The Attorney General in Colorado is currently investigating various Planned Parenthood offices in their area for child abuse after videos from Live Action (a pro-life advocacy group) show Planned Parenthood employees and volunteers giving instruction on violent sex to underage girls
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There was a liberal discussing this on a show -- Hannity? He couldn't nail her down if she thought it was inappropriate. And how absurd is that?!
However, with the privacy issues which Planned Parenthood cling to, they won't feel compelled to tell the parent and the child won't ask. What can that nurse do? Tell the child/teenager the truth (which is this):
Tell the child in no uncertain terms that she/he needs to discuss this at length with a parent. No exceptions on this type of activity. And that's all the nurse can really do.
Obviously, it was set up where this teenager (in the vid I saw) was the one who brought up the subject and the nurse knew she was already seriously thinking about doing it with her boyfriend.
First, no minor is emotionally ready for a sexual relationship. However, if they are already having sex, all you can do is try to guide them because they aren't going to stop just because you tell them they aren't ready to engage in adult activities. (Yes, I'm preaching to the choir here - just thinking - *typing* - out loud).
But BDSM counseling by someone at Planned Parenthood is not only disturbing and possibly illegal, the information given was not correct, not inclusive and could even be deadly.
The 3 tenets of BDSM is consensual, safe and sane.
Sexual activity between 2 consenting adults -- adult and mutual consent being the focus
Sane - Will these kids know what's sane? The person in the video was giggly and completely unknowledgeable (as it was set up) and obviously knew very little about sex. I haven't looked at these vids yet, but the one I did see on tv showed the girl stating that her *boyfriend* wanted to try something new. BDSM is not something you play around with. The counselor suggested videos (porn - not educational). Porn vids do not show activity that is realistic -- or even sane many times. Not that the counselor should be directing a child/teenager to any vid about alternative sexual practices, but at least something educational would be more beneficial and give good information. It might even scare the child off from *experimenting*.
Safe -- when adults get into the lifestyle they have to become highly trained. That goes for Dominants and submissives. Very intense training. You do not whip, spank, paddle, tie or bind someone without intense knowledge about anatomy, first aid, and be able to correctly read your partner's reactions and signs of distress. If someone were to bind someone wrong or leave them bound too long (or God forbid leave them alone) the person could end up with circulation problems, as well as severe nerve and muscle damage, joint damage, or broken bones.
If you were to hit someone wrong they could end up with ruptured organs. If you slap them and don't support their face (which you will never see done in a porn vid) you could detach a retina.
Would a 15 year old have any clue about taking care of another person's basic needs: bathroom time, water, food, how long to allow a scene to continue, emotional and mental safety as well as physical safety? How about the submissive's medical status? Is she/he a diabetic? How do you make sure the person has had food or when to stop the scene immediately and give the person food and insulin? What if the person has asthma? Would the boyfriend know where his girlfriend's inhaler is or when and how to use it. What if she/he were to have a panic attack? It's endless.
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Sometimes they already know someone who can offer them light things like bondage, spankings, etc. They can start gradually to see if they like it. They have clubs where someone interested can come and witness, ask questions and get a taste of what it may entail. They can meet people there as well, and it's a good place to get references, see who might be a good fit for them, and if the person is willing to help train them. These places are also good for new people because many times they will have someone who simply watches to make sure everything is done safely, that limits are honored, etc.
Spoilers for Shades
In 50 Shades, Mr. Grey meets Miss Steele when she interviews him for a college newspaper. She is not in the lifestyle and knows nothing about the lifestyle. But it's the only type of relationship he knows about as he was seduced when he was 15 by a woman who was a Dominant. Since that's all he knows, he thought that was the only type of relationship he could be happy in. What hit him out of left field is that he had actually met someone who sparked his interest and he could (and did) fall in love with just like couples in non-BDSM relationships do. But, he didn't recognize that this was what had happened and, therefore, tried to seduce her into the only type of relationship he knew about. (Let me add here that it is very complex issue, and that couples in BDSM relationships can also be loving couples who also love one another. It is not mutually exclusive. This is simply how this story is set up.)
When she would not succumb -- although she had fallen in love with him also -- she left him. That's when he had to face the fact that he was in love with her and that if he was ever going to have her in his life, which he wanted -- he was going to have to give up the extreme parts of the BDSM lifestyle. However, there were many things that she did like such as bondage, being blindfolded, the flogger, etc and they were very compatiable sexually. Which is a good thing because they both had a high sex drive and had sex several times a day.
So they lived happily ever after with their BDSM -- light relationship and marriage.
