(no subject)
Yargh...last night was kind of bad, i cut again but just a little bit to relieve some stress, so dont worry. its weird, im pretty sure my parents notice the scars all up and down my arms but they dont ask...im glad ^0^;;; They just keep saying "you should talk to someone!" over and over. Ya, i know Ii should, that last lady just drove me crazy!! Too peppy..blah! I only have two happy meds left tho ;_; gotta go to the health center tomorrow and see whats up. She's going to put me on some mood stabalizer as well, so...i'll be nice and doped up for awhile...weeee..
I talked to sean and he just started spouting off all this shit about how lisa is an ugly ho and jon is a bastard and i shouldnt forgive either of them and all this crap. I tried to explain that shit happens in life and you can either obsess over it or deal with it. I hate being angry at people, i dont want to feel like im going to puke everytime i see her, or cry every time i see jon, its just not worth it. Jon has told me over and over again that he made a mistake, he says that when he thinks about making out with her it makes him sick to his stomach. Jon's trying. Maybe i am dumb, i know im weak...but i dont want drama to over run my life!!!!!!! Its not worth itttttttttttttttttttttttt. dont you see?someone spouts off to me and i start doing dumb shit like taking loads of meds or cutting up my arms because im weak and stupid! I dont want to hate people, it just makes me hate myself.
Then sean tells me that she's psycho and calls all the time. When i asked jon what was going on he said "I wont lie to you again! Nothing is going on!!!" so....I believe him...maybe thats stupid as well???
oh man...i want to go back to sleep >_< sleep is so much better than wakey time...
I talked to sean and he just started spouting off all this shit about how lisa is an ugly ho and jon is a bastard and i shouldnt forgive either of them and all this crap. I tried to explain that shit happens in life and you can either obsess over it or deal with it. I hate being angry at people, i dont want to feel like im going to puke everytime i see her, or cry every time i see jon, its just not worth it. Jon has told me over and over again that he made a mistake, he says that when he thinks about making out with her it makes him sick to his stomach. Jon's trying. Maybe i am dumb, i know im weak...but i dont want drama to over run my life!!!!!!! Its not worth itttttttttttttttttttttttt. dont you see?someone spouts off to me and i start doing dumb shit like taking loads of meds or cutting up my arms because im weak and stupid! I dont want to hate people, it just makes me hate myself.
Then sean tells me that she's psycho and calls all the time. When i asked jon what was going on he said "I wont lie to you again! Nothing is going on!!!" so....I believe him...maybe thats stupid as well???
oh man...i want to go back to sleep >_< sleep is so much better than wakey time...