i'm a pathetic loser
I can't deal. Another day passes, another night without a call from scottie. no text, no nothing. which would be ok, except for i still have this 'i'll call you back in about an hour' hanging from yesterday afternoon. i'm pissed, i know it's like his girlfriends birthday and he's probably sleeping with her right now. so why can't i just get over his ass and move on. he's not going to call.
i caved and called him last night, got voicemail, didn't leave a message.
i had a nightmare about it last night. just further proof that its totally all I can manage to think about these days. it blows.
i just need closure. i need that to get over it.
it looks like i liked him a LOT more than i thought, or else i wouldn't be giving a fuck.
i'm not one of those casual sex people like i want to be, like everyone else is. i can't do it anymore because i was raped. it just can't happen. anymore, the emptiness and the dirty whore feeling overtakes me, i start to cry and tear myself up for becoming such an object yet again. i can't deal. scottie used to comfort me in times that i felt like that, now he's just another cause of the pain.
i caved and called him last night, got voicemail, didn't leave a message.
i had a nightmare about it last night. just further proof that its totally all I can manage to think about these days. it blows.
i just need closure. i need that to get over it.
it looks like i liked him a LOT more than i thought, or else i wouldn't be giving a fuck.
i'm not one of those casual sex people like i want to be, like everyone else is. i can't do it anymore because i was raped. it just can't happen. anymore, the emptiness and the dirty whore feeling overtakes me, i start to cry and tear myself up for becoming such an object yet again. i can't deal. scottie used to comfort me in times that i felt like that, now he's just another cause of the pain.