Pages Turn Chapter Four
Picking up a thick piece of charcoal, Jensen chalked three lines onto the blank page in front of him and then sat back on his stool with a sigh. He waited for a few minutes and then turned to face Chris, who was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room playing his guitar.
“You mind?”
“What?”
He spun back around to look at the page. “It’s distracting, man. I’m trying to work.”
Chris rolled his eyes. “Don’t be an idiot - I always play while you work. It’s never bothered you before.”
“Yeah, well it’s bothering me now.”
Chris rested his guitar up against the wall and crossed over the room, stepping over boxes full of tinsel and baubles on his way. He stood behind Jensen, looking over his shoulder at the easel. “Are you going to tell me what’s really wrong or are we going to keep pretending its me?”
“It’s Christmas in two weeks.”
“Yeah, I know.”
He tore off the page he had been working on, screwed the paper up and tossed it aside. “So, I don’t know what to get Jared and it’s not - we’re spending the day together, man, so if it’s a rubbish present it’s not like it’s a phone call where he can pretend he loves it.”
“Jensen, that’s-”
“And, it’s bad enough that he can’t get home to see his family because of the flights, but he’s going to have to spend the day with me and you know what I’m like at Christmas. I get grumpy and-”
“And you miss Josh.”
He didn’t pull away from the hand that Chris had rested on his shoulder. “Yeah, exactly.”
“Okay, look. Jared cares about you - he gets you - he’s not going to expect the day to be absolutely perfect. Hell, Christmas is never perfect for anyone. I can guarantee that if Jared had gone home there would have been bickering about who did the dishes or whatever. He’s not expecting the day to be perfect, you shouldn’t either. Okay?”
He put the charcoal down, frowned at the smudge marks on his hand from gripping it too tightly, and nodded. “Fine. But that doesn’t help me decide what to get him.”
“Just get him a book or paint him a picture or something.”
“It’s our first Christmas, man, and-” he broke off as he heard the front door slam, picked up the charcoal again and began to mark rough lines onto the page. He heard the moment Jared entered the room, heard him exchange greetings with Chris and then turned around to meet his lips as he leaned down to kiss him.
“I miss anything?” Jared moved to stand behind Jensen, pulled him back so that his head was resting against Jared’s stomach.
“Nope, just Chris being annoying as per usual. Shops busy?”
“It’s two weeks to Christmas, what do you think?”
He laughed. “We should put the tree and the tinsel and everything up later.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Once Chris is gone.”
Chris smirked and grabbed his guitar. “I can take a hint. I need to catch Steve before he heads to the airport, anyway. I’ll see you later.”
He waved as Chris left the room and then turned around to look up at Jared. “Mind if we ask him over on Boxing Day? He’s at his sister’s on Christmas but I think he’ll probably jump at the chance of getting away early.”
“Yeah, that’d be good.”
“Awesome. Do you want to go bring the tree in?”
Jared shook his head. “Can we wait an hour or so? I’m kind of exhausted after the shopping.”
Jensen bit his lip for a moment and then reached out, tucked his thumbs down the waistband of Jared’s jeans. “How about I exhaust you a little bit more first?” He didn’t wait for an answer, just tugged at the button and then the zipper, pulled down his jeans and boxers in one go.
“I like that plan.”
“Yeah?” He smirked as Jared’s thumb brushed his cheek, turned his head to capture in his mouth and scraped his teeth along it lightly.
“Yeah.”
“Good.” Leaning forward on his stool, he wrapped his mouth around Jared’s cock, tongue moving in swirls as he took it deeper and deeper. He swallowed once, twice, three times, when he felt Jared’s fingers running through his hair, tugging gently enough that it didn’t hurt, just reminded him that Jared was there for him.
He pulled off for a moment, kissed the tip and swallowed it down again as Jared’s hips bucked. Reaching up, he pulled Jared’s hands out of his hair and tangled their fingers together as he kept on sucking at Jared’s cock.
“Jensen.” Jared gasped as Jensen hummed in reply. “Jensen, let me - I want to fuck you. Come on, you should, come on-”
With a final swirl of his tongue, he moved back, licking his lips as he looked up to meet Jared’s eyes. “So, fuck me.” He stumbled slightly as he was pulled to his feet, grasped onto Jared’s shoulders as Jared stepped out of his jeans.
