[multichapter] baby blue: part 5: chapter 22
Title: Baby Blue: Part 5: Chapter 22
Pairing: JunDa
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1118
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, and only the words are mine.
Summary: They knew that moving forward would be hard, but with each hurdle the happiness they deserve seems further and further away.
October 19th 2015
They'd done about as much research as they could do. They'd tried every government advice website, they'd tried every parenting help forum, they'd even tried every sneaky legal loophole website they could find but it didn't look as though there was any hope.
“I'm sorry baby.” Taguchi told him, his expression nearing desolate as Ueda felt hot tears dripping over his eyelids. Taguchi had just hung up the phone, speaking to the Tokyo children's welfare office themselves. “Japan just isn't a progressive enough place right now...gay men can't adopt...”
He tried not to let the sob out, he didn't want Taguchi to feel even worse, this wasn't his fault. “We could go abroad...” he tried desperately but Taguchi shook his head slowly, they'd come across that on their searches but it just didn't seem a viable scam. “We could lie...one of us could go with a girl...pretend...” Taguchi started shaking his head but Ueda hurried on “You could go with Mayuko...”
“Uepi.” Taguchi said firmly, his tone soft but insistent. “That's fraud...it's illegal...and if you hadn't noticed we're public figures...they would know it was a lie, or could easily find out...it's impossible...there isn't any way...”
There was a way, Ueda didn't want to say it, he didn't want to have to, but there was another idea Ueda had been considering, it wasn't a good one but it was a last resort. Ueda shook his head pointedly. “It's not impossible.” He said, stalling, willing himself to hold his tongue but the words were there, spilling out in his desperation. “We almost had a child once...you almost had a child...we could...you could...”
Taguchi's eyes widened and Ueda knew he understood. “Are you crazy?” Taguchi asked him and Ueda looked at the ground. “What's wrong with you Tatsuya...you want me to sleep with somebody else to produce a child?” Taguchi sounded disgusted.
Ueda swallowed hard and looked back up at Taguchi. “I don't want you to...” he said slowly. “But it's the only way...”
“How can you be so selfish?” Taguchi asked, and the accusation stung but Ueda knew it would be a difficult fight, it had been difficult enough to convince himself.
“Mayuko loves you...” he continued, undeterred “She would do it if you asked her to...and you love me right?” he asked, hating the manipulation in his words.
“I do.” Taguchi answered, and then his eyes softened a little, a breath seeming to deflate him. “I do I love you...but please don't ask this of me...I can't bear the thought of being with her like that...not when I have you..”
“I could be there too...If Mayuko was OK with it, I could be there to help out...” Ueda encouraged.
“Tatsuya...” Taguchi argued “That kind of thing...it'd be ridiculous...it's impossible...” Ueda opened his mouth to butt in but Taguchi continued. “And even if it weren't...say it happened...say I got Mayuko pregnant...what happens then? She just gives us her baby? How could she do that? How do we explain that?”
“A drunken one-night stand...” Ueda suggested, it wasn't as though he hadn't thought about that already. He knew it would be rough but he knew they could do it if they really wanted to. “We fight, you get drunk and turn to the comfort of an old friend...she falls pregnant...it's perfect. Well I mean I know it's not, it's far from it, but we could apologise publicly, it will all be out in the open and we won't have to lie or to sneak around...”
“Even if that would work...you're forgetting that the baby would be Mayuko's baby too.” Taguchi argued back, his tone sounding a little stronger, angrier.
“If we talked to her...if we explained...she could even be part of it's life...just...it would be ours...if you talk to her...she loves you...”
“Stop saying that.” Taguchi said with a hint of warning in his tone, “Maybe she did once but never that much...not enough to...”
“You can't know that unless you ask her...” Ueda insisted, and then corrected himself “We ask her...please...Junno...can't we just ask?” It was a terrible idea, and a pathetic one too, Ueda knew that, but it was the only chance that they had. He knew that it was a long shot too, that what they would be asking would be too much, but he had seen the way Mayuko used to look at Taguchi and he knew that she loved him. “Junno...can't we try?”
