(no subject)
Since no one reads this~ its perfect. This is my sanctuary of true thoughts. Xanga seems to sometimes hold this dramatic gossip chain network thing. To escape it, I’ll revert to that journal that has become forgotten to most my friends.
If you do read this, thanks. J
So I want to be famous. Everyone laughs…I do.
I want to be a film star, or producer, or director, or something.
Something that I’m part of forever…the film always exists.
My life will end, I don’t want to be forgotten.
I’m so terrified of death. It is all I think about before I go to sleep. Stupid huh? Wasting breaths and minutes concentrating on the inevitable. Yet…I think stuff like, “I wonder what that last breath will feel like.”…”will all this faith be revealed as true?”
I guess I think so much lately because I’ve just been so incredibly lonely.
I don’t hangout with anyone…no one really calls me unless they need something…hell, I don’t even talk to anyone online. I hear from my boyfriend every few days or so. I’m even growing distant from my family.
I wish that wasn’t the case.
I wish it was like, I had places to go. People to see.
I wish people needed me in their lives.
I wish I wasn’t wishing my life away.
I love barnes and nobles. There is no place I’d rather be. In no means am I saying that to make a statement about my intellectual superiority. Ha. No way. It’s just a place where you can have some coffee, sit where you like and know that you’re immersed with people who are in pursuit of knowledge. Whether it be karma sutra, poetry, photography, or science fiction.
I’m talking to wally right now…and it is making things feel a lot better, were talking about deep issues involving life. That calms my nerves.
I saw eric tonight, It felt so good to kiss him.
I also saw josh…who I don’t even know what I’d do without him.
Robyn is so pretty.
I hate work. I hate it so much. So quit right? If I could find another job. That’d be great. I exchanged emails with a guy who works for Nutro. (that is the dog food we sponsor…) now you just sit around at a table 3 times a week and talk to people about the food-which I already know everything about from working at pet supermarket.
He said I’d start at 12 dollars an hour.
Money. It seriously IS the root of all evil. Here this proactive 5 year Vegetarian will be walking advertisement for meat. which is all that dog food really is.
But its such good money.
Maybe I’ll invent them a veggie food.
There is such thing as veggie dog food, we have it in another brand. A lot of allergy dogs use it.
Such a loser…
I might be ruling out going to UGA and doing pre-vet.
I’m really getting used to animals dying because of the pet store. But as more used to it I get, it still puts me in the worst mood.
I took out this baby bunny-it had wet tail (a diarrhea that keeps them from storing any nutrients) and she was just a tiny white bunny covered in her own diarrhea…poor thing. So I took her and medicated her with wet tail formula down her throat. And then I took her and bathed her with “bunny bath” in the backroom in luke warm water. So that she wasn’t soaked in her own filth.
And then I took her, and she was limp and half conscious and just wrapped her in a towel. While helping everyone, carrying things, ladders, stocking, ringing people up…I held my wrapped up bunny. She was just so incredibly sweet. I wish I could just communicate enough to say, “don’t be scared…its okay”-on the brink of death. she was comatose and then would shake and just eyes all glazed. I mean…sure, I continuously clean up dead animals. But I tried so hard for her. I put her in her lone aquarium and set up a heater by it. And id come and pet her. After hours passed by it was closing time. Everyone was like “yeah she’ll be dead by the morning. Im not cleaning it up. Etc”. and she was just lying against the glass eyes half open barely breathing…dying. Somehow it just hit me. Poor thing. Poor freaking thing.
L
And then the people I HATE WITH SO MUCH OF MY SOUL (my co workers) were like “you going to cry?? Awww. Haha” followed by the usual: “dumbass, fatass, retard, ugly shit, loser.”
Any one of those I hear at least 10 times a day.
Courtney, Jennifer, Chuck, Linda, Richie, and Chad (court’s boyfriend) make me feel like crap. Oh if they only knew the things I think in my head…
They usually make fun of me or mess up whatever I’m doing, mock me, call me names, eat my food, hide my belongings…
And it hit me tonight. When they were talking about how we needed extra help and needed to hire someone. Because the last 2 people quit (hmm wonder why.)
And then Jennifer says, “chuck doesn’t need to be hiring f*cking 17 year old girls who don’t know sh*t”. and Courtney said, “like this little f*cker.” and flicked me.
And I just thought “you’ve been working here for 3 weeks you stupid motherf-ing piece of lousy crap.”
Well…
I like being a redhead now.
It’s different-and fun.
How weird is it when you realize who the very few friends are that really truly are friends. Those people who care, and are there for you, and love you unconditionally.
I like this old hopesfall C.D.
I love my sister, oh wow I love her.
She seriously is just the best.
Cindy lou’s “where are you Christmas” makes me cry every time I hear it.
My mom said my obsessed fear of death may be because of working at the pet store-and always picking up death, cleaning up after death, throwing dead things in the dumpster. Happy things like that.
Well.
