while since I've written in here...mostly because I've been very kept to myself. I work, go to school full time, and have a very important guy in my life. And the guy....well that's why I've decided to write in here one more time. Matt. I love Matt to death. Honest. I really, sometimes, think that he's going to be the man I marry. But, he hurts me so badly sometimes...and I don't think I deserve it. I'm writing this because....I feel very self destructive right now. I need someone...anyone to talk to. However, I haven't kept in touch with many people...and the few I have...I can't get ahold of.
I hate lies.
Oh God...It's so over for me.
How do I go about it?
Lets just say, I read something I shouldn't have....hate myself for it...but, what it has revealed to me....nothing could hurt me more.
I want out.
I want out of the whole thing.
Love is too pretentious.
Love is blinding...It has ruined me on so many levels.
I want to get fucked up.
I want to try every goddamn drug that exists.
I want to drink until my thoughts and memories are no more.
I want to die.
I hate lies.
Oh God...It's so over for me.
How do I go about it?
Lets just say, I read something I shouldn't have....hate myself for it...but, what it has revealed to me....nothing could hurt me more.
I want out.
I want out of the whole thing.
Love is too pretentious.
Love is blinding...It has ruined me on so many levels.
I want to get fucked up.
I want to try every goddamn drug that exists.
I want to drink until my thoughts and memories are no more.
I want to die.