(no subject)
I hate scary dreams and I hate Walt Whitman.
We have to do a 'song of myself' in English, something that Whitman did....His were all amazing, the great American poet.
Everything I write lately is cliche, colloquial, I feel like any talent I had is gone. Words have always been the one thing I've had any control over... Denying my friends the thoughts in my head is what kept me so alone, I think. But then again, I think it was partially someone elses fault for me never opening up to anyone. Why am I still like this? Why is it still so hard for me to speak? Tess says she uses me as an example of why Arts Core isnt pointless, my writing, that is. I don't what she means.
I'm afraid of letting you two back in my life because I feel like part of me was destroyed the last time you left. You build me up and bring me down, everytime. I dont know if I want to risk the happiness I have right now just to reunite with you. I think I've spent too many years vying for both of your approval that it would be complete self destruction to put myself through it again.
Song of Myself. I don't even know who I am. Do the words 'Celebration of Self' ring a bell with anyone? Fuck. Who am I? I'm nearly 17, shouldn't I know? 'I am Jack's wasted life.'
Everything I touch turns to shit. I don't know why I'm even attempting to figure out all this, I don't know how to apologize to the people I've hurt lately by being so afraid of someone seeing me. Seeing ME. And not liking what they see, or liking it and wanting to know more, and me not being able to tell them.
I don't understand whats been happening lately. I don't understand why you like me.
I don't feel safe all alone right now. If I'm alone I start over analyzing, and then...then what?
We have to do a 'song of myself' in English, something that Whitman did....His were all amazing, the great American poet.
Everything I write lately is cliche, colloquial, I feel like any talent I had is gone. Words have always been the one thing I've had any control over... Denying my friends the thoughts in my head is what kept me so alone, I think. But then again, I think it was partially someone elses fault for me never opening up to anyone. Why am I still like this? Why is it still so hard for me to speak? Tess says she uses me as an example of why Arts Core isnt pointless, my writing, that is. I don't what she means.
I'm afraid of letting you two back in my life because I feel like part of me was destroyed the last time you left. You build me up and bring me down, everytime. I dont know if I want to risk the happiness I have right now just to reunite with you. I think I've spent too many years vying for both of your approval that it would be complete self destruction to put myself through it again.
Song of Myself. I don't even know who I am. Do the words 'Celebration of Self' ring a bell with anyone? Fuck. Who am I? I'm nearly 17, shouldn't I know? 'I am Jack's wasted life.'
Everything I touch turns to shit. I don't know why I'm even attempting to figure out all this, I don't know how to apologize to the people I've hurt lately by being so afraid of someone seeing me. Seeing ME. And not liking what they see, or liking it and wanting to know more, and me not being able to tell them.
I don't understand whats been happening lately. I don't understand why you like me.
I don't feel safe all alone right now. If I'm alone I start over analyzing, and then...then what?