“Oh, I’m going to, baby. I’m going to.” Jared tugged his own top off over his head, leaving himself completely naked, and then began pulling at the buttons on Jensen’s shirt, nodding in appreciation when Jensen let go of his shoulders and began to work his own jeans off.
It didn’t take long to get rid of the clothes and then bare skin touched bare skin and Jensen moaned as Jared pressed him back against the wall, mouth teasing at his collarbone, light kisses that didn’t bruise, only left him wanting more. Hands holding on to Jared’s shoulders again, he surged forwards and pushed their mouths together as Jared pulled his legs up to wrap around his waist, felt Jared’s cock against his entrance and moaned.
“Jensen, Jen- where, where are-” Jared didn’t finish his sentence, only threw his head back as Jensen latched onto his neck, sucking hard enough to leave a mark.
Pulling back, gasping for breath, Jensen nodded towards his desk. He sighed against Jared’s mouth when their lips met again, rolled his hips as Jared walked across the room.
“I’m gonna put you down, just for a minute, baby.” Jared’s mouth was inches from Jensen’s as he spoke and lowered him down onto the couch.
“Don’t be long.” He jacked his cock slowly, almost languidly, as he listened to Jared root around in the desk, looking for the condoms, sped his pace up as he heard Jared walking back over the room.
Pupils blown wide, Jared climbed onto the couch, straddling Jensen’s hips. He slid the condom on and leaned in to kiss Jensen again before pulling back. “That quick enough?”
“No.”
With his mouth open slightly, Jared tugged Jensen’s hand away from his cock and took over the rhythm.
“Jared. Please. I-” he broke off as he felt Jared’s lube-coated fingers at his entrance; bit his lip as they pushed inside and stretched him open.
“Just got to get you ready, Jensen. Make this good for you.” Jared scissored his fingers inside him, eyes blown wide.
“Just - just. Jesus, Jared. Want you inside me now.” He lifted his legs up, wrapping them back around Jared’s waist to prove his point, gasped when Jared tugged at a nipple and then swore as Jared’s cock pushed inside of him. “Fuck, yes.”
“That’s good, baby. That’s so-” Jared thrust once, twice, and then stopped moving for a moment, giving Jensen time to adjust. “You’re so goddamn amazing.” He thrust again. “Love you so much.”
Eyes closed, Jensen let his hands rest against Jared’s back and moved against him, encouraging him to pick up the rhythm. He opened his mouth when he felt Jared’s tongue against his lips and kissed him back, their tongues sliding against each other as Jared’s cock drove deeper into him. He felt the shudder of Jared’s release first, opened his eyes to see Jared, his head thrown back, glistening with sweat, as he came. He moaned when Jared’s hand wrapped around his cock again. Jared’s hand went faster this time, pace matching the speed of their breathing, and Jensen swore as he came, Jared’s mouth on his neck, Jared’s hand on his cock. Jared, everywhere, and it was messy and perfect when Jared collapsed on top of him.
He ran his hands up and down Jared’s back as his breathing slowed down, his forehead pressed into Jared’s shoulder until Jared’s weight got too much and he groaned, pushing at Jared’s shoulders.
“Sorry.” Jared rolled off, misjudged how much room there was, and ended up on the floor.
Cursing, Jensen scrambled off the couch and straddled Jared’s hips. “You still with me?” Jared began to laugh and he rolled off, lay on his side next to Jared.
“You know what I think, Jensen?”
“No. I’m sure you’re going to tell me, though.”
“I think Christmas is going to be awesome.”
Patting his stomach, Jared threw himself down onto the couch and watched as Jensen walked across the room carrying two glasses of eggnog. He shook his head as Jensen handed him one of them. “I don’t even think I can manage this - not after all the food I just ate.”
Jensen sat down next to him, bringing his feet up into his lap. “Well, you should have paced yourself then.”
“But it was so good.”
“It was. We did an awesome job.”
He rested his free hand on top of Jensen’s ankle. “We did. Are you okay?”
“What?”
“You seemed pretty quiet while we were eating.”
“I just-” Jensen took a sip of his eggnog and then turned to look at Jared, “this is pretty much the best Christmas I’ve had since we lost Josh.”
