[oneshot] Faire la Couvade
Title: Faire la Couvade
Pairing: KoyaShige
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2520
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone.
Summary: Shige knows when Koyama is feeling strange, and even if it hurts, he knows what Koyama needs.
Warnings: kind of Mpreg, possible medical inaccuracies.
It's starts with the headaches, but it quickly escalates to loss of appetite and trouble sleeping too. Shige has known Koyama long enough to know when he's not feeling well, even if the ball of sunshine himself tries to hide it. It's hard for him to even do that though as NEWS set out on their nation wide tour.
“Kei?” Shige asks quietly, almost sure Koyama isn't asleep.
“Mmm?” comes Koyama's answer from the other bed.
“Are you OK? I know you haven't been well recently, are you sure you can handle the tour?”
Koyama's laugh is a little too shaky to be believable “I'm fine Shige, I'm not ill, I'm just tired.”
There's a small whine in his voice that Shige knows well enough, Koyama is upset. Shige gets up from his own bed and pads across the room, not paying any mind to Koyama's indignant squawk as he climbs right under Koyama's covers. “Tell me what's wrong.” Shige pushes gently, his arms wrapping around Koyama's chest and pulling him closer.
“There's nothing wrong.” Koyama insists, but then after a few moments he lets out a puff of air and relaxes in Shige's hold “Apart from the headaches I don't feel ill or anything...I just feel, wrong...like I don't feel like myself.”
Shige takes a moment to think “Like emotionally or physically?”
“A little of both” Koyama admits, “My body feels weird, I don't know in what way, it just feels different somehow, and I keep getting upset for no reason...”
“You haven't been sleeping well...” Shige states, he doesn't need to ask, he can see it in the colour of Koyama's face, the gaunt, yellowish tinge to his skin, the sunken blackness of his eyes.
Koyama shakes his head “I get too lonely when I'm on my own, but my sister and her husband are having problems...her and the kids moved back in with my mom so I can't even get any peace there either.”
“You can stay with me.” Shige offers, only a little selfishly.
Koyama chuckles and shakes his head “Shige you already do enough for me...I'll try and get enough rest while we're away but I should probably go back to my mom's to help with the kids when we're home anyway.”
He tries to hide the disappointment in his voice. “Well the offer will always be there.”
Koyama nods, and then lays silently for a few moments before nudging Shige gently away. “I feel a lot better now, thank you.”
He takes the hint and reluctantly climbs out of the bed again, returning to his own which feels much colder, and far too big once he's layeddown in it alone. He lays awake for most of the night, listening to the sounds of Koyama tossing and turning, occasionally grunting and whining in discomfort, and his heart aches.
^^^^^^
As the weeks pass, Koyama's restlessness transfers over to the day time too. He's uncharacteristically snappy with both the members and the staff, reducing the trainee costume girl to tears on more than one occasion, and himself to tears more often than not. He still won't talk to Shige though, still giving the same excuses of feeling 'out of sorts' with himself and snapping when Shige tries to pry further.
It's around that time that the stomach cramps start too, nobody misses the way Koyama spends any free time he can curled into a ball on the floor, subtly holding his stomach, or the increasing trips to the bathroom.
Shige follows him on one such trip, determined to confront him about his clearly deteriorating health but what he finds scares him even more, Koyama curled over the toilet bowl, coughing and throwing up his insides.
He stands frozen, unable to tear his eyes away until Koyama spits a few times into the toilet then reaches up to flush the chain before finally flopping down against the wall, panting hard. “Shige.” Koyama says with a weak smile when he notices him.
He launches into action, rushing to Koyama's side and picking him up, practically carrying him back along the corridor to their dressing room. There he releases Koyama gently onto the sofa, propping his head up on a pillow as he rushes to fetch a bottle of water, his eyes scanning Koyama's body as though for injury the whole time.
“Kei...” he whines, once Koyama has taken a few sips of the water and let his head fall peacefully back to the pillow.
Koyama offers him a weak smile “It's OK.”
“It's not OK” Shige retorts, “What's going on with you, why didn't you tell us you were this ill?”
Koyama laughs weakly, but his face looks peaceful, happy almost. “I told you, I'm not ill Shige.”
