Remember, His Name Is Cannon Like Boom.
Enlighten me.
So, today, after weeks and weeks of being messed with in particular by this guy named Cannon, I snapped and nearly sliced his throat. I kept telling people to let it go and not acknowledge it, he didn't mean the things he said after all, but he did. I knew it. They knew it. I tried liking him, then when I found that impossible I tried finding a neutral territory where I could work and he could work and we could respect eachother in a strictly work related arena. Today, he did something that triggered me, and I found him laughing about it in the back with some people as I was walking to confront him, and I just jumped him from behind. I have a set timer on me and it starts at one and goes to ten. When I'm angry in the very first second, I want to kill you. When it gets around to ten seconds later, I'm in control. I caught Cannon laughing about me going on second number three and I lost it. Lost it.
So now I don't think I want to work there anymore which sucks, because I really liked the job. Mike says he can get me a job at Commanders, so I'm not that worried about it, but that requires a whole set of situations that have to change and oh man, I can't think that straight yet.
My brain is telling me to be irrationally angry at a lot of people, one being Dane. Oftentimes I wish I never would have met him, but as I realize that's not the case I've grown to deal with it, and then I realized I was happy I met him because he helped me figure out exactly what I wanted in a relationship -- friendship and otherwise. So, somewhere along the line Dane probably shit-talked to Cannon about me, as he tended to do when we were dating, afterwards, and continues to do, which is why I'm not talking to him anymore. Anyway, since they're practically married, I can only assume that Cannon hates me for "what I've done" to Dane, which is probably some ridiculous, overdramatacised, bitchy version of me saying "I really don't want to date you, but hey, can we still be friends?" He gets no defense because I asked him to not talk to Cannon about me, but he says, "it's called making conversation" ...as if I don't know how.
So, I applied at Jubans three days before Dane did, and I got hired on the spot. Dane didn't. My first day there I walked up to Cannon and said, "Wow, hey! It's been a while" and he said, "Don't pretend like we have a past, hope you enjoy Dane's job." I was reasonably pissed, so when I got home I was complaining to Dane about it and he told Cannon I was "bitchin' up a storm" and then the onslaught began. Some days he'd be really nice, others he'd be a total dick, sometimes both in the same day. He's said things like, "I can't wait for you to get fired" and in general caused some dislike about me by disrespecting me in front of my coworkers. The first time I worked a shift, I watered his table and then one of the guys at the table started talking to me and I was talking back, then Cannon walked up behind me and said, "Don't ever talk to any of my tables again" and I was embarrassed as hell. Anyway, he's persisted in being cruel and for some time he had me ready to quit, but I wasn't going to do that because I like what I do and I like my managers, well, all except Drew.
Drew was the one who told me to go back into the kitchen and not kill Cannon. He's a nice guy, but he makes a shitty manager to work under, especially when you're looking for an adult job. I knew I wouldn't like working under him the instant he called me "babe". Like, "hey babe, you can go home whenever you want." I don't like that at all. I might be 20, but my work ethic is sound and fantastic, and I don't want to be talked down to. I tried to like him, also, because his sense of humor is nearly as sardonic as mine, but I had trouble, then when Ben told me that Drew really didn't like me, I felt okay about not liking him either. Today was the first day I let the act slip and I think he knows now that I don't like him in the least, which is a bad thing for a manager to know. This place has so much drama it's ridiculous. I like going to work when I feel invincible like I own the place and I like to get my shit done and go home. That's that. When I have a job, I want to have scheduled 40 hours a week, especially when I'm not getting paid more than $10.00 an hour some weeks, and I don't want to have to ask around to "pick up shifts". Fuck that shit, I applied as a full time employee, give me my 40 scheduled hours and if I don't want them, I'll give my own damn hours away. If I want to work 40 hours at this restaurant, I have to work 8 shifts, at least. It's been so slow, recently, I'm getting cut within the hour, but because of the busses, I can't go home. I feel like I never leave the damn place. It's like a jail.