Frowning, he squeezed Jensen’s ankle. “It must be hard - not having him around.”
“Yeah, it is. You - you make things better, though.”
“Glad I can be of use, then.”
Jensen snorted and Jared relaxed again, leaned over to meet Jensen’s lips in an eggnog tinged kiss.
Taking a long drag of his cigarette, Jensen glanced up at the sky as another burst of fireworks went off and then checked his watch. Half an hour until midnight and he hadn’t seen Chris or Steve or any of Jared’s friends for three days now. He stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray that was resting on the wall and went back inside to the kitchen. He wanted to make sure he was back upstairs in time to see in the New Year with Jared. Grinning, he grabbed the two glasses of milk that he had set out earlier and headed for the stairs.
Jared was still buried under the covers where he had left him, looking more subdued than Jensen had ever seen him and, while he hadn’t imagined he would be spending New Year’s looking after a sick Jared, he didn’t want to be anywhere else.
“Milk? Really?”
“Yeah, well.” He climbed in next to Jared. “You’re not exactly up to champagne.”
“But you could-” Jared was cut off by another coughing fit that made Jensen wince. Once he had recovered, he continued. “You could have some.”
“I don’t mind. Milk is kind of cool. And just so you know, I’m kissing you at midnight.”
“But I’m contagious.”
“I don’t care - it’s our first New Year’s. Besides, if I get sick, you’ll probably make a better nurse than me.”
Jared laughed, groaned when it made him start coughing again. “We’ll really have to test that theory once I’m better.”
“Funny.”
“No, really, you in a little-”
“Stop right there. I mean it, you might be ill but that doesn’t mean I won’t hit you.” Despite himself, his frown turned into a grin and he shifted closer to Jared.
“Did Chris call?”
“Yeah, I don’t really know what he was rambling on about, though.”
“Figures he’d get drunk enough for the both of you.”
He nodded and held up his arm so that he could see his watch, twisted so that Jared could look, too.
“One minute to go.” Jared reached across and took hold of his hand.
“I know.”
“I’m sorry I ruined tonight.”
He shook his head, “You didn’t. We’re together - that’s all I need.”
“I’m glad Chris came to the bookstore that time, told me to get my act together.”
“So am I. Ten. Nine-”
“Eight.”
“Five.”
“Two”
“One.”
True to his word, Jensen pressed his lips against Jared’s in a chaste kiss, pulling back when the fireworks began to go off.
“Maybe drinking milk could be a New Year’s tradition now.” Jared took a sip from his glass and then rested his head back against the pillows.
“Maybe you’ll agree to go to sleep now, stubborn idiot.”
“I wasn’t going to let you see in the New Year alone.”
“I know.” Jensen took the glass from Jared, set it on the bedside table. “Thank you.”
Rolling over in bed to face Jensen, Jared reached out and nudged his shoulder, smiling at the noise that Jensen made in protest. He nudged him again and leaned in to kiss him before he could complain. Resting his forehead against Jensen’s, he waited for a moment, feeling Jensen’s breath against his face.
“Morning, you.”
Jensen grinned. “You woke me up.”
“I did.” He pushed himself up on his elbow. “We need to tidy the house for later.”
“You’re - I knew I should have made you go back to your apartment last night. It’s my birthday party, I shouldn’t have to tidy.”
“Technically, neither should I. Chris is organising it.”
“Let Chris come over and clean up, then.” Jensen grabbed hold of Jared’s arm and pulled him until he was laying down again then shifted closer, slung his leg over Jared’s hip. “We’ll stay in bed all day and surface nice and refreshed for the party.”
He was tempted; so, so tempted, but he wanted Jensen to have a good party and they’d left a lot of mess downstairs last night. “I’ll give you another half hour, then we’re getting up.”
Jensen groaned. “I hate Chris.”
The guest list for the party hadn’t been too big, and Jensen was glad because he had had visions of every groupie Chris had ever met turning up. He even had to admit that Jared had been right to drag him out of bed to clean up. He wouldn’t have been able to relax knowing that his books were piled dangerously in the way of spilt beer.
He took a long pull of his drink and rested his head back against the arm of the couch, watching as Chris attempted to teach Jared the basics of guitar playing.
“You’re wasting your time.”
“What?” Chris looked up from the guitar for a moment.
