Beyond the horizon
Over the years I have been quite a worrisome human being. In high school I was scared to death of not amounting to anything and eventually dying poor and lonely. Through college, and the year and a half of transition, I had similar insecurities but was equipped with a strong will that kept me from giving up. I had enough ambition in me to keep my eyes open, enough romantic drama to keep my mind creative, and a stupid idea of becoming some big writer in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Still, most of my actions were based on wanting to ensure that my life had meaning; along with a decent marriage, a steady career path, and enough money to live comfortably. With the help of James, I became more self-sustained and able to phase out many fears that ultimately didn't matter to my development as an adult
At 21-years-old I was content but still searching for that big step that would give me a harsh kick into the real world. I joined the Army because I knew that it would give me the drive that I needed and the salary that would pay for my luxurious lifestyle. It would separate me from a city that I had no grounding in and gain appreciation from the people who loved me.
After a year in the military I quickly realized that this wasn't the path I was meant to continue. Being a soldier had its benefits, but it certainly wasn't a path I wanted to maintain after the close of my contract. When I enrolled back in college in the Summer of 2009 I had intended on majoring in Intelligence Studies with hopes that it could one day land me a job with the CIA, DEA, ATF, or FBI. There wasn't any further research on this goal, other than knowing that those jobs had high salaries and intriguing lines of work. For the next nine months my interest in the field diminished as I began wondering once again what the hell I was doing with my life. I changed my major thrice over a four month period, eventually switching back over to history after a lonely soul-searching retreat in the Cascade mountains. Today it doesn't matter what job I have in the end; teaching, excavating, maintaining... just as long as it satisfies my field. There's still some fear lingering in my mind regarding failure and the constant tension that I have, assuming that every perfect woman I meet will have some reason not to be with me, but over time I've learned to put those negative feelings to the side and continue on with my life's mission.
This is now the person who I am. This is what I've evolved to.
Ever since I've been in Afghanistan I've successfully ignored the ongoing threat of indirect fire and the flaky Afghans on base, and have placed all of my concern on my education and this leisure trip to London. Being in a reasonably docile city has relinquished most of the fear for my life.
Just before midnight I was outside with Biso, smoking cigars, and talking about the missions coming up. We've received word that we will be moving out west for a combat operation in the next two to three weeks. My first aggravation came in realizing that it's going to be difficult finishing my final project and exam while in transit, but soon it all sunk in with the understanding that we were going to the front.
And all of the anxieties that I've had in the last 24 years of my life no longer meant a god damn thing.
I brought up the relocation to my dad when he randomly messaged me on facebook, but didn't mention the situation included. I don't feel comfortable talking about it to tell you the truth, especially to someone who worries about everything.
-Michael R.
PS: For the record, I'm going to continue with my schooling as I'm refusing to allow this to put a damper on my progress. Classes also help to take my mind off of everything going on around me.
At 21-years-old I was content but still searching for that big step that would give me a harsh kick into the real world. I joined the Army because I knew that it would give me the drive that I needed and the salary that would pay for my luxurious lifestyle. It would separate me from a city that I had no grounding in and gain appreciation from the people who loved me.
After a year in the military I quickly realized that this wasn't the path I was meant to continue. Being a soldier had its benefits, but it certainly wasn't a path I wanted to maintain after the close of my contract. When I enrolled back in college in the Summer of 2009 I had intended on majoring in Intelligence Studies with hopes that it could one day land me a job with the CIA, DEA, ATF, or FBI. There wasn't any further research on this goal, other than knowing that those jobs had high salaries and intriguing lines of work. For the next nine months my interest in the field diminished as I began wondering once again what the hell I was doing with my life. I changed my major thrice over a four month period, eventually switching back over to history after a lonely soul-searching retreat in the Cascade mountains. Today it doesn't matter what job I have in the end; teaching, excavating, maintaining... just as long as it satisfies my field. There's still some fear lingering in my mind regarding failure and the constant tension that I have, assuming that every perfect woman I meet will have some reason not to be with me, but over time I've learned to put those negative feelings to the side and continue on with my life's mission.
This is now the person who I am. This is what I've evolved to.
Ever since I've been in Afghanistan I've successfully ignored the ongoing threat of indirect fire and the flaky Afghans on base, and have placed all of my concern on my education and this leisure trip to London. Being in a reasonably docile city has relinquished most of the fear for my life.
Just before midnight I was outside with Biso, smoking cigars, and talking about the missions coming up. We've received word that we will be moving out west for a combat operation in the next two to three weeks. My first aggravation came in realizing that it's going to be difficult finishing my final project and exam while in transit, but soon it all sunk in with the understanding that we were going to the front.
And all of the anxieties that I've had in the last 24 years of my life no longer meant a god damn thing.
I brought up the relocation to my dad when he randomly messaged me on facebook, but didn't mention the situation included. I don't feel comfortable talking about it to tell you the truth, especially to someone who worries about everything.
-Michael R.
PS: For the record, I'm going to continue with my schooling as I'm refusing to allow this to put a damper on my progress. Classes also help to take my mind off of everything going on around me.