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Sep 25, 2010 01:44

sorry, in advance, for probably way too personal ramblings. this is just my current thought fixation lately ( Read more... )

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994718775 September 27 2010, 05:41:07 UTC
I suppose I'll be the first one to comment.

It's great that you've realized this trend in yourself. Noticing this allows you to decide whether or not this is something you want to now consciously strive after. There are no right or wrong reasons to get into various relationships, the reasons people enter into relationships vary to suit specific individual needs. All you've done is you've pinpointed one such need for yourself. You should be happy if anything. I was in a relationship once that I realized my girlfriend had an extremely maternal quality over me. Once I noticed it, I discovered it was not something I wanted, nor needed any longer.

You striving for paternal relationships in no way, to me at least, suggests you want to have sex with your father, but rather implies that you are searching for the structure that was apparently absent in your upbringing.

Like I said, people enter into relationships for various reasons. What may attract you to a person will not always be the same reason someone is attracted to you. This is what makes a relationship successful: each person offering an quality, a quality that may be deeply rooted in the subconscious, that each person is looking for. Like I said, it might not always be the same quality.

Anyway, so that's my two cents. I'm not sure it makes any sense, I'm in no way a professional. The term "healthy relationship" seems to have lost all meaning to me over the years, because I've come to understand that such a thing doesn't exist. It's whatever works.

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these_limbs September 27 2010, 20:27:15 UTC
i think that you're very right about:

1. i am looking for structure and stability, and for some reason, my brain is telling me that this should be in the form of a man. right now, i'm not really getting this out of any of my relationships. my dad is too busy with the store to give a fuck about my life. my mom's bf is nice but he doesn't ever interfere or get involved with my personal life or try to make up rules for me since he came into my life pretty late. dino is my boyfriend and all but he's pretty much a pushover and really insecure about a lot of things, which a total turn off to me sometimes but other than that, he's a good person. so, i look to teacher or managers or male friends and think about a lot of different possibilities (sexual, or not)... i feel guilty, but what can you do?

2. there is no such thing as a healthy relationship. i've thrown the notion of that out the window a long time ago. people are too fucked up to be a part of a healthy relationship. everybody's got their problems and it's just a matter of one person's problems overpowering the other, or learning how to balance them and looking past them.

3. i do not want to have sex with my father, no. honestly, when i first started reading about transference, i was a little afraid that this was what it meant haha. but, i hadn't read enough on the topic. i think i have a pretty good grasp on it now. as far as what i'm going to do with it, i'm not so sure. i feel like it is something that i actively want to seek out because i feel it is important to me and that any time i've ever gotten close to any sort of relatioship like this, i've been the most happy. the only thing is what format do i accomplish this?
i guess i've just got to re-evaluate a lot of things and figure something out.

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