Chapter 26: Days
Chapter Summary:
Finally back to current day akanishi!kazumi thoughts.
someone appeared...
If I looked out from the window, I could see the forest and the sea of golden sunflowers.
That field of yellow brilliance… I have both vague and clear memories of it.
The sky was blue and it was a breezy day.
In one of his letters, Kamenashi mentioned that he used to go for strolls with Papa in the sunflower fields. He talked about the unique scent from sunflowers and how the scent brought along warmth and fond memories. He would think of Papa and all the past they shared….
I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe. Amazingly, there was a calming scent in the gentle summer breeze that blew through the metal grilles.
Those letters must have etched themselves deeply in my mind.
That was why even though these letters were written 20 years ago, I could still easily picture how Kamenashi spent his days in the room.
At 11.30am, after his physiotherapy sessions and before his lunch, he would collect the newspapers that Pi subscribed for him. He would flip through them to look for news about Papa. If Papa’s name or photo appeared on that page, he would set it aside. Then, he would borrow a pair of safety scissors from the nurses and proceed on to do his newspaper cuttings. He wanted a pair of proper scissors, but they were classified as 'dangerous items' under the hospice's regulation.
After lunch, Kamenashi loved to sit by the cafeteria windows.
People wanted to talk to him, but he didn’t like to talk that much.
Occasionally, someone would find him familiar, but after taking a closer look at him, they would apologise for their error. Kamenashi was happy about that, because he would get this peace. But at the same time he was sad too, because he had changed so much that people could not recognize him anymore.
After his rest, he would do some reflex practices. But because of his deteriorating body control, he couldn’t do a good job every time. Whenever he looked at his incomplete craftwork, he would think about the times that Papa held him in his arms to complete the practices.
Around 3 to 4pm, he would feel tired. That was a sign to take a nap.
He often dreamt of Papa. He dreamt that he was not ill. He dreamt about his life with Papa when he became an adult.
His dreams were always happy.
He was able to stay by Papa’s side. His friends didn’t mind his sexual orientation. His parents in US kept in contact with him regularly. He completed the drama that was unfinished when he fell ill. He went travelling with Papa to every corner of the world whenever their schedules allowed.
At 5.30pm, the nurse would wake him up for dinner.
He woke up but he chose to laze in bed. He loved to stay in bed and imagine that his dreams were true.
Soon, it was dusk and the skies turned dark. Kamenashi would start to feel helpless; the pain from both his body and heart made him yearned for death, but his longing for Papa held him back.
Thus, Kamenashi was often torn between giving up and fighting on.
Kamenashi would eat his dinner in his room. Sometimes, he could see the moon, but he wasn’t particularly attracted to it.
His room had a DVD player. At night, he would watch Papa’s dramas or movies. He would watch them over and over again. He could easily remember all the lines in these shows after watching them for countless times.
At 9.30pm, the nurse would come in to off the lights and helped to turn him in his sleep at various intervals. The nurse on night shift was a little rough and Kamenashi woke up whenever she helped him change his sleeping position. In between his sleep and dreams, Kamenashi would think about how gentle and careful Papa was when he shifted his sleeping position.
Every little expression that Papa made, everything that Papa said to him.
In Kamenashi memories, nature played an important part.
Sometimes, it was the cherry blossoms in Sakura City.
Sometimes, it would be the sunflowers fields next to the hospice.
But most of the time, it was about the days they spent together that summer.
Kamenashi remembered everything about his only love…
Papa’s reminder to exaggerate his actions during the audition, the concerned tone that chided him for being so skinny, the soothing voice that nursed him to sleep during their overseas photoshoot and the intense gaze during the “ambiguous period”…
On the eve of Valentines’ Day, they went to buy their ring together. After fooling around in one of the shops, Kamenashi bought a lighter that is engraved with a snow flake on it. But the other youth insisted that it was a turtle, and not a snow flake.
During the days that they stayed at Sakura City, that youth bought him a miniature papillon to keep him company. After an afternoon, they finally decided to name the dog ‘sakura’.
When Kamenashi dreamt about Mama, he would cry.
When he dreamt about Pi, it was always about their dancing days.
When he dreamt of things in his childhood, he would dream of playing with his brothers, and how his parents doted on him. His parents didn’t disown him in his dreams too.
Kamenashi biggest wish was not to recover from his illness.
Instead, he merely wished to walk through the sunflower fields with Papa again, hand in hand…
In this small enclosed space, I traced through Kamenashi’s memories and recalled the past.
I thought about Papa, Mama, and the things that Pi told me…
My thoughts raged inside my head endlessly, until a familiar voice rang across my ear…
“Kazumi”
Was I hallucinating? I thought I heard Papa calling my name… or perhaps, his name.
“Kazumi”
I realised that the voice was real only when the same name was called again.
I turned back and was shocked to find Papa standing behind me. I thought he should be recuperating at home.
Papa stood by the doorway, and smiled.
“Want to take a walk in the sunflower field?”
“Papa, why are you here?”
“Well… I’m to look for something important” he said.
Initially, I wanted to keep this trip a secret, just like that day that Pi brought me to Kame’s grave.
I thought this trip would come and go like a passing shower…
I never expected Papa’s presence. He was the most unsuitable person to be here.
A/N: finally the other lead is in the picture... do you think he knew about kazu's death?
we shall wait for his explanation...
btw... i found a 4-chapters akame fic that i enjoyed.. and it's very recent.
so i'm now emailing the writer and see if i could translate it. *fingers crossed*
Chapter 27: http://thescarletscar.livejournal.com/9733.html
Finally back to current day akanishi!kazumi thoughts.
someone appeared...
