(no subject)
Alright everyone, I need your help desperately. I scrapped my first poem and I made two new ones. I really need you to be completely honest - this poem will be going in the attic and I want it to be really good. If you like one, tell me which one and what you like about it. If you hate them both, tell me, and tell me why. I appreciated all your help with this.
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*For this one, I don't know what to do with the sixth line. It doesn't sound right, but I don't know what to put there.
A Song for the Lonely
Silence.
The snow falling,
Music to my ears.
The sun,
Descending,
Ready to rest for the night.
Alone,
I stare,
This beauty
Surrounding me.
Reminding,
Of what it is
That I don’t have.
What I don’t want,
Silence.
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I'm putting up my original poem here, tell me which one you prefer and what to do better. Thanks!
The Escape
Gazing through the window
Lost in these dreams
The snow is falling
So peaceful, it seems.
The sun is descending
Eyes resting for the night
Colours, red and yellow
Such a beautiful sight.
This place is where
Beautiful children will grow
This is my home
This is all that I know.
The taste of the city
The smell of the season
The cold trying to reach me
For which I know no reason.
The light will soon fade
A faint memory will remain
The darkness will surround me
A sad reminder of this pain.
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Again, I really appreciate the help.
- Julianne