this album gives me a stomach ache

[thesamemistakes]

i was trying to sleep
but i just couldn't.

i remember i used to kind of have a lil bit of an optimstic view
about what life would be like a few years from now
like, i always wanted to be married and maybe have a kid
or at least a dog.

i don't really see that happening anymore
not even in like the next ten years.
i already feel like i'm failing,
and i'm only twenty years old.
it's not like i'm not working,
and expecting it to fall in my lap.
i just don't see how any of it could happen.

if i had a girlfriend
i feel like i'd probably ruin her life.
not intentionally, but by just being me.
maybe i feel like i've got the reverse-midas touch.

i was watching some show today
and it made me think about how shitty it is
when like, you're going with someone
and you're always complimenting them
and all of that,
and then one day they get all this new found confidence
and think that somehow, you're not good enough
that they could find better than you.

i feel like i'm doomed to that cycle.

that or, they already have some dreams of the future in their head
and think that falling in love is being tied down
and that it is stifling their dreams,
cos making your dreams come true only happens once
but you can find love anywhere.
which i feel, is nonsense.

what if you get your little career and go and see the world
and when you get back and come down
what's left?

you've lost the one that was always right for you
and that's an empty space that will be impossible to fill
no matter how many friends, and no matter how much money you have.
it's never going to be any better.

ever.

(there was something i almost typed here, but i deemed it too harsh.)