If I looked out from the window, I could see the forest and the sea of golden sunflowers.
That field of yellow brilliance… I have both vague and clear memories of it.
The sky was blue and it was a breezy day.
In one of his letters, Kamenashi mentioned that he used to go for strolls with Papa in the sunflower fields. He talked about the unique scent from sunflowers and how the scent brought along warmth and fond memories. He would think of Papa and all the past they shared….
I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe. Amazingly, there was a calming scent in the gentle summer breeze that blew through the metal grilles.
Those letters must have etched themselves deeply in my mind.
That was why even though these letters were written 20 years ago, I could still easily picture how Kamenashi spent his days in the room.
At 11.30am, after his physiotherapy sessions and before his lunch, he would collect the newspapers that Pi subscribed for him. He would flip through them to look for news about Papa. If Papa’s name or photo appeared on that page, he would set it aside. Then, he would borrow a pair of safety scissors from the nurses and proceed on to do his newspaper cuttings. He wanted a pair of proper scissors, but they were classified as 'dangerous items' under the hospice's regulation.
After lunch, Kamenashi loved to sit by the cafeteria windows.
People wanted to talk to him, but he didn’t like to talk that much.
Occasionally, someone would find him familiar, but after taking a closer look at him, they would apologise for their error. Kamenashi was happy about that, because he would get this peace. But at the same time he was sad too, because he had changed so much that people could not recognize him anymore.
After his rest, he would do some reflex practices. But because of his deteriorating body control, he couldn’t do a good job every time. Whenever he looked at his incomplete craftwork, he would think about the times that Papa held him in his arms to complete the practices.
Around 3 to 4pm, he would feel tired. That was a sign to take a nap.
He often dreamt of Papa. He dreamt that he was not ill. He dreamt about his life with Papa when he became an adult.
His dreams were always happy.
He was able to stay by Papa’s side. His friends didn’t mind his sexual orientation. His parents in US kept in contact with him regularly. He completed the drama that was unfinished when he fell ill. He went travelling with Papa to every corner of the world whenever their schedules allowed.
At 5.30pm, the nurse would wake him up for dinner.
He woke up but he chose to laze in bed. He loved to stay in bed and imagine that his dreams were true.
Soon, it was dusk and the skies turned dark. Kamenashi would start to feel helpless; the pain from both his body and heart made him yearned for death, but his longing for Papa held him back.
Thus, Kamenashi was often torn between giving up and fighting on.
Kamenashi would eat his dinner in his room. Sometimes, he could see the moon, but he wasn’t particularly attracted to it.
His room had a DVD player. At night, he would watch Papa’s dramas or movies. He would watch them over and over again. He could easily remember all the lines in these shows after watching them for countless times.
At 9.30pm, the nurse would come in to off the lights and helped to turn him in his sleep at various intervals. The nurse on night shift was a little rough and Kamenashi woke up whenever she helped him change his sleeping position. In between his sleep and dreams, Kamenashi would think about how gentle and careful Papa was when he shifted his sleeping position.
Every little expression that Papa made, everything that Papa said to him.
In Kamenashi memories, nature played an important part.
Sometimes, it was the cherry blossoms in Sakura City.
Sometimes, it would be the sunflowers fields next to the hospice.
But most of the time, it was about the days they spent together that summer.
Kamenashi remembered everything about his only love…
Papa’s reminder to exaggerate his actions during the audition, the concerned tone that chided him for being so skinny, the soothing voice that nursed him to sleep during their overseas photoshoot and the intense gaze during the “ambiguous period”…
On the eve of Valentines’ Day, they went to buy their ring together. After fooling around in one of the shops, Kamenashi bought a lighter that is engraved with a snow flake on it. But the other youth insisted that it was a turtle, and not a snow flake.
During the days that they stayed at Sakura City, that youth bought him a miniature papillon to keep him company. After an afternoon, they finally decided to name the dog ‘sakura’.
When Kamenashi dreamt about Mama, he would cry.
When he dreamt about Pi, it was always about their dancing days.
When he dreamt of things in his childhood, he would dream of playing with his brothers, and how his parents doted on him. His parents didn’t disown him in his dreams too.
Kamenashi biggest wish was not to recover from his illness.
Instead, he merely wished to walk through the sunflower fields with Papa again, hand in hand…
In this small enclosed space, I traced through Kamenashi’s memories and recalled the past.
I thought about Papa, Mama, and the things that Pi told me…
My thoughts raged inside my head endlessly, until a familiar voice rang across my ear…
“Kazumi”
Was I hallucinating? I thought I heard Papa calling my name… or perhaps, his name.
“Kazumi”
I realised that the voice was real only when the same name was called again.
I turned back and was shocked to find Papa standing behind me. I thought he should be recuperating at home.
Papa stood by the doorway, and smiled.
“Want to take a walk in the sunflower field?”
“Papa, why are you here?”
“Well… I’m to look for something important” he said.
Initially, I wanted to keep this trip a secret, just like that day that Pi brought me to Kame’s grave.
I thought this trip would come and go like a passing shower…
I never expected Papa’s presence. He was the most unsuitable person to be here.
A/N: finally the other lead is in the picture... do you think he knew about kazu's death?
we shall wait for his explanation...
btw... i found a 4-chapters akame fic that i enjoyed.. and it's very recent.
so i'm now emailing the writer and see if i could translate it. *fingers crossed*
Chapter 27: http://thescarletscar.livejournal.com/9733.html