conrtrast

[thesamspaz]

last night, sucked. i came home and my mom didnt think my room which she had told me to clean (which i resented since i am 20 years old and it doesnt matter anymore)was up to snuff so she told me that i wasnt going to have the car today to go to school. for the first time in awhile i agrued back and said that no, i needed the car since i had a test tomorrow at my 8:30 class that i couldnt miss. she said she didnt care and that i would have to take the bus. i told her the buses wouldnt get me all the way to shoreline from everett that early in the morning, i would have been late to my first period class. she said she didnt care and we ended up having this huge fight. we knocked me in the side a few times and when i held up my arms to block her she told me to put my arms down. i said i wouldnt since she would hit me again and at one point she got so close to my face (which she uses to intimdate me and i absolutely hate it more than anything) i seriously considered shoving her away from me and telling her to get out of my face. more agruing and at another point she grabbed my jacket and told me that if i didnt like the way things were i could leave. i said fine and was going to take my keys but she grabbed them and threw them across the room and said the only way i could get the car tommorrow was if i cleaned my room tonight. so i stayed up until 12:30 in the morning cleaning up the rest of my room. but see, its not about cleaning my room. its about a power struggle. i want to be able to do what i want, when i want and she still wants to be able to tell me what to do. i hate that so much. when she threatened to take the car away from me i told her it wasnt her car, that trish had given it to me and she that that was too bad, it was in her name. gosh, she totally had that done just for this reason. i should ask trish next time i see her about putting the car in MY name and then seeing what happens. but gosh, i freakin hate living there, i always have. im so thankful for curtis because he wants to see me everyday and so i dont have to stay at home at all until i get home to go right to bed. but now i NEED to go to western because that way i HAVE to live in the dorms. good. i use to be like, noo i want to live at home so i can stay near my friends. well im sorry, but screw that. i will see my friends on the weekends. it will be sad though, not being to see curtis everyday and doing homework together, i always really like that. i will just hope that maybe he decides on his own to go to western and not uw... but if he got into uw he should definetly go there, its a better school. the only reason he said that he might end up going to western is because its cheaper. so maybe in the end that will win out and he will want to go there. i hope so... i would never ask him to come with me to western because that would be really selfish anyway. siggghh. oh well.

but the contrast is that today so far has been an awesome day! i did really well on my abnormal psychology test, went to art class which was fun, and first aid went by quickly. then i came over to curtis's house and we went to applebees with hong which was fun and hilarious as always. and just now, curtis is so sweet to me, i love hugging him and he picks me up and all that good stuff. ahhhh he is the best. oooh! and something vonna said actually made me really happy. she said that she knew it sounded cliche, but that she thought me and curtis made a really good couple. awesome dude. i love hearing that.

but anyway, i dont know what will happen when i get home.... since i dont get home until late anyway, i guess i will just get there and then go to bed. hopefully i wont have to deal with this crap for that much longer.