“Anything Jared learns now, he won’t remember by the morning. Believe me, I’ve tried teaching him.”
“Yeah, well, I’m a better teacher than you.”
Jared tilted his head. “I like Jensen better.”
He blew a kiss towards Jared before dissolving into fits of laughter which grew stronger as Chris walked by him and smacked him lightly on the back of his head. Jared thumped down onto the couch beside Jensen. Jensen moved so that he was sitting on Jared’s lap and leaned in for a kiss.
“You’re drunk.”
Jared didn’t seem too upset by the fact so he nodded. “I won’t be drunk tomorrow.”
“No, you’ll be hung-over.”
“I hope not. Introducing you to my parents on my birthday is going to be bad enough, no offense.”
“We’ll be fine.”
He tilted his head, letting it fall down on Jared’s shoulder. “You think?”
“I know. Look, this is the way you would spend your birthday if you had a choice, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, then,” Jared brushed a hand through his hair, “just enjoy it and forget about tomorrow. We’ll be fine. I promise.”
Jensen turned to look at Jared, “We don’t have to stay long.”
Jared hummed in answer as he undid his seat-belt. “You mean you don’t want to stay long.”
He didn’t answer, just nodded because Jared had only known him for ten months but already understood him more than anyone else did. He looked up towards the house and sighed when he saw the number of cars parked in the driveway.
“I thought it was just meant to be a small family gathering.” Jared sounded sceptical.
“It was.” He climbed out of the car, shutting the door harder than was really necessary. “My mom - she always does this.”
“Jensen.” Jared walked around onto the sidewalk, tangled his fingers together with Jensen’s. “We really don’t have to stay long.”
“Good. Because it’s my birthday and I don’t want to spend it socialising with the bigots in there.” He stalked up the path, Jared hurrying behind him and banged on the front door before taking a step back and grabbing hold of Jared’s hand just as the door opened.
His mom stood in the doorway, her eyes fixed on their entwined hands for a few seconds before she seemed to remember that they could see what she was doing. Turning slightly pink, she moved forwards to kiss Jensen’s cheek.
“Happy Birthday, Jensen.”
He felt Jared squeeze his hand and kissed her back. “Thanks, Mom. This is Jared and he’s my boyfriend.” He watched her tense up again at the word and forced himself not to say anything that would cause a fight.
“It’s really good to meet you, Mrs Ackles.” Jared held out his free hand, the thumb on his other still tracing patterns on Jensen’s wrist.
She took his hand and shook it quickly before letting go again. “Yes, well. We should go inside - everyone else is already here.”
Jensen sighed as his mom turned into the house. “Of course they are.”
He didn’t let go of Jared’s hand as they walked down the hallway to the living room where he knew everyone would be gathered. His aunts and uncles, his sister and his cousins, most of them people that he never even thought about, let alone spoke to.
“Did you invite Chris?”
His mom paused in the doorway. “I didn’t have his number, darling.”
“You could have asked me.”
“It’s better if it’s just family, Jensen.” She glanced towards Jared as she spoke.
Jared smiled widely back at her. “It’s a good job boyfriends count as family, then, Mrs. A.”
Jensen fought back a laugh, settled for smirking instead and wondered, not for the first time, how he had been so lucky as to meet Jared, to end up dating him. He groaned as he walked into the living room and saw just how many people his mom had invited. Dozens of family members, some distant, some closer, but the only one that really mattered would never be at a party again.
He patted his pockets and relaxed a little when he felt his pack of cigarettes. Despite his repeated promises to Chris and Jared he just wasn’t ready to quit; not until all of the crap with his parents had been dealt with.
As they walked further into the room, he and Jared still clutching each other’s hands, a few of his cousins - he couldn’t even remember their names - muttered a greeting. Everyone else just stared. He had known that it wouldn’t be easy, the first family gathering since he had outed himself, but his mom had made it a hundred times harder on him by inviting near strangers to witness the spectacle.
Over in the corner of the room his Dad was talking to one of his uncles, steadfastly refusing to acknowledge that his son had arrived. The lack of a greeting was even worse than the false one from his mom; before everything had happened, he had always been closer to his Dad.
“You’re Jared?”
