The killer of killers.
I hate this mirror I stare into.. I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT!! I HATE YOU!! I stand still and stare into a reflection that only bores out such a morbid picture of someone that stands before me I know nothing of. The killer of killers! I stand staring with malice and angst at this.. thing.. this, machine before me. In my mind all I'm seeing are the actions I want so badly to come to life; striking my fist into that picture to watch it crack and shatter into sharp pieces, breaking the bones in my fist, tearing apart my flesh and painting the floor below me. I want this more than anything. I want this so badly, I want it.. but, but I come back to life and realize all I can do is cry my stupid eyes out.
My nightmare has come to life. I'm living it. I'm the killer of killers. These are my thoughts as best the come out..
I'm alone. I'm alone. I'm.. cold.. so, alone. I don't know who I am. A long while ago, I was told.. I was told I'm a machine. A machine? Yeah, this being without a heart. So how can it be I'm a being with many emotions, but no heart? This is where I've lost myself. I've tried so many ways to tell you of who I am, of what I am, of how I am.. perhaps I've got to look to many other ways to tell you. I never meant to hurt you. Where did I go wrong? No, not where did 'we' go wrong.. where did 'I' go wrong? Where? Where the fuck did I go wrong?! Hatred consumes my very being. Yes hatred. It's always been there though.. it's always been there, before you.. before us.
There's always going to be drama. I know it. No matter what, no matter where you go, or who you are, or whateva the fuck your fuckign status is. Drama will surround you. I know. I am drama, right? Heh, I know I am. I tend to be dealt the same cards over and over. New set of friends, backstabbers, bitchers and moaners.. maybe I'm one. I cry so much, it's sickening. It's at the point I'm starting to hear "boys don't cry" over and over and over. Ahhhhhhh!!!
I come to points where all I want to feel is external pain! All I want is to feel my flesh part, is to burn myself, wake myself up or rather put myself out of this misery of the god-forsaken waking world! I hate you.. I hate you.. I hate you you fucking stupid reflection in the fucking mirror.
*sigh* I can't ever get what I want. Well, what do I want? I have thoughts you know. Big thoughts. Well, little ones that I wish were big. I've always believed that two people in love could always and would always, no matter what, have each other's backs. No matter what. Yeah, it does mean in all cases. Reasonable expections would be of murder, no shit. Why can't you have my back? You say ytou do, but you don't.. you're afriad of drama. Maybe in my own little world.. things like that matter whereas in this argh, stupid world we live in, it doesn't. I'D FUCKING LOSE A MONTH OF SLEEP FOR YOU IF YOU NEEDED ME TO! I need you! Can't that be anymore clear?
This problem is MINE!!!! I swear to God I'm gonna lose my head. I want the mirror to shatter and cut me to pieces. Oh my oh my oh my gosh that would feel so good! What does she matter?? Okay, you know what, it's not even that she matters. I just want to know if her goddamn friendship with you is that important. Your family hasn't had the opportunity to have cops barge in and put a shift into your everyday life and lifestyle. You don't understand.. you just don't.
Let's not even talk about staying silent and not satying things. We share everything no? No we don't. I'm not the only one to blame. This is pain. This is hurt. This is confusion. I will finally give in if that's what I have to... I'm so close to it. She means so much to you, God knows why. You haven't even spoken to who you were supposed to about us and put her in her place! So many excuses about not seeing her and how long it would take.. go to her goddamn house, pull her aside at school or somethin. Damn yet there's all the time in the world for her to be able to "bother you".. *sigh*
I have hatred in me. I hae all this hatred in me. What more can I say? What more can be done? This is what it is, and you know what it is. You know what though? You weren't like this at first either! I'm shaking so much.. I'm shaking thin..
My thoughts, like the glass in my head, are so shattered, so scattered. I just need to talk this out before I collapse.
What more beauty can roses give off when their pedals are worn thin?