“But the vomiting...” Shige argues “And the stomach cramps, and the headaches and the mood swings...”
Koyama shakes his head and laughs “Yeah...think about it.” Shige's eyes furrow in confusion, until Koyama chuckles again and reaches down to unzip the baggy hoodie he's taken to wearing recently. “All those fights with the costume staff...they were about hiding this.” With the hoodie out of the way, Koyama lifts his T-shirt to reveal a small, but perfectly round bump of a stomach.
The realisation is like a light switch going on inside his head, but then the lights go out just as quickly, and Shige can't find a single word to say. He settles for gaping for a few minutes, his eyes roaming from Koyama's stomach to his, perfectly glowing, face. “It's impossible.” he chokes out eventually. The thought rushing back along with a thousand others, all bombarding his scattered brain. How? When? Whose is it?
“I can't explain it either” Koyama grins “But this is happening to me...” Shige shakes his head, though he couldn't say if it were in disbelief or protest “Shige, my sister found out she's pregnant too, she's going through the exact same things as me...” There's silence for a few more moments as Shige processes that but Koyama breaks him from his thoughts with a muted squeal of excitement. “I'm having a baby.”
It's like water crashing down on him, and Shige pushes himself back from the sofa as though burned by it. He just can't understand it, he doesn't want to, it's not natural and it scares him to even think about it, makes him feel a little queasy himself to look at it. “I can't...Kei, I'm sorry I can't...”
He doesn't finish his sentence, just rushes from the room and along the corridors to the back of the building, past the staff and other members without even a word. He just needs to get away to get some fresh air.
He doesn't want to think about it, but he has too, he has to make sense of the situation, and the more he thinks of it, the more he realises that he can accept it. He doesn't have to like it, or understand it, and there are a lot of uncomfortable questions he has for his best friend, but he has to try and accept it.
Koyama has rejoined rehearsals by the time he arrives back, and nobody else seems different so they mustn't have found out. Shige just apologises for his behaviour and carries on with things the best he can. He's distracted though, even through the concert that night, but he doesn't get chance to speak to Koyama alone until it's over and they're back in their hotel room.
“I'm sorry, for freaking out like that...” he starts awkwardly.
Koyama shakes his head with a smile “I was freaked out when I first found out too...”
“When did you find out?
“I've been feeling strange for a few months, but it was only a couple of weeks ago that I figured out why...”
“And what did the doctor say?”
Koyama looks uneasy “I haven't been recently...when I went before they said they couldn't find any reason for my symptoms but of course they wouldn't routinely check for pregnancy in a man...”
“Wait...” Shige interrupts, his face falling. “Then it's not confirmed?”
Koyama gives him a strange look “What more confirmation do you need? Look at me.” He lifts his shirt again and with Koyama standing it's even more noticeable, unmistakeable. “I've had all the symptoms...”
“But you don't even have the right body parts...and I mean...how? Who did you...”
Koyama cuts him off with a glare “I don't think that's any of your business.” he drops his shirt and wipes quickly at his eyes, but he's not quick enough to stop the first few tears from falling.
Shige never has been able to stand seeing Koyama cry. “Kei, I'm sorry, it's just a lot to take in...” Koyama nods and sniffs a little “I'll go with you tomorrow to the hospital...” he sees the way Koyama's eyes start to tilt into a glare again “We need to make sure that it's
healthy don't we? And that it's OK for you to be dancing this much, you might need to rest more...”
Koyama's face softens and immediately spreads into a smile at Shige's caring words. “She...we need to make sure she's healthy...I don't know, but I can just feel it...” Shige nods and smiles what he hopes is encouragingly. Koyama's eyes flash almost nervously to the floor and he fiddles a little with the hem of his shirt. “Shige...it's been a long day for me...an emotionally exhausting one even...do you think you could maybe hold me tonight?”
“Of course, if you'd like that.” Shige agrees, the feelings he's been trying to push away for years, clawing their way up through his chest to widen a smile across his face.
They both climb into Koyama's bed, and Koyama turns away from him, pulling Shige's arm securely over his waist. It feels strange, not only the fluttering feeling of being welcomed to cuddle into Koyama's back, but physically, the bump under his hand feels strange too. Shige spreads his hand out, palm running smoothly over the almost turgid flesh, it certainly feels real, and as Koyama whispers under his breath “I wish she were yours, Shige would take care of us both”, he wishes it were too.
