I should have known with a boy like you, your middle name is Always. I'll always want you.
So after an incredible stretch of 16 great days, Jack and I finally had another fight tonight at the Cake concert. It was actually a really fun evening...apparently Emory has at last gotten cool enough to have good free concerts. So it was Gomez and Cake, and Sarah, Gray, Liza, Emily, Max, Max and I were all hanging out on the field in the evening sun having a good time. Then finally Cake goes on and three songs into their set it starts POURING down rain. At that moment Jack sends me a text that he's there, so I left the front to go and find him. I'm soaking wet, and by the time I see him, so is he, but he's found recourse with Rachel and her umbrella. Even so, he was in a horribly grouchy mood and goes to stand by himself. Rachel decides to go find her friends, so I went to go stand with Jack. Jack in a nasty mood, plus girls in wet tee-shirts eventually led to a somewhat aggressive conversation about how we are most definitely not a couple. After 20 minutes he storms off, spouting, "You just don't get it!" as he walks off the field, leaving me standing there in the pouring rain crying by myself listening to Cake. After a while I collected myself enough to go find my friends, who were still at the very front of the crowd. I couldn't see them but luckily the Maxes were near the edge and they pulled me back in with them. Little Max was really sweet, because I was obviously upset. He kept asking what was wrong, but at this point there's really no use trying to explain me and Jack to anyone, so I just told him not to worry about it.
I can't tell if it's going to be a big deal, the things that were said, or if he'll be over it in a day or two. I want to talk to him and apologize, but he hates talking, and I don't think me trying to accept responsibility for a situation totally not my fault will really fix anything. I just don't want things to start to go bad again, because they've been so incredibly good, so close to being figured out.
I know that this is an awful entry about the kind of shit that no one wants to read, but I really needed to talk about it somewhere and I don't want to burden Sarah, or anybody else, with it anymore. I'm so sick of it being this stupid cyclical bullshit. I'm so unbelievably tired of being "the girl" and being "more important than anyone else" but being expendable at a moment's notice to better suit his lifestyle. No one should be treated that way. Yes?
What the fuck. That's so fucked up. I just want it to end, and at this point I would almost rather accept THE END than sit and wait and be abused and hope that it turns into the relationship that I want it to be. Because clearly it will never be a relationship. That idea is too offensive to Jack to even suggest.
Why am I so offensive? What is so absolutely wretched and repulsive about being with me? Why am I so wrong?
I can't tell if it's going to be a big deal, the things that were said, or if he'll be over it in a day or two. I want to talk to him and apologize, but he hates talking, and I don't think me trying to accept responsibility for a situation totally not my fault will really fix anything. I just don't want things to start to go bad again, because they've been so incredibly good, so close to being figured out.
I know that this is an awful entry about the kind of shit that no one wants to read, but I really needed to talk about it somewhere and I don't want to burden Sarah, or anybody else, with it anymore. I'm so sick of it being this stupid cyclical bullshit. I'm so unbelievably tired of being "the girl" and being "more important than anyone else" but being expendable at a moment's notice to better suit his lifestyle. No one should be treated that way. Yes?
What the fuck. That's so fucked up. I just want it to end, and at this point I would almost rather accept THE END than sit and wait and be abused and hope that it turns into the relationship that I want it to be. Because clearly it will never be a relationship. That idea is too offensive to Jack to even suggest.
Why am I so offensive? What is so absolutely wretched and repulsive about being with me? Why am I so wrong?