Love............love? I don't trust, and you don't believe. Somehow I feel we're even. If you can find in your brother, what you want so badly in me yet sense you cannot have it without worry.. well then, there it is. Rip my heart, spit and step on it too. This adds to the furtherance of my having none.
So please, if you want to restart everything, bind my hands tight, take me away and drop me in a place so far that I end up dying from trying to crawl all the way back to you.
My nightmare has come to life. I'm living it. I'm the killer of killers. These are my thoughts as best the come out..
I'm alone. I'm alone. I'm.. cold.. so, alone. I don't know who I am. A long while ago, I was told.. I was told I'm a machine. A machine? Yeah, this being without a heart. So how can it be I'm a being with many emotions, but no heart? This is where I've lost myself. I've tried so many ways to tell you of who I am, of what I am, of how I am.. perhaps I've got to look to many other ways to tell you. I never meant to hurt you. Where did I go wrong? No, not where did 'we' go wrong.. where did 'I' go wrong? Where? Where the fuck did I go wrong?! Hatred consumes my very being. Yes hatred. It's always been there though.. it's always been there, before you.. before us.
There's always going to be drama. I know it. No matter what, no matter where you go, or who you are, or whateva the fuck your fuckign status is. Drama will surround you. I know. I am drama, right? Heh, I know I am. I tend to be dealt the same cards over and over. New set of friends, backstabbers, bitchers and moaners.. maybe I'm one. I cry so much, it's sickening. It's at the point I'm starting to hear "boys don't cry" over and over and over. Ahhhhhhh!!!
I come to points where all I want to feel is external pain! All I want is to feel my flesh part, is to burn myself, wake myself up or rather put myself out of this misery of the god-forsaken waking world! I hate you.. I hate you.. I hate you you fucking stupid reflection in the fucking mirror.
*sigh* I can't ever get what I want. Well, what do I want? I have thoughts you know. Big thoughts. Well, little ones that I wish were big. I've always believed that two people in love could always and would always, no matter what, have each other's backs. No matter what. Yeah, it does mean in all cases. Reasonable expections would be of murder, no shit. Why can't you have my back? You say ytou do, but you don't.. you're afriad of drama. Maybe in my own little world.. things like that matter whereas in this argh, stupid world we live in, it doesn't. I'D FUCKING LOSE A MONTH OF SLEEP FOR YOU IF YOU NEEDED ME TO! I need you! Can't that be anymore clear?
This problem is MINE!!!! I swear to God I'm gonna lose my head. I want the mirror to shatter and cut me to pieces. Oh my oh my oh my gosh that would feel so good! What does she matter?? Okay, you know what, it's not even that she matters. I just want to know if her goddamn friendship with you is that important. Your family hasn't had the opportunity to have cops barge in and put a shift into your everyday life and lifestyle. You don't understand.. you just don't.
Let's not even talk about staying silent and not satying things. We share everything no? No we don't. I'm not the only one to blame. This is pain. This is hurt. This is confusion. I will finally give in if that's what I have to... I'm so close to it. She means so much to you, God knows why. You haven't even spoken to who you were supposed to about us and put her in her place! So many excuses about not seeing her and how long it would take.. go to her goddamn house, pull her aside at school or somethin. Damn yet there's all the time in the world for her to be able to "bother you".. *sigh*
I have hatred in me. I hae all this hatred in me. What more can I say? What more can be done? This is what it is, and you know what it is. You know what though? You weren't like this at first either! I'm shaking so much.. I'm shaking thin..
My thoughts, like the glass in my head, are so shattered, so scattered. I just need to talk this out before I collapse.
What more beauty can roses give off when their pedals are worn thin?
Love............love? I don't trust, and you don't believe. Somehow I feel we're even. If you can find in your brother, what you want so badly in me yet sense you cannot have it without worry.. well then, there it is. Rip my heart, spit and step on it too. This adds to the furtherance of my having none.
So please, if you want to restart everything, bind my hands tight, take me away and drop me in a place so far that I end up dying from trying to crawl all the way back to you.