^^^^^^
He manages to get them an emergency appointment with the, more discreet, Johnny's approved doctor, and he holds Koyama's hand tightly as he explains the situation, holds it tightly enough to feel it shake when the doctor starts “I don't think I need to explain to you that a real, male pregnancy is impossible. Have you heard of Couvade Syndrome?” they both shake their heads. “It's a uncommon occurrence where a man, usually a parter of, but occasionally just someone very close to, a pregnant woman, experiences the symptoms of her pregnancy along with her.”
It makes sense, Koyama's sister, the pregnancy, moving back to their mother's house, Koyama going around to help out. Koyama has always been a very emotionally receptive person, empathetic almost to a fault, it seems natural that he would try and subconsciously share her pain through this pregnancy that came at the most inopportune time. “His sister is pregnant...” Shige supplies.
“No” Koyama insists “That's...it's not just sympathy pains...I can feel it, there's something...someone inside of me...”
“It can feel that way, in most cases when it is the partner that is affected, it can be quite obvious what is happening and that knowledge added to the fact that they know they will become a parent soon can make it easier to accept. But in cases like yours...forgive me for being presumptive, but if you have an underlying desire to have a child, and then you begin to experience symptoms that you don't
understand...psychologically you can perpetuate the symptoms yourself, make them stronger, easier to believe...”
Koyama shakes his head again “I couldn't have imagined this.”
Koyama's distress is distressing, and even if Shige can see the doctor's side of things, part of him wishes that he could be wrong. “Isn't there any possibility at all? Can't you do anything to check? Just to be 100% sure?”
The doctor gives a small sigh. “There hasn't been a single reported case of a legitimate male pregnancy, if this were to be one, it would be quite frankly a nature defying miracle. But if it would give the two of you peace of mind, I can arrange an ultrasound scan...”
“Yes please” Koyama nods instantly.
They're taken to a different room, and a nurse is called to fetch gel and then start the machine.
“If there is anything growing in your belly at all, this scan will show us.” the nurse says kindly, and she lifts Koyama's top to smear a
little of the cool gel onto it.
Koyama clenches his eyes shut as she brings the scanner to his stomach, his hand squeezing Shige's tightly.
Shige can't look away, every nerve in his body tense as she makes contact, and then he feels like the world around him shatters as the screen shows nothing. He rubs Koyama's hand soothingly and turns to face him as Koyama's eyes pry apart, and then he wishes he could turn away as he sees the world shatter again inside them.
“From the shape of your frame and the size of your stomach, you would have to be around five or six months already...if you were pregnant there would be a clearly defined and developed foetus...” the nurse breaks gently.
“Then...then I'm not? There's no possible way?”
“If your symptoms continue to worsen, or if you're still experiencing them in a few months, we'll take some tests to ensure there's no underlying cause...but I'm afraid if there is, it's not pregnancy.” the doctor adds sympathetically.
Koyama nods, more composed than Shige had thought he would be, “Thank you for your time.” and then he waits patiently for the nurse to clean him up before getting to his feet. “Shige, take me home.”
Shige drives them back to his own apartment, but if Koyama even notices he doesn't comment, he just wanders, dazed, through to Shige's bedroom and flops down on the bed. It's not until Shige climbs on after him and pulls Koyama into his embrace that he breaks.
Koyama cries wordlessly for what feels like hours. For a while Shige cries with him, his heart bleeding for the other, for the disappointment and the loss he must be feeling. He can still see Koyama's face, glowing and happy, inside his head, and then the crumbling behind his eyes as he'd looked at that empty screen.
Shige's loved Koyama for as long as he can remember, loved him as a friend, as a brother, as a soul-mate. Koyama completes him, and he knows that Koyama loves him too, but as he looks down into Koyama's broken expression, he sees the difference, he could never complete Koyama because he can't give him the one thing that will make him whole. Koyama wants a child, and no matter how much he wishes it were possible, or even how much Koyama wishes it were possible, they could never have that together.
_________________________
Again this was a rather randomly inspired fic and it's a little unpolished since I wrote it in one sitting, but if I leave it to be edited later I'll probably never get round to it and I'll never end up posting it, so here it is!