There was still a note of irritation on his face but at Ueda's pleading it smoothed away almost completely. “I think that it's crazy.” Taguchi told him firmly. “I think it's a ridiculous thing to ask of someone, but if it's really what you want then we can talk to her.” Ueda's lips curved into a smile, it wasn't a happy one, even if Mayuko agreed, even if they did manage to have a baby of their own, there would be so much hurt along the way. Taguchi seemed to be thinking along the same tracks. “And if by some miracle she agreed, then what?”
“Then you sleep with her...I'll be involved in whatever capacity makes you most comfortable...but you're the one to...penetrate her...and you...” Ueda answered hesitantly.
“Yeah I get that part...but what after?" Taguchi asked, averting his eyes uncomfortably. "The chances of her falling pregnant from sleeping with her once...How many times do you want me to fuck her?” Taguchi asked.
“As many times as is necessary.” Ueda answered with difficulty, that thought had occurred to him too.
“What if she wanted joint custody?” Taguchi asked next.
“Then we discuss it...work out some terms...” Ueda answered, his voice a little strained. “Of course it would be unreasonable to expect her to hand over a child without any part in it's life.” He knew it would be difficult, that it would only be half of what he wanted, but anything was enough. “I would respect that the child would be hers as much as yours, and more so than mine...”
“You think that you can do that?” Taguchi asked only a little sceptically.
Ueda nodded in determined affirmation. “I know that it's an extreme idea...but it could work...just imagine that back then, imagine if Shizuka had been yours...you would have wanted joint custody right? It's just like that, only planned...” Taguchi's expression turned momentarily thoughtful and in that tiny instant, Ueda could see the memories and the associated feelings from that time, how much Taguchi had secretly hoped the baby was his and then everything that came after, the worst of their time together. “Junno, I'm sorry for everything that I put you through then...I was...”
“We'll talk to her.” Taguchi said quickly cutting off Ueda's words with nod.
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Apologies for the late post again. I've been away for the bank holiday weekend and I took the next chapter with me on my phone for some last minute editing, but then it turned out I haven't sorted out the parental controls on my mobile internet since changing my provider >_< Since my livejournal account is set to 'mature content' I couldn't get onto my livejournal page at all >_<
Pairing: JunDa
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1118
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, and only the words are mine.
Summary: They knew that moving forward would be hard, but with each hurdle the happiness they deserve seems further and further away.
October 19th 2015
They'd done about as much research as they could do. They'd tried every government advice website, they'd tried every parenting help forum, they'd even tried every sneaky legal loophole website they could find but it didn't look as though there was any hope.
“I'm sorry baby.” Taguchi told him, his expression nearing desolate as Ueda felt hot tears dripping over his eyelids. Taguchi had just hung up the phone, speaking to the Tokyo children's welfare office themselves. “Japan just isn't a progressive enough place right now...gay men can't adopt...”
He tried not to let the sob out, he didn't want Taguchi to feel even worse, this wasn't his fault. “We could go abroad...” he tried desperately but Taguchi shook his head slowly, they'd come across that on their searches but it just didn't seem a viable scam. “We could lie...one of us could go with a girl...pretend...” Taguchi started shaking his head but Ueda hurried on “You could go with Mayuko...”
“Uepi.” Taguchi said firmly, his tone soft but insistent. “That's fraud...it's illegal...and if you hadn't noticed we're public figures...they would know it was a lie, or could easily find out...it's impossible...there isn't any way...”
There was a way, Ueda didn't want to say it, he didn't want to have to, but there was another idea Ueda had been considering, it wasn't a good one but it was a last resort. Ueda shook his head pointedly. “It's not impossible.” He said, stalling, willing himself to hold his tongue but the words were there, spilling out in his desperation. “We almost had a child once...you almost had a child...we could...you could...”
Taguchi's eyes widened and Ueda knew he understood. “Are you crazy?” Taguchi asked him and Ueda looked at the ground. “What's wrong with you Tatsuya...you want me to sleep with somebody else to produce a child?” Taguchi sounded disgusted.
Ueda swallowed hard and looked back up at Taguchi. “I don't want you to...” he said slowly. “But it's the only way...”
“How can you be so selfish?” Taguchi asked, and the accusation stung but Ueda knew it would be a difficult fight, it had been difficult enough to convince himself.
