Dear Kate Torgovnick,
I am writing to express concern regarding your recent article on CNN.com
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/11/10/tf.chivalrous.moves.creepy/index.html
I found it to be denigrating, narrow-minded and pedantic. While the article endeavors to portray itself as concerned with sexism. It is in fact, just that - sexist.
Your writing falls into a class of so-called "feminists" who are "silly feminists". And most women recognize them. They're the ones who go off on some guy for holding the door open for them. Stand there throwing a hissy fit and tirade on equality and how they are capable themselves. Unaware how closed minded and bigoted they are in assuming that the only reason the door was held up was because they had boobs. Incapable of reasoning that well, hey, most guys (or at least gentlemen) don't let the door slam on the guy behind them either.
While a few items on your list might be "annoying" few were worthy of your label "creepy". And in fact, your article contributes to the general erosion of basic civility. You Kate are a sexist and far from being the equalitist you seek to make yourself.
Perhaps you should open your mind a bit.
Is asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage so wrong?
I did this and I believe it was the right and respectful thing to do. Oh, my wife and I knew we wanted to get married beforehand. I sure wouldn't have asked before I knew the answer of my fiance. But the above is a nice way of letting the father know that the guy seeking his daughter's hand is respectful. It is an assurance to the father who has expended years of his life raising his daughter.
While you get up in arms about such declaring it creepy - perhaps you should consider a more equal approach and ask mom's for their blessing/approval of the marriage. Recognizing the years of labor they put into their son's life that helped make him the man he that he is today. The one that attracted you.
Oh, and since we're talking about equality. While it's nice to bash the white males and deride sexism (which is real and does happen in many places). Let's expand that horizon and open our minds a little. Cause guess what, us white males deal with a tremendous amount of sexism as well.
What? did I say that?
Yes, we do. And it starts quite young. In kindergarten us boys were already being told that we were made of junk while girls were made of sugar and spice and other nice things.
But let's talk about some more real world scenarios. Try putting yourself in the shoes of a stay at home daddy. Why is it acceptable for a mother to say they are a stay at home mom. But if a father declares that he is a stay at home daddy. The first question asked is about when he's going to get a new job.
I hope you'll step back, and step down from the condenscending pedastool. Place your focus on real equality and not go on which hunts to find any slight so that you can boost your ego.
Realize, many of those chivalrous guys hold doors open for people without boobs. Have carried their mom's purses. Paid for meals for guy friends without requiring a tip. (Okay, so maybe we don't put coats on fellow guys.) But perhaps you need to consider WHY a guy does such a thing.
Stop thinking like a woman and condemning guys for actions based on what your motives would be. Rather, if you're going to evaluate these things, consider what reasons a gentleman has to do so. It's not because we don't think you're capable of putting your own coat on. We know that. We're not stupid. Stop being so sexist.
We do so out of admiration. Consider the few roles in which men DO help other men put on their coats. What are they? Butler to a wealthy man, a servant or aid to royalty, or to a member of clergy. These are roles of respect. It is done with understanding of honor.
You assume our reason is because we are bigots and assume you incapable. Rather our reasoning is far simpler. We simply want to help, and show our respect and admiration.
Is that truly so creepy?
Please, us human beings have enough barriers and challenges making it hard enough to treat each other decently. We don't need someone on a which hunt to find insidious angles for deeds of respect and honor. I'd have a lot more respect if your article said "Hey, let the gal pay too! Sometimes we want to treat you!" That would be cool. It's a much more equalitist viewpoint. It doesn't pull down what is good or throw the cat out with the kitty litter.
Sincerely,
Jason
http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/wayoflife/11/10/tf.chivalrous.moves.creepy/index.html
I found it to be denigrating, narrow-minded and pedantic. While the article endeavors to portray itself as concerned with sexism. It is in fact, just that - sexist.
Your writing falls into a class of so-called "feminists" who are "silly feminists". And most women recognize them. They're the ones who go off on some guy for holding the door open for them. Stand there throwing a hissy fit and tirade on equality and how they are capable themselves. Unaware how closed minded and bigoted they are in assuming that the only reason the door was held up was because they had boobs. Incapable of reasoning that well, hey, most guys (or at least gentlemen) don't let the door slam on the guy behind them either.
While a few items on your list might be "annoying" few were worthy of your label "creepy". And in fact, your article contributes to the general erosion of basic civility. You Kate are a sexist and far from being the equalitist you seek to make yourself.
Perhaps you should open your mind a bit.
Is asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage so wrong?
I did this and I believe it was the right and respectful thing to do. Oh, my wife and I knew we wanted to get married beforehand. I sure wouldn't have asked before I knew the answer of my fiance. But the above is a nice way of letting the father know that the guy seeking his daughter's hand is respectful. It is an assurance to the father who has expended years of his life raising his daughter.
While you get up in arms about such declaring it creepy - perhaps you should consider a more equal approach and ask mom's for their blessing/approval of the marriage. Recognizing the years of labor they put into their son's life that helped make him the man he that he is today. The one that attracted you.
Oh, and since we're talking about equality. While it's nice to bash the white males and deride sexism (which is real and does happen in many places). Let's expand that horizon and open our minds a little. Cause guess what, us white males deal with a tremendous amount of sexism as well.
What? did I say that?
Yes, we do. And it starts quite young. In kindergarten us boys were already being told that we were made of junk while girls were made of sugar and spice and other nice things.
But let's talk about some more real world scenarios. Try putting yourself in the shoes of a stay at home daddy. Why is it acceptable for a mother to say they are a stay at home mom. But if a father declares that he is a stay at home daddy. The first question asked is about when he's going to get a new job.
I hope you'll step back, and step down from the condenscending pedastool. Place your focus on real equality and not go on which hunts to find any slight so that you can boost your ego.
Realize, many of those chivalrous guys hold doors open for people without boobs. Have carried their mom's purses. Paid for meals for guy friends without requiring a tip. (Okay, so maybe we don't put coats on fellow guys.) But perhaps you need to consider WHY a guy does such a thing.
Stop thinking like a woman and condemning guys for actions based on what your motives would be. Rather, if you're going to evaluate these things, consider what reasons a gentleman has to do so. It's not because we don't think you're capable of putting your own coat on. We know that. We're not stupid. Stop being so sexist.
We do so out of admiration. Consider the few roles in which men DO help other men put on their coats. What are they? Butler to a wealthy man, a servant or aid to royalty, or to a member of clergy. These are roles of respect. It is done with understanding of honor.
You assume our reason is because we are bigots and assume you incapable. Rather our reasoning is far simpler. We simply want to help, and show our respect and admiration.
Is that truly so creepy?
Please, us human beings have enough barriers and challenges making it hard enough to treat each other decently. We don't need someone on a which hunt to find insidious angles for deeds of respect and honor. I'd have a lot more respect if your article said "Hey, let the gal pay too! Sometimes we want to treat you!" That would be cool. It's a much more equalitist viewpoint. It doesn't pull down what is good or throw the cat out with the kitty litter.
Sincerely,
Jason