Jensen spun around and bit his lip when he saw his younger sister. Mackenzie looked older every time he saw her and he was under no illusion that his little sister still looked up to him. She was no longer impressed by her geek older brother who spent most of his time drawing and reading Tolkien.
Jared wrapped an arm around Jensen’s waist before he answered. “I sure am. You must be Mackenzie.”
She looked back and forth between the two of them for a moment and then huffed out a laugh. “How in the hell did he end up with someone like you?”
He watched as Jared’s smile turned into a frown and opted not to tell Jared that he had been thinking exactly the same thing for weeks. Instead, he bumped Jared’s hip with his own and smirked back at his sister. “I’m a pretty good catch, Kenzie.” He used the childhood nickname that she had grown out of long ago and steered Jared away before the conversation could continue.
Shrugging, Jared squeezed Jensen’s hip. “You are a good catch, you know? I still can’t believe you ever agreed to go on a date with a dork like me.”
“I had a moment of insanity, clearly. Only reason I’d ever agree to go on a date with the tall, good-looking bookworm that I’d been friends with for months.”
“I take it back.” Jared leaned forward and whispered into Jensen’s ear. “You’re the dork.”
He could feel the stares of his uncles, of his Dad, and it didn’t take much - just a streak of defiance and a slight turn of his head - for him to kiss Jared; a short, chaste kiss that was followed by a snort from one of his aunts. He pulled away slightly, stayed close enough so that he could still feel Jared’s breath on his lips.
“You’re better than them, Jensen.”
“I know.” Josh had told him the same thing dozens of times. It didn’t make it any easier to hear the remarks that were being tossed around the room. He watched as his parents left the room and turned to look back at his sister who had apparently decided to ignore his presence in favour of flirting with her new boyfriend.
“Hey.” Jared poked him in the stomach. “You mind if I go mingle for a minute?”
“You want to mingle? Here?”
“I just want to have a word with your sister.”
He grimaced. “Jared-”
“I’m not going to cause trouble. I promise.”
“Okay, just, don’t leave me on my own for too long.” He watched as Jared walked towards Mackenzie and then forced himself to look away. He glanced around the room, caught sight of Harry, his uncle - the one whose ranch he had helped out on for three summers in a row- glaring in his direction. Shaking his head, Jensen felt in his jacket pockets for his cigarettes and slipped quietly out of the room, leaving them all to it. He had known that this was going to happen - it always did on his birthday.
Eyes shut tight against the bright sunshine; Jensen took a long drag of his cigarette and exhaled slowly as he rested against the back porch that was badly in need of a fresh coat of paint. Sighing, he opened his eyes and brought the cigarette back up to his lips, his fingers scratching at the strips of peeling paint.
He didn’t look around when he heard footsteps behind him, knew that it would be Jared - solid, dependable Jared - coming to see if he was alright. From inside the house, he could hear his kid sister laughing, his cousins bickering over the Xbox and he scowled. It seemed like he was the only one who couldn’t pretend that they were a happy family, that his parents weren’t living in the past instead of being there for the children left behind.
Jared nudged his shoulder. “I, erm, might have kind of gone into the kitchen and said something to your parents.”
He closed his eyes again. “You didn’t have to-”
“Someone had to.”
“It should have been me.” But he was too scared of rejection, too scared of losing the family that he still had left because, despite everything, they were his family and he loved them.
“No. You don’t have to do everything, Jensen.” Jared glanced back towards the house where the party was still in full swing, where no-one had even noticed that the birthday boy wasn’t there. “You’re not on your own anymore.”
“It’s my birthday.” He tossed the cigarette butt down onto the ground.
“I know.”
“It’s my birthday, and all he can talk about is Josh - what Josh did on his birthday, what movie Josh would have wanted to watch.”
Jared didn’t say anything, just tangled his fingers together with Jensen’s and waited.
“And it’s terrible but part of me; a part of me hates Josh for that. Which is,” he shook his head, “stupid because it’s not his fault that I’m not what they want me to be.”
“It’s not yours either, Jensen.”
He nodded, squeezed Jared’s hand and that was as close to a thank you as he could give him. “Let’s go. We’ve stayed long enough.”
“You want to go in and say goodbye?”
