(no subject)
It's obvious that I post little. When I counted the word total on my real journal, that no one but I gets to read, that was 186,211 words long for last year. That is a huge entry or so, each day, and my life is really difficult to write that many words about. So I write the same old stupid phrases quite often. And after a day of doing crappy work that has very little meaning, then it is hard to find that energy in life, sometimes.
And now my life is consumed by that concept of brokenness and the fact of being sick. In this world, you have to hide it and plug along, rather than just giving up and saying I need to take this indefinite amount of time to get better. If being sick has a label, that's probably acceptable. If you're sick with a label, you're noble for fighting along. If you're sick without a label, you're just lazy, or perhaps a whiner, or whatever. And just because that label is difficult to pin down, that is the whole perception.
One, who is like me, who is fading fast, that is what it needs to be. I don't know what else to say, except that is what consumes me. And when all this happens, whatever it is that you once sought, in what was important when one had energy, that becomes more or less nothing. It is just merely fading away and fading fast, as everything is just more difficult to deal with. So that is more or less the summary now. As I have to do teaching for the first time, as I have so much excitement that is possible in my work, those things can make it better. But not in this case anymore.
And now my life is consumed by that concept of brokenness and the fact of being sick. In this world, you have to hide it and plug along, rather than just giving up and saying I need to take this indefinite amount of time to get better. If being sick has a label, that's probably acceptable. If you're sick with a label, you're noble for fighting along. If you're sick without a label, you're just lazy, or perhaps a whiner, or whatever. And just because that label is difficult to pin down, that is the whole perception.
One, who is like me, who is fading fast, that is what it needs to be. I don't know what else to say, except that is what consumes me. And when all this happens, whatever it is that you once sought, in what was important when one had energy, that becomes more or less nothing. It is just merely fading away and fading fast, as everything is just more difficult to deal with. So that is more or less the summary now. As I have to do teaching for the first time, as I have so much excitement that is possible in my work, those things can make it better. But not in this case anymore.