[The feed turns on. Splashes of blood-soaked earth fly across the screen as the journal is jilted about; eventually the screen rests on Jay, kneecap broken in and huddled on the ground in a moaning heap. The recorder is not seen.]
He needs a healer that can set bones. In the forest, north of the village.
[Then the journal is placed on the ground
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The light from the window is gray, telling him he'd slept the day away again. But this time, it has little to do with recovery. There's an ache in his heart that has nothing to do with battle wounds.
It gnaws at him like a flesh-eating disease, because he already knows as he staggers down the hall, that it can't be Mikey. It's too quiet.
Raph reaches the bathroom door, looking tired and sick. Leonardo stands before him, covered in blood.
He leans on the door frame and says nothing.]
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[He doesn't bother to shut the curtain. A jet of lukewarm water sprays from the showerhead, and he leans both palms on either side of the knob. Congealing blood peels away from his skin and runs onto the shower floor - he watches as it circles around the drain lazily before being pulled down.]
You should be resting.
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Did you kill him?
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Something in the back of his mind echoes in Splinter's voice. What does this mean?]
We'll make another one.
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Do ya want me to stitch you up, or should I get Donnie?
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He had hoped Luceti would be different. He had hoped that a world where it was safe for them to walk the streets was a world where their family didn't get torn apart at every turn.
No.
Never.
There is no world like that.
Not for them.
Standing in the bathroom doorway, Don just puts his head in his hands, and cries. For everything they've lost, and for everything they will never find.]
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He throws his arms around his brother, fire burning in his stomach and tears threatening his own eyes. His voice wavers.]
No, Donnie...No, don't cry...
[He'll hold him as tight as he can, rubbing the back of his brother's shell.]
It's n-not gonna help anybody...if you cry.
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The last thing he ever wanted was to make Donatello suffer. He did this for honor, and for Raphael (and for yourself) - Don was never meant to be part of it. The blood that Leonardo sacrifices should not weigh on shoulders already so burdened.
The water stings his face and Leonardo buries his forehead into his arm. His brothers sound lost and so very broken, and he cannot face them. This never should have happened.]
We'll find a way. [(The quiver in his voice, he pretends is from pain.)] We always do.
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He reaches into the cabinet, robotically, for iodine and cotton swabs. Open the bottle, pour some out, dab it on Leo's wounds.
Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows how many times he's done this. Knows the total, broken down by brother, by injury type, by how many hours he held his breath waiting to see if they would be all right.
He never acknowledges that part of his mind.
Because it doesn't matter. What matters is the next time, the next injury, fixing his brothers as well as he can, making the scar as small as possible. So they'll heal well, so they'll be strong enough to survive the next one.]
"We always do."
[It's meant to be comforting, but he doesn't take any solace in it. There's only pain in his voice as he says:] Why - is there always - a next one?
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[He knows the answer that Donatello needs, but cannot tell the lie that he deserves. For now he gives himself up to his brother's hands, and traces the memory of gentleness where he has forgotten its existence.]
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There anything I can do?
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