The only thing about heavy BDSM activity in the book, actually, is some discussion about his past BDSM partners which were women in the lifestyle who interviewed with him. That, and him trying to talk/seduce her into the relationship by discussing contracts with rules, punishments, hard limits and soft limits. He was very honest with what he expected and was willing to train her, telling her that he would start *slow* since she was inexperienced and he wanted her very much.
But she was a person who went a long way to avoid pain (as many of us are) and was very slow to commit. Etc and so on.
I know people in the lifestyle and it sparked my interest in a kind of "I want to research this" kind of way. But, personally, for myself, I go with the adage of "don't try this at home" or anywhere else. It's something I don't want to try for myself.
Reading about it is interesting though. And there are books out there by people who are actually in the lifestyle which are more accurate and give you a better feel about what and why they do what they do.
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.... sparked my interest in a kind of "I want to research this" kind of way. But, personally, for myself, I go with the adage of "don't try this at home" or anywhere else. It's something I don't want to try for myself.
I got you. I'm into psychology and would like to understand the twisted minds into this. You'd think having a consenting partner would be a mind-fuck for a sadist though, like, "It's not fun to hurt someone if they want me too." That thought reminds me of the sadistic dentist from Little Shop of Horrors. He kicked someone out of his office who was enjoying himself and said, "Sicko.." Hilarious.
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And that has the BDSM community very angry because that is not reality for most people. Most people haven't been abused, it's not about having emotional or mental problems. They can have non-alternative sex and do, but they also enjoy this kind of sexual activity.
As for enjoyment, that's the point. It has to be consensual and it has to be for *both* their pleasure. Not just one person. It's only acceptable if the person accepting the pain wants and enjoys the pain. If they don't and only one person is getting pleasure, it's considered abuse and it's not tolerated. A person will very quickly be ostracized from the community which is actually pretty cohesive world-wide.
Some people receive joy from administering pain. Others get joy from receiving it. That's why they give their power to another person. And that's the important part -- they are giving their power -- its not being taken from them.
From the people I've talked to, the educational information and the information and books written by people in the community, they receive pleasure from doing that. Sometimes it's just the joy of giving up the stress of having to think and make decisions for themselves (for a short time). Sometimes it's just the joy of giving someone this gift. And giving over power isn't always equal to receiving physical pain.
But others say that receiving pain in this type of relationship, in a sexual context with someone they trust (and that is highly important), is very satisfying. With the adrenaline high and the endorphins, they go into a type of trance they call subspace and don't actually feel the pain as pain. It's turns into a spiral of pleasure.
So, yes, people who like giving pain will want to be in a relationship where there is mutual trust and respect, and they are each getting his/her needs met.
And, of course, it's not always the woman on the receiving end. There are many female Dominants (and from some books I've read from the community - a heck of lot more than you would think) who have male submissives. It's not always the woman receiving pain or bondage (or whatever they wish).
The thing that irks me so much about the Planned Parenthood thing is that these people are telling children to *experiment* in an alternative sexual activity that can cause severe injury. As I had stated, even adults go into this with training and a period where they are mentored before they are ready to be alone with a partner. And many times they do go slow if one person is less experienced. Talking and respect and trust are the most important elements of the relationships and what many say is the most satisfying part of the lifestyle. Can you imagine giving up your freedom and putting your life in someone's hands unless you totally and completely had the kind of relationship where you felt you could do that safely? They would argue that many people not in the lifestyle don't have that kind of trust and respect even if they have been together for years.
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But Ana isn't going to have any part of it, and leaves him. That's when he realizes that he's fallen in love which he never expected. So, in order to have a relationship with her he gave it up. It was his journey from being hurt and unable to love, only finding pleasure in a physically violent atmosphere (with willing, like-minded partners) to meeting someone, and finding out that he's not only able to love, but also receive love. It was a revelation and he knew he didn't want or need that lifestyle any longer.
As I said, though, that's why the BDSM community is up in arms. They say it sounds like people go into the lifestyle because of emotional or mental issues, past abuse, that they are somehow taking out their rage on another person for that reason. And it really pissed them off that somehow Ana's love *healed* him and set him straight. They really let E. L James have it.
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In any case, yes, it's interesting from a psychological and social viewpoint. And some of the sex is hot too. Just not for me personally.
While they will tell you that everyone involved is a strong, intelligent person, there are always bad apples in any lifestyle. But, in general, the bad players are the exception. And, while someone might think people who give away their will is weak because they allow someone to physically harm them or humiliate them, they would argue that it takes a very strong-willed, strong-minded person to do that. Not the other way around.
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The key phrase being "to them".
It's only abusive if one person is using the other and it's not consensual.
Just because you don't think you're being degraded or abused doesn't mean you are not being degraded or abused.
We'll just have to disagree.
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