Thoughts
In light of recent comments on my lj i.e. the anon ones, I'd like to say a few things:
First, a disclaimer: This is not meant to be an excuse, rather a detailed look at my thoughts over the last few years. I am not saying that these are correct thoughts, but they must be acknowledged in order for me to let go of them completely.
It is difficult to change after 5 years of being someone you aren't. I wish it could happen overnight, but that isn't the case. As this anonymous poster reveals, my changes haven't been apparent, and as I reveal in some of my earlier replies, I haven't changed completely. My friends and I, the outcasts, straightedges, whatever you want to call us, have all been teased, especially in elementary school (kids are mean little buggers to each other). I think the reason it hit home so much for me is because I had been taught that I was wonderful and that people were kind. I took this to mean they were right, therefore starting school very emotionally vulnerable. I had a predisposition to love animals and they were who I turned to in rough times. After a few failed friendships, I prematurely decided I didn't want to bother with people anymore. I thought I could build my own little world with animals and minimal human contact.
Of course, it didn't work completely. Some people saw that I wasn't as I seemed and became friends with me (thank you). The worst thing is that there was always a voice in the back of my head that reminded me that I wasn't really that way, and this hurt more. So recently, I have pulled myself out of this hole I've dug for myself. It is nice to feel good again.
First, a disclaimer: This is not meant to be an excuse, rather a detailed look at my thoughts over the last few years. I am not saying that these are correct thoughts, but they must be acknowledged in order for me to let go of them completely.
It is difficult to change after 5 years of being someone you aren't. I wish it could happen overnight, but that isn't the case. As this anonymous poster reveals, my changes haven't been apparent, and as I reveal in some of my earlier replies, I haven't changed completely. My friends and I, the outcasts, straightedges, whatever you want to call us, have all been teased, especially in elementary school (kids are mean little buggers to each other). I think the reason it hit home so much for me is because I had been taught that I was wonderful and that people were kind. I took this to mean they were right, therefore starting school very emotionally vulnerable. I had a predisposition to love animals and they were who I turned to in rough times. After a few failed friendships, I prematurely decided I didn't want to bother with people anymore. I thought I could build my own little world with animals and minimal human contact.
Of course, it didn't work completely. Some people saw that I wasn't as I seemed and became friends with me (thank you). The worst thing is that there was always a voice in the back of my head that reminded me that I wasn't really that way, and this hurt more. So recently, I have pulled myself out of this hole I've dug for myself. It is nice to feel good again.