Life is funny
Life, oh how it works in mysterious ways. So I was going to leave, going to stop looking for work, if things didn't happen by the 28th, as some of you may remember. I was fed up, with pretty much everything, save my friend. I was fed up with this life, with this cold, with the way I have been living. Then like a smack in the face, life happened. Again.
I went to the Sexy Party, didn’t expect more than a little fun, and what I got out of it was a new perspective on life, again. Oh life, how funny you are. I danced and whirled and twirled, I mingled and giggled and did the limbo. I made a serious connection with someone I didn't think was possible. And found that it is amazing.
I also took time to reflect. On me. As a person. As a women, with needs and wants. As a child who over night became an adult, and is finding out how to be okay with that.
Ironically that afternoon I wrote a list containing the things that I want for myself in life, and of myself, and of a lover.
And deep into the night, I came upon a sad but true conclusion; you cannot make someone love you by loving them, even without condition. It’s just not how things work. No matter how hard you work for it, how bad you want it, how much you change, or the potential that you see. You just cannot. You can’t will someone’s heart to beat as fast as yours does, or heat rise like your might. It's just not how it happens.
Love, just happens. And sometimes it is requited. But either way, it is worth it. I have yet to find a love, for anyone, that I have regretted. Situations, yes, but the love that I felt, and still feel for all of these people who are still in my life and those who are not, never, never have I regretted loving them.
That’s just how it works.
Aside from all of that mushy stuff, Life again has proven to be the most hilarious of jokers. Over the phone last night I told Jojo, I believe that once you make a decision to change your life, Life, or the Universe, throws as many things your way to see if you were serious about making that change. It’s not easy but I think maybe it’s worth dealing with the hardships. As I mentioned earlier, the plan was the 28th. No job, it’s time to go. Then by the forces of the universe, the hand of father sky and mother earth, or the way the stars happen to align, on January 27th, I got a job. A real one, and quite possibly, a great one. I am working; get this, as a REAL Massage Therapist, at Holistic Therapeutics Spa in Riverview. One day! One day before it was done, four weeks to the day, of unemployment, life said okay, here, you made it. Now work with this. Isn’t that amazing? Life is amazing.
So we’ll see where this goes. As I told this Baker, I am now in control of myself, even though I am not in control of my life. Whereas he said, “all the better, because now that you are in control of yourself, gaining control of your life with come that much easier. Think of how many people never get that.”
I don’t think I will ever control life, because, as Tim once told me, life is what happens when you make other plans, and that’s okay. Because what is life without surprises and adventure.
I said to Matt not too long ago, adventure isn’t supposed to have so much heartbreak and disappointment; he then asked me if I’d ever watched a movie. Touché, and I see it now. It’s all a part of this magnificent journey we call life.
I went to the Sexy Party, didn’t expect more than a little fun, and what I got out of it was a new perspective on life, again. Oh life, how funny you are. I danced and whirled and twirled, I mingled and giggled and did the limbo. I made a serious connection with someone I didn't think was possible. And found that it is amazing.
I also took time to reflect. On me. As a person. As a women, with needs and wants. As a child who over night became an adult, and is finding out how to be okay with that.
Ironically that afternoon I wrote a list containing the things that I want for myself in life, and of myself, and of a lover.
And deep into the night, I came upon a sad but true conclusion; you cannot make someone love you by loving them, even without condition. It’s just not how things work. No matter how hard you work for it, how bad you want it, how much you change, or the potential that you see. You just cannot. You can’t will someone’s heart to beat as fast as yours does, or heat rise like your might. It's just not how it happens.
Love, just happens. And sometimes it is requited. But either way, it is worth it. I have yet to find a love, for anyone, that I have regretted. Situations, yes, but the love that I felt, and still feel for all of these people who are still in my life and those who are not, never, never have I regretted loving them.
That’s just how it works.
Aside from all of that mushy stuff, Life again has proven to be the most hilarious of jokers. Over the phone last night I told Jojo, I believe that once you make a decision to change your life, Life, or the Universe, throws as many things your way to see if you were serious about making that change. It’s not easy but I think maybe it’s worth dealing with the hardships. As I mentioned earlier, the plan was the 28th. No job, it’s time to go. Then by the forces of the universe, the hand of father sky and mother earth, or the way the stars happen to align, on January 27th, I got a job. A real one, and quite possibly, a great one. I am working; get this, as a REAL Massage Therapist, at Holistic Therapeutics Spa in Riverview. One day! One day before it was done, four weeks to the day, of unemployment, life said okay, here, you made it. Now work with this. Isn’t that amazing? Life is amazing.
So we’ll see where this goes. As I told this Baker, I am now in control of myself, even though I am not in control of my life. Whereas he said, “all the better, because now that you are in control of yourself, gaining control of your life with come that much easier. Think of how many people never get that.”
I don’t think I will ever control life, because, as Tim once told me, life is what happens when you make other plans, and that’s okay. Because what is life without surprises and adventure.
I said to Matt not too long ago, adventure isn’t supposed to have so much heartbreak and disappointment; he then asked me if I’d ever watched a movie. Touché, and I see it now. It’s all a part of this magnificent journey we call life.