“No.” He turned and rested his forehead on Jared’s shoulder for a moment, remembering his last birthday and how he had left the party alone. Angry, he had found the nearest bar and spent the rest of the night drinking, had been half-carried home by Chris when he had come to find him. It was different now. He had Jared. “No, they’ll know why we’ve gone.”
Resting his head against the window, Jensen closed his eyes and just listened to the music coming from the radio. It was easy to relax now that it was just him and Jared in the car; the faint beat of a country music song and Jared’s fingers drumming out of time against the wheel were familiar and the only thing that was really missing was a good book in his hand.
“I still need to give you your present.”
He opened his eyes and smiled when he saw that Jared was still looking straight ahead, attention fixed on the road. He was well aware that Jared probably didn’t drive nearly as carefully when he wasn’t in the car but the gesture meant a lot all the same.
“I think you’ll like it.”
“I’m sure I will. I’m sorry about my family.”
“Don’t apologise for them. And it’s okay, it’s you who’s getting the worst deal.” Jared turned into a side street and began to park the car.
He waited for Jared to finish parking and then nudged his shoulder. “Can we just not mention them again today?”
“That sounds like a plan. Okay, close your eyes.”
“What?”
“Close your eyes. I need to get your present out of the glove box.”
“This is-”
“Jensen, come on.”
“Fine.” He closed his eyes and listened as he felt Jared lean over him to open the glove box, heard the sound of it shutting again. “Can I look now?”
“Hang on.”
He could hear the smile in Jared’s voice. “You’re just-”
“Okay, you can open them.”
It was a book. He had seen enough of them to recognise the shape even through the purple wrapping paper that Jared had used. Reaching out, he took the present from Jared and pulled carefully at the gift wrap.
“We’ll be here until your next birthday at that rate.” Jared smirked at him but turned around in the seat to watch him finish.
He pulled the paper back, caught sight of the book and looked up to meet Jared’s eyes. “It’s a first edition.”
“It is.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“What? I-”
“Jared, this must have cost you so much money. It’s-”
“Worth it.” Jared placed his hand on top of Jensen’s. “You’re worth it. Now say thank you and marvel over how wonderful I am.”
He tossed his head back, laughing. “Thank you.” Leaning over, he pressed a kiss to Jared’s lips, sucked lightly on his bottom lip as he pulled away.
“You’re very welcome. Especially if you thank me like that.”
“I can thank you in better ways than that.” And he hoped he would be, later.
“You haven’t even seen all of your present yet?”
“There’s more?” He should have known; even on the first day that they had met, Jared had gone for the big gestures to show how he felt.
“There is. Although this is only kind of a present. It’s more of an idea than anything and if you don’t like it then that’s okay because it’s just an idea.”
Hands gentle, he wrapped the book up again and rested it on his knee. “Are you going to tell me what it is, then?”
“I’m going to show you.” Jared picked the book up and put it back into the glove box. “Come on.”
“We’re getting out here?” For the first time since they had stopped he looked out of the window. They were parked on what was clearly a shopping street - one that he hadn’t yet come across since he had arrived in the area.
“We are if you want your present.” Hand on the door, door half-open, Jared turned to face him. “You coming with?”
Going along with Jared’s schemes hadn’t always turned well in the time that Jensen had known him but it was Jared so he climbed out of the car without another word .They walked along the street and Jensen froze when he saw a sign for an Italian restaurant.
“Oh god, you’re not going to propose are you?”
Jared stayed quiet.
“You were? I - Jared, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” he trailed off as Jared started to laugh. “Asshole. I thought I’d upset you.”
“Yeah, well, if I’d have been going to propose that would have upset me.”
“I was in shock.” He took hold of Jared’s hand as they walked again, pulled it around his own waist and left it there. “How much further do we need to go?”
Jared grinned. “About five more steps. Three. Two. One.” He stopped, turning Jensen around so that he faced the building on their right. “There it is.”
The building was empty. The interior had been stripped out and there was no sign above the window. Jensen couldn’t quite work out where Jared was going with his idea. “What’s ‘it’?”
Jared moved so that he was standing in front of Jensen, leaned forwards and spoke softly into his ear. “Our bookstore. If you want it.”
“You bought a shop?” Never mind a big gesture, Jared had gone insane.
“Not yet. I thought I had better ask you first.”
“You want-” he peered around Jared to stare at the empty building. “You want us to buy that? Together?”