Pairing: KoyaShige
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2520
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone.
Summary: Shige knows when Koyama is feeling strange, and even if it hurts, he knows what Koyama needs.
Warnings: kind of Mpreg, possible medical inaccuracies.
It's starts with the headaches, but it quickly escalates to loss of appetite and trouble sleeping too. Shige has known Koyama long enough to know when he's not feeling well, even if the ball of sunshine himself tries to hide it. It's hard for him to even do that though as NEWS set out on their nation wide tour.
“Kei?” Shige asks quietly, almost sure Koyama isn't asleep.
“Mmm?” comes Koyama's answer from the other bed.
“Are you OK? I know you haven't been well recently, are you sure you can handle the tour?”
Koyama's laugh is a little too shaky to be believable “I'm fine Shige, I'm not ill, I'm just tired.”
There's a small whine in his voice that Shige knows well enough, Koyama is upset. Shige gets up from his own bed and pads across the room, not paying any mind to Koyama's indignant squawk as he climbs right under Koyama's covers. “Tell me what's wrong.” Shige pushes gently, his arms wrapping around Koyama's chest and pulling him closer.
“There's nothing wrong.” Koyama insists, but then after a few moments he lets out a puff of air and relaxes in Shige's hold “Apart from the headaches I don't feel ill or anything...I just feel, wrong...like I don't feel like myself.”
Shige takes a moment to think “Like emotionally or physically?”
“A little of both” Koyama admits, “My body feels weird, I don't know in what way, it just feels different somehow, and I keep getting upset for no reason...”
“You haven't been sleeping well...” Shige states, he doesn't need to ask, he can see it in the colour of Koyama's face, the gaunt, yellowish tinge to his skin, the sunken blackness of his eyes.
Koyama shakes his head “I get too lonely when I'm on my own, but my sister and her husband are having problems...her and the kids moved back in with my mom so I can't even get any peace there either.”
“You can stay with me.” Shige offers, only a little selfishly.
Koyama chuckles and shakes his head “Shige you already do enough for me...I'll try and get enough rest while we're away but I should probably go back to my mom's to help with the kids when we're home anyway.”
He tries to hide the disappointment in his voice. “Well the offer will always be there.”
Koyama nods, and then lays silently for a few moments before nudging Shige gently away. “I feel a lot better now, thank you.”
He takes the hint and reluctantly climbs out of the bed again, returning to his own which feels much colder, and far too big once he's layeddown in it alone. He lays awake for most of the night, listening to the sounds of Koyama tossing and turning, occasionally grunting and whining in discomfort, and his heart aches.
^^^^^^
As the weeks pass, Koyama's restlessness transfers over to the day time too. He's uncharacteristically snappy with both the members and the staff, reducing the trainee costume girl to tears on more than one occasion, and himself to tears more often than not. He still won't talk to Shige though, still giving the same excuses of feeling 'out of sorts' with himself and snapping when Shige tries to pry further.
It's around that time that the stomach cramps start too, nobody misses the way Koyama spends any free time he can curled into a ball on the floor, subtly holding his stomach, or the increasing trips to the bathroom.
Shige follows him on one such trip, determined to confront him about his clearly deteriorating health but what he finds scares him even more, Koyama curled over the toilet bowl, coughing and throwing up his insides.
He stands frozen, unable to tear his eyes away until Koyama spits a few times into the toilet then reaches up to flush the chain before finally flopping down against the wall, panting hard. “Shige.” Koyama says with a weak smile when he notices him.
He launches into action, rushing to Koyama's side and picking him up, practically carrying him back along the corridor to their dressing room. There he releases Koyama gently onto the sofa, propping his head up on a pillow as he rushes to fetch a bottle of water, his eyes scanning Koyama's body as though for injury the whole time.
“Kei...” he whines, once Koyama has taken a few sips of the water and let his head fall peacefully back to the pillow.
Koyama offers him a weak smile “It's OK.”
“It's not OK” Shige retorts, “What's going on with you, why didn't you tell us you were this ill?”
Koyama laughs weakly, but his face looks peaceful, happy almost. “I told you, I'm not ill Shige.”
“But the vomiting...” Shige argues “And the stomach cramps, and the headaches and the mood swings...”
