This was hard.
Today was probably the hardest day of my life. Ok, I know I'm being a bit dramatic...but as far as my sanity goes, it was definately tested today.
Andy and I had a home together. A HOME. Not just an apartment. We got Sassy together....there were so many good memories, and as I packed up I just felt like I was tearing them all down. It's sad. I'm not OK. I don't want to move on. I don't want to be angry with him or lose him. I wanted to stay with him. But we're at a point in our lives where we just need space. Our own personal space to just sit and be and do whatever, and when you live with someone and shower together and watch tv and movies...and do basically everything together....how does that not make you lose your individuality? I stopped hanging out with my friends, I rarely did homework or wrote music...It came to a point where I was always just preoccupied with him.
We were so good in the beginning. I just want that back again, and I know he does to. That can't happen overnight, and it sure as hell isn't going to happen just becuase we want it to. I believe the only way is to just grow up. He needs to grow up a lot. He needs to get a job, get school sorted out, pay his debts, get car insurance, pay his cell phone bill off and get his phone turned back on. Me, I've got a carrer ahead of me. I'm going to Austria this summer, I need to save money and start preparing myself for the future ahead. I'm going to get my own place in a few months, or several months, and I need to be secure with myself again. I lost all of that confidence when I was with Andy becuase I had become dependant on him.
*sigh* I miss him. and I'll probably fall asleep bawling over what a huge mistake I've made. I am extremely sad. I haven't talked to him or heard from him since our fight Monday night. I'm worried. I care about him so much, I want him so badly....but I deserve more than a dirty apartment and a boyfriend with no job. He needs to take care of himself before he can expect to take care of me.
Andy - I love you. You're my prince. My baby, my cutie pie. I want to make more memories with you and I think this will be good for us. I hope that you'll stay faithful to me. I will be to you. I'm in love with you, and I always will be. You don't just have a love like ours and lose it overnight.
ps I dyed my hair and it looks good. and i'm going to pierce my lip on the right side. and no nose ring, i tried a fake one, and it looked ridiculous. i've never liked them anyway.
- - - TJ - - -
Andy and I had a home together. A HOME. Not just an apartment. We got Sassy together....there were so many good memories, and as I packed up I just felt like I was tearing them all down. It's sad. I'm not OK. I don't want to move on. I don't want to be angry with him or lose him. I wanted to stay with him. But we're at a point in our lives where we just need space. Our own personal space to just sit and be and do whatever, and when you live with someone and shower together and watch tv and movies...and do basically everything together....how does that not make you lose your individuality? I stopped hanging out with my friends, I rarely did homework or wrote music...It came to a point where I was always just preoccupied with him.
We were so good in the beginning. I just want that back again, and I know he does to. That can't happen overnight, and it sure as hell isn't going to happen just becuase we want it to. I believe the only way is to just grow up. He needs to grow up a lot. He needs to get a job, get school sorted out, pay his debts, get car insurance, pay his cell phone bill off and get his phone turned back on. Me, I've got a carrer ahead of me. I'm going to Austria this summer, I need to save money and start preparing myself for the future ahead. I'm going to get my own place in a few months, or several months, and I need to be secure with myself again. I lost all of that confidence when I was with Andy becuase I had become dependant on him.
*sigh* I miss him. and I'll probably fall asleep bawling over what a huge mistake I've made. I am extremely sad. I haven't talked to him or heard from him since our fight Monday night. I'm worried. I care about him so much, I want him so badly....but I deserve more than a dirty apartment and a boyfriend with no job. He needs to take care of himself before he can expect to take care of me.
Andy - I love you. You're my prince. My baby, my cutie pie. I want to make more memories with you and I think this will be good for us. I hope that you'll stay faithful to me. I will be to you. I'm in love with you, and I always will be. You don't just have a love like ours and lose it overnight.
ps I dyed my hair and it looks good. and i'm going to pierce my lip on the right side. and no nose ring, i tried a fake one, and it looked ridiculous. i've never liked them anyway.
- - - TJ - - -