Baton Rouge, in general, is very jail-like. It's hard to get around and be anywhere interesting. All I want to do is go home, to New Orleans, most of the time. I think about my friends and what they're probably doing, and I get kinda depressed. And by kinda, I mean a lot. When I'm home, I'm hot shit. There're people to do and things to see and I'm all about doing people and seeing things. Here, I'm just a weird kid who sticks out awkwardly in a crowd of boring, unfortunately normal LSU kids. The only thing these kids have is school and alcohol, because everything else is just too depressing for words. Everyone seems so... disgustingly conventional? I'm most certainly not an extreme liberal, but more along the lines of a realist. I see things for what they are and judge them according to my own personal belief system. Here, everyone is exceptionally conservative. (I know, I'm making generalizations that aren't wholly true, but I'm talking majority when I say "everyone", there are great exceptions, but for now I'm speaking of the general populus.)
When I'm at home I feel really stuck, also. Living out in the ghetto is a lot harder than I thought it would be. The busses stop running around 10:30ish and no one wants to take me home because they "don't go out there after night falls". Secondly, who wants to come pick me up to do anything cool? No one. I mean, I like being here on my off days because we can sit around and watch TV with roommates and that's cool, but when I want to leave I'm constantly reminded of the safety issue and the lack of my having a car. When I was in New Orleans, it wasn't so much of an issue because the streetcar ran 24 hours, and the Magazine bus still does. The safety thing is still not that big of an issue, but I miss living in a nice neighborhood uptown where I had to watch my back, but I didn't feel the need to run home from the bus stop.
To add to my bad day, someone left the dog out and it destroyed things in my room.
I called Mike today and he's in Massachutsetts, where I'd like to be. He asked me what I expected from talking to Dane and working with Cannon, and I replied that I didn't really know, but this was somewhere along those lines. I shouldn't have spoken to Dane again, and I'll keep this as a future reference. I had forgotten, but it won't happen again.
Anyway, tomorrow is the day when I decide if I'm putting my two weeks in or not, and if I'm moving home or staying, and a few other things that I'm not mentioning on livejournal, but they happen to be swaying me very much. No one is getting an apology from anything said in this post, I'd prefer if the people mentioned in it never got wind of it, but I'm not making my thoughts private. I could say a lot more about Dane and Cannon, both. I could attack their characters and rip them to shreds, but I try my hardest to not pick apart people's bad stuff, because I've got my shit too.
Brett called and I didn't answer because last time he called he made me really angry.
And now I'm going to sleep. Good fucking night.
So, today, after weeks and weeks of being messed with in particular by this guy named Cannon, I snapped and nearly sliced his throat. I kept telling people to let it go and not acknowledge it, he didn't mean the things he said after all, but he did. I knew it. They knew it. I tried liking him, then when I found that impossible I tried finding a neutral territory where I could work and he could work and we could respect eachother in a strictly work related arena. Today, he did something that triggered me, and I found him laughing about it in the back with some people as I was walking to confront him, and I just jumped him from behind. I have a set timer on me and it starts at one and goes to ten. When I'm angry in the very first second, I want to kill you. When it gets around to ten seconds later, I'm in control. I caught Cannon laughing about me going on second number three and I lost it. Lost it.
So now I don't think I want to work there anymore which sucks, because I really liked the job. Mike says he can get me a job at Commanders, so I'm not that worried about it, but that requires a whole set of situations that have to change and oh man, I can't think that straight yet.
My brain is telling me to be irrationally angry at a lot of people, one being Dane. Oftentimes I wish I never would have met him, but as I realize that's not the case I've grown to deal with it, and then I realized I was happy I met him because he helped me figure out exactly what I wanted in a relationship -- friendship and otherwise. So, somewhere along the line Dane probably shit-talked to Cannon about me, as he tended to do when we were dating, afterwards, and continues to do, which is why I'm not talking to him anymore. Anyway, since they're practically married, I can only assume that Cannon hates me for "what I've done" to Dane, which is probably some ridiculous, overdramatacised, bitchy version of me saying "I really don't want to date you, but hey, can we still be friends?" He gets no defense because I asked him to not talk to Cannon about me, but he says, "it's called making conversation" ...as if I don't know how.