Koyama shakes his head and laughs “Yeah...think about it.” Shige's eyes furrow in confusion, until Koyama chuckles again and reaches down to unzip the baggy hoodie he's taken to wearing recently. “All those fights with the costume staff...they were about hiding this.” With the hoodie out of the way, Koyama lifts his T-shirt to reveal a small, but perfectly round bump of a stomach.
The realisation is like a light switch going on inside his head, but then the lights go out just as quickly, and Shige can't find a single word to say. He settles for gaping for a few minutes, his eyes roaming from Koyama's stomach to his, perfectly glowing, face. “It's impossible.” he chokes out eventually. The thought rushing back along with a thousand others, all bombarding his scattered brain. How? When? Whose is it?
“I can't explain it either” Koyama grins “But this is happening to me...” Shige shakes his head, though he couldn't say if it were in disbelief or protest “Shige, my sister found out she's pregnant too, she's going through the exact same things as me...” There's silence for a few more moments as Shige processes that but Koyama breaks him from his thoughts with a muted squeal of excitement. “I'm having a baby.”
It's like water crashing down on him, and Shige pushes himself back from the sofa as though burned by it. He just can't understand it, he doesn't want to, it's not natural and it scares him to even think about it, makes him feel a little queasy himself to look at it. “I can't...Kei, I'm sorry I can't...”
He doesn't finish his sentence, just rushes from the room and along the corridors to the back of the building, past the staff and other members without even a word. He just needs to get away to get some fresh air.
He doesn't want to think about it, but he has too, he has to make sense of the situation, and the more he thinks of it, the more he realises that he can accept it. He doesn't have to like it, or understand it, and there are a lot of uncomfortable questions he has for his best friend, but he has to try and accept it.
Koyama has rejoined rehearsals by the time he arrives back, and nobody else seems different so they mustn't have found out. Shige just apologises for his behaviour and carries on with things the best he can. He's distracted though, even through the concert that night, but he doesn't get chance to speak to Koyama alone until it's over and they're back in their hotel room.
“I'm sorry, for freaking out like that...” he starts awkwardly.
Koyama shakes his head with a smile “I was freaked out when I first found out too...”
“When did you find out?
“I've been feeling strange for a few months, but it was only a couple of weeks ago that I figured out why...”
“And what did the doctor say?”
Koyama looks uneasy “I haven't been recently...when I went before they said they couldn't find any reason for my symptoms but of course they wouldn't routinely check for pregnancy in a man...”
“Wait...” Shige interrupts, his face falling. “Then it's not confirmed?”
Koyama gives him a strange look “What more confirmation do you need? Look at me.” He lifts his shirt again and with Koyama standing it's even more noticeable, unmistakeable. “I've had all the symptoms...”
“But you don't even have the right body parts...and I mean...how? Who did you...”
Koyama cuts him off with a glare “I don't think that's any of your business.” he drops his shirt and wipes quickly at his eyes, but he's not quick enough to stop the first few tears from falling.
Shige never has been able to stand seeing Koyama cry. “Kei, I'm sorry, it's just a lot to take in...” Koyama nods and sniffs a little “I'll go with you tomorrow to the hospital...” he sees the way Koyama's eyes start to tilt into a glare again “We need to make sure that it's
healthy don't we? And that it's OK for you to be dancing this much, you might need to rest more...”
Koyama's face softens and immediately spreads into a smile at Shige's caring words. “She...we need to make sure she's healthy...I don't know, but I can just feel it...” Shige nods and smiles what he hopes is encouragingly. Koyama's eyes flash almost nervously to the floor and he fiddles a little with the hem of his shirt. “Shige...it's been a long day for me...an emotionally exhausting one even...do you think you could maybe hold me tonight?”
“Of course, if you'd like that.” Shige agrees, the feelings he's been trying to push away for years, clawing their way up through his chest to widen a smile across his face.
They both climb into Koyama's bed, and Koyama turns away from him, pulling Shige's arm securely over his waist. It feels strange, not only the fluttering feeling of being welcomed to cuddle into Koyama's back, but physically, the bump under his hand feels strange too. Shige spreads his hand out, palm running smoothly over the almost turgid flesh, it certainly feels real, and as Koyama whispers under his breath “I wish she were yours, Shige would take care of us both”, he wishes it were too.