“Mayuko loves you...” he continued, undeterred “She would do it if you asked her to...and you love me right?” he asked, hating the manipulation in his words.
“I do.” Taguchi answered, and then his eyes softened a little, a breath seeming to deflate him. “I do I love you...but please don't ask this of me...I can't bear the thought of being with her like that...not when I have you..”
“I could be there too...If Mayuko was OK with it, I could be there to help out...” Ueda encouraged.
“Tatsuya...” Taguchi argued “That kind of thing...it'd be ridiculous...it's impossible...” Ueda opened his mouth to butt in but Taguchi continued. “And even if it weren't...say it happened...say I got Mayuko pregnant...what happens then? She just gives us her baby? How could she do that? How do we explain that?”
“A drunken one-night stand...” Ueda suggested, it wasn't as though he hadn't thought about that already. He knew it would be rough but he knew they could do it if they really wanted to. “We fight, you get drunk and turn to the comfort of an old friend...she falls pregnant...it's perfect. Well I mean I know it's not, it's far from it, but we could apologise publicly, it will all be out in the open and we won't have to lie or to sneak around...”
“Even if that would work...you're forgetting that the baby would be Mayuko's baby too.” Taguchi argued back, his tone sounding a little stronger, angrier.
“If we talked to her...if we explained...she could even be part of it's life...just...it would be ours...if you talk to her...she loves you...”
“Stop saying that.” Taguchi said with a hint of warning in his tone, “Maybe she did once but never that much...not enough to...”
“You can't know that unless you ask her...” Ueda insisted, and then corrected himself “We ask her...please...Junno...can't we just ask?” It was a terrible idea, and a pathetic one too, Ueda knew that, but it was the only chance that they had. He knew that it was a long shot too, that what they would be asking would be too much, but he had seen the way Mayuko used to look at Taguchi and he knew that she loved him. “Junno...can't we try?”
There was still a note of irritation on his face but at Ueda's pleading it smoothed away almost completely. “I think that it's crazy.” Taguchi told him firmly. “I think it's a ridiculous thing to ask of someone, but if it's really what you want then we can talk to her.” Ueda's lips curved into a smile, it wasn't a happy one, even if Mayuko agreed, even if they did manage to have a baby of their own, there would be so much hurt along the way. Taguchi seemed to be thinking along the same tracks. “And if by some miracle she agreed, then what?”
“Then you sleep with her...I'll be involved in whatever capacity makes you most comfortable...but you're the one to...penetrate her...and you...” Ueda answered hesitantly.
“Yeah I get that part...but what after?" Taguchi asked, averting his eyes uncomfortably. "The chances of her falling pregnant from sleeping with her once...How many times do you want me to fuck her?” Taguchi asked.
“As many times as is necessary.” Ueda answered with difficulty, that thought had occurred to him too.
“What if she wanted joint custody?” Taguchi asked next.
“Then we discuss it...work out some terms...” Ueda answered, his voice a little strained. “Of course it would be unreasonable to expect her to hand over a child without any part in it's life.” He knew it would be difficult, that it would only be half of what he wanted, but anything was enough. “I would respect that the child would be hers as much as yours, and more so than mine...”
“You think that you can do that?” Taguchi asked only a little sceptically.
Ueda nodded in determined affirmation. “I know that it's an extreme idea...but it could work...just imagine that back then, imagine if Shizuka had been yours...you would have wanted joint custody right? It's just like that, only planned...” Taguchi's expression turned momentarily thoughtful and in that tiny instant, Ueda could see the memories and the associated feelings from that time, how much Taguchi had secretly hoped the baby was his and then everything that came after, the worst of their time together. “Junno, I'm sorry for everything that I put you through then...I was...”
“We'll talk to her.” Taguchi said quickly cutting off Ueda's words with nod.
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Apologies for the late post again. I've been away for the bank holiday weekend and I took the next chapter with me on my phone for some last minute editing, but then it turned out I haven't sorted out the parental controls on my mobile internet since changing my provider >_< Since my livejournal account is set to 'mature content' I couldn't get onto my livejournal page at all >_<