So, I applied at Jubans three days before Dane did, and I got hired on the spot. Dane didn't. My first day there I walked up to Cannon and said, "Wow, hey! It's been a while" and he said, "Don't pretend like we have a past, hope you enjoy Dane's job." I was reasonably pissed, so when I got home I was complaining to Dane about it and he told Cannon I was "bitchin' up a storm" and then the onslaught began. Some days he'd be really nice, others he'd be a total dick, sometimes both in the same day. He's said things like, "I can't wait for you to get fired" and in general caused some dislike about me by disrespecting me in front of my coworkers. The first time I worked a shift, I watered his table and then one of the guys at the table started talking to me and I was talking back, then Cannon walked up behind me and said, "Don't ever talk to any of my tables again" and I was embarrassed as hell. Anyway, he's persisted in being cruel and for some time he had me ready to quit, but I wasn't going to do that because I like what I do and I like my managers, well, all except Drew.
Drew was the one who told me to go back into the kitchen and not kill Cannon. He's a nice guy, but he makes a shitty manager to work under, especially when you're looking for an adult job. I knew I wouldn't like working under him the instant he called me "babe". Like, "hey babe, you can go home whenever you want." I don't like that at all. I might be 20, but my work ethic is sound and fantastic, and I don't want to be talked down to. I tried to like him, also, because his sense of humor is nearly as sardonic as mine, but I had trouble, then when Ben told me that Drew really didn't like me, I felt okay about not liking him either. Today was the first day I let the act slip and I think he knows now that I don't like him in the least, which is a bad thing for a manager to know. This place has so much drama it's ridiculous. I like going to work when I feel invincible like I own the place and I like to get my shit done and go home. That's that. When I have a job, I want to have scheduled 40 hours a week, especially when I'm not getting paid more than $10.00 an hour some weeks, and I don't want to have to ask around to "pick up shifts". Fuck that shit, I applied as a full time employee, give me my 40 scheduled hours and if I don't want them, I'll give my own damn hours away. If I want to work 40 hours at this restaurant, I have to work 8 shifts, at least. It's been so slow, recently, I'm getting cut within the hour, but because of the busses, I can't go home. I feel like I never leave the damn place. It's like a jail.
Baton Rouge, in general, is very jail-like. It's hard to get around and be anywhere interesting. All I want to do is go home, to New Orleans, most of the time. I think about my friends and what they're probably doing, and I get kinda depressed. And by kinda, I mean a lot. When I'm home, I'm hot shit. There're people to do and things to see and I'm all about doing people and seeing things. Here, I'm just a weird kid who sticks out awkwardly in a crowd of boring, unfortunately normal LSU kids. The only thing these kids have is school and alcohol, because everything else is just too depressing for words. Everyone seems so... disgustingly conventional? I'm most certainly not an extreme liberal, but more along the lines of a realist. I see things for what they are and judge them according to my own personal belief system. Here, everyone is exceptionally conservative. (I know, I'm making generalizations that aren't wholly true, but I'm talking majority when I say "everyone", there are great exceptions, but for now I'm speaking of the general populus.)
When I'm at home I feel really stuck, also. Living out in the ghetto is a lot harder than I thought it would be. The busses stop running around 10:30ish and no one wants to take me home because they "don't go out there after night falls". Secondly, who wants to come pick me up to do anything cool? No one. I mean, I like being here on my off days because we can sit around and watch TV with roommates and that's cool, but when I want to leave I'm constantly reminded of the safety issue and the lack of my having a car. When I was in New Orleans, it wasn't so much of an issue because the streetcar ran 24 hours, and the Magazine bus still does. The safety thing is still not that big of an issue, but I miss living in a nice neighborhood uptown where I had to watch my back, but I didn't feel the need to run home from the bus stop.
To add to my bad day, someone left the dog out and it destroyed things in my room.
I called Mike today and he's in Massachutsetts, where I'd like to be. He asked me what I expected from talking to Dane and working with Cannon, and I replied that I didn't really know, but this was somewhere along those lines. I shouldn't have spoken to Dane again, and I'll keep this as a future reference. I had forgotten, but it won't happen again.
Anyway, tomorrow is the day when I decide if I'm putting my two weeks in or not, and if I'm moving home or staying, and a few other things that I'm not mentioning on livejournal, but they happen to be swaying me very much. No one is getting an apology from anything said in this post, I'd prefer if the people mentioned in it never got wind of it, but I'm not making my thoughts private. I could say a lot more about Dane and Cannon, both. I could attack their characters and rip them to shreds, but I try my hardest to not pick apart people's bad stuff, because I've got my shit too.
Brett called and I didn't answer because last time he called he made me really angry.
And now I'm going to sleep. Good fucking night.