^^^^^^
He manages to get them an emergency appointment with the, more discreet, Johnny's approved doctor, and he holds Koyama's hand tightly as he explains the situation, holds it tightly enough to feel it shake when the doctor starts “I don't think I need to explain to you that a real, male pregnancy is impossible. Have you heard of Couvade Syndrome?” they both shake their heads. “It's a uncommon occurrence where a man, usually a parter of, but occasionally just someone very close to, a pregnant woman, experiences the symptoms of her pregnancy along with her.”
It makes sense, Koyama's sister, the pregnancy, moving back to their mother's house, Koyama going around to help out. Koyama has always been a very emotionally receptive person, empathetic almost to a fault, it seems natural that he would try and subconsciously share her pain through this pregnancy that came at the most inopportune time. “His sister is pregnant...” Shige supplies.
“No” Koyama insists “That's...it's not just sympathy pains...I can feel it, there's something...someone inside of me...”
“It can feel that way, in most cases when it is the partner that is affected, it can be quite obvious what is happening and that knowledge added to the fact that they know they will become a parent soon can make it easier to accept. But in cases like yours...forgive me for being presumptive, but if you have an underlying desire to have a child, and then you begin to experience symptoms that you don't
understand...psychologically you can perpetuate the symptoms yourself, make them stronger, easier to believe...”
Koyama shakes his head again “I couldn't have imagined this.”
Koyama's distress is distressing, and even if Shige can see the doctor's side of things, part of him wishes that he could be wrong. “Isn't there any possibility at all? Can't you do anything to check? Just to be 100% sure?”
The doctor gives a small sigh. “There hasn't been a single reported case of a legitimate male pregnancy, if this were to be one, it would be quite frankly a nature defying miracle. But if it would give the two of you peace of mind, I can arrange an ultrasound scan...”
“Yes please” Koyama nods instantly.
They're taken to a different room, and a nurse is called to fetch gel and then start the machine.
“If there is anything growing in your belly at all, this scan will show us.” the nurse says kindly, and she lifts Koyama's top to smear a
little of the cool gel onto it.
Koyama clenches his eyes shut as she brings the scanner to his stomach, his hand squeezing Shige's tightly.
Shige can't look away, every nerve in his body tense as she makes contact, and then he feels like the world around him shatters as the screen shows nothing. He rubs Koyama's hand soothingly and turns to face him as Koyama's eyes pry apart, and then he wishes he could turn away as he sees the world shatter again inside them.
“From the shape of your frame and the size of your stomach, you would have to be around five or six months already...if you were pregnant there would be a clearly defined and developed foetus...” the nurse breaks gently.
“Then...then I'm not? There's no possible way?”
“If your symptoms continue to worsen, or if you're still experiencing them in a few months, we'll take some tests to ensure there's no underlying cause...but I'm afraid if there is, it's not pregnancy.” the doctor adds sympathetically.
Koyama nods, more composed than Shige had thought he would be, “Thank you for your time.” and then he waits patiently for the nurse to clean him up before getting to his feet. “Shige, take me home.”
Shige drives them back to his own apartment, but if Koyama even notices he doesn't comment, he just wanders, dazed, through to Shige's bedroom and flops down on the bed. It's not until Shige climbs on after him and pulls Koyama into his embrace that he breaks.
Koyama cries wordlessly for what feels like hours. For a while Shige cries with him, his heart bleeding for the other, for the disappointment and the loss he must be feeling. He can still see Koyama's face, glowing and happy, inside his head, and then the crumbling behind his eyes as he'd looked at that empty screen.
Shige's loved Koyama for as long as he can remember, loved him as a friend, as a brother, as a soul-mate. Koyama completes him, and he knows that Koyama loves him too, but as he looks down into Koyama's broken expression, he sees the difference, he could never complete Koyama because he can't give him the one thing that will make him whole. Koyama wants a child, and no matter how much he wishes it were possible, or even how much Koyama wishes it were possible, they could never have that together.
_________________________
Again this was a rather randomly inspired fic and it's a little unpolished since I wrote it in one sitting, but if I leave it to be edited later I'll probably never get round to it and I'll never end up posting it, so here it is!