(no subject)
hmm...yesterday started out fun! I worked and then Jon and I went out to eat at a mexican resteraunt! We talked for TWO HOURS in the resteraunt, and we had a really good conversation....he told me he still likes me >_< But we are both so confused right now...its weird, because its nice to be together, but jon is very...young, he still thinks that there are bigger and better things, and for some reason he feels he's incomplete if he's only slept with one person...
guys and girls are sooooo different. When im in love with someone i LOVE them, and i dont think about anyone else. Especially when something is going wrong, i turn on the double time effort, but Jon just finds someone new who flatters him and bullshits him....how stupid....
the biggest cop out to me is to say "its different than when we first started dating" NO SHIT!!! Weve been dating 3 years!!! Things change, you love eachother, and you become best friends...that doesnt mean you dont still feel the same.
When you start dating someone new, its exciting and scarey and all these things, but no matter who it is, or what they do, after time you get comfortable with each other. it just happens, and i dont think its a bad thing!!
besides, if all the 'passion' was gone, we wouldnt be boning every other day, now, would we??
I think, that if i go away, Jon might realize that beyond anything else, beyond sex, and looks, and flattery, theres love and there is trust and there is faitfulness. And he has that with me. I cant change who i am, he just needs to realize that these things are what matter. These things build a lifetime.
maybe i just need to loose weight, be a bitch, and sleep around..would that make me sexy???? argh...
so anyways, after we went to dinner (i know, i kinda went off on a tangent!) We went to jons and drank and watched this AWESOME movie called Bad Taste. Aaron had people over so we ended up smoking and i got seriously f*cked up. it was fun, and i was happy, then kelly came over and we went to a party and chuckies down the street.
This is where i saw the saddest side of Jon ever.
Lisa was there, I didnt mind, I didnt care, im not gonna be mean to the girl, its over with. We both said a lot of things out of anger, but as kelly says, the only one ANYONE should be pissed at is Jon.
So Lisa walks out on the porch with us and jon TURNS SO HE IS FACING THE WALL!!! he couldnt even be man enough to stand beside me and say hi to her at the same time. WHAT THE FUCK??????!!! Then, it was even better, after her friends all gave me stares of death (like i did something wrong?) Jon and i went home together, but we had to go out the fucking BACK DOOR because he didnt want to "deal with her" right now.....i was so hurt!!! And i am totally confused!!!!!!!!!!!
He asked me "how mad are you at me right now?" as we trudged thru the snow to his house, and all i could say was "im not mad, im just confused!" so he went on to tell me that everything was cleared up and we were fine but he didnt want to deal with her drama right now blah blah blah. bullshit.
be a man, face up to the fact that YES you hurt people YES you fucked up YES we are still doing..whatever!!!!! I refuse to hide and sneak around like im some mistress. I dont mind seeing her, Jon should have the balls to face up to the fact that he screwed up.
kelly said it best with "it made me want to throw up"
why do i still love him??? DAMMIT. but i do...i really do......
guys and girls are sooooo different. When im in love with someone i LOVE them, and i dont think about anyone else. Especially when something is going wrong, i turn on the double time effort, but Jon just finds someone new who flatters him and bullshits him....how stupid....
the biggest cop out to me is to say "its different than when we first started dating" NO SHIT!!! Weve been dating 3 years!!! Things change, you love eachother, and you become best friends...that doesnt mean you dont still feel the same.
When you start dating someone new, its exciting and scarey and all these things, but no matter who it is, or what they do, after time you get comfortable with each other. it just happens, and i dont think its a bad thing!!
besides, if all the 'passion' was gone, we wouldnt be boning every other day, now, would we??
I think, that if i go away, Jon might realize that beyond anything else, beyond sex, and looks, and flattery, theres love and there is trust and there is faitfulness. And he has that with me. I cant change who i am, he just needs to realize that these things are what matter. These things build a lifetime.
maybe i just need to loose weight, be a bitch, and sleep around..would that make me sexy???? argh...
so anyways, after we went to dinner (i know, i kinda went off on a tangent!) We went to jons and drank and watched this AWESOME movie called Bad Taste. Aaron had people over so we ended up smoking and i got seriously f*cked up. it was fun, and i was happy, then kelly came over and we went to a party and chuckies down the street.
This is where i saw the saddest side of Jon ever.
Lisa was there, I didnt mind, I didnt care, im not gonna be mean to the girl, its over with. We both said a lot of things out of anger, but as kelly says, the only one ANYONE should be pissed at is Jon.
So Lisa walks out on the porch with us and jon TURNS SO HE IS FACING THE WALL!!! he couldnt even be man enough to stand beside me and say hi to her at the same time. WHAT THE FUCK??????!!! Then, it was even better, after her friends all gave me stares of death (like i did something wrong?) Jon and i went home together, but we had to go out the fucking BACK DOOR because he didnt want to "deal with her" right now.....i was so hurt!!! And i am totally confused!!!!!!!!!!!
He asked me "how mad are you at me right now?" as we trudged thru the snow to his house, and all i could say was "im not mad, im just confused!" so he went on to tell me that everything was cleared up and we were fine but he didnt want to deal with her drama right now blah blah blah. bullshit.
be a man, face up to the fact that YES you hurt people YES you fucked up YES we are still doing..whatever!!!!! I refuse to hide and sneak around like im some mistress. I dont mind seeing her, Jon should have the balls to face up to the fact that he screwed up.
kelly said it best with "it made me want to throw up"
why do i still love him??? DAMMIT. but i do...i really do......