My randomness is over, until next time.
Oddly enough I feel 10 times better.
If you read this entire thing.
I will bow to you in person.
If you do read this, thanks. J
So I want to be famous. Everyone laughs…I do.
I want to be a film star, or producer, or director, or something.
Something that I’m part of forever…the film always exists.
My life will end, I don’t want to be forgotten.
I’m so terrified of death. It is all I think about before I go to sleep. Stupid huh? Wasting breaths and minutes concentrating on the inevitable. Yet…I think stuff like, “I wonder what that last breath will feel like.”…”will all this faith be revealed as true?”
I guess I think so much lately because I’ve just been so incredibly lonely.
I don’t hangout with anyone…no one really calls me unless they need something…hell, I don’t even talk to anyone online. I hear from my boyfriend every few days or so. I’m even growing distant from my family.
I wish that wasn’t the case.
I wish it was like, I had places to go. People to see.
I wish people needed me in their lives.
I wish I wasn’t wishing my life away.
I love barnes and nobles. There is no place I’d rather be. In no means am I saying that to make a statement about my intellectual superiority. Ha. No way. It’s just a place where you can have some coffee, sit where you like and know that you’re immersed with people who are in pursuit of knowledge. Whether it be karma sutra, poetry, photography, or science fiction.
I’m talking to wally right now…and it is making things feel a lot better, were talking about deep issues involving life. That calms my nerves.
I saw eric tonight, It felt so good to kiss him.
I also saw josh…who I don’t even know what I’d do without him.
Robyn is so pretty.
I hate work. I hate it so much. So quit right? If I could find another job. That’d be great. I exchanged emails with a guy who works for Nutro. (that is the dog food we sponsor…) now you just sit around at a table 3 times a week and talk to people about the food-which I already know everything about from working at pet supermarket.
He said I’d start at 12 dollars an hour.
Money. It seriously IS the root of all evil. Here this proactive 5 year Vegetarian will be walking advertisement for meat. which is all that dog food really is.
But its such good money.
Maybe I’ll invent them a veggie food.
There is such thing as veggie dog food, we have it in another brand. A lot of allergy dogs use it.
Such a loser…
I might be ruling out going to UGA and doing pre-vet.
I’m really getting used to animals dying because of the pet store. But as more used to it I get, it still puts me in the worst mood.
I took out this baby bunny-it had wet tail (a diarrhea that keeps them from storing any nutrients) and she was just a tiny white bunny covered in her own diarrhea…poor thing. So I took her and medicated her with wet tail formula down her throat. And then I took her and bathed her with “bunny bath” in the backroom in luke warm water. So that she wasn’t soaked in her own filth.
And then I took her, and she was limp and half conscious and just wrapped her in a towel. While helping everyone, carrying things, ladders, stocking, ringing people up…I held my wrapped up bunny. She was just so incredibly sweet. I wish I could just communicate enough to say, “don’t be scared…its okay”-on the brink of death. she was comatose and then would shake and just eyes all glazed. I mean…sure, I continuously clean up dead animals. But I tried so hard for her. I put her in her lone aquarium and set up a heater by it. And id come and pet her. After hours passed by it was closing time. Everyone was like “yeah she’ll be dead by the morning. Im not cleaning it up. Etc”. and she was just lying against the glass eyes half open barely breathing…dying. Somehow it just hit me. Poor thing. Poor freaking thing.
L
And then the people I HATE WITH SO MUCH OF MY SOUL (my co workers) were like “you going to cry?? Awww. Haha” followed by the usual: “dumbass, fatass, retard, ugly shit, loser.”
Any one of those I hear at least 10 times a day.
Courtney, Jennifer, Chuck, Linda, Richie, and Chad (court’s boyfriend) make me feel like crap. Oh if they only knew the things I think in my head…
They usually make fun of me or mess up whatever I’m doing, mock me, call me names, eat my food, hide my belongings…
And it hit me tonight. When they were talking about how we needed extra help and needed to hire someone. Because the last 2 people quit (hmm wonder why.)
And then Jennifer says, “chuck doesn’t need to be hiring f*cking 17 year old girls who don’t know sh*t”. and Courtney said, “like this little f*cker.” and flicked me.
And I just thought “you’ve been working here for 3 weeks you stupid motherf-ing piece of lousy crap.”
Well…
I like being a redhead now.
It’s different-and fun.
How weird is it when you realize who the very few friends are that really truly are friends. Those people who care, and are there for you, and love you unconditionally.
I like this old hopesfall C.D.
I love my sister, oh wow I love her.
She seriously is just the best.
Cindy lou’s “where are you Christmas” makes me cry every time I hear it.
My mom said my obsessed fear of death may be because of working at the pet store-and always picking up death, cleaning up after death, throwing dead things in the dumpster. Happy things like that.
Well.
My randomness is over, until next time.
Oddly enough I feel 10 times better.
If you read this entire thing.
I will bow to you in person.