“And turn it into a bookstore. Yes. There’s an apartment upstairs that we could live in - there’s even space for you to have a room to do your art in. And we could sell your art, too, make the store about quirkier. What do you think?”
Biting his lip, he looked back at Jared. Jared, whose eyes were hopeful, his skin slightly paler than usual. Jared, who still continued to smile, bright and reassuring, despite his obvious worry. It was a big step - too big to make a snap decision about - but it was very tempting.
“Jensen?”
“Jared, I -I’ll think about it.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It’s - it’s a nice gesture, it really is and the idea of you and me - it’s awesome. I just, need to think about it.”
“Good.”
“What?”
Jared beamed. “This is something big, something that you have to be sure about before you say yes. I would be worried if you had just agreed straight away.”
“Are you sure you’re not upset?”
“I’m positive. Do you want to - we can look inside if you want to. The guy who owns the place next door has a key.”
“Yeah. Yeah, that would be good.” He watched as Jared headed off to get the key, wondered when things were going to start to go wrong.
Jensen took a long drink of his beer and set the bottle down on the ground beside him. Stretching his arms above his head, he looked around at the garden that had been his own for the past year. When he had first moved in he had thought that this would be where he would settle down, had still thought that up until yesterday.
“What are you going to do?” Chris, lounging in the only chair, poked him in the leg with his toe.
“I don’t know.”
“Don’t want to push you.” Steve glanced at Chris. “But you’re going to have to make a decision at some point.”
“I know, I know. I can’t keep Jared waiting forever.” He pulled his pack of cigarettes out, sighed and tossed them down onto the grass when they both glared at him.
Chris crossed his arms. “You can’t keep yourself waiting, either.”
“What?”
“Jensen, you’ve been holding off on having a life of your own since Josh died.”
He shook his head, “I bought a house, I-”
“Yeah, but you haven’t been letting yourself enjoy it - not really. It’s like, everything that’s happened; you’ve been waiting for it to go wrong.”
Chris was right, of course, but it didn’t make it any easier for him to admit it. Instead, he pulled at the grass, tugging blades out of the ground.
“What was it like? The place.”
Jensen grinned, “You should have seen it. There was space inside for rows and rows of shelves and plenty of room for a seating area, more than even Cora’s has. And the apartment was great - there was a room where I could work and everything.”
Steve dropped down onto the ground beside him and lay on his side watching him. “You want to stay with Jared, right? You want to grow old with him?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“Then I think you should go for it. Jared - he’s a good guy and he makes you happy.”
“Josh would have liked him.” Chris edged forwards in his chair. “Josh would have told you to go for it.”
“I know.” He looked back up at his house. “I want to do this.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I’m going to do this.”
Standing outside of the bookstore where he had first met Jared, Jensen wondered why it always rained whenever something important was happening. He could see Jared inside, chatting with one of the customers and any doubts that he might have had about his decision disappeared at the reminder of just how good Jared was at his job. Doing this, it wouldn’t be taking a risk at all - at least not in a business sense. He just hoped that he could bring something to the store, too.
The door opened and he stood aside to let a customer out before slipping inside. Jared was still busy serving someone so he walked over to where he had been sitting when they first met to wait. He heard the bell above the door chime as the customer left the shop but didn’t turn around until he felt Jared sit down next to him.
“Yesterday was a birthday to remember.”
Jared leaned over and kissed the corner of his lips. “In a good way, I hope. Well, apart from your family being stupid and everything.”
“In a really good way. I think you should know - I want us to buy the building.”
“What?”
“I want us to buy the building and open a bookstore and move into the apartment together and-” he gasped for breath as Jared launched himself on top of him but returned the hug anyway.
“Jensen, are you sure?”
He kissed the side of Jared’s neck. “As I’ll ever be.” Face pressed against Jared’s shoulder, he muttered, “Promise we’ll have a good life together.”
Jared pulled back, hand still resting against Jensen’s hip and looked around at the books before turning back to him and grinning. “I promise that we’ll live happily ever after.”
He groaned. “You’re such a dork.” But, as Jared launched into an explanation of all of the ideas he had for their store and outlined all of the reasons why they had to get a pool table in their apartment, Jensen thought that Jared just might be right after all.
Chapter Three
Author's Notes